ADORE ADOBE? ADOBE IS WHERE VIRGINS FUCK EVERYTHING UP

In order to be disgusted by what is supposed to be amusing, you have to be able to see it.

ADOBE makes sure to make this as difficult as possible.

The TOOTHLESS News

Who needs real newspapers?

In our dumbed-down world, 20-somethings don't want to read about news. So they don't buy newspapers.

They want entertainment on a "newspaper" website page

They want little pieces of shit they can giggle about on their hand-held devices as they knock into you on the sidewalk.

Having to compete with TMZ and Perez Hilton, staffers at the dwindling newspaper sites don't bother going out to cover stories. They PHOTOSHOP SHIT.

The DAILY NEWS...not a blogger with some time to kill.

It's not bad enough to report on the non-news of Kim Kunt-Trashian, or Selena Twat-Taco Gomez, or Justin Dickhead or Amanda Who-the-Fuck-IS-This-Whore Bynes. No. Have to Photoshop celebrities without teeth!

THAT'S AMUSEMENT. THAT'S THE NEWS ON ONE OF (THE SUPPOSEDLY MAJOR) NEWSPAPER WEBSITES IN AMERICA.

DAVID LETTERMAN rips ANTI-GUN CONTROL via STOOGE OF THE NIGHT

Yes, most of what you see on TV gives you reasons to be disgusted but...

The GREAT MAN of Late Night Television, David Letterman, can still surprise and delight.

Now that he's in his rehearsals for retirement, Dave's been more outspoken than ever, and his latest bit, STOOGE OF THE NIGHT is ballsy and bold.

He's been outing hypocrite Senator assholes who voted against gun-control. Wednesday night he ripped one weasel for voting NO on gun control...while pocketing $14,000 in NRA donation money. For his Thursday night show (April 25th), he went after Republican asshole Mitch McConnell...pointing out that 82% of Mitch's constituents SUPPORT background checks for gun owners.

Yes, Kentucky, that state derided for being a haven for toothless hillbillies, has enough sense to want to keep at least a few guns away from the easy reach of some maniac hot-head running to a gun show or to an online dealer. But their senator, Republican asshole Mitch McConnell has his tongue firmly up the ass of Deranged Wayne La Pierre, or whoever is waving his dick in Mitch's face.

Who tells millions of people about this and shames Mitch McConnell? DAVID LETTERMAN, that's who.

Dave put up the banner STOOGE OF THE NIGHT, and let his audience take a good look at tight-lipped Mitch. Dave made a token joke about dental implants...but as was the case the previous night, and as will be the case in the future, he wasn't aiming for laughs. He was pointing out a shameful fact...that hypocrisy is the rule in politics, and the need for at least a sane token law about gun control would help. Dave's program is called a "talk show," so he doesn't have to be funny all the time, and taking a stand on an issue is not off limits. Not for DAVID LETTERMAN.

Dave has faced down idiot jihad threats. He's defended his right to make jokes on any subject. He withstood the obnoxious cuntery of Sarah Palin who twisted one of his jokes to suit her own agenda of conservative bias. He faced the nation bravely in admitting some personal failures. He came back from incredible health problems and showed class and heart in the process.

He is the guy they've copied and copied...Conan, Leno, Kimmel...all of them. And yet, look at the lot of them. They never innovate. They never grow. They still Dave's ideas and just do lame copies of them. That's especially true when Leno has his show "interrupted" by plants in the audience, or he goes rushing off stage into a video-taped sight gag. Leno would never get serious about gun control or any other issue. Conan, Kimmel and the rest wouldn't dare either. But here's Dave, after 30 years, and still not wanting to always play safe. He's fucking edgier than the "young" Mr. Kimmel who does those stupid racist Guillermo bits and has his dopey "Aunt Chippy" yammering the same dumb curse words, and his idiots on the street being interviewed (something Dave dispensed with as played out, decades ago).

Dave is much edgier than the even younger and stupider Jimmy Fallon who wastes so much time with audience members doing lame quiz-show-games, and that effeminate "thank you card" routine, and all the puppy-bullshitting the ass-faced clown thinks is SO cute. Conan? Still coming out and doing the "string dance?" Still telling a joke and spending the next minute guffawing at it and analyzing it and pointing out which audience members did or didn't laugh? He's not going to take any real risks, like calling a Senator the "Stooge of the Night."

THE KING OF LATE NIGHT FOR THE PAST THIRTY YEARS...DAVID LETTERMAN.

JOHN BOEHNER'S KARMA BITES HIS UGLY ORANGE ASS.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

AHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

HEY BOEHNER, IMAGINE THE BONER YOUR DAUGHTER IS GETTING.

THIS IS WHAT CONSERVATIVE BASTARDS LIKE YOU GET FOR KARMA, AND WE ALL KNOW YOU HATE, HATE, HATE WHAT'S GETTING UP INSIDE YOUR DAUGHTER'S PRECIOUS COOCHIE

For those of you who are out of the country, JOHN BOEHNER is the nasty, orange-faced "Speaker of the House" who has helped the Republicans fuck up everything Obama has tried to do, from health reform to gun control.

JOHN BOEHNER (who pronounces his name BAY-NER when it's really BONER) is the hypocrite who has regularly been photographed crying like a 2 year-old over all kinds of sentimental bullshit...but not the victims of Newtown. Not the victims of the Colorado movie house. And most certainly NOT the child killed in Arizona at the same time that Gaby Giffords had her head nearly blown off by Laughner, the goon-faced maniac.

JOHN BOEHNER has no soul. He has no heart.

But right now, he's got his mind on his daughter's vagina...and what's pumping it.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

As you can see, this amuses a lot of people. I could post dozens and dozens of newspaper website shots where ORANGE-MAN is shown juxtaposed next to Snoop-FUCK-YA-Daughter

This is the most hilarious news event since evil Dick Cheney was chastened by his daughter coming out lesbian. Which shut him SOME of his bigotry and sick behavior for a moment or two.

JOHN BOEHNER is probably not going to endorse legalization of marijuana, but maybe he'll keep a low profile for a little while, as he hopes that his daughter comes to her senses (not if she's been smoking dope, and not if, like anyone with a disgusting conservative father, she deliberately does the exact opposite to all of his twisted, bigoted, vicious viewpoints).

So it's not ALL "disgusted" news here. The guy who spray-tans himself, or dips himself in monkey urine, or whatever he does to look so freakishly "healthy," has been turning a whiter shade of pale over the dark news about his daughter, and so...HA HA HA, HO HO HO and a couple of LAH-DEE-DAH's. That's how the karma works sometimes in the Merry Old Land of ODD.

A WHITER SHADE OF PALTROW - RACISM OVER A BLOND BEAUTY

Let's get back to pop trivia.

PEOPLE, that stupid magazine that somehow survives because dentists need something in their waiting rooms, and stupid cunt-cows need more to buy at a super market checkout counter, decided GWYNETH PALTROW is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Huh? Now? Why? She was on "The Tonight Show" with Leno and said, "I'm F-ing 40! I have two kids!"

Yes, Gwyn, but you ALSO have a great publicist and are starring in a new "Iron Man" movie...and THAT is why you were chosen.

The surprise for most people is that the choice wasn't some trendy tart in the news more often, like Jennifer Lopez, Selena Gomez, the dreaded Kim Kardashian or any of the Holy Goddesses of Music these days: Beyonce, Rihanna or Alicia Keys.

Naturally enough, the idea of a WHITE woman getting any kind of honor of this kind, led to reverse-racist howls all over the place.

Lazy newspaper columnists and bloggers, jealous that PEOPLE still matters, instantly knee-jerked complaints over Gwyn being considered beautiful at all.

Here's a typically ridiculous column where a woman CAN'T be considered beautiful because...

a) She doesn't eat meat

b) She doesn't smoke enough

c) She is health conscious and works out

And on and on and on.

No mention that she didn't deserve the honor because PEOPLE was just being a shill for the star of an upcoming movie.

Which tells you that as soon as Paltrow's face hit the cover of the magazine, people saw RED because they saw WHITE

Well, kids, this FLUKE, this horrible miscarriage of justice, which has allowed a white woman to be considered beautiful, is a one-off.

Next year, it'll be back to a much more PC choice, whether it's Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, a Latina of some kind, an Asian, or goodness knows, an absolutely BLACK woman who doesn't have a drop of white blood in her veins and is so black she's almost blue.

The white race is dying off. Mixed marriages do not produce whites. The number of women who look like Paltrow will continue to decline. The ideal of Caucasian beauty will die out as well. But sure, why not kick Paltrow in the ass and let it serve as a warning that ANY white woman given ANY honor will be insulted and humiliated?

Let's make sure to insult her religion (her WASP-y looks). While we cry tears any time "the color of someone's skin" is the obvious reason for hatred (not the darkness of their deeds, the odiousness of their violent creed, the smell of their cooking or the stupid arrogance of their refusal to learn the language of the country they're swarming into) let's tee off on BLOND Paltrow. Let's spit at her for not smoking cigarettes like a fiend, or endorsing the slaughtering of animals.

Hey hey hey, next year, why not give the honor to Mamma Tsarnaev, with her fashionable scowl, her adorable head-scarf, and her ever-popular spewings about how America is full of shitty lies, and pictures of blood are "just paint" (all up and down several blocks of Boston) and that no religious beliefs besides Muslim-Islam should be tolerated? Get that woman a TV show! Have her replace "Judge Judy" and execute every blond woman who stands before her!

BOSTON BOMBER PARENTS: THE NEW SUPERSTARS

"Chechnya's Got Talent"

"American Hater Idol"

"Keeping Up with Islam Fanatic Shit-Heads"

What's the un-Reality Show that the stinking Tsarnaevs will get for few million dollars?

Do you believe this?

Their rotten scum-brats kill Americans, terrorize an entire city, maim dozens of people...and THEY ARE STARS

They rage and rail at press conferences with their warped blabber...

...AND...they get to come to the USA like it's part of their road tour!

Hey Hey, We're the MONKEYS who SPAWNED TERRORISTS...now we have the money to come to the USA and prance around like all the rest of the Eurotrash does, all the rest of the arrogant obnoxious pieces of shit from Russia, Italy, Germany, Holland, whatever, wherever...

ROLL OVER, AMERICANS! Listen to US because we'll blow you up if you don't!

We got our invisible ALLAH and WE speak for HIM. HER. IT. (Don't try and show us a picture).

These two should not be allowed to come to the USA. Period.

Instead, they become two more brainless, hate-spewing, ignorant arrogant figure-heads for DEATH TO AMERICA.

You can imagine what would happen if two USA-born brothers blew up anything in Putinville, or Cuntistan or Barfovania. They'd not only be hanging upside down by their heels, disemboweled, but all their relatives, too. And "retribution" would involve blowing up the American embassies anywhere within a 10,000 miles of the incident.

The idea is to let these loonies rant and rail and show the world what insane losers they are?

Ask the people who lost their legs and are still hospitalized. Ask the father of the 8 year-old boy who was destroyed while a smirking curly-haired Islamashit walked away after planting a bomb next to the kid.

It's a disgrace that these two are mugging and miming only weeks after murder and maiming.

It's an outrage that the world is at their feet, treating them like touring superstars, and that they are enjoying EVERY minute of it.

EBAY BLOOD MONEY: BOSTON MARATHON BOMBING SOUVENIRS

NEVER turn a blind eye to HUMAN NATURE.

You want to know what your fellow man did after the bombing in Boston?

He went to eBay looking for SOUVENIRS

If you check "completed listings" you'll find many people who spent $150 to $200 for a "Boston Marathon" jacket.

Plenty of money changed hands for other "souvenirs" related to a day of maiming and murder and madness.

"Oh the humanity!" Yeah. Today, the quote would be, "WHERE'S the humanity?"

The Murderers at PHANTOM FIREWORKS, New Hampshire Terrorist Helpers

"LIVE FREE OR DIE" is the motto of New Hampshire.

This is where they sold the EXPLOSIVES that the Muslim terrorist brothers used to maim innocent people.

This is where the gunpowder came from that turned the streets of Boston to ash, and left four people to be dust in the wind.

New Hampshire is where they guarded J.D. Salinger's privacy with ferocious intensity.

But a diarrhea-faced foreigner, dangerous, suspicous, and from out of state...nah, nah, take all the EXPLOSIVES YOU WANT, DO AS YOU WISH!

Hell, in the aftermath, an employee at PHANTOM FIREWORKS poses to show how she made the sale!

Nice going, APRIL WALTON, who looks like Conan O'Brien in drag.

And nice going, Bill Weimer, Vice President of Phantom Fireworks, who can't find a better way of making a LIVING.

The guy who runs this embarrassing store is grinning and clucking about how, oooh, surprise surprise, he DID IT AGAIN, having already sold fireworks to that piece of shit Islam asshole who tried to blow up Times Square.

That's learning from your "mistake."

People have this idea that New Hampshire and Vermont are these progressive, intelligent New England states that elect independent politicians and have some kind of "Yankee" conservative logic to what they do. This logic extends down into Massachusetts, and maybe even to Connecticut. From Bowdoin to M.I.T. and Harvard and Yale.

The answer, it turns out, is NO, Redneck asshole thinking isn't confined to the horrific, humid, hot and stupid South.

It also exists in the frosty areas hugging the Canadian border, where cold hearts only know that diarrhia-faced terrorists have warm green $100 bills and pretty gold credit cards.

Fireworks? Illegal? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That would be like suggesting automatic weapons be illegal. Or that somebody straight out of a mental home or wearing a burka saying "Death to Americans" can't buy a Glock at a gun show!

YOU ARE A TUBE (ugh, YouTube "COVER SONG" SINGERS!)

Lord save us from "singers" on YouTube!

I've added new "lyrics" for this human speedbump, because they may help amuse the disgusted.

Earlier I mentioned the fat jerk who sits around regurgitating news items and giving his worthless fat-larded weigh-in.

He is unfortunately over-shadowed, literally, by the huge number of grotesque "singers" out there, and Lord, THIS turd is one. I have removed all identification, not because he shouldn't be the target of cruelty (anyone typing in the song name or name of the artist he's covering is being victimized). No, it's done because there IS that one-in-a-billion chance that giving him any attention could lead to the "it's so horrible it's good" brigade giving him enough hits to encourage him further, or actually get him a few Google pence! He doesn't need hits on YouTube, he needs hits on that beanie-covered melon with the fungus hanging off it. The thing he calls a head.

If Robert Morley and Hattie Jacques had a child…the result might be talented, if overweight, effeminate and grotesque. BUTT, if Robert penetrated Hattie via the rear, and the child was delivered via some kind of C-section of the colon…well, there's no hope at all. Just YouTube video-sewage.

Sending out a press release saying, "I'm the bastard of Morley and Jacques" would make more sense than throwing up foul Spam-like postings that don't get more than a passing glance even from relatives or admissions directors at mental homes. But you know the delusion here...tasteless mucks simply knock it out in one take, never look before posting, and think the result will get a booking. Yes, for disturbing the peace.

If you're wondering what the porcine creature is singing…so am I. And I've heard it. It's a cover version of a late artiste's song, and that artiste would've died if he had heard it. The singer is not alive either, but in some kind of zombie state. Is there a movie, "Night of the Porcine Dead" for which he's auditioning?.

To be amused by the disgusting, all elements of hapless hopeless amateurism must be in place: out of tune guitar, stumbling over the notes, fumbling with the controls to start and stop the video, failing to sing the lyrics clearly, looking at the frets to figure out where the pudgy fingers should twitch next, cheap microphone, silly outfit, bad hair, mug-shot lighting, and no charisma. Yes, it's all there. But it's still not amusing.

Somebody who looks and performs like a joke should try novelty tunes. What this guy (I think it's a guy) needs is a song that suits him, hence the "lyrics" added to his picture. A song about how he got so fat (retention of too much snot and shit) might get him a cult following! All he'd need is a catchy name to go with it: "Weird Oaf Yankovic?" "Freddie "Hemorrhoid Face" Davies? Ivor Cunt? Nickers Filthy? Olden Talentless?

THE GRIEF PROCESS: BOASTS, CURSES & A SHITTY POP STAR

The Boston Marathon Massacre?

Well, we're now used to the grief process. It's been in place since 9/11. Here's how you handle it. You boast. You curse. You have pop songs.

The BOAST. "You can't keep us down! We're still here! You did your best and it sucked!!"

Obama instantly stated the predictable after the Boston bombing: "We will get through this," he said. And sure enough. We did. What a leader. The sun still rises and sets.

Next? The CURSES and the MUSIC!

As soon as the dust settled after 9/11, there was a big concert. Between Jagger and Paul Simon and McCartney, some Irish firefighter stood up and shouted "Bin Laden you can kiss my Irish ass!" The crowd laughed and cheered.

This time? As soon as the perps were caught, Fenway Park was re-opened so baseball could be played again, and pop star Neil Diamond could sing. David "POPI" Ortiz, a steroid-headed Boston baseball player, supplied the memorable cursing this time: "This is our fucking city!"

Very brave. He said it after the perps were captured and it was time to return to scheduled baseball games and shopping at the malls and the rest of it.

But for his dumbass and coarse remark, he was praised as a hero.

Rah rah! Hope that 19 year-old bomber kid heard what POPI said!

POPI said, "This is our FUCKING city!"

Nevermind that four people are dead, two of them innocent women, one of them an 8 year-old. Nevermind that there's a woman, a hairdresser, who will never be able to stand and do her customers' hair like she used to. Nevermind two brothers who each lost legs. Nevermind a guy who lost both his legs moments after watching a jerk set a backpack at his feet and walk away. Nevermind dozens of others with cuts, bruises, wounds and scars. POPI said "This is our fucking city" very bravely after the perps were caught.

Lastly, the healing process HAS to have some fucking pop star asshole sing a song

In this case? Neil Diamond.

The song? "Sweet Caroline."

Don't try to figure it out. Boston may have been the scene of great and patriotic and history-making events hundreds of years ago, but it's been nothing more than a dinky college town for a century, loaded up with not-too-smart working class assholes and overly-smart college punks. And somehow, "Sweet Caroline" is an important song in Boston. (Look, Neil DIamond is important all over the world, so we can't really make that much fun of Boston for choosing ONE of his shitty songs to love so damn much).

A terrible event (either a natural disaster caused by climate change, or jihad caused by religious fanatic assholes pussy-allowed to "hijack a fine religion" by Muslim-fearing wussies) should lead to some kind of action. Real action. Like better preparation for floods, more serious consideration of climate change, and in cases of terrorism, gun control, restricted immigration, better security, some kind of refuting speech from Muslim leaders, some kind of action from the United Nations...).

INSTEAD...we have become so used to terrible events, we enjoy 'em!

Yes, we do. We enjoy tracking down the perps. We enjoy the rescue stories involving assholes who know they live in danger zones and build and RE-BUILD rather than move. we find some kind of exhileration in all the "feel good" moments where we can mourn, light candles, hear rock stars sing, and grin with delight when some schmuck in no danger at all says "kiss my ass" or "this is our fucking city."

Disgusted. Amused? How about scared...that people enjoy lighting candles and feel so good about themselves for raising money for legless victims, and so happy about a cursing ball player and so delighted because of the world's most mediocre pop songs sang one of the world's shittiest pop songs?

The grief process is one that we've become so accustomed to, it's almost like many rush to participate. Oooh ooh, can I get a candle? Can I go over to the funeral home and get in line and pay my respects? Ah, here I am writing out my check to the "fund" for one of the now-crippled victims...when the government should be providing the money AND making sure that everyone has some kind of insurance against a hideous event such as this. And let's thank David POPI Ortiz and Neil Fucking Diamond for taking the time out of their busy schedules and being SUCH inspirational figures for us.

What next?

Oh, let's be optimistic.

Something far more horrible than the Boston Marathon Massacre will happen eventually...but we won't care that much because "we'll get through it," and there will surely be candles to light, and checks to write, and all the rest of it.

And, hey, England, if there's a really really major disaster, you'll get David Beckham cursing and Adele singing!

YOU TUBE THERAPY FOR UGLY DUMB BASEMENT-DWELLING RETARDS!

Take a look at a true asshole:

Aren't you glad this ugly dumbfuck has ocupational therapy?

You want this turd brain on the street?

One benefit of YouTube is that it gives the illusion of "show biz" to delusional, malfunctioning brain-dead cretins like THIS guy.

A few celebrities die, and he rushes down to the basement, fires up his laptop and his camera, and does his zombie version of "Entertainment Tonight" or Charlie Rose or Piers Morgan or Perez Hilton.

When you want the latest show biz news, when you want solid information and research...your first choice is a YouTube mongoloid.

Of course.

NOT.

But don't tell HIM that. If this freak doesn't stay in the basement, heaving his shit-breath into a microphone while cyberspace whirls a vacuum between his ears, he might stagger out into daylight, twitching and masturbating! He might accidentally procreate by spilling his tainted seed a little too close to the family dog.

Which is pretty much how he came into the world in the first place.

It's hard to be fully amused by disgusting puddles of fat like this guy. You have to realize that some of these misshapen monsters ARE breeding. They DO vote. They take up SPACE. They aren't supporting and paying for real opinions and comments but adding to the drivel of amateur dross by being brain-dead drones.

Every day, The Living Dead stagger to their computers, ridiculously fail TO LOOK INTO THE CAMERA WHEN THEY TALK, and start to hem, haw, mumble, stumble and gurgle hackneyed nonsense. They don't play it back. They just post it. Same way a dog dumps a shit load and then staggers away leaving others to step in it.

A total amateur considers himself a broadcaster or a pundit...because he's talking somewhat in the direction of a microphone and camera! Well, if he was standing on the sidewalk anywhere near a garbage truck, somebody would haul him away as rotting trash. If he took a dip in the ocean, he'd be reported as floating sewage.

YouTube has so many maniacs like this...delusional pork rinds who squeal about celebrities, review movies, offer solutions for world peace, or suddenly start doing a cover version of their favorite song — without remembering half of the melody or lyrics.

Worse. One day, some bunch of assholes will declare all this shit to be "Outsider Broadcasting," and start collecting it, like they do bad lounge music, rotten public access TV, idiotic "poems set to music," or Jess Franco movies.

This cretin, sitting in a t-shirt, has the fucking NERVE to show his gruesome self to the world, and to think that anyone wants to hear a non-entity's half-witted spew?

100 200 300...400 postings on YouTube or more...it only increases the frightening odds that fame WILL come! "Oooh, did you see that kid crying LEAVE BRITNEY SPEARS ALONE...did you see that fat stupid Korean guy dancing like a horse...did you...SEE THAT INCREDIBLY UGLY BRAIN DEAD FUCKWIT DO SOME WORTHLESS DRONING BABBLE ABOUT ANNETTE FUNICELLO DYING? Why he's an idiot savant and SO entertaining! Let's....

Let's what? Can't give him a TV show. No money in that. Can't book him for a tour. Nobody pays to see anyone. Let's...LET HIM KEEP POSTING IDIOT YOU TUBE VIDEOS!

PAINT ME A SUPREME

BEFORE AND AFTER...

"We make her paint her face and dance!"

John Lennon once sang that line, convinced that "woman is the nigger of the world." Well, John was only human, and he was often wrong. He was singing a lot of other protest songs at the same time, on everything from John Sinclair to "if you had the luck of the Irish...you'd wish you was English instead" to something about David Peel being "real."

And then he was grunting on stage, "OK, so flower power didn't work..." And neither did protest songs, because the status quo turned out to be ok with a lot of people. Especially painted ladies.

John didn't realize it. Women LIKE to paint their faces. And they LIKE to dance.

Take Diana Ross. Without the paint, she's just a very ordinary old (69, to be exact) lady.

Smeared up with the paint, and she's the glamorous SUPREME. You name her...Lady Gaga. Big fat Adele. Madonna. The image in your mind is...PAINTED. In fact, on Halloween thousands and thousands can imitate these women very easily just by painting-by-the-numbers. You might recall Lindsay Lohan recently painting herself up to look like Elizabeth Taylor for a movie, and doing a magazine photo shoot as Marilyn Monroe. Call it virtual Photoshopping.

Anyone disgusted by this? No, everything changed when hippies became Yuppies, and when women realized that they shouldn't throw away their huge advantage in fakery and paint.

Oh, maybe in college it's ok to walk around in a t-shirt and jeans and no make-up. Any 19 year-old is well worth a fuck. But when it comes time to get that big job, or to find work as an actress or singer, or to gain the edge in landing that Hedge Fund hubby...it's time to paint...to get the fake boobs...to put on the fashion wardrobe...to become a costumed caricature. If you're artistic enough to come up with just the right hair color, lip gloss, placement of fake mole, etc. etc. you could become an ICON!

That's why you were puzzled at the dull image on the top left...and began to smile warmly when you recognized DIANA ROSS on the top right.

Reality? Let's paint over it. Diana does. Halle Berry does. Rihanna does. Beyonce does. Billie Joe Armstrong does...

HERR SCHMIDT WILL ANSWER, "GOO GOO!"

Ha ha ha ha ha. Eric Schmidt der CEO of GOOGLE UBER ALLES, wins again and again! TWO victories are in today's news. In Germany, Google laughed off a slap on the wrist.

In Great Britain? You guessed it. Google pays almost no taxes, while the citizens there remain among the most abused in the world. Or don't you remember George Harrison singing out against the "TAXMAN!" 100 years ago, one of the top entertainers of the day was VESTA VICTORIA, and she sang the novelty classic "Will He Answer Goo Goo." I think we know the answer, finally. If it's Eric Schmidt, you bet he will. Baby-talk nonsense will do just fine, Your Honor. Remember, My Lord, GOOGLE is the biggest Internet company in the world. Its search engine can make or break anyone. It has mapped the world, too. It controls copyright. It makes money in every way possible from dominating music and television (go to You Tube for all you need) to making sure all newspaper content can be accessed free (oh, with some links or ads here and there for GOOGLE to make some money).

Above is happy happy Eric Schmidt. Cheers, Eric! GOOGLE spits a few pence into the British pot, and laughs all the way to the bank with billions! "That's more than fair," Mr. Dury might sing. Because Mr. Dury had a very dark and cynical sense of humor!

But let's not suggest there's anything sinister or even unpleasant about how Google's managed to take over the world...becoming the dominant search engine, and the only place to upload copyrighted music and TV shows and movie clips and sports moments for everyone to "You Tube." Just come to accept that entertainment, free, means GOOGLE, and that means: "GOOGLE IS GOOD."

Repeat that. "GOOGLE IS GOOD." GOO GOO GOO GOO GOO.

GOOGLE IS GOOD because FREE is GOOD. Because COPYRIGHT is COPYWRONG. Because INTERNET FREEDOM means having the fun of spying with Google maps. And, if you do have to pay for something, like bootlegs or drugs or a whore or whatever, there's "Google Payments" (because Paypal, ugh, actually bans sellers who traffic in illegal items).

What's not to love? You can spy on anyone with Google maps. You can Google up a way to steal via download most anything. You can Google up information on anyone. Google glasses are coming! Pledge allegiance to Google! Ooh, and every now and then they do a GOOGLE DOODLE! GA GA! OOH! Tell me you've never had someone pester you with: "Hey, did you see that thing on GOOGLE today? You can click on it..." and there's animation, or music, or something. Watta wonderful world.

And best of all, kiddies, once you've got Google Chrome, and G-Mail, and Google Payments, and all the rest of it, GOOGLE will know EVERYTHING about YOU. And that's a GOO GOO GOOD thing, because GOOGLE will take care of you, do what's best for you, and be fair with you! Trust in GOOGLE. You really have no choice, come to think of it.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE : THE BOSTON MARATHON

President Obama, a few minutes ago, addressed the nation and the world, repeating, with terse disgust it seemed to me, the usual rhetoric that he's had to babble over and over. Whether it's a bunch of school kids being murdered, or innocent spectators watching runners go by, he's had to bite his lip, mutter "condolences," offer his "prayers," urge everyone to "pray," and to declare that whoever did this, they will be punished.

In a Dubya bit of double-talk, he said, "We will find out who did this, why they did this. Any responsible group will feel the full weight of justice."

Who did it? Who the fuck do ya think, Barry. Why? You really have to ask? "Full weight of justice?" Uh, this took place in Boston, where they bake beans but they don't fry psycho terrorist bastards. No, the full weight of justice is to take Habib by his beard, haul him into Copley Square, put a stick of dynamite up his ass, and blow him way up into Allah's asshole where he can fuck 80 virgins in the midst of Allah's mighty bowels.

What's happened here is…(gasp) another blow to…AMUSEMENT.

Oh those fuckin' Arabs. Here we are, trying to escape reality, and to enjoy what is essentially one of the most stupid things in the world…watching thousand and thousands of useless scrawnies jogging for miles and miles just to say they did it. And they do it far behind a few boney-headed Africans and some pros from other countries who are in it for the prize money. Still, it's amusing. It's reportedly the BIGGEST day in Boston. A real holiday. Can't get there in person, watch it on TV: sweaty Yuppies, peculiar old people, determined disabled people rolling along in wheelchairs, a few hot chicks in sports bras sweating through their tiny bikini bottoms...it's all there in HD, and in a few years maybe Smellovision.

We are AMUSED. We cheer. We smile. We vow "hey, maybe next year…nah, fuck it, that's too far to even WALK…" But somehow, we made watching idiots running into some escape for reality. And now, reality interferes.

NOW what? Now there ain't a marathon in America (or some other civilized countries that the Falafal eaters hate) that is safe from the memory of what happened in Boston. Any time you line up to watch a marathon, or a parade, you have to be wondering, "Did some fuckhead throw a backpack into a garbage can near me? Is some shit-for-brains religious fanatic about to blow up and take ME along for the ride?"

That's the insidious reason behind "who did this." It's to strike at AMUSEMENT…to turn everyone from pleasure to paranoia. To "ruin the fun." Because these fuckhead religious fanatics have NO fun in life. They have no sense of humor. They don't play sports. They don't know what "amusement" is. They live their grim stupid lives in a strange hypocritical twilight zone of religious devotion and, when it suits them, totally immoral, irreligious and sick and twisted activities ranging from woman abuse to drugs to, of course, murder of anyone they don't like (even some of their own swarthy kind, if there's the slightest difference in religious beliefs.).

Jesus! (Ooops, wrong guy). What happened here? My early guess is that one or two radical monkey-brains did it. They read a terrorist web page somewhere explaining how to make bombs, and how to do what they can, with even a few small bombs, to create havoc. The chance this was done by pro terrorists is fairly slim, as is the notion this could've been some McVeigh asshole with some totally twisted different reason for being a monster. Like, he has a grudge against enjoying a few chicks bouncing their titties amid a sea of Walter Mitty nitwitties. Now we add "going to a marathon" to the list of things one can't do without feeling that it might be a life-changing experience. Go to a tourist attraction building like the World Trade Center? Go to an airport? Go watch a marathon? What next?

"Why they did this…" is because they can. And they can because immigration needs to be stricter. Ethnic profiling (and just plain "crazy ass McVeigh type" profiling) should be encouraged not discouraged. And every fucking state should have the death penalty and put a severe time limit on the appeals process. In cases where it's damn obvious who did it, just make the bomb (it's easy, obviously any monkey can do it) or turn up the deep fryer and the oil, and OFF that scum as soon as possible.

There is no reasoning with religious fanatics. It can't be done. You can't say, "Blowing up innocent people doesn't further your cause," or "We are NOT all going to go sit in camel shit and worship YOUR invisible friend." And, let's say something that you're definitely not supposed to say: FUCK these oil-rich cocksuckers. FUCK 'em. Say NO to foreign oil, and let them rot. That's all they have. If the scumbag dictators can't keep all their monkeys in their cages, then we won't buy the oil. We'll build big magnifying glasses. Windmills. Mirrors. Whatever. Use the sun and the wind. It's cleaner, too. Which would be helpful for the runners in next year's Boston Marathon.

Running should be done for fun, and pleasure, and watching runners should be for inspiration or amusement. Fuck this…running for your life because of religious fanatics and monkey-brain hypocrisy. Allah must've said "thou shalt not kill" somewhere. I do know that Jesus once said, "I'm on a cross, you schmuck, signing me up for the 3-legged race is in really poor taste.

JUSTIN BIEBER DEAD at 40

Since Bieber-Creep apes Michael Jackson so much, you figure he'll follow his hero to an early grave.

But while Michael spaced out his creepiness (the sex-change to white woman, the antisemitic song lyrics, the sick fascination with chimps and sleepovers with little boys), Justin has gone into stinkin' overdrive, practically every week coming up with a new outrage. So maybe instead of 40, this surly, stupid son of a bitch will be off the planet at 20. Which would up his legend to James Dean level. Except James Dean had talent. This jerk has none.

Bieber-Creep thinks appealing to stupid little girls makes him great? He thinks because he makes them pauperize their parents into buying $60 bottles of Bieber-Stink and any other products he sells, he's got any worth? He's 4 times LESS of a star than N'Sync.

What is disturbing...and this Anne Frank gaffe is the worst so far...is that he can't simply be the Teen Idol du Jour, as past pretty boys have been, from David Cassidy to Donny Osmond.

In the "old days," your teen idol may not have been much, but at least wasn't offensive, nasty, or grotesque in his egotism, or a poor role model. Paul Anka didn't grab his crotch. Peter Noone chirped happy songs with wholesome messages. Davy Jones didn't brag about the money or give the impression to teen boys that the best way to get a girl's attention is with shitty looking tattoos and expensive hair cuts and stealing the musical stylings of a dead pop star.

The Jackson shit: rip-offs of the dopey moon-walking slide, the one glove, the crotch grab, and for Gods sake, the MONKEY. All of that was disgusting.

But one could be amused at how silly little girls in Dora the Explorer drawers, whose brains were still mostly wet papier mache, and whose crotches resembled paper cuts...were carrying on about him. It was almost a guilty pleasure to watch this twerpy punk turn up on David Letterman's show and cringe in front of a real man with talent, and actually crumble and begin to whine when Dave gripped his wrist to take a look at his latest tattoo! Yes, after the show, people were actually feeling sorry for little Justin because big Dave had TOUCHED, LAID HANDS on the poor kid, and the man's grip had made the poor little punk CRINGE!

Now? What, Justin is flirting with Michael Jackson antisemitism? Will there be a "Jew me" line in his next rap-crap song?

Whenever this arrogant twerp says something stupid, deliberately boastful, and totally obnoxious, and the press begin to vomit, he is quick to shout, "I'm just 19. I'm just a kid. I make mistakes."

Some are already spin-doctoring this latest bit of Bieber-Creepiness. They say, "Oh, at least he went to see Anne Frank's house. This raises awareness of what the Nazis did to innocent children."

Except Bieber showed no such awareness. All he did was promote himself, and figure he'd make even Anne Frank swoon. No, Justin, there are a LOT of teenage girls who think you're a twerp, and have better things to do than listen to your garbage. They are in school. They are reading. They are involved with normal-looking boys. Some are even taking lessons in classical music, and not content to hear "baby baby baby" yapped by a baby-faced dimwit who has been home-schooled in ego and nothing else.

The ego on this bastard is worse than Hitler. It's sad because not every child star, not every young rocker, fails to be grounded by parents or managers or common sense. Sure, it's hard not to be self-absorbed when you're ignorant, have no musical taste, and the world seems to do nothing but throw money and worship at you...and you can instantly find a rather stupid-looking square-headed brain-dead girlfriend who looks more like a cleaning woman's daughter than any kind of star. But even Selena Gomez found him immature, "made him cry," and moved on.

Albert Brooks Tweeted that Bieber-Creep's thought that Anne Frank would be a "belieber" made he, Albert, "want to kill myself." No, Albert, that's anger turned inward. Meet this little bitch at a Hollywood party and slap his fucking face!

Let's hope Bieber-Creep, that very soon some other idiot (Jack Vidgen, the tooth-capped winner of last season's "Australia's Got Talent" comes to mind) can assemble a slightly more tasteful bunch of songs and concert moves…and blow you off the stage and into has-been obscurity, with your crappy albums in the dollar bin along with Osmond, Cassidy, N'Sync and the rest of the drivel that pubescent girls leave behind along with the Dora the Explorer underpants that no longer fit.

Ach du lieber, Bieber. Know what I think? If Anne Frank was alive, living in America...she might have still ended up in a crawlspace in hiding...if somebody was coming after her with free tickets to one of your shows. Neo-Nazis around the world are probably using your music to brainwash and torment people. You are coming close to being another Aryan race symbol of how powerful the alloy of ignorance and money is. But, Butt-head, a lot of people are sick of giving you a free pass, and excusing what you say and do. You are a hot star? Go to heil.

THE FLYING DUTCHMAN - AND THE BRAIN DEAD COLLECTOR (Honus Wagner Lives??)

You never saw Honus Wagner play baseball.

Most of us weren't even born when Honus Wagner stumbled into his 6 foot dugout and they shoveled dirt on his corpse.

"The Flying Dutchman" as he was known, was a star baseball player 100 years ago. Baseball's a game that means nothing to most people around the world, and in America has been eclipsed by football as the most-watched sport. For most people, old baseball players are like old silent movie actors. Who knows 'em and who cares? At least you might enjoy a silent movie...you can't even find a film clip on Honus Wagner.

But a few days ago, a souvenir card with The Dutchman's rather moronic looking face on it, sold for over 2 million dollars.

What douche bag bought that "Flying Dutchman" card?

The rich turd brain can stare at it for HOW long? Or is he one of those status-seeking ass-faced dolts who somehow made money sans creativity or class and needs to own shit to call attention to himself? As in: "Look at me, the drone who made a fortune with a chain of toilet repair shops...and I've got disposable income to waste..."

The mind of a "collector" is like a defective toilet. It's full of shit and the shit never gets flushed away. Well, not until this moron drops dead, and his precious card is sold off to some other moron. That's what these assholes don't understand. What they "own" will eventually be "owned" by SOMEBODY ELSE.

The other possibility here, is that the card was bought by an "investor." What a dummy. Less and less people know who Honus Wagner is. Less and less people care about a rare baseball card. It's rare...but it's a baseball card! A jewel is a better investment. So is real estate. So is a painting, but maybe consider one on black velvet because the culture is dumbing down and most people think Renoir is some kind of French douche in a bottle.

A brief paragraph on the extremely obvious: The buyer of the Honus Wagner card could've helped TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND people by dividing up that two million for them. Christ, Allah, and Mohamed! Think of how this guy could've been WORSHIPPED as a gift from God, or GOD himself, by giving so many people the small amount that changed their lives. A few thousand and an African can plant crops and get out of poverty. Some Kentucky toothless bastard buys dentures and a clean suit and gets that minimum wage job that makes the difference. Some Mexican goes to night school instead of joining a drug cartel.

Two million dollars for a piece of cardboard. Not even art. "The Flying Dutchman" in 1913 hit 3 home runs. In no year did he hit more than 10 (compared to the 60 from Babe Ruth). Wagner amused some baseball fans a hundred years ago by hitting a baseball. Big deal. Want to admire an old-time baseball player How about Lou Gherig, who faced death with such dignity that he became a legend around the world. His story was told in "Pride of the Yankees" starring Gary Cooper. Honsy is just one of hundreds of old-time uglies in the Hall of Fame at Cooperstown, who mean next to nothing to the people who visit. They come for Ruth and Gherig and the modern ones, NOT "The Flying Dutchman."

How much MORE money does the hemorrhoid who bought this card have to waste on more idiocy? You want rare? I'll wipe my ass on a Barry Bonds card for ya. It'll be a one-of-kind, I guarantee. A shit-for-brains who'd pay two million for a Honus Wagner card might buy just about anything.

KIM KARDASHIAN aka QUIM KUNT-DOUCHIAN : GO AWAY! I WANT THE "K-BOMB!"

Paris Hilton finally went away. We only hear her simpering voice and see that sloe-eyed Kermit-the-Frog-mouthed dimwitted face once in a while now.

WHEN will be plague of KIM KARDASHIAN and her rotten relatives be over? I'm sick of these slutty cicadas buzzing in my face all the time. The fault lies with the media. Take a look at the overkill.

Yes, two very popular Internet newspaper websites...DAILY NEWS in America, DAILY MAIL in England, and they stick not one, not two...but THREE or FOUR pieces on Kim and the gang...on the opening page!

I want the news, and yet wherever I scroll, I see her stupid face and read her ultra-stupid name.

Where are the paparazzi to drive her into a tunnel and flatten her? Or would they bounce off her big rubbery ugly ass like bumper cars? It's a sick joke that people actually think this cow is attractive. All the paint at Home Depot couldn't mask that she's just an ordinary low-class slut, and this ape-like fascination with a distorted rear end...come on, "junk in the trunk" is still JUNK.

Now, really, I have nothing against this tasteless cretinous fat-assed moronic slut publicity-parasite. Live and let live, but it's hard not to wish she was dead when she's constantly soiling the news. And why? Because she's famous for being famous? That's as dumb as when she was famous for being a porn-video-making tramp. Great, she monkey-fucks some moron and has it leak all over the Internet…along with the dubiously important news that she was also the spawn of a third-rate ambulance chasing lawyer who was part of murderer O.J. Simpson's defense "dream team." That should've been news buried deep in the paper for one day and forgotten.

No. In this sick "we've got to be amused 24/7" world of perpetually lower standards for stardom, her creepy publicity team and THE MEDIA found a new darling we all HAVE to care about.

Three mentions in the Daily News for April 8th...one about her "baby bump." Another about the gifts she's been getting. And a third making fun of an outfit she wore on one of her whore-hungry publicity tramp-walks through paparazzi-ville. It's all good, huh? Isn't it about time we get fresh meat out there? This Farrah Abraham whore seems about right to take KK's place. There are plenty of other women who have big asses and throw themselves sticky-side up at any bar-clubbing ape they meet. There are other women who have more famous daddies, too.

Do you believe it...even the HUFFINGTON POST had three mentions of Kardashian scattered on their opening page:

THIS IS WHAT I WANT:

INTERNET FREEDOM FROM KUNT-DOUCHIAN

Firefox and Google and Explorer can show they are not just evil empires by creating the K-BOMB.

YES. THE K-BOMB.

GIVE ME AN ADD-ON, AN APP...so that any photo of KARDASHIAN (other than in an obit) is blanked out.

Make it so that the very word KARDASHIAN is changed on every web page I visit. Oh, change KARDASHIAN to...KUNT.

As in: "Kim KUNT is looking for a new rapper to fill her asshole with coagulated man-haggis…she no longer finds Kanye the world's most arrogant low-class shitpile."

If I don't get action, it'll be up to a more important KIM...that fat-head from North Korea! I'm starting right now. North Korea Kim, listen up: the world will take notice and trade with you and praise you like a God if you STOP fucking around with limp-noodle missiles that end up in the Sea of Japan...and get to work on that Internet "K-BOMB."

The world can be a safer and saner place without ANY MENTION OF ANY KARDASHIANS.