Portable Toilet Spotters - Bill Hoobastank and Wife

"You mean, you want to interview us?" laughs Bill Hoobastank. "It's so nice when ordinary average people can get into the paper, just by having an unusual hobby!"

Mr. and Mrs. Hoobastank have pissed in EVERY "Port-a-Potty" portable toilet in New Jersey.

"We took photos and wrote down the serial numbers, so we have proof!" mumbled Mrs. Hoobastank, who also has the habit of going into every bar in New Jersey and getting bombed.

The Hoobastanks have strict rules and regulations. "It has to be a genuine Port-a-Potty or Call-a-Head, not any other company that might install temporary toilet stalls at street fairs, rock concerts or memorabilia conventions and marathons."

According to hobbyist rules, it's permissable to open every door on a row of portable toilets, and go from one to the other depositing piss on the seats. Mrs. Hoobstank has gotten very good at "toilet seat spotting," and squatting like a bitch and tinkling a little, then moving on. "It does require either good pussy control or, in my case, none at all. At my age incontinence makes it easy for me to maintain a steady drip."

Bill, too, has found that at his age, he is often able to just waddle from stall to stall, leave spots, take a photo, and keep going.

"I know it's not nice for the next person, but if we pee a little in the bowl, you can't see it. You can see the drops much clearer when they are on the seat, and it's easier to use the camcorder to record ourselves dripping onto the seat, too!"

WHAT, people want to know, is the fascination with toilet-spotting?

"Oh, ho," Bill laughs, "it's just something to do. If you're simple-minded, it really occupies your time a lot easier than a crossword puzzle, or trying to understand Jonathan Ross's jokes on the telly. We never did learn how to use the Internet, and our attention span isn't suited to books. I'd go to boot sales, but I keep running into an asshole with his dog Muffin, who keeps muttering about wanting to own everything Rolf Harris ever recorded, but not to pay too much for any of it."

Bill continues: "This isn't the only thing I do, you know. I take photos of myself sucking my teeth while standing next to celebrities!" As for Mrs. Hooberstank? "I sell my panties on eBay, but I'm careful to say "I'm wearing these to show how they look, and will send a new pair."

The average moron can become "famous" by collecting spoons, wearing body make-up and waving signs at every sporting event, or by marrying a Kardashian. It's a fascinating world out there, and it's not restricted to the talented.

"I've gotta go," said Bill Hooberstank. And he meant it. And there was no port-a-potty nearby, either.

Queasy SEA CRUISE for Movie Nerds...SOLD OUT

For fuckin' Chrissake. NERDS want to go on some kind of idiotic boat ride JUST to watch MOVIES? MOVIES they could see at home??

NERDS actually want to pay between $1,000 and $2,000 to to able to pester Eva Marie Saint about Alfred Hitchcock trivia? And tell Ruta Lee how much they LOVED LOVED LOVED "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?"

SOLD OUT.

Leaving tomorrow, November 1st, Sunday, for five glorious days at sea...

This is truly some mental case's idea of a good time. What is it with fucking CRUISES? What is the joy of putting yourself in potential lethal danger from Legionnaire's Disease, of being sea sick during a storm, or of simply being cramped up for five days with food poisoning and a stopped-up toilet?

How lame are people who would actually want to seek out Fred MacMurray's daughter and talk to her about how much they loved the guy's movie and TV work??

I might not have shown up to this stupid thing if it was FREE at a convention center within a cheap bus ride less than 30 minutes away. I'd be thinking, "What kind of fanboy geek am I, that I'd want to sidle up with a hopeful grin to try and get some D-lister's attention for five minutes?"

I put the question to veteran cruise ship hustler AIDS Savage, who used to be employed as everything from a drummer in the house band to a toilet cleaner and puke mopper for various now-defunct lines. You might remember him aboard "The Titanic, Recreated" and "The Doody Ooze Cruise" (featuring the band that recorded the shit, "Nights in Brown Underwear.") He was often at the dock, greeting guests under the sign: "This is HULL, Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter."

Says Savage, "You do risk being seasick, and having a perpetual headache. At least, if I'm aboard drumming with some tatty cover band. I got sacked for exposing myself at the dinner table and screaming "So what if I'm built like a cocktail weiner!" This was after I was seen raping a sea gull.

I was totally banned for all cruise lines when I kept stalking a lady and cursing at her like a sailor. I was told it would've been all right if I'd been a sailor. But I wasn't! Well, her fella beat me so badly my hair fell out just like Phil Collins. I moaned, 'look at me now,' and stuttered, 'I-I b-better s-s-stay home in my stu-stu-studio.'"

I would've spoken to Savage a little longer, but he had some kind of epileptic fit, which involved trying to show off his limited drumming skills by trying to stab a cockroach with chopsticks. It was my fault for suggesting we meet in a Chinese restaurant run by Muslims.

The alternative he suggested was a picnic: "I'm a cheap bastard so packing sandwiches from home is good enough. The best part of a picnic is when I can find a grasshopper and can snap off one of its antenna. I laugh so hard I shit myself. The whore I live with likes that, because my shit smells better than my body odor. Say, what's all this about Fred MacMurray's daughter? Is she a goer? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge, wink wink? Does she fancy ugly fat guys who can't even keep a beat while chewing gum?"

Jew Hater Roger Waters Wets His Pants: SHAKER AAMER IS FREE!

He's a mover and a Shaker.

Lovely looking fellow, isn't he?

He conspired to murder people as long as he could hide in the background like a typical Islam coward.

Meanwhile, he did attract the attention of anti-Semites and anti-Americans, and most certainly, the great and powerful Nazi of rock, ROGER WATERS. Google Shaker's name and THIS turns up:

Poor distraught Roger Waters. He has empathy and sympathy for anyone who suffers. Unless they are Jews. He has empathy for every nation on Earth except for Israel. But who the FUCK is this Shaker AAmer asshole with the hummus complexion?

I checked a New York Times article on him today. Ah. Let's simply quote EXACTLY, from the facts they reported on this lovable human armpit.

WASHINGTON — Shaker Aamer, whose detention at the Guantánamo Bay prison in Cuba attracted the attention of human rights lawyers, political leaders and rock stars, was freed on Friday after more than 13 years in captivity, British officials announced. Mr. Aamer, a Saudi citizen and British resident, was flown to London.

"...(the) charismatic, English-speaking detainee has been the subject of intense dispute. Military officials have portrayed Mr. Aamer, 46, as a dangerous Islamist leader, while human rights advocates see him as a victim falsely accused of ties to terrorism. Now Mr. Aamer will be free to speak his mind in public."

Free to speak his mind??? Oh, good, here's another Muzzie maniac who will help polarize the world and demonize everyone but Allah-suckers. He'll walk around a symbol of abuse, of an innocent man jailed for 13 years for merely practicing his religion of hate and insanity. He'll be a LOTTA FUN.

Continue, New York Times. So far, the good news is this bastard will now be making a fortune in speaking fees, and will be insisting that there's no such thing as Arab terrorism, and 9/11 was a practical joke. How does he feel about his release?

"My thanks go to Allah first, second to my wife, my family, to my kids and then to my lawyers who did everything they could to carry the word to the world,” he said.

Ah, spoken like a true religious fanatic with intolerance toward anyone who isn't a backward brainwashed Islam jackass. Go ahead, New York Times:

Mr. Aamer was captured by the Northern Alliance in Afghanistan in late 2001 and turned over to the United States, which took him to its new wartime prison at Guantánamo Bay in February 2002. The United States government believed that he was involved with Al Qaeda; it accused him of doing recruitment and finance work for the terrorist network while based in Britain, and of working for Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan.

In 2007, American officials said that he had shared an apartment in London in the late 1990s with Zacarias Moussaoui, the only person in the United States convicted in the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and that he lived on a stipend from Bin Laden.

Ah. Well, what the fuck. Why believe American intelligence. That's an oxymoron, har har. American intelligence! Har har har!

At Guantánamo, Mr. Aamer became a leader of detainees engaged in a mass hunger strike, negotiating with the prison camp authorities. But after the protest escalated and three detainees apparently committed suicide simultaneously in June 2006, military officials isolated Mr. Aamer from the main inmate population.

In 2007, the government of the British prime minister at the time, Tony Blair, asked for Mr. Aamer and four other British residents to be transferred. The United States sent four of them to Britain but held on to Mr. Aamer...Prime Minister David Cameron of Britain and the rock stars Sting, Peter Gabriel and Roger Waters were among those who pushed for Mr. Aamer’s release...Jeremy Corbyn, who became leader of the Labour Party in September, visited Washington in May as part of a parliamentary delegation to lobby for Mr. Aamer’s release..."

Well, there you have it. EVERYBODY wanted this fine, fine Islamic pacifist and utterly innocent intellectual to go free. And so he is. And if he gives speeches advocating the destruction of Christians, the annihilation of Israel, and death to anyone who doesn't eat hummus, well, that's ok. He can talk. HE personally is not likely to throw a bomb at anyone. And if he talks others into doing it, why, that's freedom of speech.

Indeed, let's forget that whole mess of 9/11. Ancient history. Shut down Guantanemo, apologize to the prisoners, send all the psychos back to Psycholand (or ENGLAND) and wait for the day when Big Ben is blown up, or the Eiffel Tower, with cries of: "Revenge for Keeping Arabs Prisoners!"

SMALL DREAMS OF A FAT CLOD

Every GooTube idiot's dream is to get on REAL TV.

"Coffee Time" Darren figures if he has a thousand lonely dummies impressed by his meandering blabber, he's ready to be the next Jonathan Woss.

People are programmed to obediently watch anyone who is on any kind of tube. Even GooTube. So the next step: his own CABLE CHANNEL! It will be ALL DARREN ALL THE TIME!

Subscribe and you'll get all his idiot progrock reviews, all his simpering nastiness, all his inane and boring drivel about his daily life, and most of all, a constant yammer of his one-sided brain-damaged opinions on EVERYTHING.

"Seriously," he mumbles, using that special intimate voice that's as mild as a rabbit fart, "I know I have it in me to be a compelling TV personality. I can talk to you like some quiet patient in a mental institution, or I can turn up the volume and be as much of an insistent and cocksure facemaker as Steve Bunce!"

Says Darren, "I admit I am full of shit, but once I start making money, and stop having to do a camcorder in a spare room of my tatty flat for GooTube, I'll get that high colonic I so richly deserve. So please support my project. If you don't, well, here's the middle finger, 'coz I'm my own gorilla. Er, man."

Here's the promotional banner for KICKSTARTER! Start digging deep in your pockets!

Pedophile? Welcome to EBAY, My FRIEND

"You can't get into this place without ID proving you're 18."

"Dirty photos of teenagers? EBAY says COME RIGHT IN!

Does she look like a teenager to you? Tiny tits. Smirky young face. Could very well be a high-schooler.

BUT...EBAY isn't carding anyone or demanding proof.

Nobody can waltz into a bar, attend an x-rated movie, or even buy cigarettes without ID. You can't just say, "Hey, I'm over 18."

But on EBAY? Here's the ad copy:

Some assface downloads a photo, or steals some from a photo store, and makes magnets out of 'em.

There is no statement, which professional pornographers must put on their mags and DVDs, stating: "She is over 18, and proof is on file, including a signed model release."

Imagine if EBAY demanded that sellers of bogus bootleg merchandise like THIS piece of shit, had to prove age and consent? Gosh, they might lose a few dollars and not be able to pay their CEO a "parachute" settlement of millions of dollars when he leaves.

It's a good thing EBAY is "just a venue" and that nobody is enforcing the United States laws that require adult merchants to have "age and consent" form on file.

This ad, incidentally, is out in the open, not in the secret "adult" area. The secret "adult" area is so corrupt that if somebody offers a European magazine blatantly titled "SEVENTEEN," all they have to do is say "Everyone in the mag is over 18" and EBAY retards grin and drool and say, "Fine with US!"

Something Fishy About these Stars

No, I'm not talking about Justa Beeper, who made headlines because he walked off stage in a snit.

I'm not talking about creepy Boy George, who replaced Tom Jones on a talent-challenged talent show and got huge publicity for joking about sleeping with Prince. (He slept with a Prince poster on his wall. Ha ha.)

I'm talking about something fishy with real stars...starfish.

There is no God (otherwise there would be no Isis or Palesteeeenians or Baptist churches run by anti-gay lunatics).

There IS a Mother Nature. She works in mysterious ways. She unleashes bizarre diseases. She creates cancers. She takes diseases that were once wiped out, like leukemia and bubonic plague, and brings 'em back just to "thin the herd." She creates, helped by mankind fucking with the air and water, massive storms that kill thousands at a time.

She also turns creatures into ticking time bombs. Frogs are coming down with incurable diseases. Bees are wasting away. Whales beach themselves. There are regular outbreaks that destroy chickens or turn cows insane. People commit suicide. People find themselves mysteriously afflicted with things that nobody ever heard of 30 years ago, from AIDS to Diverticulitis and Crohn's Disease and Alzheimer's. People are getting the flu, a virus, a fucking monkey ailment like ebola.

The STOOOOPID thing is that people who shrug about what happens to animals, are not too happy when they go for a check-up and discover THEY have gotten some insane disease that Big Pharma can't solve.

Or, as Joe Jackson sang it, "Everything gives you cancer." Ha ha ho ho hee hee. What else to do except go to Boot Sales, or spend your time being a Zinfuck Demento and giving away every Beach Boys and Clapton album till the Grim Reaper says "This way, you Nazi Levitt, and you Dutch Douche McClure..."

COD IS DEAD

God damn the idiots of the world, all 99% of them.

I need not rant about overpopulation, or the greedy stupid politicians and "home folk" who still don't believe in climate change, or don't give a damn if they ever eat fish, or if it's poisonous farm-raised disease-ridden junk or not.

All I can do is think, "OK, one day this planet will be one raging, murderous mob scene. It'll be panic, rape, murder and rage." It won't be confined to Muslim maniacs. It'll involve every Viley Virus and Justa Beeper fan. Ever jerk who thought the world revolved around the Kardashians. Every clod who can't get enough of bad television and nothing but super-hero sci-fi movies.

Instead of being sedated with their stupid music, inane texting and porn, or ridiculous fixes of celebrity gossip, EVERYBODY will either be running for their lives, barricaded in a shelter gun in hand, or running around raping and murdering and stealing. No more time for leisurely bullshit. No stroll to Dunkin' Donuts. No sitting around admiring your collection of "Star Wars" memorabilia.

The warning signs are being ignored. Shrugged at. Laughed about. Cod? So? Who eats cod? Gimme a "Filet-o-Fish" made out of fish-scented plastic. Better yet, change my order to some mad-cow-infested HAMBURGER on a bun made of spun sugar, heaped up with artificial cheese and a sauce loaded with more sugar. Mmmmm.

Hey Muzzies, why aren't you raging at the heathens who are taking away God's creatures and leaving you with nothing to eat but hummus? Soon enough you will sadly be chomping your rotten black-stump teeth and wiping at your filthy beards and admitting, "There is no Cod."

Monkey-faced Aric Mussman whines 'No Yelpers'

Aric Mussman looks like he likes to eat shit.

Loves to lick the anus of some man or other.

Loves bad food and serves bad food.

That's what Aric Mussman looks like to me.

Know what? I can say that because it's "FREEDOM OF SPEECH." It's freedom of OPINION.

This asshole actually wants to "start a movement" to prevent people from reviewing his restaurant on YELP, or to allow anyone else to express an opinion on line.

"People can write what they want," he and retards like him are whining. "They can say things totally unfounded!"

Really. Who is to judge an "unfounded" opinion? If I say your restaurant stinks, musty mushmouthed mushroom headed cock-sucker-looking overfed oaf ARIC MUSSMAN, that's my opinion.

It's also quite likely that the average dimwit who checks out YELP can tell if somebody's being truthful or malicious. It's not difficult to read several reviews and make up your own mind.

But psycho-Fascist Aric Mussman, who should go suck cock in his own men's room, wants to control how people think and what people say.

Look, bloated-cheeks, hummus-complexion, dopeface Aric, I understand. NOBODY likes criticism. But guess what, if you're in the public eye in any way...as an author, a store owner, even a fucking eBay seller, YOU GET IT.

What's the alternative? Nobody is allowed to give you a heads up on whether you should spend $100 for a Broadway play ticket? Nobody should warn you about paying $50 for a lousy dinner and getting indifferent service as well? Nobody should affirm that the new Elton John album is as shitty as the last one?

Unbelievable.

The irony here is that YELP actually has some safeguards. They often throw out the incredible five star raves (which could be paid for by the restaurant owner) as well as the one star pans. They'll allow you to see "ALL" the reviews if you click a link. If they see that somebody has a trollish habit of leaving nothing but negatives, they do something, because YELP needs to keep its integrity. The last thing it wants is to be considered unreliable and loaded with paid fluffers or malcontent assassins.

I know someone who had to deal with a total prick on EBAY who left a negative. It was unjust and stupid. He called EBAY and pointed it out. The EBAY rep agreed but said, "It stays. It's the bidder's opinion. It might be unjust and untrue but it's how he sees it, and HE'S ENTITLED TO HIS OPINION."

Bidders like to see 100% positives from a seller, but they also, if they bother to check a 97.6% seller, can see if negatives were left by malcontent morons and pissy perfectionists.

Hopefully people will see pork-faced Aric sourly complaining that people shouldn't be allowed to express their tastes, and BOYCOTT his stinking restaurant and his Fascist attitude.

HE IS A SHIT-FOR-BRAINS and the Board of Health should make him shampoo ten times a day. You are an asshole, ARIC. A total 100% dumb-fuck Nazi-esque turdbrain. PS, a second opinion, you look stupid. As Halloween you go out scaring people by dressing as yourself.

Oh Yoko, good thing you have a secretary

Every week Yoko answers questions she receives via Facebook and Twitter. They get posted on a website page. Most are harmless enough and easily answered. Once in a while you get a good question and an interesting answer. For example, her favorite picture with John is the cover of "Double Fantasy." Not "Two Virgins." And she likes to write in the key of F#.

BUT...it's a good thing she's got a secretary to weed through all the self-promoting drivel, the painfully insensitive questions about how it feels to see your husband shot, and the totally insane requests for personal contact.

I doubt any of THIS batch will make it to Yoko for comment...

Here's another embarrassing collection of creepiness and egotism and just plain dumbth.

Lastly, a typical self-serving piece of shit, with a grandiose and ludicrous load of pandering:

Damn good thing she's rich and famous enough to afford a secretary. Then again, if she wasn't rich and famous, nobody would be bothering her with idiot questions and favors.

Oh, Dirty Maggie may...sell porn shit on EBAYYYYYYY

Here's a lovable British granny, a real senior mole, who shrugs her shoulders about silly little things like copyright.

Rest assured, she tells EBAY, her smut collection is either in "public domain" (because she says so, and is an expert or something) or it's from her collection so that makes it HER PROPERTY.

She should know better?

As we say in Great Britain, "she's no better than she should be."

She's Queen of the Budget DVD and CD Sale, ready to offer anything she's found on the Internet or scanned or stolen. In her view Maggie may...sell huge collections of animated gifts, digital puzzles and games or even PORN.

ETC. ETC. Like so many, she thinks the Internet is a great place for FREE shit that SHE can then SELL for chump change. She has nothing better to do? Of course not. If she can get a few dollars it beats clipping coupons or risking arrest by shoplifting Tesco. Better to steal from artists and writers. Now let's get back to dirty Maggie's porn:

Isn't she lovely. Isn't she entitled!

She uses that nose-in-the-air phrase, "I SHALL BE SELLING..." Which is a kind of British Twat's variation on the time-honored arrogance of a description that starts "You are bidding on..."

She's one of the increasing army of cheap hobbyists and parasites who spend hours downloading shit, sorting it onto files, and all to get a couple of free packets of crisps.

That's what it amounts to: "Hmm, if I put all this porn on a DVD, 5,000 stories that I didn't write and that mostly come from actual publishers who also had to pay their fees to file copyright with the Library of Congress...I can swap it for a few packets of crisps. EBAY is the middle man, the fence for the stolen property. I put up the auction of the bootleg DVD, they send me some chump change through Paypal, and off I go to buy my crisps and tea. How LOVELY."

Van Gogh, who suffered for his sanity and his art? Everything he ever did is on a free DVD from some dimwit who will low-ball somebody else and sell it for a few dollars. Ha ha, public domain. Only it's happening to copyrighted material, too. Dirty Maggie isn't saying WHOSE short stories she's put on her DVD or where they came from is she? Of course not.

She counts on greedy horny idiots to figure it's worth a few quid because something's going to tickle their fancy.

As far as some retard on EBAY is concerned, if the seller says it's "public domain" then it's up to a copyright owner to state "under penalty of perjury" that it's a lie. Which involves knowing what exactly is on the fucking disc.

Filing a "good faith" claim that copyright is being broken risks the wrath of the "WE LIKE FREE" assholes. Who knows, the DMCA complaint might end up on "Chilling Effects" or hacked and published at the "Nobody Paid, HAR HAR" website, with a note saying, "Let's get this troll! The nerve! Copyright is copy WRONG! Artists and writers should take it up the ass because WE DON'T LIKE TO PAY!" Get out your Guy Fawkes fag masks, pimply nerds! It's time to gang up on somebody who resents being robbed.

If EBAY does get a complaint about this "I'll do as I please" twat, and chooses to actually agree that the auction is in violation (at the very least, freaky porn is NOT allowed to be sold right out in the open on the main part of the site) Dirty Maggie will keep all the money she's made. She'll get a notice not to list the title again. And if she does? She'll get another warning. And another. And then a "restriction" on selling for a day. Then a restriction for a week. Then a restriction for a month. By then she will have created several more accounts so she can do it all over again another dozen times. Ha ha ho ho hee hee.

Oozy Assbone and Black Tubbuth - A Tour But NO ALBUM

Oh, there's GOOD news and BAD news for fans of the long moribund Sabbath band.

When was the last time they really mattered? 1972?

Aside from headbanger idiots with bad tattoos and worse breath, nobody's listened to this corny rock group's new stuff in years. "Paranoid" was the last time they did anything fresh or original. They blundered through the 80's and 90's.

Thanks to "reality shows" Ozzy himself became a joke, and he unleashed his gruesome spawn on the world and his inanely prattling bitch-wife. In fact the bitch-wife won't go away, constantly yammering and scolding and popping her implants in and out. Name any other rock star that people can all make fun of by simply acting retarded and blundering about sounding like a barking-mad seal?

Black Tubbuth? What a bunch of old farts.

The GOOD news? They are NOT making a new album with wonder-slob Rick Rudeman, the gravedigger who has made a career out of freshening up half-dead musicians. They seem to understand that nobody can do anything with a lead singer who was never very good, and a genre of music that is basically three loud chords over and over. Lyrics? WHAT can this idiot write about? Sharon? Eating rabid bats? Eating a rabid bat named Sharon?

Besides, albums don't sell.

Why spend weeks or months in a studio to come up with something that might not even break even? You also will become GooTube PROG REVIEW #412,591 from an opinionated overweight git named Darren Lox. Thousands of forlorn sheep actually tune him in to hear his worthless rantings and see his fat grimaces because this seems to be what the British public calls "entertainment."

Considering that, at best, you've got Steve Bunce, and at worst David Walliums and Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan, IF I'M BEING HONEST, it's not about what you say but how ridiculously overbaked you say it.

THE BAD NEWS?

Just as Phil Collins is back from the dead, the greedy and clueless Sabbath bunch will be taking Seniormole's advice: "Tour, and maybe sell t-shirts. Go ahead, make a spectacle of yourselves so we can all scream 'WOO!'"

Why not let the dead past remain dead? Why be absurd, especially when heavy metal gets laughable when it involves aging monster-movie characters and cartoon fools like Kiss, Alice Cooper and Sabbath? Very few can pull off "I'm old, craggy, but still dangerous and I still have new songs to sing." And Gene, Alice and Oozy aren't in that category at all.

Gotta say one thing for Liz King: he did NOT make a fool of himself in the 21st Century!

Go Fund Me? Jerry....GO FUCK YOURSELF

The NERVE...they should call GO FUND ME: "THE NERVE I HAVE ASKING YOU FOR MONEY."

From what I've seen, people who use GO FUND ME are delusional dipshits, con artists, and egomaniacs. That includes self-entitled turds who figure YOU AND I are responsible for their doggy's vet bills, or that we should bail them out when they've fucked up, or we should indulge THEIR dreams when their own relatives won't.

How about a store owner who was always a pompous asshole and is now on GOFUNDME asking YOU to remember the good times, and do him a BIG favor and empty your wallet into HIS pocket?

The guy below ran a photo store.

It could've been a comic book shop, a book & record store, or a novelty joint selling rubber dog shit.

What these places usually have in common is that the owner is smug and self-serving. You walk in and he glares like you're dirt that blew in when the door opened. You never get a greeting. You never get waited on promptly. Your questions are ignored. Your money is taken with contempt and your package left on the counter with a "get outta here" glower.

Can you name the store you really did NOT like to shop in?

For many that list would have OHLINGER at the top.

Jeez, what a fuckin' dump.

Originally on very seedy and low-rent 14th Street, it was one of a pinchy handful of geek shops devoted to selling dupes of movie stills. He had some high priced original posters, but most of the putzes who came in wanted those illegal dupes.

Once in a while somebody (Paramount for "Star Trek" or Columbia for "The Three Stooges") would slap him with a court order. But mostly, he lived under the radar. He had thick looseleaf binders all over the walls that were alphabetized, containing movie star photos in plastic sleeves. In the back, there were manilla folders for individual movie titles.

Hapless nerds would stand at a counter, and mutter their fetish...a movie or a movie star...and one of Jerry's revolving collection of drug addicts and slime worms would go get the file or looseleaf book for you. If you didn't instantly buy five or ten pictures, you'd get slower and slower service.

Meanwhile, Jerry, a short, pudgy wad of crap, lorded over the place like he was a star. He'd hover at the cash register, and smoke an obnoxiously big and stinky cigar. He was there to keep an eye on his loser staff, and sometimes to demonstrate his feeble knowledge by naming a film somebody had forgotten, or correctly identifying whether it was Carol Lynley or Carroll Baker in "Harlow." (Trick question, that).

He was also there to handle anyone coming in to get rid of memorabilia.

Let's say you had 50 or 100 stills you wanted to sell, and a few original posters. He'd give you a baleful glare, shrug, tell you he didn't need your shit, and then offer you $5 in cash, or $10 in trade. IF he was in a good mood.

He wasn't unique, really. He demonstrated the typical obnoxiousness you found at used bookstores and record stores. In a way you could hardly blame him; a low class clod in a business festering with dimwits and fanboy jackasses and only a few "film scholars" (who were utter pretentious twits).

Jerry's competition was a human bowling pin named Ira, who ran a rival "Movie Star" photo shop a few blocks away. Ira was also stupid, far less friendly, his prices a little higher, but the quality a little better, and the store A LOT CLEANER. It wasn't quite so degrading to shop at Ira's literal garage.

Most nerds made sure to hit both stores. There were one or two other places with far less selection and little chance of snapping up an auction or estate sale from affluent Jerry or Ira.

Eventually Jerry moved uptown to 35th Street. Ira? He comfortably SOLD OUT and retired. Meanwhile the Internet and EBAY became the prime places for anyone to buy any movie memorabilia, without having to suffer any indignity. And if you had shit you wanted to get rid of, you could sell it yourself.

Which brings me to THIS obnoxious "you got a lot of nerve" GO FUND ME campaign.

He wants how much? $50,000? Because he stayed in his location too long and was too busy smoking cigars to understand how his business was changing?

The big laugh is that this pudgy bleary-eyed grub is managing a smile. He rarely did when he was at the store, lording over the geeks and his addicts.

Buying movie star photos was NOT a fun experience at either store. The attitude was: "You are spending $5 or $8 or $10 on a dupe photo of some movie star you worship? YOU ARE AN IDIOT GEEK NERD TURD!" And the only thing that changed this is if you were a regular customer and bought a LOT of stuff.

A few people are actually donating, having "nostalgia" for the shop. Well, these are probably the same losers who were at the Chiller convention, and who trudge around Comic Con, and who will tell you what an honor it was to pay $60 to stand next to Abe Vigoda.

These are people who would literally dive for the dog end flicked into the gutter by Connie Stevens.

At this point Jerry and his shop are totally obsolete. You can download pictures off the Internet and print 'em or just keep 'em. You can buy from various dupe photo mills on EBAY. And who the fuck even needs movie stills when you can own virtually every movie ever made? This isn't the 16mm era or the VHS era. Now you can freeze and screen capture any image perfectly.

Imagine the bookstore or record store that was the bane of your existence, and imagine the owner suddenly puckering up with his version of a smile, and hoping you're nostalgic about his crappy domain, and eager to help him out. Ridiculous. At least on Kickstarter you're offered some reward. THIS guy isn't even saying that you'll get a handshake if you come down to his new hovel. He's not saying you'll get even a 5% discount on a purchase of over $100.

Jer' seeing this GO FUND ME campaign was PRICELESS. Meaning, NO DONATION FOR YOU!

SHORN A' TALENT

Some people need a cold hard slap in the face.

REALITY!

What's this fantasy of being a star and thinking anyone wants to see your snapshots?

Little girly, you are NOT famous, you are NOT particularly cute, you are certainly NOT talented, and it's time you stop with the SELFIES and the SELF-REFERENCING VIDEOS that marvel at your own little self.

On this hill of beans we call The Earth, you are not much higher up than the average grub. PS, there are thousands of round-faced twits with big eyes and blond hair. Most of them are content to flirt and drink up free beer in a pub, and then wobble back home after saying "No means NO."

When it comes to your chances of ever being anything in this world: NO MEANS NO!

Cold Chills

The "Chiller" show cooled down some 5 days ago. Like leftovers, a few final comments on Farcebook have a smell to them. As in, "it wasn't worth going to. It stunk."

Yes, the same old thing. It even disappointed New Jersey cretins who are pretty easy to please. Here's a jerk who can't even spell Billy Mumy (MUMMY??) and he was upset because the show closed early on Sunday and he couldn't meet his favorite star. A star whose name he can't spell or pronounce.

Actually the jerk is lucky anyone was around after 2pm, because on a Sunday, most everyone starts packing up early. They don't really give a damn about sitting around waiting for retarded stragglers to lug their lard. They've already had many, many intense hours of being gawked at, haggled at and drooled at. Worst of all, they've been propositioned with inane shit like "come over to my place for dinner" and "give me your home address so I can send you a script I wrote." They've also had to endure naive and insulting remarks like, "How come you're not guest starring on TV?" Like the top shows want has-beens!

Yes, the food is lousy. The rooms are hot because of all the sweaty blubber. The "stars" charge too much. The dealers are arrogant idiots.

But worst of all, are the PEOPLE. Who the hell wants to be hanging around with overweight clods, low-class fools, and the kind of dimwits who leave comments on the Daily Mail website saying how much they admire the Kardashians, and how beautiful Paris Hilton is, and how fantastic Justin Bieber's music is.

The only difference is that here, the "fans" are older, and more demented. Their "cosplay" involves dressing up and pretending to be on loan from a grade Z movie. Look at THESE assholes, who are so happy to meet some has-been musician in a heavy metal rock band that disbanded 30 years ago.

Oooh, the two dressed-up fan jerks think they are SO COOL.

And here's a brainless twat who creamed her fish-stinking panties to meet two old men who once worked in Alice Cooper's band.

Fuckin' Ada! (That's her in the photo). How can you even think of going to an event when you'll be rubbing shoulders with the stupidest, ugliest, most clueless "fans" on the planet?

Cunt! TWAT PLAGIARIST LAURA HORNER - SIT IN A CORNER

"Try to see it my way..." I can imagine Laura Horner, the CUNT, saying.

Hey, when you're relying on AMAZON royalties on EBOOKS you self-publish, you have to spend all day SWIPING from other authors and liberally "re-writing" their prose.

When you need to knock out 75 books in 5 years, because AMAZON might give you a piddling bunch of pennies in royalties, or even give your Kindle book away free as part of a promo scheme, you can't be expected to actually WRITE your books. You're more like a fucking typist.

Thanks to Bozo Bezos and EBOOKS and "print on demand," every asshole, cunt, jackass and jerk is "writing" books. Yes, dear sir or madam, they could be "based on a novel" or could be lifted with just a few word changes. And what are the odds you'll be found out?

Cunt Laura Horner got found out because the odds were against her, throwing 75 pieces of hackwork shit onto the Internet.

When the Daily Mail exposes you, you REALLY have to be one unethical twat.

CUNT TWAT. Much difference? Not in American slang, and not when it comes to a real author who happens to write drivel, and a wannabe who "cleverly" re-arranges what somebody else wrote.

Of course the problem here is fiction vs non-fiction. In non-fiction, you can legally "steal." You just "give credit." You quote a paragraph or two. It's like good bloggers who might offer ONE song from an artist, vs the pigs who give away the entire discography.

But I gotta put SOME blame on BOZO BEZOS. If his rotten KINDLE didn't catch on, and if his stinking AMAZON didn't give shit-up-the-twat cunt bitches like Laura Horner a way to be a FRAUD (London Mail's term for her) then we wouldn't have this situation.

AMAZON encourages abuse by allowing anyone to float a book up to their site. Usually they take the publishing credit, but sometimes a lowlife "book company" (with no credentials) does the PDF shit and has somebody make a cover, and they charge the author for all that. The "book company" might even float the turds with the author's choice of a "publishing house" name. Like, "Look at me, I'm published by Randam House...I'm published by Simon & Shoestore." How clever.

Twat cunt Laura Harner? If you suspect she isn't with a major book company, but in fact is operating her OWN, then take a look at an entry at the shitty blog she has for "Hot Corner," the name of HER book company. The irony here, is that she's BITCHING about Cobblestone, some other vanity press vampire company she originally threw her hackwork garbage at:

What a cunt this twat Laura Horner is.

Thing is, she's operating in a vacuum of filth, not unlike a toilet pipe. The ASSHOLES who don't know good writing from bad, and who are dumb enough to download dopey garbage by a no-talent, are not likely to ever find out that a "favorite author" is a plagiarist. And they are even less likely to care.

Some faggots who want romance novels are probably saying, "So? Laura re-wrote the book to MY anus-like taste. I wouldn't read Becky's book, so what's the harm? You can't expect poor Laura to use that Kotex she has for a brain, and come up with original material. 75 books in just 5 years? That's asking TOO much!"

Or is it?

Decades ago, I answered a writing ad and went down to a publishing company. It turned out they only published "adult" novels. AND, they expected me to sit at a desk in their office and knock out 10,000 words a day. In other words, a NOVEL A WEEK.

You've seen "hot books?" They aren't much different from bullshit romance fiction or all those dopey science fiction pieces of crap...a series of 50 novels involving "DEMENTO" from the planet "HANS." Could I have knocked out a novel a week? Yes. I'm not sure for how long. The burnout rate was probably high. BUT, they were offering LESS than I was getting to write a short story or non-fiction piece in a second rate magazine.

I said NO THANKS.

Laura Horner? She is a pig. That's in addition to being a twat and a cunt and a faulty douchebag. And a plagiarist. She could've had a stinky hobby and been another amateur scab and gotten a few hundred bucks here and there for a crap novel with a lurid title. But she got greedy. This is not unlike the bloggers of yore, who put up an album, and then discovered they could earn Kim Dotcom-dollars if they put up entire discographies. They didn't care about copyright, of course. Copyright is COPY WRONG. HAR HAR.

So for the moment Little Jerk Horner is sitting in a hot corner, weighing the curds coming out of her cunt and the curses hurled at her from real writers. It'll blow over. She blows. She'll take her time and start knocking out fresh drivel by herself. She'll scour the toilets of the world trying to find idiot amateurs who might want to "co-write" with her. All will be well.

This IS the 21st Century. Intellectual property is an archaic term. Self-entitlement and rationalization are fancy words for "I like FREE" and "I should have what I want." Nobody was sneering at fat Kim Doctom as he lorded and larded over a huge mansion in New Zealand. The locals didn't care HOW he made his money. They just admired him for having it and hoped to get a piece by selling him another car or maybe the services of a cocksucker or asswiper.

This shit is going on all the time, and getting worse and worse thanks to Bozo Bezos, and the laws that make it so difficult to track down and sue anyone for anything. Laura Horner's reputation? What the fuck does she care about it? Before the news hit, she was shit, just an obscure hack, another dimwit slob with a forgettable line of "romance" books as disposable as toilet paper.

Well...no point in flogging a twat bitch any further. Laura, here are two words you can have for free, because they are in public domain: FUCK YOU!

Roger Waters Should DROP DEAD in Sag Harbor

Anti-semitic skeleton and all-around piece of shit Roger Waters was invited to some posh event in Sag Harbor?

Here's hoping that he keels over and dies.

Seriously. Someone this full of hate against ONE nation, who wants sanctions against ONE nation, who wears Nazi-esque armbands and encourages ignorant idiots to hate Jews (while flying a pig balloon) should DROP DEAD.

Maybe the Daily News will use NIGGA! on their Front Page, Too

We got Milennials ruling the world.

They don't know a racial slur when they use it as a headline.

Oh, they'll insist you can't even say B*TCH anymore because that's SO offensive. But...

Some bimbo B*TCH wears a skimpy outfit, and the Daily News shouts YOWZA!

Nobody knows the origin of that bit of slang?

Apparently not. A quick check of the various "Answer" and "urban dictionary" websites fails to give the correct origin of that odd word "YOWZA."

It can be found in, among other things, a Shel Silverstein song.

In "Yowzah," he sings:

"Well it wasn't too very long ago you know some folks walked with a hi-dee-ho
And other folks walked around kind of low
Sayin' Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss
It was ashes to ashes and dust to dust and they didn't believe in makin' a fuss
So they quietly moved to the back of the bus
They'd just say Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss

Shel pointed out that eventually blacks got tired of saying "Yowzah" or "Yassuh" or other variations of "Yes, sir." Ironic, then, to find that the word has actually become more popular since the civil rights 60's when he sang his protest song.

The word lives on as an expression of wide-eyed delight. Is she hot?" "Yes, SIR" or simply, "YOWZA!"

Bandleader Harry Richman, many decades ago, used to cry out "Yes, SIR!" as a catch-phrase. He lisped, so it was more like "Yeth THAH!"

Today the PC police find any excuse to ban words or asterisk them. No B*TCH. No "F-bomb." But Yowza is ok??

Where are the Niggas to protest this? Nowhere.

I'm sure 9 of 10 black Millennials don't know that using "Yowza" demeans their grandparents or great-grandparents.

Up through the 50's in America (before "Amos and Andy" was thrown off TV), it was still common to put down blacks by mockingly using stereotype phrases like "I'ze Regusted" or "Feet do yo' stuff." It took the 60's, Malcolm X and Dr. King to end this crap. But then in the 70's and 80's people once again found liberation in black stereotype (see "Sanford and Son" or Flip Wilson) and Richard Pryor became a huge star by using "Nigger" constantly on stage.

There's a thin line between being offensive and being humorous when someone not of the ethnic group says "Oy vey" or "Yumpin' Yiminee" or "Dios mio" or "Begorrah!" or "Cor Blimey."

Gig Young cried out "Yowza! Yowza! Yowza!" as the mc in "They Shoot Horses Don't They." But that film was set in The Depression, when Jolson and minstrels were still very popular. Even Laurel & Hardy, the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges did blackface jokes in the 30's.

I say toss "YOWZA." That is, if you're gonna asterisk B*TCH and use the term "the N word."

Yep. Stop using YOWZA whether some Nigga Bitch understands it's a SNAP or not.

Singing "How'll you get home Bill Bailey..."

Oh the lovely town of Liverpool.

It's Hull, folks!

Reached for comment, A.D. Savage said, "Yeah, I was in Liverpool. I saw his rig. But all I did was break off the radio antenna."

Beware December 25th and Shauna, Darren and Hoobastank

It's late October, so we MUST start thinking about CHRISTMAS!

Shauna Cuntwell, who has been busy posting old photos of herself on YouTube, complete with commmentary, announces: "My trio have put the finishing touches on an album of Christmas classics! We just need to go on Kickstarter so that somebody else pays for it to be pressed. We've got the cover done!"

Bill Hoobastank sucks his teeth, giggles and says, "I'm barely on the cover because Darren took the Santa outfit. It didn't fit me, as I have a 48 inch belly but also need a 48 inch double D bra. What was left? I couldn't be an elf. Or a reindeer. So I'm wearing the same outfit I'll be wearing on Halloween. The frightening Bill Hoobastank costume!"

As for Darren Lock, he doesn't get off on spanking girls, as much as he does slagging rock groups, ranting about alcohol, and giving inane, bawling comments that make Bunce sound like Audrey Hepburn.

He intimates that hanging around Shauna isn't satisfying.

Says Darren:

"David Gilmour gave me a tribute, naming his new album "Rattle that Lock." Actually the original title was "Throttle That Lock." But as I get THOUSANDS of hits on YouTube because simple-minded people are agog at any opinionated, self-confident windbag bloke, I must prioritize. My solo career comes first. I always come first. Unless our Christmas album is a huge shit, I will have to leave the group. Either that, or the title must change so I get top billing, as in "Lock, Slut and Barrel." Something like that. Bill is shaped like a Barrel. If it would stop him haunting memorabilia shows I'd cut off his toes!"

Meanwhile, depending on how much money Kickstarter raises, the album could be an EP or an LP. Or just a piddle of P. It could contain some or all of these Christmas classics delivered as only Shauna can sing 'em:

Santa Claus is Coming to Twat
Do Twats Know It's Christmas?
Grandma's Twat Run Over By a Reindeer
Jingle Twat Rock
Frosty the Snow Twat
It's Beginning To Look a Twat Like Christmas
Feliz Navitwat
Silent Twat Holy Twat
Little Twat of Bethlehem
God Rest Ye Merry Gentle Twat
Twat to the World (aka Joy to the Twat)
It's Lovely Weather for a Twat Ride Together
Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Twat
Twat! The Herald Angels Sing
Wonderful Christmas Twat
Have Your Twat A Merry Little Christmas
The Twelve Twats of Christmas
I'm Dreaming of a White Twatmess
The Twat of St. Mary
It Came Upon a Midnight Twat
O, Holy Twat
It's The Most Wonderful Twat Of the Year
A Twat in a Manger
Twat The Night Before Christmas

LABIAPLASTY TO LOOK BETTER? TWAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

Hey girls, why not spend $5,000 or more to have a "Barbie doll crotch?"

Instead of being sane, and wearing loose sweatpants in the gym, bitches be wearin' ultra-tight outfits that show off their legs, their butts and...uh-oh, a little "camel toe?"

"Barbie doll crotch," was a phrase used by Hedwig (of "angry inch" fame) who complained about her surgery that was BOTCHED.

Yet bitches are willing to risk botches to remove a batch of snatch. Which is pretty ridiculous. HOW many women, especially under 40, have huge flapping labes? And if they do, why can't they just wear normal gym pants AND UNDERWEAR?

Bitches are pretty vain, and guys DO like to stare at women doing workouts, but you'd need binoculars to actually detect LABIA. Bitches be paranoid.

"I got my labia snipped," admits Shauna Cuntwell. "It's all part of my cunt wellness program. It makes me feel hot to twat. I will sell you a song about how I shave my pussy and got my slop turned into a mere slit. Just give me a fiver!"

The story in the Post went ON and ON, as self-absorbed ninnies can NEVER stop talking about their vaginal vanity. Here's a snipped portion that should suffice:

Vinyl is Dead but Bozo Bezos and Amazon Dance On the Corpse

Anything for cheap publicity.

VERY CHEAP publicity.

All that Bozo Bezos has to do is send out a press release and the media come running. ONE OF THE RICHEST MEN IN AMERICA, worth BILLIONS, and a company also worth BILLIONS, runs a "promotion" where they give away a handful of records!

Gee, what a thrill. Not.

The biggest Internet seller in the world will give away ONE vinyl record a DAY for less than 2 weeks? FUCK YOU!

Among the many things that annoy me, are idiots who tell me (because they read a piece like this), "Vinyl is coming back!"

No. It's DEAD. Just because a few hipsters flex into one of the few remaining record stores to order up a Hendrix doesn't mean a thing. So what...discos still have idiots "scratch" vinyl, and some crappy "hip hop" singles get a pressing of 1,000 copies or less.

Bozo Bezos simply covers every base with his shit. Amazon sells vinyl. They also sell CDs (and offer a free mp3 copy to make it easier for everyone to e-mail copies around). Vinyl is dead and CD's are on the critical list, and nobody values mp3 files either. Which is why Amazon is busy exploring food delivery via drones, and selling the latest tablets and computers and smart phones.

Graham Norton Meets Adele to discuss Jimi Hendrix

Funded by Handel Horseshit Trust, in association with the Beeb Beeb Seep, money has been raised in order to get Graham Norton to interview Adele and discuss Jimi Hendrix.

A fantasy image, bought from Banksy for 6 million Euros, now graces the 23 Brook Street flat where curator Alice Stare Stranack regular masturbates, wastes time, and most certainly wastes money.

"I fart here at the office that was once briefly trodden in by that famous Negro, Mr. Hendrix. He is a genius much more important than Handel, who we used to exclusively promote, and who lived at 25 Brook Street. Let's face it, the average person could care less about buying any item owned by Handel, but anything touched, worn or vomited on by Hendrix? Ca-Ching! Worth millions!"

Stranack, suspending work on restoring her asshole, which was rendered several inches wider thanks to a Hendrix plaster-caster dildo, says "It's wonderful that the Heritage Lottery Fund recognizes how important it is to hire Graham Norton to talk to Adele. Oh yes, and in promoting her fabulous new album, mentioning Jimi. Jimi and Adele both have gruesomely masculine faces. At least Adele has an army of make-up artists trying to make her look a bit less like an inflated gargoyle."

Graham, the 14th most wealthy star in Great Britain, said "It took a lot of money for me to agree to suffer Adele's vaginal odor." Graham was already annoyed that Katie Price, with 63 million Euros, got into the Top Ten several notches ahead of him. It made his usually good humored attitude about females a little sour.

"I can make jokes about these cows, these disgusting creatures I wouldn't even fuck with Elton John's dick, but it's become too obnoxious. So, I demand a big fee to be anywhere near them."

Said Adele, "I have been away for a whole TWO years, which seems like a lifetime to insipid idiots who can't get enough of my bellowing. I took two years off in order to have a really good breakfast. I've only now finished it! My only regret is that after "Skyfall," I wasn't used again for the new James Bond theme song. But I'm glad it went to another cunt! In fact, Sam wears nicer knickers than I do."

As for Hendrix, a BBC executive marveled, "I think we agree Electric Landlady, released in the Winter of 1982, marked Jimi's emergence as his own man and not just a member of The Doors. That album, with "Me and Bobby McGee" on it, featured his trademark keyboard work. How he could play and bite the pedals I have no idea, but then again, I'm a white twit and as Patti Smith once noted, "Jimi Hendrix is a nigger."

Graham Norton, Adele and Jimi Hendrix. They are almost in the same league as Darren Lock, Bill Hoobastank and Shauna Cuntwell.

They do easily beat God, the Virgin Mary and Jesus. When asked to affirm this, Pope Francis smiled and said, "Fuck Off!"

The Perils of Surfing the Net

You see weird shit on GOOTUBE.

Appalling shit on FARCEBOOK.

Inane shit on TWATTER

Dumb shit on GOFUCKME

Worse on DICKSTARTER

And...EBAY??

Nancy's Re-Issue

This is why there's CD booklets.

With some artists, mp3 files mean nothing. It's not the music, it's the visuals!

SHAUNA REVEALS THE COVER OF HER PROPOSED ALBUM

Stunned by her lack of success on Kickstarter, Shauna Cuntwell has unveiled the cover and title of her proposed album.

"It's cover versions of Kate Bush songs," giggles Shauna.

"I figure I didn't get Kickstarter money because everyone does Taylor Swift covers. Now that I've told the world I'm doing Kate Bush instead, I'm hoping to attract Sugar Daddies over 40. They have money and I'm sure they won't mind that I'm never on key and have a reedy, irritating, whiny voice. I can promise anyone who donates money that they'll get a taste of Bush."

Some say it's still a Kickstarter insult. "You'll have to donate to know for sure," Cuntwell cracks.

Shauna's new versions of Kate Bush hits include:

"50 Words for Snot"
"December Will Be Tragic Again"
"Don't Give Up (Even If You Average 27 Views on You Tube)"
"Hammer Her"
"In the Warm Rubber Room"
"Adie, The Man with Bird Droppings in His Eyes"
"Moments of Pleasure (Can't Be Found in My Videos)"
"Oh England, My Loins Hurt"
"The Red Shoes (Mean I Need a New Tampon)"
"Shat Loads of Crap (in your lap)"
"Nonsensical World"
"Suspended By Geffen"
"There Goes a Fiverr"
"Vile In"
"Withering High Notes"

Hillary, Yoko and the Real Media Whores

HUH?

Some people believe this shit, and even leave comments

Some people just laugh...having been suckered into visiting a website that cares about nothing except making money via traffic and banner ads.

This "news piece" is on a website called worldnewsdailyreport which is only one of dozens, if not hundreds, of idiot "spoof" sites. As long as they put a disclaimer in small print that this is just an "entertainment" site, it's ok. It's "freedom of speech." It's as amusing a stretch of the truth as declaring a dead parrot is "just stunned."

How did I even know about this thing? Somebody on FARCEBOOK reported it as real.

Somebody else reported it, said "I know it's not a trustworthy source," but linked to it anyway because he hates Hillary Clinton, and figures she's a lying lesbian and some Republican who wants to revoke abortion and fill the country with more guns is the answer.

There was a time when people believed in the medical credo "do no harm."

Now, nobody thinks, nobody cares, and as long as you don't use the words "nigger," "bitch" or "fag," or run a cartoon of Mohamed, anything goes. Har har.

What IS the point of doing something like this? Practical joke? It ain't funny.

It's just an ugly example of "made you look, now I can get more ad money for my website." You can imagine the kind of rodents who do this...ones that can't even make the grade at a real tabloid.

Back in the 20th Century, there wasn't a lot of this blatant bastardly behavior. People had to establish an office to do business, pay writers and printers, and invest a lot of money in starting a newspaper or magazine. It was also important to not offend the conservative Mafia (that controlled distribution to newsstands) or the Pakistanis and Indians who were God-fearing and didn't want to sell anything blasphemous.

There were lines that couldn't be crossed, and believe me, I witnessed various publishers try to cross a lot of them. Fortunately, somebody usually said, "Do this and you'll get a bullet through your head." Or, "After we run this, we will have no advertisers. We'll have pickets in front of the building."

So they stuck to stupid stories about UFO's and Sasquatch and the Loch Ness monster. Which ultimately harmed nobody.

The only way maverick Larry Flynt launched Hustler into tasteless glory is that he distributed it himself and built up a network and a demand so high that most newsstand owners shrugged and said, "Well, ok, it's just crotch shots." But remember, when he ran a photo of an interracial couple, he got shot in the back and paralyzed by a racist. Not a moralist. It was a lesson that running a magazine in the real world could be dangerous.

Now? Now anybody can get a website, make it look "real," and grin all the way to the bank. It can be done with impunity and anonymity. This explains the thousands of porn websites and abusive websites and prank websites. This bogus article has thousands of people circulating it as REAL, and thousands more circulating it as a joke.

How quaint, the moral notion "do no harm." It no longer applies in the 21st Century or on the Internet.

I Don't Know Why You Say HELLO -- I say FUCK OFF

CNN news? What news? Fat slob Adele and her sappy sad song news?

No, I haven't heard it and I hope I never do. It's gotten more praise, hysteria and slobbering than it deserves.

It's the SECOND COMING, don't you know. Adele Christ. Jesus, what a fucking media whore.

Three years later, and will she still be the magical blob she was the first time?

Considering that it's not about the music, but the "personality," and that anyone can write to a formula now and keep going year after year, no surprise the new song is a "monster." So is the singer.

Oh, stop right there. Hang up and dial 999: "The world has gone MAD."

About the only thing we can be grateful for is that unlike Viley Virus and Icky Minaj and Lady Cuckoo and Kim Kuntrashian, THIS repulsive bint doesn't take off her clothes.

ELTON WRITES SO MUCH SHIT HE NEEDS TEN JOHNS

The man is 68 years old. Practically dead.

He has homes in England, Atlanta, Las Vegas, right? And now a fucking MANSION in California?

$34 million is not a bargain. Just because it may have been overpriced, it's still an insane amount of money.

The guy is supposedly settled down with his "husband" and his adopted kiddies. Yet this fruitcake is acting like he needs to hold orgies and have dozens of jet-setting spongers hanging all over the place to keep him company. What example is he setting for his kiddies when he's got shallow nitwits staying in all those extra bedrooms, and parties that require so many garages for all those big fancy cars?

What a wretched excess. What a turn-off. It's one thing to write sludgy bad music for the past 20 years, and boast about Disney drivel only children could stand, but to waste all that income on a gigantic mansion? Anyone who actually bought one of his "no, really, this is a GOOD CD, I'm not on drugs and I worked really hard on this" releases has to feel like a fool. It's one thing to get snookered but figure, ok, maybe the guy can use the money. It's another to know that he's just wasting money hand over fist over scrotum.

I'm not suggesting he should give it to the poor, or even do the Cosby bit and create scholarships at schools and colleges, but yet another home, yet another MANSION?

The haters have good reason to hate. Here's somebody who could have all the good will in the world if he did some autograph signings at a reasonable rate (whether the money went to charity or not), or if he did some intimate or decently-priced concerts outside of fuckin' Vegas. But instead he's the world's biggest sell-out, and he has nothing better to do than pay a fortune (even if it's a "bargain") on a white elephant that will take a huge staff to maintain.

At one time, Elton used at least SOME of his money properly. It was impressive that even if he could get all the records he wanted free, he'd actually patronize stores, BUY the records, and support the artists. Consider what this prick could've done by setting up, for less than $100,000, an office to fight piracy with a few volunteers reporting abuses on behalf of anyone who asked for help. How about bringing back Rocket Records and giving a few dozen artists the prestige of "signed by Elton John" for their first release?

Instead he's wasting $34 million on what isn't even a full-time home.

You don't hear shit like this about Billy Joel, Davie Bowie, Bob Dylan or even Paul McCartney. They don't do this opulent, fruity, arrogant, obnoxious in-your-face Lifestyles of the Sassy nonsense. Back when he was buying six trillion pairs of glasses and all kinds of insane outfits, it was almost forgivable. He was rock's Liberace. But Liberace's antics went out of style and people stopped being impressed by extravagant fur coats and garishly colored limousines and what, in one word, is WASTE.

It seemed that in his sober old age, Elton realized he could come out on stage in something besides ostrich feathers or a $50,000 bright yellow suit and just play music. It seemed like he'd sold his closets of garbage and realized how ludicrous it was to own so much junk.

Now he's back to showing off and deciding he needs a mansion for his "husband" and a few brats. He needs to party for other rich and ridiculous clowns.

The planet is dying and this guy is acting like it's ancient Rome. Goody for his "husband," his brats and his jet-set shallow fag friends. But to anyone normal, this show-off shit absolutely stinks.

Fanboy Asslicker and Kickshitter

Aw, how ADORABLE.

Sloth-face posted that two D-listers are wonderful, and spawned a new D-lister who has a KICKSTARTER project to fund.

I didn't screencap the line he posted in the comment section: "Like the link? LOL just trying to help!" UGH.

I had no idea these two idiots were married. One of them is known for, what, a movie or two that nobody with a mind bothered to see 20 years ago?

She, as previously mentioned, is just a budget Pat Benatar who hasn't had a record contract in 20 years or more.

20 years or more seems to be the age of their spawn. Thanks to Sloth-face, I did check the link and noticed that with less than two weeks ago, this self-indulgent twat has ALMOST reached her goal. Whoop-dee-do.

She needs $11,000 or whatever to self-publish a fucking poetry book? I have news, girlie, there are tons of "self-publish your book" outfits that do it for under $1,000. That's even a high price, but it depends on how many copies you want printed and how many pages.

Keeee-rist, if you're the spawn of two D-listers that makes you, what, a B-lister? Or just a blister? Who ponied up all that fucking money? My guess is the parents, or fans of the parents. Self-indulgent twaddle can certainly work if people have a fetish for your once-cute Daddy and your once-hot Mum.

Thanks again, Sloth-face. I'm sure you'll NOT get a free autographed copy for putting in your asslicking plug. But be proud of how quickly your two D-listers put your post on THEIR Farcebook pages. Wheeeee! What could a dull, unsightly over-aged fanboy want more? Errr...used panties?

Nope, Zinny, you did NOT make the A-List, You Senile Nazi

One reason some blogger assholes "get away with it" is that the RIAA and MPAA are busy stewing about the bigger, smellier fish.

That would be the torrents and the notorious "clouds" and "lockers."

The hapless organizations that are supposed to represent music and movies, just sent in their list of obnoxious places that ignore their takedown requests.

But WHO did they submit the list to? Something called the USTR (United States Trade Representatives). Do they have any power? Of course not. The power is in the hands of GOOGLE and all the arm-twisters who sneer "Copyright is copy WRONG" and "Sharing is FREEDOM OF SPEECH" and "If you regulate the Internet you RUIN OUR FUN."

It's obvious that a site named PIRATE BAY is up to no good, and proudly so. But nobody has, or will, create a law that will force ISP's to block it, put up a flashing warning or banner alerting users that this is a prohibited site, and debit any customer's account $1 the first month, $10 every additional month, for downloading from it.

Meanwhile Turkey Boy from the RIAA and his shower buddies make fools of themselves stating the obvious. They testify about the injustice and harm done to creative people but who are they whining to? The USTR? To a bunch of government dullards who are jealous of the money they think EVERYONE is making!

Since they seem to be in the pocket of GOOGLE and other lobbyists, the USTR and the others simply shrug that Pirate Bay and Kickass aren't stopping anyone from making another comic book hero movie. If these torrents are making a fortune, then it's obvious that De Niro or Disney make even more. They ain't hurtin' right? Neither is Adele or Bono. And blocking a website just because 50% or 99% of its content is illegal is not fair. Zzzzz. Go ahead, blabber Turkey Boy...

There's plenty more of that, and plenty of rebuttal from the cruds who are secretly being paid by GOOGLE and other creeps to pretend to care about "freedom of speech" and the "Chilling Effects" of any form of "censorship."

Can you imagine some lawyer defending a mugger by saying it's "freedom of speech" to say "Your money or your life" and that it's "censorship" to demand that his home be searched for stolen property? It works when the victims are "rich" actors and musicians, or even writers who should be content with getting published and being "famous" and should teach college if they want to make money, and write on weekends. Hell, Philip Roth did that.

Meanwhile, the list of fat cat Kim Dotcom-type scumbags running copyright-stealing websites continues to grow.

Ho hum. And with all this going on, the RIAA continues to maintain a useless "report piracy" page where all complaints are ignored. They don't hire anyone, not even volunteer interns, to file DMCA's that would get rid of the more ridiculous zinny-bloggers who use "cloud" servers that actually do obey takedown requests. Nobody's paying too close attention to EBAY either.

Publishers don't even have an organization to lobby for them. Most publishers use one piracy outfit which will ONLY send in a DMCA if it's a file that could get 100's of downloads in a forum, or involves a recent product. As for EBAY they only act if somebody complains to a publisher's website and the publisher forwards the message...and it's a book the publisher will pay to have protected. I've seen this company's list of "uncooperative" websites. Yes, they pretty much wave a white flag, letting concerned rights owners know that Kickass can do as they please, and so can dozens of others.

And nobody with real power is passing laws or doing anything to stop the abuse.

Isn't this the kind of apathy that allowed Hitler to nearly destroy the world?