EUROVISION 60th Show - a SIGHT FOR BORED EYES

When I heard that the annual EUROVISION contest was on for Saturday night, and it was not worth watching…I naturally had to watch it. I was expecting to loathe it for being loaded up with Madonna-Viley Virus slutty nonsense, and Bieber jerks…and the preening presence of Graham Norton in a loud jacket, as MC. BUT…to my surprise but no delight, it turns out that this show is pretty conservative.

There were mostly ballads, almost no rap or disco, and it was more a throwback to Celine Dion and Lara Fabian and Demis Roussos types. If anyone younger was an influence, it was probably Adele, as several ugly fat women chose to stand up and bellow. 27 fucking music acts in a row? Most of them belting out horrible shit, with a few of them doing pretentious dance moves? It WAS unpleasant. I had to fast-forward through EVERYONE. Not a single act held my attention.

An ominous warning started the show...yeah, like every fucking quiz show now, every "Got Talent" show...things are so boring, STROBES and flashing lights have to "liven" things up, and yes, some people could get blinded by this shit.

Graham Norton didn't appear, he just narrated. Most of his snarky comments were too low in the mix of applause and bad music to be heard. He didn't have much time between acts to explain who each idiot was, how to pronounce the name, and what, if any, credentials they had for representing their countries. Typical mild Norton remark: "You won't believe me, but the standards are quite high tonight….don't worry there's the usual dross as well."

The one thing that struck me the most was that about 22 of the 27 contestants SANG IN ENGLISH.

Sadly, in England, way too many speak Arabic and Polish, and in America, it's becoming bilingual with the constant chitter of Spanish. So Europeans still LOVE our language and are influenced by OUR artists. But…English speaking nations allow themselves to be overrun by vermin, and they allow English-speaking musicians to be pirated shamelessly by scumbags hiding behind Croatian and Russian blogs and websites, and websites set up in other God-forsaken shit holes of the world. Thanks to Google and the rest of the powers that be, ISPs can't block offending websites and very rarely do you encounter a site that has been permanently taken down AND NOT bounced right back up with a different domain location.

The show boasted of being seen by 200 million viewers and being "beamed live to China." But it's NOT a "world music" contest, does NOT show the diversity of music styles, and seems to think the entire world should subsist on a diet of Celine Dion-type crap.

The nominal theme of the evening was "Building Bridges." Yeah? It was more like being stuck in a time tunnel marked 1986.

Fuckhead after fuckhead stood there with the same irritating postures, leering, moronic gestures and vainglorious grimaces. There was no attempt at variety. The idea was very old-fashioned: present a generic SONG that everyone in the world could tolerate.

"EUROVISION" is supposed to mean Europe, right? So what the fuck was AUSTRALIA doing in there? And ISRAEL? Yes, Africa was not invited, nor America of course, but what the fuck was ISRAEL there for? No other Middle-Eastern country came, and there were no countries from the Far East. I don't usually say something like this, but, WHO NEEDED THE JEW?

The Jew in question, was a sort of overweight version of Justin Timberlake. In fact he was one of the few to do rap, even if it was the middle-of-the-road Timberlake version of it. He was there to show that Jewish guys can posture and rap? Well, based on what he did, the answer is still a resounding NO. Make that a loud OY. He was pushy, yes. He was arrogant, yes. He was on key and adequately coordinated in his idiotic dance steps, yes. But he still sucked. Proof that he sucked is that he ended up in the Top Ten.

Yes, it was nice that Israel was invited, and remarkable that so many people voted for a Jew. But…this is the most anemic way of fighting anti-semitism.

Speaking of monkeys, the Jew was practically alone in the "why is THAT sub-species allowed to participate?" There was only ONE person of semi-color, a Muzzie-esque twat from Latvia. It was a sign that Latvia is getting its share of immigrants, eh? The entrants from Montenegro, Italy and Spain were greasy, and some white people don't count Italians and Spaniards as white, but really, almost everyone was VERY white. This was kind of surprise, considering that even in Holland and Norway, they're shivering over the influx of Muslims, and France is loaded with Algerians and Africans. (Who was the last French tennis chap, that black guy named Noah??)

It truly was a throwback to EUROVISION shows of years ago, to see so many white people, when the reality is that the Blacks and Arabs are pouring in, and there's no shortage of Asians looking to make a killing, as well as the Paki-wacks and other Sikh-o's.

1. Slovenia's slut was trying to be Lara Fabian or Dion. She wore clunky headphones while singing in English and making the usual ugly faces.

2. was a fatso from France. Graham Norton: "The song is DON'T FORGET. I fear, we will." She sang in FRENCH, of course.

3. was the awful Nadav Guedj of Israel, being Timberlake.

He sang in English, as did 4. a male/female duo of asshole and cunt from Estonia. The guy looked like he was trying to be Mellencamp or Tom Waits, as he sang some banal garbage about "So I took my things and got out of your way..." while the girl sourly disagreed. It was less a Meatloaf/Foley duet than a soggy version of The Bickersons.

Ah, The Bickersons were a radio duo (Don Ameche and Frances Langford) who made a few comedy albums in the early 60's.

Lord save us from the modern versions of Sonny and Cher. Keeerist. There were several of 'em on the show. And yes, take a look and see that these couples were gruesome and the lyrics were SO TRITE!

Up Fifth was "Electro Velvet," the embarrassing British entry, a troupe of cheeseballs who did an idiotic swing number. England swings? That was 40 years ago, friends. Even Slimy Towel would've rolled his eyes over them.

6. Was pretentious goth-rock from Armenia. Having seen the dress rehearsal (which was when all the judges evaluated the talent and cast their votes), Norton noted, "That was worse than I remembered." 7. Was a grim duet from Lithuana, with a perky blond singing with a faggy looking guy who'd make Neil Patrick Harris puke. It was in English, as was the song from 8. a fat pig from Serbia doing Adele, and 9. a nitwit from Norway with stubble on his face.

Oh…speaking of stubble, watching the show meant enduring LAST YEAR'S WINNER, the controversial mutant who wore a fancy dress, and lovely make-up…and a beard. Is that a transsexual? A woman with charcoal on her face? IF I'M BEING HONEST, I was too grossed out to take a closer look.

Since Norton had already seen all the entries, he was in a position to be a spoiler, and assure everyone that 10. from Sweden, Mans Zelmerlow, was "so clever and imaginative…good looking guy…big pop song…This might be our WINNER." His song was boring and ordinary. He looked like that jerk from Coldplay. He sang in English. And sure enough, he won. Ugh.

11, 12 and 13 were all boring guys doing ballads in English. The Belgium bozo was a Bieber type. The clown from Australia had lyrics so bad he seemed like English was a second language for him. "Everyone's got their problems…" including you, you trite moron. You belong in a kangaroo pouch, with the zipper tight.

The 14th pest of the night was from Austria, a jerk trying to look like Lennon (Sean more than Abbey Road-era John). He had the dopey hat, flashed a hostile and toothy grin, and thought all the girls were wetting their knickers when he earnestly sang "Anytime, anyplace…I'm YOURS." Christ what a moron.

His big deal was to "magically" throw a fireball into his piano and have it burst into flames. Yes, HE should've been the one to burst into flames.

It was SAD to see so many ugly, greasy and/or clueless guys emoting like they could do anything but make a woman cringe in disgust.

15 was Greece, another Celine pest. 16. Was a greasy balladeer from Montengro singing a traditionally lousy number in Spanish or Italian. 17. was an Adele type from Germany. 18. was the Polish chick doing Britney, with trite lyrics about "the greatness within you."

19 was the Half-Muzzie from Latvia, followed by two actual foreign-language singers, a harsh-voiced bald-headed Romanian who looked like a bad waiter in a Hungarian restaurant, and a nut from Spain who did a lot of "ayyy-eeeee-ahhh" screaming in Spanish.

22. Was a quintet of irritants singing an anthem of some kind in English. 23 was a bizarre goth cunt from Georgia who did a number Meatloaf would've rejected. 24 was a dopey guy from Azerbaijan singing with a few inept dancers trying to break up the monotony.

Another "favorite" of the evening was…no surprise…the RUSSIAN choice. This noisy twat seemed to sing in English, but was howling and bawling so much, and making such garish faces, it was hard to be sure. What an assault rifle, this bitch. She's the first one in the set of pix below.

Most of the women this year were posturing like bad versions of Lara or Celine, except for the punk freak from Georgia. NONE of them were sexy, NONE of them came off as anything but imitators.

The evening petered out with an Albanian peasant singing in awful English, and then an annoying trio of ugly Italian guys doing a mediocre number that was lame enough and pseudo-clalssical enough to have every dimwit cheering.

I thought that the 27 songs were going to take FOUR HOURS, but it turns out that well over an hour was devoted to "the results." This was absolutely tedious reports on who was ahead, and which countries voted their "blocks" of votes for which artists. There were also boring interviews including one with that cro-magnon cunt who won last year.

Norton had hinted that there really wasn't much doubt that Sweden and Russia were the odds-on favorites, and the voting was in ONE DIRECTION, theirs, through most of the Novacaine-hour of waiting for the phone-in votes.

Yes, it did surprise me that anyone voted for Israel. This was a positive sign, considering how many Jews are being harassed and killed every day, and how even dead Jews get their tombstones toppled or spray-painted with swastikas. It might also be a negative sign, that ANY jerk, even a JEW, can amaze dolts by imitating Timberlake. So, sorry Timberkike, I don't congratulate Jew for what Jew did.

IF I'M BEING HONEST nobody in the TOP 15 deserved to BE in the TOP 15. If I had to pick any of 'em to win, well, SLOVENIA wasn't too obnoxious, and neither was the cunt from POLAND. But neither of them are in the same class as Lara Fabian, and even Lara Fabian is an acquired taste and not someone you can listen to very often.

It did NOT surprise me that England's entry finished almost last. THEY STUNK. They would not have finished in the Top 5 on "Britain's Got Talent," and that show is notorious for cheering the most vapid, imitative and lamest singing acts. EUROVISION: EURO TRASH…and worse than that…numbingly boring drivel, too.

The Dull World of Retired Librarian Bill Hoobastank

Yes, Ian, there have been some clever bastards.

But...even more dullards. Some of the more benign zombies simply wander around, sit on a park bench, and at worst, over-feed pigeons.

More inane dung beetles waste the money they get from their retirement pensions and "the government teat" by "collecting" stupid shit. They figure they can't die because they haven't completed their shit collection.

So they go to boot sales and then digitize the shit and spit it out thinking it's wonderful. This is like a throwing up and waiting for you to say something. Is it to mark territory (proudly, "this is MY blog") or just an act of a dumb animal that doesn't know any better?

You can't shatter their bubble. You can't say, "Christ, what a useless bunch of postcards...what a pointless collection of souvenir spoons." You just nod, say "that's nice," and hope to NEVER see them again.

You try to avoid their blogs but they keep invading forums and Twatter and Farcebook to beg you to se the latest. You can't say "get a life," because other drones protect the Dull Bee, and the Dull Bee will sit on his shit and moan "blogging saved my life!" If you still get pissed off enough to point out how annoying it all is, that gives 'em an extra thrill. It makes 'em feel alive!

Among the more ridiculous retirees, are guys like...BILL HOOBASTANK, who have to post photos of every mundane thing they do, and beg for "nice" comments and reflected glory because they paid money to pose with a D-list has-baeen.

Yes, you met Bill before. Of all the wretches, goons, misfits, jerks and dimwits who pose with celebs at memorabilia shows, he's one of the sappiest. He poses with the same dopey, childish look of wonder on his fat kisser, sucking his teeth in, sucking his gut in, and waiting in suspense for the magic flash

He'll pay $20 or $40 (of GOVERNMENT money) to pose with D-listers nobody would even recognize on the street.

It's fortunate the "celebrities" at these events have OLD photos of themselves on their tables. Nobody recognizes how they look NOW, and NOBODY buys the publicity photo of how they look now.

Some celebs really do need the name tag.

Bill seems to think that posing with nobodies makes him...somebody?

"Gosh Bill, look at you. You know celebrities?"

"I, uh, I...I got these at a MEMORABILIA SHOW!"

"You don't KNOW Louise Lasser even? You paid her $20 just to stand next to her?"

"See? I got to HOLD her HAND for five seconds!"

"What a jerk."

"Yes, she is...they all are. They are not like ME, a retired LIBRARIAN who now gets a pension from the university AND in a few years, MORE money from Social Security, tax free. So I feel SORRY for jerks like Louise Lasser who rolled the dice and freelanced all their lives."

"You're right Bill! YOU are the smart one. These creative types, they're JERKS!"

"I look at them as they sit at their desks. They need my $20 bill. What the hell. I'll take pity on them. I'm Bill Hoobastank! They work for ME. I'm EMPLOYING them!"

True.

Smelly clods like Hoobstank walk around with a sense of superiority. Their dull, drone jobs got them a pension. They have the fat wallets. The D-listers have to sit at desks, looking up to them, giving them a "please buy a photo of me" smile of hope.

It's an odd dynamic that formerly dynamic and creative people must sit around and wait for the great stupid unwashed to give them money and remember them.

What's that line, Mr. Ochs?"

"Like old whores following tired armies."

Of course Bill Hoobstank does get that child-like thrill being next to a STAR, and it shows with that stupid toothy little grin.

What a world, huh? "Gourd of the Boot Sale," a true turnip-head, shambles over to pathetic people who ARE NOT on the government teat, and he acts like THE LORD.

Who will get a few coins from THE LORD, in return for some ridiculous vinyl singles for his "collection?" Note his superiority in calling himself THE LORD. He OWNS music, he can sneer at artists because"they did not chart," and he's quite comfortable in SURREY. Would ANYONE consider it an honor to have their music stolen and posted on his blog? "Today I took my dog Muffin walkies, and I bought more records, and this one here DID NOT CHART." What an HONOR, to be on a "boot sale" blog with no respect or praise...just your hopes and dreams tossed into the pile along with The Singing Nun and blank label demos and "I never heard of this person" declarations.

But back to Bill Hoobastank.

He could just Photoshop that monotonous face of his on dozens of photos and save himself some money. BUT...he has plenty of money thanks to being a LIBRARIAN for 30 years, doing nothing, hanging around long enough that he will be paid half-salary or whatever it is, till he dies...PLUS social security. So he'll actually be making the same as he always did, but without having to work!

Ha ha ho ho hee hee.

Put on a stupid corny hat, Bill, and throw yourself a RETIREMENT party!

He's "Over the Hill," ha ha ha. So make best use of the time you have left! Go to BOOT SALES. Run a blog where you insist on stealing Beach Boys albums and burbling about "soft" music. Or...yes...get yourself a fucking BUCKET account and post literally THOUSANDS of pictures on it.

Confident he won't suffer identity theft, because nobody would want to be him, Bill Hoobastank has a Photobucket account. Of COURSE it's public, so EVERYONE can see his endless collection of photos with living legends like Sally Kellerman. He even has several Photobucket pages for his snapshots of DEAD CELEBRITIES...tombstone shots from graveyards all over the country. Hey, look at me, I visited THIS dead star. I won't let them rest in peace! I was there, my fat hulking body right on their grave, taking a shot of the tombstone!

Nothing better to do? Nothing better to do.

As you see on the left, he has tons of Internet photo albums on all kinds of earth-shaking topics. But most of all, there's his 500+ collection of family snapshots.

How many people, just like THIS idiot, DO get their identities stolen? DO get home invasions? DO get into a ton of trouble for being so stupid on the Internet?

This guy happily tells the world everything they need to know thanks to his Farcebook page.

The only surprise is that, in addition to his birthdate, he didn't put his fucking social security number on that cake.

Hmm, he posts a picture of his birthday cake from TEN YEARS AGO (when he was turning 50) to remind people that in a few months he'll turn 60?

And what DO you get for the fat-faced smirking ex-librarian "over the hell" pudge who has everything?

Oh, maybe a ticket to the next MEMORABILIA show!

"Over the Hill" Bill, sappy in the face, dry in the scrotum, trudges along with his menopausal wife, from table to table, They are so happy to meet a celebrity they thought was already dead. Good one, you two...

Michael Starr gives TLC a Tender Loving CHOP

The state of TV, all over the world, is SHIT. Thanks to cable, piracy, and streaming, obscure channels and their low-budget "reality" crap can be watched everywhere.

Naturally each country will prefer it's own stinky, sordid talk show where over-breeding monsters air their dirty laundry. Every country has it's own delusional "Got Talent" show, which pays royalties to Sir Slimy Towel. Every country has its awful variant on "Big Brother House" etc.

BUT...some horrible people do become Internationally known. The whole fucking WORLD seems to be "Keeping up with the Kardashians."

One of the worst, lowest cable channels is TLC, which used to stand for "The Learning Channel." They soon discovered they could snag more viewers with lowbrow stuff...shows about obese people, shows about over-populating swine like the Duggars, and hideous trailer trash monsters like fat Honey Boo Boo.

Nice to see that the Duggars' show got taken down due to a pedophilia scandal, and horrible Honey Boo Boo's disgusting mama helped torpedo that program. You don't expect insane families to abide a "morality clause" in the contract. Since everyone gets away with "revenge porn" websites or being Pirate Bay or hailed a hero and returning after a sports steroid scandal, "reality" people just assume any selfish stupid thing they do will be forgiven.

Columnist Michael Starr gave the slam to TLC, in just slightly less angry rhetoric than you'd find on THIS blog:

My question...where was this guy BEFORE the fall? Way too often, the reputable newspapers don't want to interfere with getting ad money from these bad cable networks, etc.

Even the TV reviewer is told to "go soft" on a bad review or "say nothing at all."

Now that TLC is in disgrace, Starr was able to kick 'em while they were down.

I get it. This is one of those "I told you so" columns. But how about being able to say, "I predicted this...let me quote from my scathing review of this awful show..."

I know it gets monotonous when critics always seem to be panning the garbage people love to slurp up and call "great." Still, it would be nice if everyone from TMZ to the Daily Fail spent more time on derision. Take that photo of Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian's "wardrobe malfunction" and question why she can't dress herself. Don't just show Viley Virus or Justa Beeper being disgusting...SAY so. Instead it's "oh, here's our favorite star being naughty again." DON'T APPROVE.

It's up to the few columnists on each paper who ARE allowed to editorialize TO editorialize. Whether it's Piers Morgan or Michael Starr or Andrea Peyser or Larry King or whoever it is...they should to more than talk after the fact. They should do more than be provocateurs with opinionated idiocy designed solely to be the center of controversy. They should point out civilization's decline and disapprove of it, and say why.

"Honey Boo Boo" should never have been on the air. Or the Kardashians. Or the Duggars. People should feel shame at best, or say "guilty pleasure" in discussing this shit. People should be embarrassed to admit to watching ridiculous TV shows and movies, or liking "Gangnam Style" or considering Sam Smith or Beyonce to be artists.

I was glad to see Starr call attention to how a network is bound to fall, and fail, by pandering to the lowest of the low. But every day, the writers should be spitting at, laughing at, or tweaking the Royals, the Beckhams, the Jenners and the rest of the useless freaks, and shaming everyone from football hooligans to rioters who steal TV sets because a career criminal got killed.

In other words, more writers should be like ME.

Once a Dutch Bastard, always a Cheap Stinking Dutch Bastard

Selling porn right out in the open on eBay? Where 12 year-olds can see it? Where any kid with a credit card (and how many 14 year-olds are denied such a thing) can BUY it?

Who'd do that? A cheap Dutchman of course. And yes, after being shut down on his 9 stinking filthy auctions he's right back. He's had THREE sets of porn removed, and he is still at it.

He arrogantly insists on unloading his stolen porn crap (he offers them in a sleeve, because he goes into stores and breaks the plastic boxes open and steals the DVDs).

Can you talk to someone at eBay about this? Yes, you can get the infamous "monkey with a script." Monkey Bitch or Ape Boy will say, "Thank you for calling," and after listening patiently, say "I will look into it. Thank you again!" If you press, and ask questions, you get, "Sorry, policy is not to discuss individual cases. Privacy concerns prevent us from discussing particular accounts."

Uh, how about this Dutch Porn-Psycho? "Ebay policy is to touch the wrist, then tap the wrist, then gently slap it..." eventually, a suspension? Take your time, why don't you?

You guys sleep so well at night. How about the woman who was sexually assaulted because YOU people thought it was great to sell chloroform on your site? And because you're "just a venue," at any time, you can STILL find an eBayer selling it. "We are under no obligation to monitor our site."

This Dutch bastard might lay low and keep sneaking his 3 day auctions now and then. This could go on all summer. Then he might switch to a second and third ID for more fun. Ha ha ho ho hee hee.

RAP is CRAP that a COMPUTER PROGRAM CAN MAKE

At a University in Finland, some bunch of wealthy white people with nothing better to do, discovered that you can "program" rap. It's that predictable.

They made "official" what we've known ever since the first monkey chittered "suck" and "fuck."

Say, remember that episode of "The Avengers" where a machine knocked out romance novels? When something is a formula, that formula can be duplicated over and over.

This article came from the MIT Technology Review...only I didn't GET it there.

MASHABLE stole it, re-printed it, and put the credit at the end. Perhaps they have a deal going with various lesser websites: "If we decide to steal your article, you'll get a penny per every 100 hits. It might not be much, but we'll add a hot link and MAYBE some people will come to your website, too."

Or maybe it's just the old "publish or perish" situation, where people write articles just for the "credit."

Either way, there's not much of a line between a computer knocking out rap garbage and a bot combing websites for articles to steal. Neither is very original.

Robert De Niro to Art School Grads: "YOU'RE FUCKED"

When he's got a script, he can be pretty good, huh?

Robert De Niro is legendary for being shy/screwy. He mumbles quick, enigmatic answers on the rare times he has to ad-lib at an event, or even on a talk show when he knows the answers in advance.

For an actor, he's also performed some bumbling jobs on "Saturday Night Live," unable to read a cue card properly after presumably days and days of rehearsal.

But he was in his element when he told NYU art school grads: "You're FUCKED."

Keep it short, tell the truth, and you're ok.

Bobby spoke at the Tisch School of the Arts, which is part of NYU. I don't know who Tisch is, but assume he's another of the rich assholes who LOVES to have buildings named after them. All kinds of buildings, hospitals, schools, etc. have ugly names because some rich bastard insisted on immortalizing himself. Tisch is sort of SHIT spelled backwards.

De Niro pointed out that a liberal arts degree is ridiculous. He noted that graduates of a school for lawyers or "“the school of medicine...each will get a job. Teachers, they’ll be working, shit jobs and lousy pay, but they will be working. YOU are opening a door to a lifetime of rejection!"

Har har.

The crowd knew what he meant. It's true, more than ever.

A lot of kids STILL would rather play in college, and major in English or Fine Arts or painting, rather than do what the parents suggested, and get a law degree or be an accountant.

BUT...you graduate with a BA, you major in Fine Arts...you have no "skill." EVERYBODY paints. EVERYBODY takes photos. EVERYBODY writes. Being good at it, or excellent or distinctive at it, means less and less when "adequate" is good enough.

Anyone notice Kendall Jenner as a truly attractive or adept model? Take a look at the dolt who does your TV news show, and check the set design, or the writing of news copy. None of it is remarkable. It's who you know, not your fucking college degree.

Now, more than ever, if you're a graduate in the arts you are supposed to work FREEEEEEEEEE.

If they don't steal and pirate your work, you should do that yourself via GooTube or blogs or Instagram. Tweet your best jokes. Perform on the street. Give away your songs and hope that somebody "discovers" you. Which is worse than 50 years ago when a woman had sex with a director in order to get a role in a show. Now you're being fucked by hundreds of people who hear your song or your clever sketch on GooTube, have a good time, and move on. You get NOTHING.

At best, you can be an "intern" and work your ass off doing menial crap for the chance to go on the boards for a few minutes.

De Niro shrugged: “when it comes to the arts, passion should trump common sense.”

Which is very nice when that distant brass ring is glinting, and you're very young. De Niro should've added, "If you're still fucking around at 30, or 40, with a lousy part-time job to pay the rent, and you have a roomie you hate...you are TOTALLY FUCKED because the odds are WORSE."

Why are there freebie people giving it away on the Internet, or being interns and working FREE in the real world? Because people know the "artist" mentality.

Guys like De Niro say in interviews all the time: "They pay me to do this! I'd do it for nothing!"

Producers and directors and club owners know it. They only pay if they absolutely have to.

I couldn't even count the number of times I've been scabbed by people happy to do MY job or FREE so they can interview or photograph celebrities or get free stuff to review or get a byline. I can't even know for sure how often I've been backstabbed, by people plotting to take work from me. I do know that often their scam or scheme succeeded.

It's difficult enough to climb the mountain, but once you're there, somebody is ready to sneak up behind you and toss you over the side. The sound of their laughter covers your descending scream.

It's a damn good thing that college kids are so naive and stupid and YOUNG they think they're gonna make it instantly, or they think that every baby step is monumental and they keep deluding themselves right through their 20's. Then they usually end up trying to backstab whoever they can at their day job because they know it's now their permanent job and they want to now get a bigger paycheck and get kicked up the ladder where they'll be able to do less work.

At least all these fools at the Art School can say, "My commencement address was by Robert De Niro! He told this funny line about how he didn't get the part of Dr. Martin Luther King in "Selma," so you have to keep trying and accept rejection. Har har."

"OH yes...and he also told everyone, 'YOU'RE FUCKED.'"

The man told the truth.

Red Nose Whores - Media Charity Hucksters Only Want PUBLICITY

"Stars."

Don't you just LOVE them? Ooooh, STARS.

Like Billy Eichner. (Who?) Billy fucking pretty boy dick head Eichner-asshole, who thinks YOU want to see him pose sternly with a RED NOSE on. Har har har, Billy Eichner, you're as cool as dog shit.

"Stars" like egocentric Billy Eichner make $10,000 a second for their movies and TV shows. Media whores like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton get $50,000 thrown at them just to be seen at a party! They all have devious ways of making MORE money (Bieber cologne!) and they don't do a damn thing unless there's something in it for THEM.

Some mediocre singer can get $500,000 to sing a song for some Arab on his birthday. To do a talk show, stars will demand, and get, thousands in free travel and hotel. "Sure, Graham, sure Jimmy, I'll do your show. Give me first class tickets for me and my ENTOURAGE, a suite or two at the BEST hotel for a week, and limo service. And throw a party or two for me. I'll charge all my meals to the hotel of course...."

Yet all of these good-hearted STARS want YOU to PAY THEM for bitching at you on television for money!

That's what RED NOSE and the rest of the bullshit charity telethons are about. YOU get to glimpse a STAR, and the STAR (a multi-millionaire) tells YOU to pay money...and maybe throws in a plug for the latest movie or album.

That's a STAR who was flown in free, given a posh hotel room (or rooms) for God knows how many, and who was also given a limo, and chaperoned to parties before and after for tons of free publicity. You'd think the STAR could afford to donate, but THE STAR says YOU are supposed to PAY.

"Dig into your pocket. DIG DEEP. I'm telling you, people, THIS IS IMPORTANT! Now, before you get to see Nick Cannon shuck and jive like he's got any talent at all, or before we play you a TAPE of Bono the Magnificent singing a song...I'm going to stand here, absorb the spotlight, stay the center of attention, and ask AGAIN...DONATE! Donate AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AFFORD, if not MORE!! Listen, PEOPLE!"

Isn't that clever? Idiot "celebrities," most of whom you've never heard of, or WISH you never heard of, stand around pulling faces, and wearing a RED NOSE. Har har har.

Then they point their well-manicured fingers at YOU, and tell YOU to not be a slacker, and have a heart, and find that checkbook amid all the bills you've received for non-payment and all the announcements of rent increases and whatnot, and PAY UP.

You think any of the RED NOSE assholes on Thursday night cares much about what the fucking charity was? Of course not. Just as long as it's charity of some kind and other celebrities are doing it, too.

Many years ago, Steve Allen satirized this shit with a sketch about the "Prickly Heat Telethon." Major "stars" (or impersonations thereof) stood in front of the camera, shaming ordinary slobs with almost nothing in the bank, to GIVE GIVE GIVE!

GIVE TILL IT HURTS.

I have a feeling THIS particular piece of shit show didn't do all that well. They raised 10 million? That's actually chicken shit compared to LIVE AID and other such events. The reporters were either told to SPIN this as a "successful" event, or they're just naive enough to think millions of dollars matter. No, not when most of it goes to the event organizers.

10 million after half the telecast? To give you an idea how NOTHING that is: Jerry Lewis used to raise 50 million or more for MS every year. He had B-listers like Norm Crosby and Steve Lawrence turn up amid constant, wearying, boring announcements and lists of people and how much they donated. Multiple Sclerosis decided...FUCK YOU JERRY LEWIS. Yes, FUCK YOU JERRY LEWIS. They greedily decided they could make MORE without him. Get a younger host. 50 MILLION wasn't good enough.

Then what? There is no more telethon. This famous event for over 50 years...is kaput. Because MS decided a "telethon" wasn't an EFFICIENT ENOUGH WAY OF RAISING MONEY.

THESE jerks get Coldplay and Ed Sheeran (ooooh, two genius music acts) and can't raise 50 million? And if they did, so what. Most of it will be frittered away. But gosh, what memorable things happened on the show. NOT.

Hey, they had KELLAN LUTZ. I though this faggot was James Corden, at first.

Who the FUCK is this putz Lutz? And why is it that he and the rest of these prima donna pussies don't stand around saying, "I'm donating $50,000" and "I'm donating $100,000" trying to top each other? Why come to you and me?

Unfortunately newspapers are paid to run prattle about how WONDERFUL the event was. That gives them access to all those hilarious and exciting photos of "CELEBRITIES" with red noses on.

NONE of them would sent an investigative reporter to reveal the truth...that millions were spent ON the celebrities getting them to attend, that YOUR donation went to pay for one limo for one bitchy diva, or that all the staff, all the secretaries, all the "talent wranglers" and the rest were NOT donating their time but being PAID.

Most charities mis-manage the funds, and many are notorious for eating up most of the donations on "administrative costs." Hey, it takes a lot of long distance phone calls to make sure the great Ed Sheeran turns up. How many celebs flew in on their own dime? Very few, if any.

RED NOSE? These obnoxious jerks should have egg on their red faces, for their embarrassingly obvious use of charity as a publicity tool.

(Somebody donate $100 to ME so I can get another keyboard...I keep having to proofread for all the times the fucking F doesn't strike properly!)

Rich "celebrities" want ME to donate money because they're browbeating me and I should like it? That it's a privilege just to be able to SEE them in front of a camera? FUCK OFF!