Red Nose Whores - Media Charity Hucksters Only Want PUBLICITY

"Stars."

Don't you just LOVE them? Ooooh, STARS.

Like Billy Eichner. (Who?) Billy fucking pretty boy dick head Eichner-asshole, who thinks YOU want to see him pose sternly with a RED NOSE on. Har har har, Billy Eichner, you're as cool as dog shit.

"Stars" like egocentric Billy Eichner make $10,000 a second for their movies and TV shows. Media whores like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton get $50,000 thrown at them just to be seen at a party! They all have devious ways of making MORE money (Bieber cologne!) and they don't do a damn thing unless there's something in it for THEM.

Some mediocre singer can get $500,000 to sing a song for some Arab on his birthday. To do a talk show, stars will demand, and get, thousands in free travel and hotel. "Sure, Graham, sure Jimmy, I'll do your show. Give me first class tickets for me and my ENTOURAGE, a suite or two at the BEST hotel for a week, and limo service. And throw a party or two for me. I'll charge all my meals to the hotel of course...."

Yet all of these good-hearted STARS want YOU to PAY THEM for bitching at you on television for money!

That's what RED NOSE and the rest of the bullshit charity telethons are about. YOU get to glimpse a STAR, and the STAR (a multi-millionaire) tells YOU to pay money...and maybe throws in a plug for the latest movie or album.

That's a STAR who was flown in free, given a posh hotel room (or rooms) for God knows how many, and who was also given a limo, and chaperoned to parties before and after for tons of free publicity. You'd think the STAR could afford to donate, but THE STAR says YOU are supposed to PAY.

"Dig into your pocket. DIG DEEP. I'm telling you, people, THIS IS IMPORTANT! Now, before you get to see Nick Cannon shuck and jive like he's got any talent at all, or before we play you a TAPE of Bono the Magnificent singing a song...I'm going to stand here, absorb the spotlight, stay the center of attention, and ask AGAIN...DONATE! Donate AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AFFORD, if not MORE!! Listen, PEOPLE!"

Isn't that clever? Idiot "celebrities," most of whom you've never heard of, or WISH you never heard of, stand around pulling faces, and wearing a RED NOSE. Har har har.

Then they point their well-manicured fingers at YOU, and tell YOU to not be a slacker, and have a heart, and find that checkbook amid all the bills you've received for non-payment and all the announcements of rent increases and whatnot, and PAY UP.

You think any of the RED NOSE assholes on Thursday night cares much about what the fucking charity was? Of course not. Just as long as it's charity of some kind and other celebrities are doing it, too.

Many years ago, Steve Allen satirized this shit with a sketch about the "Prickly Heat Telethon." Major "stars" (or impersonations thereof) stood in front of the camera, shaming ordinary slobs with almost nothing in the bank, to GIVE GIVE GIVE!

GIVE TILL IT HURTS.

I have a feeling THIS particular piece of shit show didn't do all that well. They raised 10 million? That's actually chicken shit compared to LIVE AID and other such events. The reporters were either told to SPIN this as a "successful" event, or they're just naive enough to think millions of dollars matter. No, not when most of it goes to the event organizers.

10 million after half the telecast? To give you an idea how NOTHING that is: Jerry Lewis used to raise 50 million or more for MS every year. He had B-listers like Norm Crosby and Steve Lawrence turn up amid constant, wearying, boring announcements and lists of people and how much they donated. Multiple Sclerosis decided...FUCK YOU JERRY LEWIS. Yes, FUCK YOU JERRY LEWIS. They greedily decided they could make MORE without him. Get a younger host. 50 MILLION wasn't good enough.

Then what? There is no more telethon. This famous event for over 50 years...is kaput. Because MS decided a "telethon" wasn't an EFFICIENT ENOUGH WAY OF RAISING MONEY.

THESE jerks get Coldplay and Ed Sheeran (ooooh, two genius music acts) and can't raise 50 million? And if they did, so what. Most of it will be frittered away. But gosh, what memorable things happened on the show. NOT.

Hey, they had KELLAN LUTZ. I though this faggot was James Corden, at first.

Who the FUCK is this putz Lutz? And why is it that he and the rest of these prima donna pussies don't stand around saying, "I'm donating $50,000" and "I'm donating $100,000" trying to top each other? Why come to you and me?

Unfortunately newspapers are paid to run prattle about how WONDERFUL the event was. That gives them access to all those hilarious and exciting photos of "CELEBRITIES" with red noses on.

NONE of them would sent an investigative reporter to reveal the truth...that millions were spent ON the celebrities getting them to attend, that YOUR donation went to pay for one limo for one bitchy diva, or that all the staff, all the secretaries, all the "talent wranglers" and the rest were NOT donating their time but being PAID.

Most charities mis-manage the funds, and many are notorious for eating up most of the donations on "administrative costs." Hey, it takes a lot of long distance phone calls to make sure the great Ed Sheeran turns up. How many celebs flew in on their own dime? Very few, if any.

RED NOSE? These obnoxious jerks should have egg on their red faces, for their embarrassingly obvious use of charity as a publicity tool.

(Somebody donate $100 to ME so I can get another keyboard...I keep having to proofread for all the times the fucking F doesn't strike properly!)

Rich "celebrities" want ME to donate money because they're browbeating me and I should like it? That it's a privilege just to be able to SEE them in front of a camera? FUCK OFF!