Traveling with the speed of Google, I want to ALERT THE COUCH POTATO MORONS, NERDS, AND COLLECTORS OF MAMMOTH BLU-RAY DVD BOXED SETS (upgraded from DVD sets, upgraded from VHS sets)....
The fictional character GANDALF did NOT die of CARDIAC ARREST
The fictional character TONY SOPRANO died.
Just how it's possible for ANY fictional character to die, well, it's an Act of God. Or the New York Post.
PS, actor James Gandolfini played the role of Tony Soprano.
It's all just tragic news for dullards who throw themselves so whole-heartedly into another dimension...a dimension of wizards, or dragons, or fucking Mafia thug scumbags and dimwits.
In other words, I have had very minimal glances at any stupid shit HBO fantasy shows, "Harry Potter," "Sopranos," and whatever fictional thrones, warriors and wiseguys people think should matter to me.
The New York Post, being within smelling distance of New Jersey, is treating the death of James Gandolfini with more gravity than the deaths of Jimmy Hoffa, John Gotti or Mussolini. After all. quoth dumb-as-the-Post:
"In the HBO series, Gandolfini created a gangster different from any previously seen in American television or film. He was capable of killing enemies with his own hands but was prone to panic attacks. He loved his wife and was a doting father, but he carried on a string of affairs..."
Wow. What an admirable fucking thug, huh?
Give credit to Gandolfini, maybe, for being a fine actor for this role...except he looked like a fucking thug, and the rest of the cast looked like typical New Jersey assholes as well.
Speaking of New Jersey assholes, Governor Grease Crispy, or whatever his name is, who flies his pants at half-mast most days because he's a typical New Jersey slob, had this to say about Gandalf. Oh...no no no, Gandolfini:
"I was a huge fan of his and the character he played so authentically, Tony Soprano. I have gotten to know Jimmy and many of the other actors in the 'Sopranos' cast and I can say that each of them are an individual New Jersey treasure."
Right, Governor. "New Jersey Treasure" is also a term used for dog shit on an Asbury Park beach.
Nobody's wondering how a 51 year-old man, meaty as Gandolfini was, happened to drop dead in Italy. Just a coincidence that he played a Mafia gangster which continues to spread a certain unsavory image about Italians. An image they sometimes want to, uh, rub out.
Coming to the rescue, a genius at CBS news by the name of Ryan Jaslow.
CARDIAC ARREST EXPLAINED!
CARDIAC ARREST occurs WHEN THE HEART STOPS BEATING.
Thanks for clearing that up, Ryan.
Now, this has all been such sad, sad news, so it's important to point out the GOOD.
REMEMBER!
GANDALF...LIVES!!!!!
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