MAGICIANS? AIN'T NO SUCH THING.

I don't like magicians.

They're a bunch of show-off sociopaths. A bunch of phonies. A bunch of shit-for-brains losers who spend most of their lives monotonously rehearsing with stupid shit they bought at a magic store.

At best, you can say that they entertain moronic, easily-fooled dolts and aren't picking pockets, hacking on the Internet or tricking ATM machines instead.

Some invest quite a bit to call attention to their load of manure. Nobody seems to tire of variations on the levitation trick.

It's a TRICK.

Call these assholes what they are: TRICKSTERS.

"Our next act on the bill is a TRICKSTER..." Not a "magician," not a "psychic" not a "mystic." A TRICKSTER.

You know the biggest problem in the world? That Darwin was WRONG...and people are stupider than ever, more gullible than ever, and so easily prone to following magicians, religious leaders, pro wrestlers, and other con artists. GET REAL, FUCKHEADS. You believe in Bieber. In In the Pope. In Allah. In 3d Movies. In TRICKS used to keep you from reality.

The most pathetic and obnoxious shit on the "Got Talent" shows involves "magicians" stinking the stage. Most of it is so blatant and obvious and hacky...some asshole in a funny outfit, waving his arms, gesticulating to some chick in tights, shows off the "magical" apparatus he bought, which is usually a box. At some point he has to PUT A CLOTH OVER THE BOX so YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

Then he uncovers the box and the "magic" happens. Whatever was in the box is gone. Or gone and replaced with the chick assistant, a car, or an endangered and maltreated tiger or leopard.

"I've never seen anything like that," says Simon Cowell. "I have no idea how you did it."

Right, and, Simon, do you have any idea how Jim Jones did it? How Saddam Hussein did it? How James Holmes did it? How Manson did it? How Bin Laden did it? How Mark Chapman did it? How Susan Boyle became pretty? How Madonna could sing and dance at the same time?

A little more reality in the world would be good. Let's have a few less "leaders" and "Magicians" and "psychics" and "spiritualists" and people who claim to know what's beyond the beyond.

Penn and Teller or some comedy club guy who tells jokes and parodies being a magician...ok. There are guys who do mind-reading bits on cruise ships or who hypnotize people....know how it's done? They have plants. They also are skilled carnies who can pick up on which people will go along with whatever they're told to do. They'll admit, "Yeah, I just whisper to them "Play along" and they're happy to be performing with me and part of my act. They'll swear to their friends they didn't remember a thing!"

If people play along with phonies, if people want to be phonies, and they'll do it for applause or part-time bucks on a cruise ship...imagine when the stakes involve throwing a fight, leading ignorant losers into joining Scientology, or in taking over a government and a country and having babbling fanatics willing to kill anyone you don't like including an entire race of people? MmmmmmMAGIC TIME!

If I want to amuse an 8 year-old, I'll take out my marked cards or "stripper" or "Svengali" deck and go through a few stunts for a minute or two. This gimmicked magic store shit took me less than an hour to learn and it's good enough for the demand to "do some tricks." The important thing is that somebody with the brain of a child asked. And the kid was smart enough to ask to see a TRICK and not MAGIC.