"Teddy Goalsevelt" - Go Fuck Yourself!

It's too bad the USA hasn't joined the UK as "down and OUT" in the boring World Soccer Cup.

That would put an end to an attention-seeking misfire named "Teddy Goalsevelt"

As sports becomes more boring and predictable, the media disgustingly does what we do...looks elsewhere. Last time I was at a game, there was plenty of time to look around the stadium, see what the idiots were wearing, listening to stupid wisecracks shouted out during the dull moments, etc.

So now, FANS are half the "entertainment." Except they aren't entertaining. Even on TV, which has professional broadcasters babbling constantly, and endless replays, they keep focusing on FANS. We have to see idiots holding up posters, morons with face makeup on, and professional pests like TEDDY GOALSEVELT.

I equate what this asshole GOALSEVELT does, with the bloggers who steal music. They both think they're serving as free publicists. But they are both fame-hungry parasites, that's all. If a sports team really, REALLY is so fucking boring they need a mascot, they BUY one. The San Diego Chicken. "Mr. Met" who walks around the stadium with a huge baseball for a head. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

UGH. The papers are so desperate for something colorful to say about the ostriches who go around kicking a rubber egg for an hour...they have to promote TEDDY GOALSEVELT?

If you don't know American history, Teddy Roosevelt is, for most Americans, a cartoon character. Nobody remembers what he did, just that he was a big game hunter and an explorer and used to shout "Bully! Bully!" all the time. He was such a parody of the jingoistic bullet-headed American that only 40 years after he left office, a "Teddy" character in the stage comedy "Arsenic and Old Lace" turned up, spouting jingoistic nonsense and shouting about building the Panama Canal. Another 70 years have passed, and THIS bonehead revives the long-dead Teddy and goes around shouting "Charge!" and being a blustery fart-gusting asshole.

Let's just face the fact that we are jaded by sports being the same old thing. Nothing bores me more than the "sports highlights" on the news...the home runs, the strike-outs, the basketball dunks, the touchdowns, even most knockouts. The highlights now often include "and look at this fan who was at the game..." I do NOT want to seethat shit, or TEDDY GOALSEVELT.

As for soccer, for a while the highlights had to include that fat-faced dipshit announcer shouting "GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL" every time there is one. Did that liven up the very dull sight of a brown-faced pygmy kicking a ball past the outstretched arms of some other pygmy? No, and "GOAAAAAAAAAAAAL" got olllllllllld the second time I heard it.

Here's a phrase that does NOT get old: FUCK YOU. As in, "FUCK YOU, TEDDY GOALSEVELT."