A dark "Sweeney Todd" on PBS - for the blind

Huh? Channel-surfing, I see a somewhat familiar scene...and well-known music.

It's "Sweeney Todd," but performed by a one-dimensional asshole in the lead. He looks like Meatloaf, and he has all the charm of Rosie O'Donnell. He has one expression, which is to tug half his mouth into a sneer and to look sullen.

Ah, there's an animated Mrs. Lovett, trying to save this production. Only she's way too over-the-top. Emma Thompson...and irritating. But you know, "Sweeney Todd" might be the greatest musical ever on Broadway. Or you can call it a light opera, thereby giving the nod to "My Fair Lady," or "Man of La Mancha," or if you're sort of faggy "West Side Story" or if you're sort of Jewy, "Fiddler on the Roof." Or if you're real faggy, "Chicago," "Cabaret," "Cage Aux Folles," whatever.

OK, "Sweeney Todd" is STILL "Sweeney Todd," a misanthropic tale of anger, revenge, hopeless rage and, yes, NO forgiveness. None of that sweet "Oh well, I forgive the killer, I forgive the rapist, I forgive the son of a bitch-bully who stalked me all over the fucking Internet." NO forgiveness.

It's a very black play. But hold on...it's gotten blacker. Who IS that thing? The one that looks like James Brown in drag?

Oh, it's the current black darling of Broadway, Audra McDonald, the one that fags and morons are praising for her totally unrealistic singing as Billie Holiday in a one-woman show. Nevermind how Billie actually sang, let's do all her hits with some cabaret-type lady.

They had to shoe-horn her into "Sweeney Todd?" What the FUCK for? To be politically correct? How about being socially correct...find me a black face in Sweeney Todd's London that doesn't belong to a chimney sweep.

And you've RUINED the show. I mean, more than it's already been ruined by a grumpy fat guy as Todd and a ditsy old bag as Lovett. Because...and I'm not giving away much of the plot here...Sweeney Todd is supposed to recognize this woman very late in the show.

In every other production, you can forgive Sweeney for NOT recognizing this character, because a) he's nuts, and b) she's a beggar woman...the equivalent of today's crack whore. But for fuckin' Chrissake, how do you NOT recognize a BLACK woman? There aren't many in London, and there aren't even many in the supporting cast! In fact I counted only a few in the chorus.

Now, this PBS (educational TV) low-budget production was tolerable. You can't NOT enjoy murder scenes that involve bloody faces. You can't NOT enjoy some of Sondheim's lyrics and music no matter how mediocre the singers or actors (say, Johnny Depp...). But I'm very pissed off about this casting.

You've heard it a million times...white people who smugly tell each other, "I don't see COLOR...I don't see if someone's black or white." Yeah? You'll sure bitch and moan if instead of the vanilla ice cream you ordered I brought you chocolate, chump.

Of COURSE we recognize color, and today we're SUPPOSED TO...we're supposed to happily listen to NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA from every rap moron, and watch blacks strut the stage acting ghetto. We're not allowed to have a movie with two white or two black people in the lead...it has to be mixed, and there has to be a LOT of stupid fucking dialogue to let us know the BLACK one be COOL.

Instead of the beggar woman, Audra should've played Mrs. Lovett. At least that doesn't fuck up the plot. Sweeney tolerating a black woman while trying to avenge his miseries...that makes sense. Sweeney NOT recognizing someone he knew, who is BLACK, in 99.9% white London? NOT too believable. A stretch across the brain if not the throat. And offensive. "We have to have some blacks in this production..." FUCK YOU. It reminds me of a great line from Mort Sahl. He walked out in a nightclub and said, "I got a bad notice from a Liberal reviewer...he wanted to know why there are no black people in my act."

A black Cinderella. A black Eliza Dolittle. Say, how about "Jihad on the Roof" and you cast a black Muslim as Tevye the Milkman? It's ALL good...