BIG BABY BILL - DIAPERED DICKHEAD OF THE YEAR

Q: Congratulations, Bill.

A: Gurgle GURGLE GOO-GOO!

Q: Somebody turn on the subtitles and the translation feature, please. Bill, tell me how you feel.

A: I feel like I need a change! I'm all hot and gooey.

Q: Yes, I didn't think it was stinky halal food wafting through the air. Are you happy to have won?

A: Oh yes! That's ONE reason I have this shit-eating grin on my face. The other —

Q: Is you enjoy shit eating, yes, I'm way ahead of you. Little things make you so giddy, don't they?

A: You're about to tell a dick joke! Tee hee!

Q: Bill, would it surprise you to know that you won because NOBODY ELSE WAS NOMINATED?

A: Foowwwweeeeeeee PLOTZ!

Q: A whistling fart and I bet you laid a turd the size of a muffin. Or a meatloaf. Or, Meatloaf. Please stop grinning like an imbecile!

A: It's the only way I know how to grin! My sister grins like a moron. Did you know a moron is smarter than an imbecile?

Q: It goes without saying. So shut the fuck up. Well, folks, Bill has put a pacifier in his mouth. I've never seen a brown lumpy pacifier before. And...oh, LORD. It's NOT a pacifier! And to think, I'm not even being PAID for this interview! Get me outta here....

Nightmares DO Come True

You can IMAGINE the kind of rich, obnoxious assholes that will come to this thing.

Oh, how the scalpers will become RICH, RICH, RICH.

All these superstars had nothing better to do on a weekend in October? They weren't booked?

How much money do these egotists want? How badly do they want to fuck up their reputations?

I can imagine the maggots crawling toward this...HBO or Showtime wanting to broadcast it (maybe not ANNOUNCE that till a month before the shows, for maximum bang for the scalper buck). Record labels wanting to record it? Big shot celebrities expecting comfy front row seats and fine hotels nearby? Oh a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

WAIST DEEP IN THE BIG MUZZY

What was that Pete Seeger song? I THINK the chorus was:

"Waist deep in the Big Muzzy, the Big Fool says to push on!"

Oh, excuse ME. Pete was singing about a MUDDY river, and the platoon leader telling his soldiers to keep going, to certain death by drowning.

Now? MURKY MERKEL is telling her country that a million Muzzers ain't gonna change Germany.

No? If you consider Germany's history of anti-Semitism, I suppose not. The Muzzers will bring back THE GOOD OLD DAYS. Just like Merkel's grandparents, the Muslims will target Jewish shops and citizens. Oh what fun. Run, Jew, Run.

Like the random attacks in Hindu nations, where Muzzers hack to death a professor, a teacher, a blogger, or even a humble tailor who just happens to NOT be Muslim, the German immigrants will go after any Jew foolish enough to wear a yarmulke (aka beat-your-skull cap, aka a bean-you-beanie).

FUNNY, that Jewish leaders in various countries of the EU have been telling Jews to not be conspicuous. Better not to be so proud. Jewish Lives Matter...so to stay alive DON'T LOOK JEWISH!

But let's not be FEARFUL. Gee, a MILLION NEW MUSLIM FANATICS, hungry to be HAVES (instead of HAVE NOTS) just might target the minority of Jews, especially in a country noted for exterminating Jews.

Funny headline, isn't it? Very typical of Jews and their guilt. Let's not make a fuss. Let's lead by example. Let's welcome Muslims even knowing that a percentage are absolute terrorists, and hope that our GOODNESS rubs off on them. Something like that.

"Gee, it sounds SO bad if we Jews are intolerant of another minority. Never mind that a MILLION is not a minority. Oy, that troublemaker Langer! Be quiet!"

Langer told reporters "he now regrets the harshness of his language," in pointing out a danger to himself and his people. He sniveled a little, about people who "try to suppress my personal opinions," but he's gonna keep his mouth shut, right? Just like Grandpa Langer when the SS began taking over?

Let's take a look at the wonderful European Union map of how heavily infested they are with MUZZIES.

Putin is taking NO SHIT, is he? He might be supplying Asshole Assad with weapons, he may be happily fucking up the world and making America spend a fortune, and making all of Europe take in immigrants, but HE will have NONE of them.

Let the democratic nations prove just how democratic they are. Ha ha ha.

Whites outside of Putinville will bend over backwards to show how much they LURV them Blacks, Mexicans and anyone else who glowers and glares. "Hate me? I'll make you LOVE ME." As in "Love me love me love me, I'm a LIBERAL."

Beyond white guilt are the Jews. What a bunch of putzes. Absolute PUTZES.

Back in the 60's in America, Jewish lawyers and "freedom fighters" took buses down to the South to help the "Negroes" get their rights. Many were killed. Almost none were ever thanked. Why? Because blacks had a sense of entitlement. You damn better sing "We Shall Overcome" with us, Jewboy, or we'll cut you. And so there's Bob Dylan, and there's Peter Paul and Mary (the two guys looked like rabbis, didn't they? One, ironically, is Christian).

Who do the blacks hate most? Jews! Of course! The damn Jews who run da banks. The damn Jews like Clive Davis who make millionaires out of idiots like Shitney Houston. Etc.

But I digress.

Let's finish up this warm (like an oven) story.

It has SUCH a happy ending.

And people wondered how six million Jews ended up incinerated? They walked right in, sat right down, grinned and said, "These lovely Germans are letting us take showers. No?"

Langer ends up being a total PUTZ. He shelters a fucking Egyptian, as if that changes anything. How about how England sheltered the parents of Jihadi John, who then stomped off to Syria to kill white people?

How many people have taken in a pit bull only to have it chew them to death?

Everybody is supposed to take in a Muzzer or two. Or three? Great. How about every Jew takes in FOUR Muslims, and teaches them the customs of the country? Except the Muslims will bite the hand that fed them, because ALLAH says if you're not a Muslim, you should die.

Here they are, crazed Muslims who encourage lone wolves to blow themselves up and take 20 or 50 with them, crazed Muslims who only need two or three to blow up a fucking airport...and the Jews are thinking, "It'll be ok if they take classes in tolerance" and "Let's adopt some" and "Oh, we just need to open a dialogue!"

Hey, walking lampshades, the Muslims DON'T want a dialogue, they DON'T want you alive, they DON'T want Christians alive either. They only believe in Allah, in torturing women, and in bullying for kicks. They are the cowards who always go after somebody unarmed. They make sure to have the machine guns so that they can dispatch a crowd of music lovers or cartoonists. And YOU are going to change their ways.

Why the fuck aren't other MUSLIMS helping these immigrants change their ways? Why is it Jewish putzes like Langer who make fools (and lampshades) out of themselves? Why aren't Arab nations taking in all these fucking immigrants even ones who aren't of THEIR particular brand of Allah-kazam? Why aren't the Arab nations, worth BILLIONS, storming Syria and restoring order, and arming the citizens to fight ISIS? Nah, white idiots and Jew idiots have to do it. Yeah, that'll work. NOT A LOT.

President Jimmy Carter said, very publicly, he couldn't do a damn thing about Arab "customs," including female circumcision. So a bunch of spindly Jews in Germany are gonna "reason" with a mob of seething Muslims who think it's their God-given right to storm into every country in the world and take it over by means of jihad.

Thank Christ for Climate Change. Jesus, it's getting hot. Jesus, there are more hurricanes and typhoons. Jesus, if this is how you're handling the prospect of Muslims taking over, tell Dad to just do it in 40 days and 40 nights.

Awe, Isn't it AWESOME? No, but a Modest Kick wins on Kickstarter

Here we have someone who isn't too greedy (or talented) but will reach his goal.

What is it?

To waste $5 or $15 of indulgent middle-class morons' money on his kiddie story.

It's all about an AWESOME OPOSSOM! Tee hee!

In the "old days" this jerk would either write a fucking kiddie book for probably under $500 advance, and that would be it.

Now? Oh, everybody's in show biz, and everybody can use simple tools to upload their worthless shit to the Internet, for GooTube or a fabulous PODCAST. Just "ask somebody else to pay for it!" Tee hee.

STEP ONE: think up a stupid self-indulgent idea.

STEP TWO: gather all your stupid self-indulgent friends to help push it.

BUT...make sure to make it a "modest proposal." Don't ask for FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Or more.

STEP THREE: Ask all your self-indulgent friends to annoy all their friends by posting on Facebook! Ka-CHING!

Who doesn't LOVE kiddies?

Who doesn't LOVE animals?

Who has any taste anyway? Meaning, if you're a sappy creamcheese-brain of a white guy, and can't really sing too well, it doesn't matter. Just write some overly familiar sappy music and lyrics, and you'll be sure to find at LEAST 30 wimpy assholes to fund you.

Remember, NOBODY knows what GOOD is. Look at Jimmy Buffett. Raffi. All kinds of simple-minded wimps. People spend a fortune on lame Hallmark greeting cards, too.

What's it matter to throw somebody some spare change? $5? $15?

THIS creepy sap actually has a recording studio (doesn't everyone...it's called Pro Tools) so all he wanted was, oh, a thousand dollars because...why should HE waste his time making a podcast nobody will listen to, and NOT be paid SOMETHING for it?

Oooh, he's ALMOST there with only SIX days to go.

I'm sure he or one of his Facebook pests will make a point of this: "Hey everyone, my FRIEND is SOOOOOOO CLOOOOOOSE to having his DREEEEEEAM COME TRUUUUUUUUE. Give him $20!"

Know what I'd like? I'd like if you could pay to DE-Fund a project.

Wouldn't that be great? You pay $20 to counter $20 that was donated. As in: "I don't want this project funded! I'm putting down $20 to cancel somebody else's donation!"

A rich person could quash a lot of assholes like THIS self-indulgent cutie.

The lesson here is how to use social (disease) media: do something easy and lame that anybody might like, ask for modest donations, and you're in.

Oh, most important, have that self-entitled attitude that YOU will not do anything ON SPEC. YOU want to be paid to play. YOU are worth somebody else's money. Hey, this guy knocked off a SAMPLE, and that's good enough.

PS, there are publishers out there who create kiddie books that include a CD of songs, or a CD of someone narrating the story. THIS guy may have submitted to a few publishers who turned his lame-ass shit down. BUT...there's KICKSTARTER. Tee hee!

Makes you want to write your own kiddie musical, doesn't it? Snotty the Big-Nosed Aardvark. Adele the Lovesick Hippo. Muffin, the Dog That Leaves Turds Everywhere....

A cover tune: "MISS CUNTWELL"

Isn't it strange that a perky blonde bint spends ALL her time in front of a camcorder, admiring herself as she sings out-of-tune covers of Taylor Swift songs?

Doesn't she go out? Dance? Socialize? FUCK?

Well, the truth is that Shauna Cuntwell is pretty cunty. She's spoiled, self-centered, and a real heartbreaker. She breaks up with guys for no reason, leaving them begging for a second chance.

Word's gotten around, so most guyyyys avoid the little tease, and SHE doesn't care because she thinks she's too good for most of 'em anyway.

SHE is thinking of her CAREER now, and not wasting time fucking guyyssss.

One of the guyyyysss wrote a song about his failed relationship with her.

He hasn't been able to get it placed on iTunes yet, but below are the words.

He borrowed the melody from Del Shannon's anguished "Sister Isabelle."

Byeeeeeee....

Steffans? Nigga be keepin' it CLASSY

As Piers Morgan and almost no other white males know, or care about, insane BEEE-YONNN-SAYYYYY has been raging about how Black Panthers should put white people down, how white cops target totally innocent blacks every time, how black lives matter (more than any other group) and, oh yes, her fabulously stupid-looking Jay-Z husband has been unfaithful.

This stupid BEEE-YONNN-SAYYYY beeee-atch shot herself in the twat, didn't she? By raging that Jay-Z cheated on her, she's proven that she's NOT SO HOT.

Guyysss black white and inbetween, all say that even if they can't stand her shitty music, SHE is worth fucking. But Jay-Z apparently doesn't think so.

The interesting thing about this is that there's been a media frenzy to find out the real name of "Becky with the good hair," (the clue BEEE dropped in one of her awful songs about making "Lemonade" out of her lemon relationship with huge-headed retard-faced Jay-Z).

So what's happened? A whole buncha women have happily hinted at being Jay-Z's lover. Others have grinned and posed while neither confirming or denying anything, happy to have the chance of being the next Kardashian and Jenner, famous for nothing.

In comes STEFFANS, with a gross confession that shouldn't even be printed in a "family" newspaper. I mean, Christ, kids and tweens and teens have to read that it's customary, proper and standard behavior to give somebody famous a BLOWJOB??

Black lives matter, y'all.

And BLACK CLASS doesn't seem to exist. Does it?

Who the FUCK proudly contacts newspapers to say, in essence, "I didn't fuck Jay-Z when he was married, but I did give him a blowjob. Does that count? Can I get a feature, with a photo???"

"I lifted my head from his lap, wiped my lips, and knew we'd made a mistake."

Christ, E.L. James couldn't have written something so ridiculous and disgusting.

And who's "WE," lady? I doubt Jay-Z thought it was a mistake to get a blowjob from some idiot bint.

What happened to women's lib, by the way? What happened to equality? She didn't say Jay-Z was wiping his lips after stropping her freshly-shaven labes.

I think we who are NOT Millennials have to be thankful. We didn't grow up with this kind of shit. We may have grown up aware of the bomb, and that there was pollution, but back then, you only saw Arabs in "Lawrence of Arabia," and climate change was about a few hot or cold days and nothing too crazy. And the Grammy awards had Shirley Bassey being classy, not Beyonce and Rihanna being assy.

Kentucky Kunt - More Ebay White Trash

When it comes to white trash twats, eBay seems to be Scum Central.

Smelly stupid women from the "red states" (the rash states, the herpes states, the inbred redneck states) flock to eBay to try and whore for spare change.

Oooh, for a fiverrrr this mediocre, sour-faced slut will send you FIVE jpgs "threw" the mail.

Used knickers a'plenty, too. But perhaps her most enticing auction is the one where she offers you a secret membership in a FACEBOOK GROUP.

Anyone desperate enough to want to get to know this cunty corpse in Kentucky? What's the idea, that maybe you can sext her? Call her? Take the Greyhound bus to the Greyhound bus to the train to the horse-drawn carriage and meet her at her farm and get trichinosis from her?

The good news (for her) is that eBay employees don't really want to read complaints sent in about idiots like her. If you call up phone support, some Paki reads from a script, says "Thank you for bringing this to our attention," and nothing happens. After all, they know they are "just a venue" and no outraged Christian group is going to boycott their Mormon office in Utah. Internet companies do as they want. And so do dumb Kentucky twats.