Insane Bolt and his Monkeyshines: Let's Mimic Fucking In Public

Just as the fish-smell was dying off from Viley Virus and her twerking...

Here comes Insane Bolt, famous for not much...running for about 10 seconds...who isn't so much a "Jamaica Jerk Off" as a "Jamaica Fuck Up."

There's plenty of porn in the world. My idea of a good time isn't watching Insane Bolt pretending to fuck a skank by "dancing." You know, dancing is supposed to have a certain subtlety to it. It's supposed to be mildly suggestive of what will happen later in the evening. But Insane Bolt is as crude as elephant shit, isn't he? He's as tasteful as a chimp eating tics off another chimp's head. He's about as pleasant as a street bum throwing up on a street corner.

What would really be a good show...Insane Bolt daggering Viley Virus while she's twerking...while some angry Muslim adds "grenading."

Crazy world, huh?

Last night America's three late night hosts had special guests. Jimmy and Jimmy chose to have silly, tedious celebutards as guests. Jimmy Fallon had the boring crypto-Nazi Arnold Schwarzenegger promoting his newest shit movie. (Yes, after being governor of Cal-ee-fornia, this man with no class goes back to action films). Cue the usual yocks with Fallon imitating Arnold's accent, and Arnold being hilarious with his girly-man put-downs: he knows how to smoke a cigar, and Fallon doesn't. The ridiculously hair-dyed Governator didn't quite understand why the audience was laughing at Arnold's mention of "sucking" and the way he was miming how he sticks a cigar in his mouth.

Jimmy Kimmel? The guy with the hippo-sized smirk had skanky nuisance Jennifer Connolly on his show, and so the "conversation" was just a one-sided prattle as Jennifer rended the air with self-important twaddle. Actresses rarely have anything to say beyond burbling about what brand of shoes they wear, what restaurant they ate in, or the world catastrophe of wind ruining their hair.

And David Letterman? He had ex-President Jimmy Carter on. And what was Carter talking about? A new book he wrote that shines a light on the problems of women in the world, specifically, according to Carter, how 90% or more of the women in Egypt undergo genital mutilation.

How about that. While Insane Bolt is "daggering" and Viley Virus is "twerking," and while Arnold is blabbering and Connolly is twattering, Letterman and Carter were discussing the ENORMOUS GULF IN CULTURE between the way the West sees women and culture, and the way the Middle East does. Carter, trying not to even use the word "clitoris," mentioned that the "part that gives pleasure" is removed, the area is sewed up barely allowing "urination and menstruation," and the stitching doesn't come out till the woman's wedding night. That's Egypt.

Egypt. Palestine. Syria. Iran. Iraq. These are the countries that we're supposed to favor over nasty-nasty Israel. Countries full of backward barbaric bullshit. Countries that would behead Insane Bolt and Viley Virus in a minute.

Hmmm...come to think of it, the Muslims aren't ALL bad are they? Do you suppose World War III might start if Muslims put on Vendetta masks and blew Insane Bolt, Viley Virus, Bieber, Katy Perry and a few others into discards from a butcher shop? "Allah hates these disgusting decadent disgraces!" Not only Allah, my Camel-fucking kak-eating psycho semitic friends...

But I digress....