Shmuley

In the interests of fairness, let's once again turn away from the scummy Muslim assholes and the ingrate Niggas, and squint at Jews.

In this case, SHMULEY, who was very nearly headlined as Shmuley the Schmuck, but, well, you don't do THAT to a rabbi. Not unless he's been arrested and convicted of something vile, like pretending a chicken is kosher when it isn't. Or not spitting out the tip when you do the ritual circumcision that could give a boy an infection. Or when you deliberately tell a schvatsa to get aboard the subway going EAST when he said he wanted to go WEST.

Anyway, let's start by saying that if SHMULEY is your name, you should keep a VERY low profile.

How about changing it to something that doesn't connote shit and a mule?

Here's a self-aggrandizing, ridiculous and clueless TWEETY from him.

Oooh, got that? "WE RODE OUR BIKES..."

Gosh, Rebbe, you sure are in great shape. Bet you could ride AND pat yourself on the back at the same time.

Dig the way he's sucking in his check, and adopting the SUPERJEW pose? ("Superjew" was a phrase Lenny Bruce used to describe the time he jumped out a window thinking he could fly. He broke his leg.)

So, this grandly posing hairy SuperJew rode down to...the 9/11 memorial. Right, from where, BROOKLYN? What a long fucking trip. You had to actually cross the fucking Brooklyn Bridge, which a lot of people WALK ACROSS every fucking workday.

And Jews wonder why people don't like Jews. This is NOT a big deal. "WE RODE OUR BIKES..."

How many people went down to the Memorial on 9/11 and DIDN'T bother to TWEET about it? How about the many who were too broken up, even after 15 years, and just stayed home?

You don't have to call attention to yourself 24/7.

"WE RODE OUR BIKES..."

Just like the James gang. Just like Butch Cassidy and the Hole in the Wall gang. Oh, they rode their horses. Well, Bike-Riding JEWS, that's the same thing. And what exactly were you expecting to ride into? Trouble? You can be damn well sure that the police presence was ENORMOUS, and there wouldn't be a Muslim in sight. How brave, "WE RODE OUR BIKES" to go watch Trump and Clinton stand around and show how sorry they are that Dubya was President on that strange and mournful day.

But let me say something NICE about SHMULEY.

He's very concerned about shiksa cunt. Specifically, Pam Anderson's shiksa cunt.

You remember Pam. She cared so much about her "honor" that she didn't fight it when her "porn tape" leaked.

The woman made a career out of bouncing her silicone on a beach while David Hasseled his Hoff. She made a career out of softcore. Then she became even more famous because...let's be HONEST about it...SHE and one of her rock asshole husbands decided to APE PORN.

Wave your big dick. Suck that cock. Cool!

Now? How for reasons that GOD couldn't even fathom if he existed, the Rebbe chaperoned Pam around to call attention to how horrible porn is. Porn is terrible. That includes, ah, MAKING PORN to watch later on? Or did Pam make that porn because, like Linda Lovelace, a gun was being held to her head? A TOMMY gun? He had his loaded dick pointed at her.

Well, first off, Linda wasn't coerced. She was so dumb she didn't NEED to be coerced, and frankly, she was not so attractive that anyone would care. There were sexier women in porn at the time than Linda.

Pam? She was for PORN at one time. But the real hypocrisy here, is that at the same time she was carrying on about it, you could find HER porn all over the Net. You still can. She's doing nothing to file takedowns on her porn tape, on unauthorized duplication of topless photos, or the fake-nudes and fake-porn Photoshop jobs on her. NOTHING. What the FUCK is she and SHMULEY doing, waiting for Elijah? She put out a D-cup for Elijah, did she?

There's something PUKEY if not SHMULEY about people who go on TWITTER with all their fucking GRANDNESS, acting like the Messiah.

Look at me, I'm arm in arm with a Shiksa who made porn, and is saying, "Porn is bad."

AND, look at me, "WE RODE OUR BIKES..." to show how bad we feel about 9/11. Yeah. And like Yom Kippur, it's just ONE fucking day and most everyone goes right back to being a god damn asshole the next.

I'll admit, I feel uncomfortable slamming SHMULEY (hence the decision not to call him a SCHMUCK). Maybe he makes up for it by comforting some old bubbe when her husband dies. Maybe he puts a fiverrrr in the pocket of a black kid who was called names by some white Christian ("there there, that's a bad guy, but he doesn't stand for all white people, and certainly not Jews!"). BUT...

They invented the word "sanctimonious" specifically for rabbis, priests, MUSLIMS and other religious show-offs and their holier-than-thou bullshit. There are rabbis out there who are doing bad things with their power, to put it mildly.

Then there's grandstanding and condescending heroics.

"WE RODE OUR BIKES..." JESUS!