YOU TUBE THERAPY FOR UGLY DUMB BASEMENT-DWELLING RETARDS!

Take a look at a true asshole:

Aren't you glad this ugly dumbfuck has ocupational therapy?

You want this turd brain on the street?

One benefit of YouTube is that it gives the illusion of "show biz" to delusional, malfunctioning brain-dead cretins like THIS guy.

A few celebrities die, and he rushes down to the basement, fires up his laptop and his camera, and does his zombie version of "Entertainment Tonight" or Charlie Rose or Piers Morgan or Perez Hilton.

When you want the latest show biz news, when you want solid information and research...your first choice is a YouTube mongoloid.

Of course.

NOT.

But don't tell HIM that. If this freak doesn't stay in the basement, heaving his shit-breath into a microphone while cyberspace whirls a vacuum between his ears, he might stagger out into daylight, twitching and masturbating! He might accidentally procreate by spilling his tainted seed a little too close to the family dog.

Which is pretty much how he came into the world in the first place.

It's hard to be fully amused by disgusting puddles of fat like this guy. You have to realize that some of these misshapen monsters ARE breeding. They DO vote. They take up SPACE. They aren't supporting and paying for real opinions and comments but adding to the drivel of amateur dross by being brain-dead drones.

Every day, The Living Dead stagger to their computers, ridiculously fail TO LOOK INTO THE CAMERA WHEN THEY TALK, and start to hem, haw, mumble, stumble and gurgle hackneyed nonsense. They don't play it back. They just post it. Same way a dog dumps a shit load and then staggers away leaving others to step in it.

A total amateur considers himself a broadcaster or a pundit...because he's talking somewhat in the direction of a microphone and camera! Well, if he was standing on the sidewalk anywhere near a garbage truck, somebody would haul him away as rotting trash. If he took a dip in the ocean, he'd be reported as floating sewage.

YouTube has so many maniacs like this...delusional pork rinds who squeal about celebrities, review movies, offer solutions for world peace, or suddenly start doing a cover version of their favorite song — without remembering half of the melody or lyrics.

Worse. One day, some bunch of assholes will declare all this shit to be "Outsider Broadcasting," and start collecting it, like they do bad lounge music, rotten public access TV, idiotic "poems set to music," or Jess Franco movies.

This cretin, sitting in a t-shirt, has the fucking NERVE to show his gruesome self to the world, and to think that anyone wants to hear a non-entity's half-witted spew?

100 200 300...400 postings on YouTube or more...it only increases the frightening odds that fame WILL come! "Oooh, did you see that kid crying LEAVE BRITNEY SPEARS ALONE...did you see that fat stupid Korean guy dancing like a horse...did you...SEE THAT INCREDIBLY UGLY BRAIN DEAD FUCKWIT DO SOME WORTHLESS DRONING BABBLE ABOUT ANNETTE FUNICELLO DYING? Why he's an idiot savant and SO entertaining! Let's....

Let's what? Can't give him a TV show. No money in that. Can't book him for a tour. Nobody pays to see anyone. Let's...LET HIM KEEP POSTING IDIOT YOU TUBE VIDEOS!

PAINT ME A SUPREME

BEFORE AND AFTER...

"We make her paint her face and dance!"

John Lennon once sang that line, convinced that "woman is the nigger of the world." Well, John was only human, and he was often wrong. He was singing a lot of other protest songs at the same time, on everything from John Sinclair to "if you had the luck of the Irish...you'd wish you was English instead" to something about David Peel being "real."

And then he was grunting on stage, "OK, so flower power didn't work..." And neither did protest songs, because the status quo turned out to be ok with a lot of people. Especially painted ladies.

John didn't realize it. Women LIKE to paint their faces. And they LIKE to dance.

Take Diana Ross. Without the paint, she's just a very ordinary old (69, to be exact) lady.

Smeared up with the paint, and she's the glamorous SUPREME. You name her...Lady Gaga. Big fat Adele. Madonna. The image in your mind is...PAINTED. In fact, on Halloween thousands and thousands can imitate these women very easily just by painting-by-the-numbers. You might recall Lindsay Lohan recently painting herself up to look like Elizabeth Taylor for a movie, and doing a magazine photo shoot as Marilyn Monroe. Call it virtual Photoshopping.

Anyone disgusted by this? No, everything changed when hippies became Yuppies, and when women realized that they shouldn't throw away their huge advantage in fakery and paint.

Oh, maybe in college it's ok to walk around in a t-shirt and jeans and no make-up. Any 19 year-old is well worth a fuck. But when it comes time to get that big job, or to find work as an actress or singer, or to gain the edge in landing that Hedge Fund hubby...it's time to paint...to get the fake boobs...to put on the fashion wardrobe...to become a costumed caricature. If you're artistic enough to come up with just the right hair color, lip gloss, placement of fake mole, etc. etc. you could become an ICON!

That's why you were puzzled at the dull image on the top left...and began to smile warmly when you recognized DIANA ROSS on the top right.

Reality? Let's paint over it. Diana does. Halle Berry does. Rihanna does. Beyonce does. Billie Joe Armstrong does...

HERR SCHMIDT WILL ANSWER, "GOO GOO!"

Ha ha ha ha ha. Eric Schmidt der CEO of GOOGLE UBER ALLES, wins again and again! TWO victories are in today's news. In Germany, Google laughed off a slap on the wrist.

In Great Britain? You guessed it. Google pays almost no taxes, while the citizens there remain among the most abused in the world. Or don't you remember George Harrison singing out against the "TAXMAN!" 100 years ago, one of the top entertainers of the day was VESTA VICTORIA, and she sang the novelty classic "Will He Answer Goo Goo." I think we know the answer, finally. If it's Eric Schmidt, you bet he will. Baby-talk nonsense will do just fine, Your Honor. Remember, My Lord, GOOGLE is the biggest Internet company in the world. Its search engine can make or break anyone. It has mapped the world, too. It controls copyright. It makes money in every way possible from dominating music and television (go to You Tube for all you need) to making sure all newspaper content can be accessed free (oh, with some links or ads here and there for GOOGLE to make some money).

Above is happy happy Eric Schmidt. Cheers, Eric! GOOGLE spits a few pence into the British pot, and laughs all the way to the bank with billions! "That's more than fair," Mr. Dury might sing. Because Mr. Dury had a very dark and cynical sense of humor!

But let's not suggest there's anything sinister or even unpleasant about how Google's managed to take over the world...becoming the dominant search engine, and the only place to upload copyrighted music and TV shows and movie clips and sports moments for everyone to "You Tube." Just come to accept that entertainment, free, means GOOGLE, and that means: "GOOGLE IS GOOD."

Repeat that. "GOOGLE IS GOOD." GOO GOO GOO GOO GOO.

GOOGLE IS GOOD because FREE is GOOD. Because COPYRIGHT is COPYWRONG. Because INTERNET FREEDOM means having the fun of spying with Google maps. And, if you do have to pay for something, like bootlegs or drugs or a whore or whatever, there's "Google Payments" (because Paypal, ugh, actually bans sellers who traffic in illegal items).

What's not to love? You can spy on anyone with Google maps. You can Google up a way to steal via download most anything. You can Google up information on anyone. Google glasses are coming! Pledge allegiance to Google! Ooh, and every now and then they do a GOOGLE DOODLE! GA GA! OOH! Tell me you've never had someone pester you with: "Hey, did you see that thing on GOOGLE today? You can click on it..." and there's animation, or music, or something. Watta wonderful world.

And best of all, kiddies, once you've got Google Chrome, and G-Mail, and Google Payments, and all the rest of it, GOOGLE will know EVERYTHING about YOU. And that's a GOO GOO GOOD thing, because GOOGLE will take care of you, do what's best for you, and be fair with you! Trust in GOOGLE. You really have no choice, come to think of it.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE : THE BOSTON MARATHON

President Obama, a few minutes ago, addressed the nation and the world, repeating, with terse disgust it seemed to me, the usual rhetoric that he's had to babble over and over. Whether it's a bunch of school kids being murdered, or innocent spectators watching runners go by, he's had to bite his lip, mutter "condolences," offer his "prayers," urge everyone to "pray," and to declare that whoever did this, they will be punished.

In a Dubya bit of double-talk, he said, "We will find out who did this, why they did this. Any responsible group will feel the full weight of justice."

Who did it? Who the fuck do ya think, Barry. Why? You really have to ask? "Full weight of justice?" Uh, this took place in Boston, where they bake beans but they don't fry psycho terrorist bastards. No, the full weight of justice is to take Habib by his beard, haul him into Copley Square, put a stick of dynamite up his ass, and blow him way up into Allah's asshole where he can fuck 80 virgins in the midst of Allah's mighty bowels.

What's happened here is…(gasp) another blow to…AMUSEMENT.

Oh those fuckin' Arabs. Here we are, trying to escape reality, and to enjoy what is essentially one of the most stupid things in the world…watching thousand and thousands of useless scrawnies jogging for miles and miles just to say they did it. And they do it far behind a few boney-headed Africans and some pros from other countries who are in it for the prize money. Still, it's amusing. It's reportedly the BIGGEST day in Boston. A real holiday. Can't get there in person, watch it on TV: sweaty Yuppies, peculiar old people, determined disabled people rolling along in wheelchairs, a few hot chicks in sports bras sweating through their tiny bikini bottoms...it's all there in HD, and in a few years maybe Smellovision.

We are AMUSED. We cheer. We smile. We vow "hey, maybe next year…nah, fuck it, that's too far to even WALK…" But somehow, we made watching idiots running into some escape for reality. And now, reality interferes.

NOW what? Now there ain't a marathon in America (or some other civilized countries that the Falafal eaters hate) that is safe from the memory of what happened in Boston. Any time you line up to watch a marathon, or a parade, you have to be wondering, "Did some fuckhead throw a backpack into a garbage can near me? Is some shit-for-brains religious fanatic about to blow up and take ME along for the ride?"

That's the insidious reason behind "who did this." It's to strike at AMUSEMENT…to turn everyone from pleasure to paranoia. To "ruin the fun." Because these fuckhead religious fanatics have NO fun in life. They have no sense of humor. They don't play sports. They don't know what "amusement" is. They live their grim stupid lives in a strange hypocritical twilight zone of religious devotion and, when it suits them, totally immoral, irreligious and sick and twisted activities ranging from woman abuse to drugs to, of course, murder of anyone they don't like (even some of their own swarthy kind, if there's the slightest difference in religious beliefs.).

Jesus! (Ooops, wrong guy). What happened here? My early guess is that one or two radical monkey-brains did it. They read a terrorist web page somewhere explaining how to make bombs, and how to do what they can, with even a few small bombs, to create havoc. The chance this was done by pro terrorists is fairly slim, as is the notion this could've been some McVeigh asshole with some totally twisted different reason for being a monster. Like, he has a grudge against enjoying a few chicks bouncing their titties amid a sea of Walter Mitty nitwitties. Now we add "going to a marathon" to the list of things one can't do without feeling that it might be a life-changing experience. Go to a tourist attraction building like the World Trade Center? Go to an airport? Go watch a marathon? What next?

"Why they did this…" is because they can. And they can because immigration needs to be stricter. Ethnic profiling (and just plain "crazy ass McVeigh type" profiling) should be encouraged not discouraged. And every fucking state should have the death penalty and put a severe time limit on the appeals process. In cases where it's damn obvious who did it, just make the bomb (it's easy, obviously any monkey can do it) or turn up the deep fryer and the oil, and OFF that scum as soon as possible.

There is no reasoning with religious fanatics. It can't be done. You can't say, "Blowing up innocent people doesn't further your cause," or "We are NOT all going to go sit in camel shit and worship YOUR invisible friend." And, let's say something that you're definitely not supposed to say: FUCK these oil-rich cocksuckers. FUCK 'em. Say NO to foreign oil, and let them rot. That's all they have. If the scumbag dictators can't keep all their monkeys in their cages, then we won't buy the oil. We'll build big magnifying glasses. Windmills. Mirrors. Whatever. Use the sun and the wind. It's cleaner, too. Which would be helpful for the runners in next year's Boston Marathon.

Running should be done for fun, and pleasure, and watching runners should be for inspiration or amusement. Fuck this…running for your life because of religious fanatics and monkey-brain hypocrisy. Allah must've said "thou shalt not kill" somewhere. I do know that Jesus once said, "I'm on a cross, you schmuck, signing me up for the 3-legged race is in really poor taste.

JUSTIN BIEBER DEAD at 40

Since Bieber-Creep apes Michael Jackson so much, you figure he'll follow his hero to an early grave.

But while Michael spaced out his creepiness (the sex-change to white woman, the antisemitic song lyrics, the sick fascination with chimps and sleepovers with little boys), Justin has gone into stinkin' overdrive, practically every week coming up with a new outrage. So maybe instead of 40, this surly, stupid son of a bitch will be off the planet at 20. Which would up his legend to James Dean level. Except James Dean had talent. This jerk has none.

Bieber-Creep thinks appealing to stupid little girls makes him great? He thinks because he makes them pauperize their parents into buying $60 bottles of Bieber-Stink and any other products he sells, he's got any worth? He's 4 times LESS of a star than N'Sync.

What is disturbing...and this Anne Frank gaffe is the worst so far...is that he can't simply be the Teen Idol du Jour, as past pretty boys have been, from David Cassidy to Donny Osmond.

In the "old days," your teen idol may not have been much, but at least wasn't offensive, nasty, or grotesque in his egotism, or a poor role model. Paul Anka didn't grab his crotch. Peter Noone chirped happy songs with wholesome messages. Davy Jones didn't brag about the money or give the impression to teen boys that the best way to get a girl's attention is with shitty looking tattoos and expensive hair cuts and stealing the musical stylings of a dead pop star.

The Jackson shit: rip-offs of the dopey moon-walking slide, the one glove, the crotch grab, and for Gods sake, the MONKEY. All of that was disgusting.

But one could be amused at how silly little girls in Dora the Explorer drawers, whose brains were still mostly wet papier mache, and whose crotches resembled paper cuts...were carrying on about him. It was almost a guilty pleasure to watch this twerpy punk turn up on David Letterman's show and cringe in front of a real man with talent, and actually crumble and begin to whine when Dave gripped his wrist to take a look at his latest tattoo! Yes, after the show, people were actually feeling sorry for little Justin because big Dave had TOUCHED, LAID HANDS on the poor kid, and the man's grip had made the poor little punk CRINGE!

Now? What, Justin is flirting with Michael Jackson antisemitism? Will there be a "Jew me" line in his next rap-crap song?

Whenever this arrogant twerp says something stupid, deliberately boastful, and totally obnoxious, and the press begin to vomit, he is quick to shout, "I'm just 19. I'm just a kid. I make mistakes."

Some are already spin-doctoring this latest bit of Bieber-Creepiness. They say, "Oh, at least he went to see Anne Frank's house. This raises awareness of what the Nazis did to innocent children."

Except Bieber showed no such awareness. All he did was promote himself, and figure he'd make even Anne Frank swoon. No, Justin, there are a LOT of teenage girls who think you're a twerp, and have better things to do than listen to your garbage. They are in school. They are reading. They are involved with normal-looking boys. Some are even taking lessons in classical music, and not content to hear "baby baby baby" yapped by a baby-faced dimwit who has been home-schooled in ego and nothing else.

The ego on this bastard is worse than Hitler. It's sad because not every child star, not every young rocker, fails to be grounded by parents or managers or common sense. Sure, it's hard not to be self-absorbed when you're ignorant, have no musical taste, and the world seems to do nothing but throw money and worship at you...and you can instantly find a rather stupid-looking square-headed brain-dead girlfriend who looks more like a cleaning woman's daughter than any kind of star. But even Selena Gomez found him immature, "made him cry," and moved on.

Albert Brooks Tweeted that Bieber-Creep's thought that Anne Frank would be a "belieber" made he, Albert, "want to kill myself." No, Albert, that's anger turned inward. Meet this little bitch at a Hollywood party and slap his fucking face!

Let's hope Bieber-Creep, that very soon some other idiot (Jack Vidgen, the tooth-capped winner of last season's "Australia's Got Talent" comes to mind) can assemble a slightly more tasteful bunch of songs and concert moves…and blow you off the stage and into has-been obscurity, with your crappy albums in the dollar bin along with Osmond, Cassidy, N'Sync and the rest of the drivel that pubescent girls leave behind along with the Dora the Explorer underpants that no longer fit.

Ach du lieber, Bieber. Know what I think? If Anne Frank was alive, living in America...she might have still ended up in a crawlspace in hiding...if somebody was coming after her with free tickets to one of your shows. Neo-Nazis around the world are probably using your music to brainwash and torment people. You are coming close to being another Aryan race symbol of how powerful the alloy of ignorance and money is. But, Butt-head, a lot of people are sick of giving you a free pass, and excusing what you say and do. You are a hot star? Go to heil.

THE FLYING DUTCHMAN - AND THE BRAIN DEAD COLLECTOR (Honus Wagner Lives??)

You never saw Honus Wagner play baseball.

Most of us weren't even born when Honus Wagner stumbled into his 6 foot dugout and they shoveled dirt on his corpse.

"The Flying Dutchman" as he was known, was a star baseball player 100 years ago. Baseball's a game that means nothing to most people around the world, and in America has been eclipsed by football as the most-watched sport. For most people, old baseball players are like old silent movie actors. Who knows 'em and who cares? At least you might enjoy a silent movie...you can't even find a film clip on Honus Wagner.

But a few days ago, a souvenir card with The Dutchman's rather moronic looking face on it, sold for over 2 million dollars.

What douche bag bought that "Flying Dutchman" card?

The rich turd brain can stare at it for HOW long? Or is he one of those status-seeking ass-faced dolts who somehow made money sans creativity or class and needs to own shit to call attention to himself? As in: "Look at me, the drone who made a fortune with a chain of toilet repair shops...and I've got disposable income to waste..."

The mind of a "collector" is like a defective toilet. It's full of shit and the shit never gets flushed away. Well, not until this moron drops dead, and his precious card is sold off to some other moron. That's what these assholes don't understand. What they "own" will eventually be "owned" by SOMEBODY ELSE.

The other possibility here, is that the card was bought by an "investor." What a dummy. Less and less people know who Honus Wagner is. Less and less people care about a rare baseball card. It's rare...but it's a baseball card! A jewel is a better investment. So is real estate. So is a painting, but maybe consider one on black velvet because the culture is dumbing down and most people think Renoir is some kind of French douche in a bottle.

A brief paragraph on the extremely obvious: The buyer of the Honus Wagner card could've helped TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND people by dividing up that two million for them. Christ, Allah, and Mohamed! Think of how this guy could've been WORSHIPPED as a gift from God, or GOD himself, by giving so many people the small amount that changed their lives. A few thousand and an African can plant crops and get out of poverty. Some Kentucky toothless bastard buys dentures and a clean suit and gets that minimum wage job that makes the difference. Some Mexican goes to night school instead of joining a drug cartel.

Two million dollars for a piece of cardboard. Not even art. "The Flying Dutchman" in 1913 hit 3 home runs. In no year did he hit more than 10 (compared to the 60 from Babe Ruth). Wagner amused some baseball fans a hundred years ago by hitting a baseball. Big deal. Want to admire an old-time baseball player How about Lou Gherig, who faced death with such dignity that he became a legend around the world. His story was told in "Pride of the Yankees" starring Gary Cooper. Honsy is just one of hundreds of old-time uglies in the Hall of Fame at Cooperstown, who mean next to nothing to the people who visit. They come for Ruth and Gherig and the modern ones, NOT "The Flying Dutchman."

How much MORE money does the hemorrhoid who bought this card have to waste on more idiocy? You want rare? I'll wipe my ass on a Barry Bonds card for ya. It'll be a one-of-kind, I guarantee. A shit-for-brains who'd pay two million for a Honus Wagner card might buy just about anything.

KIM KARDASHIAN aka QUIM KUNT-DOUCHIAN : GO AWAY! I WANT THE "K-BOMB!"

Paris Hilton finally went away. We only hear her simpering voice and see that sloe-eyed Kermit-the-Frog-mouthed dimwitted face once in a while now.

WHEN will be plague of KIM KARDASHIAN and her rotten relatives be over? I'm sick of these slutty cicadas buzzing in my face all the time. The fault lies with the media. Take a look at the overkill.

Yes, two very popular Internet newspaper websites...DAILY NEWS in America, DAILY MAIL in England, and they stick not one, not two...but THREE or FOUR pieces on Kim and the gang...on the opening page!

I want the news, and yet wherever I scroll, I see her stupid face and read her ultra-stupid name.

Where are the paparazzi to drive her into a tunnel and flatten her? Or would they bounce off her big rubbery ugly ass like bumper cars? It's a sick joke that people actually think this cow is attractive. All the paint at Home Depot couldn't mask that she's just an ordinary low-class slut, and this ape-like fascination with a distorted rear end...come on, "junk in the trunk" is still JUNK.

Now, really, I have nothing against this tasteless cretinous fat-assed moronic slut publicity-parasite. Live and let live, but it's hard not to wish she was dead when she's constantly soiling the news. And why? Because she's famous for being famous? That's as dumb as when she was famous for being a porn-video-making tramp. Great, she monkey-fucks some moron and has it leak all over the Internet…along with the dubiously important news that she was also the spawn of a third-rate ambulance chasing lawyer who was part of murderer O.J. Simpson's defense "dream team." That should've been news buried deep in the paper for one day and forgotten.

No. In this sick "we've got to be amused 24/7" world of perpetually lower standards for stardom, her creepy publicity team and THE MEDIA found a new darling we all HAVE to care about.

Three mentions in the Daily News for April 8th...one about her "baby bump." Another about the gifts she's been getting. And a third making fun of an outfit she wore on one of her whore-hungry publicity tramp-walks through paparazzi-ville. It's all good, huh? Isn't it about time we get fresh meat out there? This Farrah Abraham whore seems about right to take KK's place. There are plenty of other women who have big asses and throw themselves sticky-side up at any bar-clubbing ape they meet. There are other women who have more famous daddies, too.

Do you believe it...even the HUFFINGTON POST had three mentions of Kardashian scattered on their opening page:

THIS IS WHAT I WANT:

INTERNET FREEDOM FROM KUNT-DOUCHIAN

Firefox and Google and Explorer can show they are not just evil empires by creating the K-BOMB.

YES. THE K-BOMB.

GIVE ME AN ADD-ON, AN APP...so that any photo of KARDASHIAN (other than in an obit) is blanked out.

Make it so that the very word KARDASHIAN is changed on every web page I visit. Oh, change KARDASHIAN to...KUNT.

As in: "Kim KUNT is looking for a new rapper to fill her asshole with coagulated man-haggis…she no longer finds Kanye the world's most arrogant low-class shitpile."

If I don't get action, it'll be up to a more important KIM...that fat-head from North Korea! I'm starting right now. North Korea Kim, listen up: the world will take notice and trade with you and praise you like a God if you STOP fucking around with limp-noodle missiles that end up in the Sea of Japan...and get to work on that Internet "K-BOMB."

The world can be a safer and saner place without ANY MENTION OF ANY KARDASHIANS.