Let's Smirk About Broadway Shows "That did not chart."

On this happy day, we delight that we no longer see a certain fat obnoxious fag on the Internet, one who pompously gloated over the failures of musicians.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I have never been a fan of condescending snark. The "so bad it's good" crowd angers me. I was never a fan of the movie critics who would read their oh-so-clever put-downs on the radio, or grin as they read their nasty jokes during their segment on the TV news.

I was not impressed by rock magazines that had unwashed hipster-brats "grade" the latest rock albums. Too many of these mags hired assholes who acted like Oscar Wilde on cheap dope. All it did was tell the world, "Here's a malcontent queer." In fact, some of these critics made sure to let everyone know they WERE queer. After all, part of getting away with being a tart, obnoxious world-weary arbiter of taste, was to let everyone know that you liked the taste of semen and anus.

Today the Internet is loaded with YouTube idiots and forum fuckheads and blogger bozos who do nothing but show off their worthless opinion. It's not reporting, it's not the truth, it's just faggotry, and what's behind it is simple enough: jeering at anyone who has the balls to live a dream.

As Mr. Shatner recited it, "I get it. The NEVER WAS talking about the STILL TRYING."

You've noticed that these worthless people who never sold anything or performed in public, rarely praise anything. They live for the put-down. They bully easy targets to make themselves seem so fucking hip and superior.

I know bloggers who actually self-censor. They actually think, "What if the artist reads this? How about the artist's family members? Is this piece being a little too self-satisfed, snarky and smirky? Is it like shooting fish in a barrel? Does it sound gay?" And so they resist showing off by insults.

They refuse the easy shit of declaring "this is the world's worst..." And they find no satisfaction in a dismissive "it did not chart," as if that excuses their own fat-assed torpor. There's a difference between being a critic and being a finger-pointing brat. There's a difference between being a man and being an effeminate rat.

One day the weirdos on eBay who relish in collecting "FLOP" Playbills will get what they deserve: a fire that burns every fucking one of those Playbills, if not their fucking house, too.

Can you figure out why there are people who want to collect "FLOP" Playbills?

What the FUCK is going on with this shit? Over 900 of 'em on EBAY this week and every week? WHY?

There seems to be a sick bunch of malicious misshapen monsters who get a real thrill out of collecting "FLOP" Playbills. These goons are almost as sad as the obese nobodies who waddle into a memorabilia show and "feel sorry" for some D-list actress and pay her $20 to pose. "Look at ME, I'm equal to this actress! In fact, SHE took money off ME, so who is prosperous and who is a loser?"

Do collectors of "flop" Playbills treasure them because they are "rare?" I doubt it. So what, so there might be only 500 copies of a Playbill for a show that closed after a few performances. And you have one of them. So what? No, that's not the reason to collect this shit. No normal person would find this exciting, not even a trainspotter. The reason is really to relish somebody else's "failure," and feel good about never having even attempted to get on a stage.

As for the sellers who put "FLOP" in a listing to encourage purchases by cretins who collect "FLOP" items, they are actually losers too. They LOSE sales. If I was a Joan Rivers fan, and wanted EVERYTHING on her, I would NOT buy her "Sally Marr & Her Escorts" Playbill from a dealer who put it down as a "FLOP." I'd buy from a dealer showing more respect than that.

"FLOP" implies that the show stunk.

Again to quote Mr. Shatner: "HAS BEEN implies failure. Not so...HAS BEEN was. HAS BEEN MIGHT AGAIN."

And a FLOP? It's merely a show that didn't find an audience. It may have been ahead of its time. It might've been too esoteric or intelligent to attract tourists.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I can recall seeing only one authentic "FLOP." It was "The First." This was an authentic God-awful stinker, with NO redeeming value. People walked out wondering how in the world a show could be so inane. Did the backers think the show was merely mediocre and could be punched up in time for opening night? Who the fuck knows.

Most shows that get poor reviews and shut down don't overtly insult anyone's intelligence, and most usually have one rave or positive along with a few mixed ones and negatives.

Take "Sally Marr & Her Escorts." Don't use the ugly word "FLOP" (sounds like a fat Dutchman clutzily going belly first into a swimming pool). It was a good (not great) show. Unfortunately at Broadway prices, only the great survive. Joan gave a good performance. The show was creatively staged. It's just that not that many people cared about Lenny Bruce's mother, or her, as a matter of fact. She was not quite a superstar at the time. So what. She had courage and guts and took a chance. People who say "FLOP" are gutless queers.

I saw a Mike Nichols play, "The Play What I Wrote," which was loosely based on the lives of Morecambe and Wise. Who heard of them in America? Who heard of the actors who played the leads? Of COURSE the play was doomed to have a short run. Maybe, ala "The Producers," it was intended as a tax shelter! Even so, a lot of skill and artistry went into it.

I also saw the dreaded "Lennon: The Musical." It had its moments. It tried very hard. To dismiss it as a "FLOP" is to deny that there was intelligence, thought and sensitivity behind it. Fact is, it would've had to be the greatest musical ever to counter Lennon fans who would simply NOT want to go to anything commercial about him. The actors were crushed when they learned they were only going to have another few weeks of performances. I remember consoling the Lennon look-alike who played the lead. I told him he did a very good job in a challenging role.

I consoled another performer, a ventriloquist who mounted a very creative one-man show. As he went through the motions during the show's final week, I told him, "You did your best. You know the truth here; tourists come in, and they want to see chorus girls in "Chicago" or the chandelier drop in "Phantom of the Opera." They're timmies. They don't think they get their moneysworth when it's one guy on stage, no matter how talented that one guys is."

It takes no fucking talent to go to thrift shops and estate sales and buy up "FLOP" Playbills to sell to eBay assholes. It takes no talent to buy that shit and store it on shelves, smirking over having made the better choice of being an accountant or a plumber.

As much of a "FLOP" as a Broadway show might be, it remains history. Collectors and eBay sellers remain obscure, forgettable dung beetles. And that goes for the rest of the "so bad it's good" and "it didn't chart" fops and disrespectful fools.

The Election's an Erection: Dirty Politics

Oh, what have we here?

It's a picture of Trump's wife, who was a nude model before she met him.

THIS is the front page of a newspaper? Christ, it's hardly fit to be the cover of a men's mag. What's going on here?

What DOES Trump's wife have to do with the issues on which he is being judged fit to be president??

Front page on Trump's wife naked! What a surprise, coming from a newspaper owned by Rupert Merde Cock.

The presidential election in America is boring even WITH the Melania nudes. It features two people who are generally hated and distrusted by more than half the population.

Neither candidate offers optimism.

Clinton will just be Obama with a cunt. She'll tolerate gun abuse, immigrating assholes, and be unable to do much about improving the quality of life. Pollution and climate change will continue at a deadly pace. If Trump wins, that would hasten the end of the world.

How nice of the Post to post nude pix of his wife. That way, we can die happy.

Self Service + Self Entitlement : FREE GOODIES

What a surprise...NOT.

It seems that supermarkets that have fired their counter girls and opted for "automatic" check out, are experiencing shrinkage.

Is this such a fucking surprise?

In the best of times, human nature betrays its animal instincts. When there's a blackout, what happens? Customers in afflicted stores instantly grab what they can and rush to the exits.

Now that we have Millennials and raging self-entitlement, and actual websites and blogs that "share" not only illegal downloads, but tips on how to shoplift, idiot stores that allow self-service are being abused by jerkoffs.

Anyone who took Psych 101 knows the word behind it all: rationalization.

That's where you make a good excuse for anything unethical.

These days, the problem is worse because Millennials are told that almost NOTHING is unethical. Assange is a hero. The Pirate Bay jerks are admirable. It's a big joke that torrents exist. Every day Niggas get angry when one of their deadbeat thugs is even arrested because thieves have rights. Anonymous bloggers expect copyright owners to show them proof to back up a takedown. Everybody gives the finger to the cop. We're all told, every day, "Go ahead, do what you want."

So yeah, it's pretty easy for most anyone to cheat a bit at one of these ridiculous automatic check-out deals. Most of these things are located in affluent suburban stores where people can "afford" to pay. The honor system is supposed to work among upper-middle-class white people. Except...these are some of the cheapest and most crooked people around. They also don't hesitate to cheat on their spouses or their income tax. We're talking psychology, after all, and that need to get something for nothing, and "get even" and have power, and be a "bad boy."

Or as Groucho said of Chico in one of the Marx movies: "He's honest, but you gotta watch him."

Ain't no such "serve yourself" deals that I know of in my area! And if there was, would I resist the temptation to slip an item past the scanner? Not if I knew nobody was looking!

Sing it Mr. Dylan: "Ain't no man righteous, not one."

Aw shit! Try again, Bill!

Shauna Cuntwell's manager has a new client. Himself.

"I can't do anything for Shauna, so I'm going to try and sell myself instead. Shauna's just one of a million silly little wide-eyed twits in the world. The competition is too much. But me? I'm just right for ads. America's demographic is getting older. Baby Boomers are now buying meds, diet books, false teeth and adult diapers! I'm an overweight, incontinent half-senile Baby Boomer! I could endorse so many things!"

He managed to get an audition from an adult diaper company.

Too bad it ended in disaster.

Bill put on his adult diaper, posed with a sample, gave his familiar tooth-goofy grin...but soiled himself almost instantly.

"You know me," he laughed, "one pair of adult diapers is never enough!"

The client ordered him to mop the floor and leave. "Worse than that, by habit, I handed the client a $20 bill, and thanked him for letting me pose with the diaper. I'm so used to paying people to let me take a photo!"

Bill hopes to try again, as a model for plus size clothing, a pitchman for tours of graveyards, or a spokesman for the importance of preventive dentistry.

Her Name's Amanda, She's a Rude Oaf Vain and Tin Head Fake

What, she's now a CELEBRITY?

GET HER OUT OF HERE.

SOME of us felt sorry when "Foxy Knoxxy" was jailed and abused in Italy. After all, the overwhelming proof was that some migrant Nigga had committed murder, not her and her greasy boyfriend. The Nigga's DNA was all over the place, including a bit pile of shit he left in the toilet. HE is still in jail, by the way.

She should've been read her Miranda Rights (no, not the Ochs song) and after interrogation, been released. Instead she went through years of farce and a fucking Chico Marx festival of incompetent cops, plus a few Mussolini judges and prosecutors.

But at this point, now acquitted, just GO AWAY.

This fucking bitch has a press agent? A manager? What's the corny pose for?

Why is she broadcasting her every move to the media? Why is she insanely comparing moving in with a boyfriend and sharing possessions to when she was hauled off to prison?? She wants everyone to remember who she is and what her moment of fame was all about?

When did she decide to switch from laying low to laying in public?

Does she really want to forever be referenced as "The chick who was accused of some 3-way sex orgy that became a Satantic murder"???

Yes, she sure looks like a moron in that oversized cap. Why wasn't it on backwards, darlin'? What's with that goofy gaze like you're Cher and he's Sonny?

What's with the oh-so-trendy faggot version of Bono you're clutching? "Oh, I think I'll wear effeminate gigantic glasses that even Elton John would laugh at. I'll cut notches into my beard. I'll wear my very own AMANDA jacket in red white and blue. I'll make sure to look SERIOUSLY FIERCE. Guess how expensive my oversized wristwatch is! Whooops, dearie!"

More from Assange the Rapist and Sunde the Brat

It's a sign of the ENTITLED TIMES that the morons and bullies of the Internet are cheering the latest bullshit from Assange and Sunde.

Any time these media whores want publicity, they get it. Worse, the "Comments" left on news websites, Twatter or Farcebook are almost always screaming cheers of "What a hero! Don't let the bastards ruin our FUN!"

Assange, who is abusing "sanctuary" by actually having an office in the embassy of some Banana Republic run by greasy stupid spics, just bragged that he'll "LEAK" documents on Hillary Clinton.

This kind of shit thrills third-rate steal-and-rewrite news websites, as you see from the above.

That's THEIR Photoshop, by the way.

Sadly, even more reputable sites have given this smug asshole plenty of coverage. The comments have been delirious, like: "Oh boy! Go for it, Julian! It'll be great reaing! Can't wait!"

Would the grinning kiddies leaving such comments be so happy if a hacker broke into their e-mails? Would they want a self-entitled Assange hacking THEM? What would be so different between what Assange does and the smirking Anonymous brat who hunts for dirty pictures on peoples' cell phones, steals them, and hoists them to TUMBLR blogs for a laugh?

Is it really fun to destroy someone's life by taking away their identity and privacy? Do people think a megalomaniac like Assange would stick to stealing from those who "deserve" it?

Fact is, Assange's "fans" don't actually "share" his view of anarchy. If they did, they'd have no locks on their doors. They'd "share" everything.

The average Assange fan is actually the type who would throw a newspaper in the trash and pour the last remnants of coffe on it, rather than leave it on a bench so somebody could get a "free read." No, it's "I bought this newspaper. Buy your own!" This is also the person who glowers if someone sitting in the next seat on the bus starts glancing over to get a "free read" of headlines.

So all Assange is doing is thrilling a bunch of hypocrites, malcontents and childish fools and sick bullies.

Now comes Sunde, one of the Pirate Bay brats, to once again insist that piracy is a lifestyle, a GOOD THING, and that all the little pirates should plot ways of giving away the hard work of people who are barely surviving.

Somehow, the people who LOVE Sunde and his gang, don't share the same enthusiasm for, say, stiffing the doctor, dentist or restaurant owner. Why not? Isn't that lovable anarchy, too? Get your service, and then bounce the check, or simply sneak away. Let somebody else pay.

There's a difference between the nigga who boosts stuff out of a store and a white Swedish pirate with a sophisticated torrent site for stealing AND making money off banner ads. The nigga would buy if he could afford it. He's not proud of his thievery. But the anti-social white prick, who could easily get a REAL job, giggles like a schoolgirl and smirks about being a "pirate" and an anti-social anarchist with some lofty "agenda." Except he'll run to the cops when he needs them, write to his government official when he needs to, and expects his landlord to guarantee him a safe secure home that nobody can break into.

Sunde and Assange...how nice if they were in a real jail, and could do nothing all day but go fuck each other.

Let's GAWK at NICK DENTON the BANKRUPT SCUMBAG

A lot of people are smiling today. Creepy NICK DENTON filed for bankruptcy.

Nick is the prick who figured it was funny to GAWK at a "leaked" sex video of Hulk Hogan. Right, and why DID this asshole think he had a legal right to do that?

Oh. Because This is the Internet. This is Entitlement. Here's another obnoxious website that can sneer and jeer and make up its own rules. You know, like the bloggers who post copyrighted material and say "For review purposes" or "Freedom of Speech."

Smiling now, Nick Denton?

There was, is, and always will be a scummy underbelly to the publishing world. I've seen it first hand. There are writers, photographers and publishers who LOVE getting even with their betters by being obnoxious slugs.

I'm no angel, but there were always lines I would not cross. There were companies I wouldn't work for. There were topics that were off limits. Some people at tabloids and at low class mags (and even a few "high class ones") enjoyed an "unhealthy pride" in their rotten work. They gloated over an outright lie. They smirked over an unflattering photo. And, yes, they confided that if they went bankrupt, they'd come right back again, pleased at screwing printers, writers, photographers, proofreaders, etc. etc.

Anyway, this DENTON asshole ran a despicable website that defended itself because it was...GAWKING. Ha ha, we're just staring at the awfulness. Hey, Alec Baldwin is in THIS restaurant RIGHT NOW. Go GAWK at him. Hey, look at the unflattering photos we found. GAWK at them. Here's Hulk Hogan and he doesn't know a sleazy pal of his has pointed a camcorder on him while he's fucking. Har!

Yeah, it's the GAWKER world, no different from Pirate Bay and Assange and so many others. Be hurtful without being truthful. Real nice.

GAWKER no doubt saw how other celebs caved in to an invasion of privacy. Oh well. Pam Anderson caved. Mindy McCready caved. Kim and Paris became famous because of their leaked porn videos. Har har. Surely Hulk Hogan, professional asshole, who spent most of his life hyping and lying and getting suckers to believe in his hokey world of faggoty fake wrestling...surely he'd cave too, and recognize a fellow huckster. NO.

Maybe The Hulkster won't get millions upon millions. Bankruptcy is a refuge to which the scoundrel clings. I've seen it first hand. I've seen cynical, nasty people use it proudly. Hogan won his case and it was about time. People forgot when Carol Burnett beat the Inquirer. It was a wake-up call that having an Internet website doesn't mean you can always say "Freedom of Speech" and "This is News" and make it stick when it STINKS. NICK DENTON is now officially a LOSER.