Let's "TWEET" About Death and "STUPID" Philip Seymour Hoffman and Jared Padalecki

It'd been a slow news day. Or, news weekend.

Thanks to the extremely boring, one-sided Super Bowl, and the lack of a decent halftime show, all the newspapers and TWITTER have been able to do is carry on about the death of portly Philip Seymour Hoffman, now elevated to "one of the greatest actors of our time."

Our time is pretty lousy. Anybody out there actually WATCH a Philip Seymour Hoffman film? I did see "Doubt" and I did see "Capote" and I doubt if anyone out there owns copies on DVD. They were good dramas, but not very pleasant. And as one writer actually noted, Mr. Hoffman was an unlikely "star," since he was flabby, chunky, somewhat porcine of face, and had seriously wimpy limp blond hair.

As usual, the best way of paying tribute to the poor bastard (make that rich bastard, since he was living in a $10,000 a month rented apartment), was to go on TWITTER and TWEET.

Really, is there anything more pathetic than using under 144 characters to remark on somebody who has overdosed and left 3 kids without a father? Not to mention leaving "fans" without another 10 years of movies they probably weren't going to go see? Oh, except maybe the fucking "Hunger Games" endless series of garbage...

But there they were, the famous and the famous-for-being-asswipes, all chucking their lame responses onto Twitter. "Shame." "Sad to hear about Philip Seymour Hoffman." "My heart goes out to his kids." And, of course, the biggest little TWEET of them all: "RIP."

Among the inter-changeable male stars out there, who galoot around with supermodels, go shirtless, and always seem to have a week's worth of fashion-stubble, some asshole named Jared Padalecki mentioned that Hoffman's overdose death was "Stupid."

It was, wasn't it? You get yourself into therapy. You go to a rehab center as many times as you need to. You take responsibility for being a parent. You find something other than fucking HEROIN as your drug of choice...especially shit you buy on the street from idiots who can cut it with all kinds of lethal junk.

Well, poor Jared had to remove his TWEET because various bird brains thought he was insensitive.

INSENSITIVE? Some vain, obnoxious, pretty-boy male celebrity who never made a movie worth watching? What ELSE would you expect?

Jared spits on a sad-faced blubbery Oscar-winner who is ten times the actor that he is?

How about giving him points for being a realist? What Hoffman did was both sad AND Stupid.

So...Jared TWEETED and CHIRPED his apology

This pussy-esque Jared guy has over a million followers on Twitter.

That's a million people who are either on Molly or cough syrup or inhaling vapor off deodorant cans...or are STUPID.

Super Bowl Stinkers: BOB DYLAN and JERRY SEINFELD

Yes, it was a dull and boring "Super Bowl," which included fans furious at the inconvenience of going to New Jersey for it, and locals pissed off at Times Square being shut down for asshole events (including asshole moose-faced Mayor Bill De Spastic playing games with his mushroom-headed moron son).

The best the papers could do, was try and point to the wonderful million-dollar ads that ran on TV.

According to the papers, the biggie was having three members of "Seinfeld" reprise their characters. Yawn. "Jerry" and "George" went into a diner to indulge in some very unfunny bickering...with "Newman" showing up at the last minute to making an ugly leering face and show that he's gained back all the weight he lost when the show went off the air.

For my British friends, let's just say that it would be just as hilarious for the lead characters of "Only Fools and Horses" to be hauled out of their graves and shown mouldering for 60 seconds.

The other ad that seems to have gotten after-show attention, featured Bob Dylan. I wonder how many who watched it even knew it was Bob. Maybe that's why, halfway into it, there was a shot of Bob Dylan songbooks. That way, most people who didn't pick up on the cool voice, would finally get it. So what was Bob shilling? Oh, how AMERICAN the automobile industry is. Git it? AMERICA...land of cool things, and ultra hipness, and baseball...sells CARS. So, Bob growls, "Let Germany brew your beer. Let Switzerland make your watch. Let Asia assemble your phone. WE will build your car."

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Right, let other countries make billions of dollars...including the fucking Chinese making the Apple products and phones...but a few hapless darkies in Detroit working on a fucking assembly line...THAT is what America and Bob Dylan is counting on? First off, Detroit is still fucked up, despite Obama supposedly saving the auto industry. Second, most people drive a Toyota. And third, Chrysler, the company Bob was pitching, IS NOT OWNED BY AMERICA IT IS OWNED BY FIAT.

PS, Bob, ever hear of St. Louis? Isn't that where Budweiser is made? Ever hear of Schlitz, "the beer that made Milwaukee famous"? How about Schmidt's, brewed in Philadelphia? How about Coors of Colorado? You really tellin' the American public to drink imported beer from Germany instead?? And Timex? What the fuck is wrong with Timex, an American company last time I checked the time?

A more realistic spot would be 60 seconds of "Everything is Broken."

Or 60 seconds of swastika symbols behind "The Times They Are a Changing," followed by four words: "Google is Your Friend."

Super Bowl Stinker: PUSSY BRUNO MARS

Happily, the SUPER BOWL was a toilet bowl...a stinking shitty fiasco.

Good, America spends months and months looking forward to a stupid football game...and it's a STUPID FOOTBALL GAME.

The "game" itself was a blow-out, with the chicken-named "Seattle Sea Hawks" so far ahead at half-time, it was impossible for the better-named Denver Broncos to win. What do you suppose happened around the country? Assholes in bars had nothing to cheer about. Assholes throwing super bowl parties at home had nothing to do but keep tossing their fat-fingers into the chip bowl and lathering their junk food with dip. Did people actually stop drinking beer and find something better to do with the rest of the evening?

Did they actually stay to watch the "entertainment" this year...in the form of some boring, bland, pretty-boy pussy-esque pretender named BRUNO MARS?

WHO THE FUCK IS BRUNO MARS?

Some middle-of-the-road slab of butter who prettifies and waters down already imitative shit like Michael Jackson (who was nothing much besides a moonwalk). Yeah, the guy has "talent," but what does he do with it? Self-absorbed crooning? Cheesy smiling? Being a safer Michael Jackson, a slimmer Fats Domino, or a darker Josh Groban? A less hip Kid Creole? Who the FUCK cares?

I guess the thinking was, "Let's have somebody whites can tolerate, blacks can tolerate, kids can tolerate..."

No, I didn't watch the Super Bowl. Not one fucking bit of it. I don't like wasting time on UNIMPORTANT SHIT.

Black on White Crime: The Pope's DOVE attacked by CROW

It's so uplifting, such a spectator delight, seeing white doves "freed" by The Pope...or is it?

It must be horrifying for children and animal lovers to see the beautiful doves released...only to be taken down by crows.

According to the ENPA, an animal rights group, ""Animals born in captivity, not being wild animals, aren't able to recognize predators as such and are thus incapable of fleeing from possible dangerous situations." And so it was, that when two doves were tossed from an open window at the Apostolic Palace on January 26th...both were attacked by predatory birds. Fortunately, the doves weren't instantly killed. They apparently managed to withstand the attacks and flew out of sight. Only to be ultimately pecked to death?

Religious rituals tend to be nutty. Think about the Orthodox Jewish assholes who know just the "right way" to slaughter a chicken...and also insist that the dead bird must be waved around and around in a particular way. Like, God is watching to see how some ugly in-born moron waves a dead fowl over his head?

The dove-tossing ritual began with Pope John Paul II. You can understand his good intention...the symbolic release of captive birds to give them freedom...and the image of the Dove of Peace flying over the land...then sitting on a window sill and shitting in the eye of some Italian moron looking up. Actually, the last time John Paul II tried to give Italy the bird, it was in 2005, on a cold January day...and the dove refused to fly off, preferring the warmth of the room it was in!

Ex-tourism minister Michela Brambilla told the Associated Press that the Pope (named after St. Francis of Assisi) might listen to those who object to this good-hearted but ultimately stupid ritual. "It is clear that traditions of many years reach a moment where they have to be reconsidered," she said.

Animal lovers might be sated if the doves (pigeons, actually) were captured in the wild, and then released back into the wild with only a few days detention. To keep these animals in a coop, and then literally fling them out into the world after having been hand-fed and coddled, is like handing them a death sentence. Then again, Americans think nothing of having a national holiday that revolves around slaughtering turkeys.

The RAT BASTARDS of Spain - another idiot nation that should be booted from the United Nations

You thought the loco idiots of Spain only went nuts with the "running of the bulls?"

Hell no, that's far from the only bull shit from Spain. How about throwing rats around? Hey, that's real hygienic.

This is the 21st Century. THIS is how some people are amused?

There are also places that have organized food fights (as if people aren't starving in other backward shit-head parts of the world, like gang-rape-friendly India).

Me, I'd rather listen to an old Marty Feldman record.

Specifically, the harmless insane bit where an old lady and a crazed old man (played by Feldman, natch) visit a travel agency. Feldman ends up going nuts (more than usual). And yes, there's a rat reference...

The old couple are angry at the owner of a travel agency and compare him unfavorably to a friend named Arthur...

Old Woman:
HE was a gentleman.
Old Man:
Arthur was. And a murderer...
Old Woman:
He wouldn't have stood for any of your nonsense.
Old Man:
No.
Old Woman:
He would have bitten your throat out. Old Man:
He would have done. Arthur was a gentleman.
Old Woman:
He was, yes
Old Man:
He made the finest vanilla blancmange outside of Leamington.
Old Woman:
And and and he took no truck from darkies, and I'll tell you one thing, he could...he could juggle with rats...
Old Man:
(moving towards the door) Well thank you! Well that was fun, wasn't it?
Old Woman:
Yes, now let's go and destroy the grocer.

Go hunt up the whole routine. Believe me, it's a lot more amusing than throwing rats around.

Gang Rape Religious Fanatics in INDIA...boot this backward stinking country from the U.N.

There is no excuse, in the 21st Century, for backward totally insane monkey-men to run wild. If the government of a country does not have strong laws and a President to emphatically deny hate, prejudice and violence...then boot that country out of the United Nations.

It seems every week there's a new outrage from India, involving gang rape. What is especially disgusting in the case below, is that these religious fanatic hypocrites who are disgusted by a woman being involved with someone of a different religion....aren't too disgusted to have sex with her.

Why don't you SHUN a woman like that, you simian barfi-eating bastards? You filthy scum? You hypocrite degenerate orangutans?

The correct response, in even the most backward parts of Hull, would be "I wouldn't touch her with a barge pole," or in Mississippi, "I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole," or in Warsaw, "I wouldn't touch her, and neither should any Pole."

Isn't it just a LITTLE BIT PERVERTED that so-called "religious" people actually would let a woman off the hook IF SHE GAVE THEM ENOUGH MONEY?

Isn't it just a LITTLE BIT PERVERTED that some so-called "leader" in filthy India would be so "moral" as to create live pornography for men, women and CHILDREN to witness??

Imagine the outrage if a bunch of blacks in Africa did that to a white woman, or if a bunch of whites did that to a black woman in Alabama. But because it's Indian-on-Indian, and it happens in a crazed, dirty, animal-like country where gang rape is so common...the outrage is minimal. Hell, you don't even see any women's groups bitching about it. So it'll happen again and again.

India, the land of Gandhi, and the Taj Mahal, is just one sick sikh sicko country and unfortunately it's hardly the only country that so openly tolerates hatred and mindlessly cruel behavior. What's India except the poor man's North Korea, the shit head's Iran, a country of tiny-dicked gutless weasels.

And let's toss in Pakistan, the dirtbag country of more insane religious fanatics and lunatics, who have followed Indian mental cases into the U.K. to gang rape women there and force them into white slavery. People in the U.K. are afraid to point out how these Paki assholes are out of control and forming violent gangs?

How about if India and Pakistan just mutually blow themselves the fuck up? THEY ARE FUCKED UP.

BONO + EDGE = PHIL COLLINS

No, it's not too late to mention the Golden Globes...

...because tiresome assholes Bono and "The Edge" won an award for some shitty theme song for a Mandela movie. I would've preferred the shitty song Taylor Swift wrote for some other shitty movie.

These two silly-named morons are becoming more and more like Phil Collins every year. They write insipid, disposable pop pap. Now they're into Broadway and Films. What next, they're gonna go marry each other like Elton John and David Furnish? Then they can really settle down to appealing to gay audiences.

PS, guys, the "accessories" are getting a tad old, don't you think? Bono and his fairy-pink sunglasses, and moron "The Edge" with that dumbass knit cap. What's the deal, "The Edge" has a receding hairline? And, oh yeah, Little Steven the greasy all-nose no-face spit-swapper for Broooos has a lock on do-rags.

Christ, look at these two assholes.

There's no edge to The Edge. Danny Bonaduce has more cred.

As for Bono, it seems that once in a while, he can get off his soap box and take some instruction on how to be entertaining. Amy Poehler got him to pretend to be sort of her "trainer," giving her a massage and keeping her loose when her name was called, along with four other nominees, in some "Best Actress" category or other. That was kind of funny to see...

What?

You're not even smiling? Well then we can just continue to call Bono a sanctimonious full-of-shit douchebag in ridiculous sunglasses.

PS, the fusspots who complained that Jackie Bisset gave a strange speech...no, she didn't. She was a little awed at winning (if you're over 50 and you're not Meryl Streep, you will not likely win). I liked her line that you can remain beautiful best by forgiving. This was followed by quoting her mother who said that people who give you shit (that word was censored) can "Go to hell, and never come back." So all the fags who tittered about her speech...go to hell and don't come back.

Lastly, Woody Allen is a genius. One of the very few. He writes, directs, and at times even acts in his own films. His output of nearly 50 original films is astounding. For a genius, he's a pretty good guy. It's sickening that some Hollywood assholes are treating him the same way a previous generation of assholes treated Chaplin. Reports, quite accurate, noted that the drunks and jerks at the Golden Globes sat on their hands when it was announced he was getting a Lifetime Achievement Award. Like, uh, can we applaud this guy and risk Ronan Farrow throwing a hissy fit? Fuckin' Farrow, who has made a name for himself ONLY by dissing Woody Allen? Props and guts to Diane Keaton for accepting the award in his honor, and pointing out what a tremendous amount of good, original and at times risk-taking films this guy has made. Naturally she got the same abuse as Bisset, hooted at for talking too much and being a tad eccentric. (See: Go to hell and don't come back).

Put it this way, Woody's contribution to culture dwarfs Bono and "The Edge" and all the year's Golden Globe winners combined. Anybody gonna be talking about or renting Adam Sandler or Amy Poehler sitcoms ten years from now? Anyone going to be talking about Kevin Spacey's mini-series on Netflix? Scorcese gets the ovations as the greatest living director. That idiot Tarantino is considered a genius. And everyone's supposed to be in awe of every Spike Lee "joint." But Woody Allen...who is maverick enough to ignore all awards shows...is treated coldly even when he gets a Lifetime Achievement award? People who deny Woody Allen...go to hell and don't come back.