Fan-Boy Carl McClod To Laser Off his "VILEY VIRUS" Tattoos

What can you say besides "OMIGOD!"

CARL McCLOD says he's dismayed at how unwholesome Miley Cyrus became, and is now...infatuated with GOOTUBE chirper SHAUNA CUNTWELL!

QUOTING FROM THE PAPER:

McClod, unemployed in Balham, whose only skill is "toothbrush holesmanship," says he needs "to work, and to get laid. Or at least, to be able to masturbate again. Having VILEY VIRUS all over my hands turns me off."

Originally proud of his 29 tattoos, glad for the attention, he became discouraged and anxious when his love for Miley Cyrus was not returned.

"Well," he says, "I think my big mistake was tattooing VILEY VIRUS all over myself. But honestly, I thought that was her name. I saw all these sexy pictures on a very popular blog, and the author, a Mr. Ill Folks, said her name was Viley Virus. Gee, you can't believe all you read on the Internet."

McClod says, "Getting the tattoos was a painful process. I had to pay for them." It costs even more to get them off. "Sandpaper," he admits, "doesn't grow on trees!"

He's hoping to raise enough money on GoFundaTwit to pay for laser treatments to speed up the process. "I need a professional. I shoved my arm into my laser printer, and all I did was break the damn thing. My arm, not the printer."

McClod still has VILEY VIRUS on his chest, and various strange symbols. "No, I have no idea what they mean. Some crazy Muslim did those while stabbing me with a ballpoint pen."

He has been able to amend some of his tattoos by changing the references to his new obsession, SHAUNA CUNTWELL. "I saw her stuff on GooTube. She sings like Taylor Swift, if Taylor Swift was a nauseous mouse. I kinda got into it, you know? She's wholesome. I bet she doesn't fuck anyone, and keeps her twat shaved nice and smooth like a plastic doll. She's just waiting for the right guy. ME!"

Once a fan-boy, always a fan-boy.

"People look at me," Carl admits, "and shout 'GIANT ASSHOLE.' Well, all I can say is I'm very sorry. I should never have gotten that tattoo of a giant asshole."

Poor kid, the giant asshole was an attempt to cover up the huge picture of Miley's face on his back.

Sho' Nuff. SEAN'S SHITTED AGAIN

One review began, "The album might benefit from the low expectations..."

Indeed, we've suffered such disappointment from Jo-Yo's second spawn, who figures this nice enough fellow will EVER come up with ANYTHING that even sounds like third-rate Lennon or Ono?

Gotta feel a bit sorry for him, as he always gets questions about Dad and Mum, and grew up in quite a bizarre fish bowl. But enough already. Especially with an awful, never-ending piece of pretentious prog-rock jibber-jabber like THIS:

Thanks, Rolling Stone, for the legal bootleg stream of the one song.

If this is the best track on the album...JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZES.

In his own weird and unpleasant way, Sean is just as much stuck in "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds"-era Beatles knock-offs as his half-brother.

Julian's approach is to be wan, bewildered, lonely and melodic.

Sean, perhaps reflecting his Mum, chooses to embrace an Alice in Wonderland world, and make it WORSE with discord, Zappafrappes, and badly fried thefts from Genesis, Van Der Graaf, Tull, and any number of other now-dated sources.

At least he's no longer wearing dresses.

He does seem to have adopted a permanent pussy-fierce glower.

Kenya Dig It? NO. Kenya CUT it? YES, if it's TWAT LIPS!

Sometimes, we in the civilized world, find it difficult to consider "people of color" as anything less than animals and barbarians and lunatics.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, my reaction to this story was: "Isn't this the 21st Century you superstition-laden Monkey morons??"

Most people believe that penile circumcision, though a religious ritual, is based on some kind of logic. Even thousands of years ago, it was believed that smegma wasn't edible, and that the foreskin was, along with the appendix, a mistake that evolution would probably erase with time. Modern doctors believe that circumcision prevents a variety of diseases including forms of cancer.

But vaginal circumcision? Where the fuck is THAT in The Bible or Koran? Nowhere. It's something thought up in a country that didn't have writing paper or running water until the white man came along.

The point of carving away the labia? Digging a knife and scooping out the clitoris??

Oh, let's NOT outlaw antiquated, idiotic tribal "laws" and rituals.

Let's tolerate maniacs who, despite astrological science, think Allah sits on a cloud raging about too many white people living in the UK or USA.

As I've said before, even Arab-loving Jimmy Carter gently replied that he could not and would not try and dissuade "ritual circumcision" in the Middle East.

Where is the famous Kenyan, Mr. Obama, on this? Has he ever given a speech declaring female circumcision to be an insane and vicious practice that his own father did not approve of? Or did his father carve away at Mom's white genitalia before he'd fuck her?

While we're at it...let's embrace the fucking ZIKA virus, and not quarantine Brazil, or move the Olympic summer games from that disease-filled psycho-country of rapists and killers and drug addicts and whores.

Oh, the white man's burden.

With their sorrowful puppy eyes, the hungry and the mutilated in these backward countries look to US to intercede on their behalf. Too bad the REST of the people in their countries hate us and don't want us to interfere, and become avenging "terrorists" when they migrate to our countries.

Max Prendergast would be Proud

"They say, that for one reason or another, Berlin has become the most DANGEROUS city in Europe!"

I believe that's the quote.

Max Prendergast said it. You remember him.

"The Joker."

"There! You knew it all along."

It's a good thing, Emma, that you were not at the rock concert in Berlin the other evening. Some gang of Muslims may have frightened you. Or cut you up with plastic scissors. Or given you the hands-up-the-cunt treatment the Muzzies gave Lara Logan in Egypt.

After all, Germany is now Little Egypt, is it not? Little Syria, perhaps?

Berlin, the major city for getting all news about Germany, broke this story:

Rapists, murderers, terrorists. Merkel waved them all in.

As Max would tell you, they are "insignificant refugees." Why complain? Just look the other way, assuming they haven't ripped out your eyeballs.

How about saying sluts and fuck-monkeys are ADULT at 13?

Yes, today's news has some of the usual headlines like: "Teacher on the lam after admitting to sex with 13 year-old student." Or: "Security guard arrested for using force in pulling a disruptive FEMALE student out of the classroom."

Know what? Why not make 13 the new legal age for getting married AND being prosecuted as an adult? Thanks to the Internet, and monkey immigrants who believe children should marry as soon as they sprout a pubic hair, there's hardly any virgins on the planet. Few older than 13.

As Chaplin proved almost 100 years ago, pop culture can turn any under-age bint into a Lolita. He married one. So why the surprise when someone just a year younger than Lita Grey, is taking nude selfies of herself and keeping them on her cell phone?

Uh-oh, DON'T YOU GET INVOLVED, McCoy, you awful-awful pedophile!

Who is she? She's a woman who was outraged to discover the nude photo this nasty little slut had on her phone. Was she showing it to all the boys? Was she aware somebody might hack her phone and post the image on the Internet??

What happened next? Well, the old lady took the phone away, somehow hacked the girl's FARCEBOOK page, and uploaded the image. Then she changed the girl's password so she couldn't take the photo down.

As in, "There, Little Miss Bint, now EVERYONE can see your nude photo!"

OK, the old lady got a little TOO angry, obviously.

She probably knew that the bint's parents wouldn't do anything and "took the law into her own hands," which, gee, golly, you NEVER should do. Be apathetic instead.

NOW she's doing a YEAR in the slammer. And, get this, she's a registered "pedophile."

Fuckin' fuck's sake, a PEDOPHILE? The woman obviously is NOT deriving sexual pleasure from seeing a nude photo of an underage girl. But, go ahead, find a way to wreck her life and jail her.

Niggas get off with NO jail time for punching, beating and slashing people. Most any 15 year-old can do the same and hardly get a slap on the wrist. A little bitch can walk around naked on the beach in too many parts of the country, and it's OK.

The old woman should've been sentenced to a year in jail, SUSPENDED on good behavior. That would've been enough.

Just how are adults supposed to deal with wise-ass brats who, at 16,15, or even 13, refuse to behave in school, indulge in petty crime and violence, take drugs, and have sex with each other?

One teacher had a novel idea: if you can't beat 'em (literally), then be cool. Try to teach them in the language they might understand.

How ELSE do you teach MAFF to MONKEYS? How ELSE do you keep these ADD maniacs from defiantly sexting each other or playing video games and make them LEARN something and LISTEN TO YOU? Huh, TEACH?

One or two brats got offended by the Math teacher's amusing puzzles. A few parents got upset, too.

Back in the quaint pre-Beatles and pre-Vietnam era, a Broadway show called "Bye Bye Birdie" (based on Elvis going into the Army), offered a song called "KIDS." As sung by the cringing, quivering, feverish homosexual comedian Paul Lynde, the question was WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KIDS TODAY???

The funniest thing about the song was that it was sung by Lynde, who was playing the FATHER of a panty-wetting rock-star adoring teenage girl. Him? A father?? Did the British version have Kenneth Williams in the role??

Yes, every generation is the same: the adults think the kids are out of control. Guess what, every generation has been RIGHT. Now, it's become downright unhealthy and lethal. Nobody's controlling the brats. Nobody is safeguarding what they see. Slut monsters like Madonna shrug and say, "It's up to the parents (to monitor the kids 24/7 and be ogres and spies screaming at them for using the Internet and denying them the access their friends have)."

Among the things you can't do these days: tell an obnoxious teenager to shut the fuck up and stop cursing on the bus, or tell the teen and the rest of the family to stop digging up the grass and breaking tree branches at the public park, or stare when a 14 year-old smokes some skunk in front of you.

If a kid steals your hat and runs away, or kicks you in the shin, just walk away. Or hobble away.

A better solution: treat 'em like adults. Because they are.

Yoo hoo, LOU WHO??

One of the interesting things about Internet downloading, is you do get to see ALL the TV from other countries. This means that tapping into England, we can see most any popular show, not just "Downton Fucking Abbey." I can get Sky Sports and Box Nation and see guys who are champs but don't get on chauvinistic American TV, like Burns or Crolla. Rawling is a very good announcer, by the way. One of the best.

It's possible to "enjoy" such dubious but standard Britfare as Jonathan Woss, Graham Ignorton, "Britain Hasn't Got Much Talent," and yes, the "X-crement Factor."

It's interesting, seeing strangers that another country considers STARS. Sometimes, it's baffling. Jonathan is the best the Brits can do? He's always been mediocre. He gets off a witty ad-lib very rarely. He's a lummox. He's not nearly as edgy as he thinks he is, and he lobs easy questions much more often than he throws a wicked one. Graham? He has personality. You can see why he's on TV.

But LOUIS WALSH?? I first saw this twit as a substitute judge on "BGT," lauded with "great to have you" back-slapping from various dubious idiots (like David Walliams who is almost as inexplicable as James Corden for being as big as he is).

What did Walsh do? Nothing. He was the autistic version of Ernie Wise. He was, to be generous, an old and very senile elf. So what was he, I asked myself, an old vaudeville singer or something?

Turns out he's just a "manager," responsible for British boy bands nobody in America knows.

Somehow, his friendly rival Slimy Towel put him on "X Factor" and "BGT" as some kind of favor? Some way that the two of them could be like Hitler and Mussolini and "share" the overflowing shit-pot of money?

Being on a game show, he can get away with it. On a real sitcom or drama, you better have talent and personality. Even if I got bored with "Rising Damp" I could see why the guy was popular. I could easily feel comfortable with Lyndhurst on that stupid "After You've Gone" show. But chat shows (daytime or night time) and game shows seem to give a free pass to mediocrity. Walsh? WALSH?

The current hoary panel for "X Factor" is, with the exception of WALSH, desperately flogging the old formula: give the public loudmouth personalities or eye candy.

Simon will be Simon, Sharon will be Sharon and there's a glamour-cunt to take the mind off how ugly everyone else is. On "Britain's Got Talent" they have TWO glamour-cunts to balance Simon and Walliams. In America, they also have two glamour-cunts to balance Howard Stern (now replaced by COWELL!) and Howie Mandell: aging Teutonic twat Heidi Klum and an ethnic loudmouth ex-Spice Girl. The charisma is there, even if you loathe them.

But LOU WALSH??? He's like the bread sticks standing around amid an exotic meal and unusual appetizers. What's the point of this stale, colorless, bland THING?

Gorilla Case Latest: Callin' da POE-lease? SPIN, BABY, SPIN!

So, Mammy got death threats.

Twitter is buzzing with "Make her pay damages!" and "Throw her in jail for child neglect!"

Suddenly she and her swarming African bees that she couldn't control, and her big fat criminal hubby, ain't smilin' for the camera. They aren't on Farcebook shouting "Praise da Lawdy, one of our over-spawn is safe! Accidents will happen!"

The police announced that in response to a petition of 100,000, and public outrage, they WILL (nominally) investigate the family.

That's enough for them to have a "representative" issue statements on their behalf.

Unlike the British media, the American media, still deathly afraid of calling a spade a spade, REFUSES to name or show photos of these low-class slobs. Don't they realize this is a NEWS story and the public has every right to know? Or is the media afraid that a BLACK family can sue and get millions of dollars because you don't name and shame BLACK people?

How about a simple, "We'd be racist if we showed an obese nigga and her niglets and an ugly criminal hulk. We only want to show scowling Kanye or pretty-pretty Beyonce, the millionaires of the American dream."

Apparently "lawyered up," you can tell that THIS message was NOT written by Mammy at all. It was carefully worded and bland.

Witnesses have said that this brat was squealing and hollering about wanting to get into the enclosure, and that Mammy just told him to hush up. Then she got distracted by the rest of her spawn, and "it took thirty seconds or a minute" for the brat to find a way to get through the protection and make his way toward the gorilla. That's a LONG time to NOT notice where your brat is.

Let's remember that brats can get lost, run into traffic, get kidnapped...and Mammy doesn't put a few of her pups on a leash? Doesn't have extra help when going to a distracting lively place like a ZOO? Is this NOT NEGLIGENCE??

Let's also note that in several similar cases, the gorilla tenderly cared for the wayward child. After all, what kind of threat is a little thing that sort of looks like a baby gorilla? In this case, the gorilla actually swept the brat OUT of the water where it could've drowned. Much of the footage shows the gorilla simply sitting and looking at this dopey thing in front of him. It's moronic human emotion that has some insisting, "the gorilla was scared and agitated." Scared? Of a stupid little 3 year-old that wasn't screaming or hollering? Agitated? The animal has become thoroughly bored in captivity and doesn't even mind seeing a mob of idiots screaming and taking pictures all day.

Some bitch (probably white) wrote an open letter to Mammy, urging her to ignore the death threats and "mob mentality," because she (the bitch) has kids too: "It's so easy for the young ones to wander off. I sympathize with you." Yeah. Except the kneejerk bitch wasn't there, and is discounting the testimony that this little brat had already shouted about what he was going to do, and Mammy didn't much care.

It's "nice" that the story has gotten so much attention, but since it's a BLACK family (unmarried of course, four bastards), the attention is being diverted to: "Should we still have zoos?" and "Doesn't everyone realize that in a situation like that, killing the animal is the ONLY alternative?"

Say something "nice" about all of this? OK, it's also a momentary distraction from the tedious presidential race.