Fan-Boy Carl McClod To Laser Off his "VILEY VIRUS" Tattoos

What can you say besides "OMIGOD!"

CARL McCLOD says he's dismayed at how unwholesome Miley Cyrus became, and is now...infatuated with GOOTUBE chirper SHAUNA CUNTWELL!

QUOTING FROM THE PAPER:

McClod, unemployed in Balham, whose only skill is "toothbrush holesmanship," says he needs "to work, and to get laid. Or at least, to be able to masturbate again. Having VILEY VIRUS all over my hands turns me off."

Originally proud of his 29 tattoos, glad for the attention, he became discouraged and anxious when his love for Miley Cyrus was not returned.

"Well," he says, "I think my big mistake was tattooing VILEY VIRUS all over myself. But honestly, I thought that was her name. I saw all these sexy pictures on a very popular blog, and the author, a Mr. Ill Folks, said her name was Viley Virus. Gee, you can't believe all you read on the Internet."

McClod says, "Getting the tattoos was a painful process. I had to pay for them." It costs even more to get them off. "Sandpaper," he admits, "doesn't grow on trees!"

He's hoping to raise enough money on GoFundaTwit to pay for laser treatments to speed up the process. "I need a professional. I shoved my arm into my laser printer, and all I did was break the damn thing. My arm, not the printer."

McClod still has VILEY VIRUS on his chest, and various strange symbols. "No, I have no idea what they mean. Some crazy Muslim did those while stabbing me with a ballpoint pen."

He has been able to amend some of his tattoos by changing the references to his new obsession, SHAUNA CUNTWELL. "I saw her stuff on GooTube. She sings like Taylor Swift, if Taylor Swift was a nauseous mouse. I kinda got into it, you know? She's wholesome. I bet she doesn't fuck anyone, and keeps her twat shaved nice and smooth like a plastic doll. She's just waiting for the right guy. ME!"

Once a fan-boy, always a fan-boy.

"People look at me," Carl admits, "and shout 'GIANT ASSHOLE.' Well, all I can say is I'm very sorry. I should never have gotten that tattoo of a giant asshole."

Poor kid, the giant asshole was an attempt to cover up the huge picture of Miley's face on his back.