BASKET CASE LOVES WORKING FOR "TIPS"

"Whee, hooray for ME," shrieks Basket Case, "I've been written up in The London Daily Somali, the British newspaper for newly arrived African immigrants. They report that my idea of GIVING IT AWAY is perfectly in sync with their idea of TAKING IT."

Indeed, the paper's story opens with a photo of our white-shaded pail head slumming with a recently arrived darkie on a nude beach at Porthcurno, Cornwall. "I told him I would sing him a song for free. He told me he'd give me a big tip. Yike, he wasn't kidding!"

Below, the story as it appeared in The London Daily Somali, written by a former staffer at the Grimsby Telegraph, who quit because he wasn't sucking enough black cock in Freeman Street alleyways. He loves writing about Somali butt pirates, and immigrants who come up with clever ways of making money, like stealing, holding ships for ransom, and pimping out stupid girls. 

A former therapist, hence the name "Basket Case," the lady has made a success out of her unique plan: don't charge admission, just beg for donations, and secretly enjoy the cushion of a FIVE THOUSAND POUND grant.

"Some singers and groups on my circuit insist they should be paid, but I think they'll do better if they simply perform, then pass the hat and say "pay what you want." Oh yes, and make sure their hotel, food and expenses are pre-paid by the Arts Council, or GoFundMe or a rich relative, or even a Nigga pimp who rents you out for assfucking gangbangs in Bristol." 

The affluent Harley Street twit admits, "I can easily indulge myself for several years, and if I somehow fail to get a label deal, and fail to get the months of bookings needed to actually make a living at this, well, I'm so pale I'll have no shortage of black men widening my rectum till I can bend over and it looks like there's a hibernating skunk in there. No, it's just a big black gaping hole with some white gooey smears of Nigga-jizz."

Informally, she has a song called "White Gooey Smears of Nigga-Jizz," but donations are skint when she plays it in concert, and she doesn't sing it in private, "because Niggas like rap music, and when I sing, they can't get it up. In fact, I just bend over and shut the fuck up while I'm fucked." 

Self-managed for the moment, she's caught the eye of a pompous Bristol webmaster. Says Roland, "She's only making use of the hole HERE. If I took over her website, and her career, she'd be fucked HERE, HERE and HERE, and make triple the money. I'd merely take 90% of it, but that includes arranging for her meals (beer only, food extra), the bus to the train (but not to the next train or the next bus), and of course the extra 10% I'd take for being her opening act." Roland was continuing to brag, using archaic seven-syllable words, when Basket Case's pimp said, "If you don't shut yo mouth, I will put my black dick in it." Roland pondered the offer quite seriously for several minutes, before backing away. 

It was at this point that a ditsy Irish bint wandered in, saying, "Being in your 20's is so confusing." She was referring to her I.Q. She  turned to Basket Case and said, "It really annoys me when people take credit for things that are not theirs. I began shaving my twat long before YOU ever did." Basket Case, enraged, pulled up her skirt, pulled down her knickers, and displayed her pubic tuft of light orangutan orange-brown hair. "I'm traditional," Basket Case pap-sneered. 

Shauna gasped. "I've never seen such a distorted vagina!" Basket Case admitted, "Being fucked by Somalis most every night is gonna alter things. The opening is pretty stretched and when I walk it wibbles and wobbles like a retarded old Ubangi's lips." 

Shauna rummaged in her purse and brought out a razor. "Here, Basket Case," she said, "try shaving. I can smell how crusty your pubes are with dried come. It's SO difficult to get rid of snotty clots of Nigga-goo! A shaved twat makes things much easier. Oh, I hope I'm not sounding racist and disgusting, as usually I just sound mindlessly retarded." Basket Case smiled and said, "Go fuck yourself, you pie-faced eye-brow raising autistic yellow-haired canary." Shauna jumped up and down with glee: "She replied to me! Just like Ashley Tisdale! Ommagosh!" 

It seems like the future is pay-to-play clubs, begging for donations, and white girls pimping themselves out to immigrants. Said the Somali, "Last summer in Porthcurno was good, but by next summer, another five thousand of my people will be in England. They will be heading toward more beaches to find more bitches next Summer. I myself plan to travel to new resorts to recruit white twat. Believe me, when I'm done next summer, Blackpool will live up to its name!"