MORE Stones and Steely? The World is Saved

I read the news today...oh shit.

A full page ad announces a fucking WEEK of shows by...who? Huh? Two boring old men who do corny jazz-pop fusion shit?

And a "new" album by a 70-something duo that hate each other, plus a drummer who never seemed to care about either of 'em? And a few sidemen smirking and watching it all?

Ooof. Steely Dan and the Rolling Stones. We start with the former.

WHEN are people going to get over their misplaced LOVE of Steely Fucking Dan?

This duo is so mediocre, so pedestrian, so trite, so full of their own pretentious shit. Why is it that most contemporaries of this band either can't get a booking, or play small tours to a cult? Yet whenever they want to, this duo of dipshits can command a prominent venue.

The Stones? Most of their contemporaries (such as The Animals and the Kinks) can barely book a 100 seat bar-restaurant, get almost no press, and have no label deal. But the Stones make major news for an album of...COVERS. Shauna Cuntwell does COVERS. What's the excuse from the Grimmer Twins?

Mick and Keith are going to give fans just what they DON'T want and NEVER wanted: shitty rock versions of shitty blues songs.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, fans of The Beatles, the Stones, the Animals, Clapton, Dylan and any other groups or artists you want to name, NEVER cared about their blooooze influences. They never bought Chuck Berry or Muddy Waters albums. They never gave a damn about Robert Johnson or Blind Willie McTell. Why? Because it's old shit, it's annoying, it all sounds alike, and with very few exceptions, it's too simple and dumb to be worth hearing over and over. "Lord lord, I'm goin' ta Mississippi..." "Ooh, got me Delta blues..." "Marie is only six years old, information please..." That last one, we got the punchline to that mediocre joke, and how many more times do we need to hear that thing?

So at this very late date, Jagger is doing a Lennon "Roots" deal? Who put a gun to his head? We know that the infamous Morris Levy (who once helmed a loss-leader tax-dodge mostly amateur artist label called Tiger Lily) forced what was pretty much of a bootleg. All John could do was try and make a "legit" version of it, but WHO listens to it? How many of us fast-forward The Beatles' cover versions of Chuck Berry and Carl Perkins? EVERYONE.

So, no, reports of a Stones COVER album may fill up space in what's left of the daily newspaper, but it ain't good news.

As for a full page local ad promoting OVER A WEEK of a doofus duo revisiting all their tediously swingin' albums, what's next, Blood Sweat & Tears? Chicago? Dan always had a clueless older audience, the kind that would indeed own "big band" BS&T and Chicago albums, too (but not Ten Wheel Drive...too raw). Maybe this is just the last gasp for both the artists and their fans. After that, the duo can change their name to FUCK and OFF.