Disgusting? The Adam & Eve Hostel in Blackpool was FUN!

Testimony from a happy tourist:

When I went on holiday to Blackpool, I didn't want to spend much on a room, so 75 pounds for five days seemed a bargain. It was, compared to sleeping out on the street! It also was a lot of fun because of all the activities that were free! 

These included a treasure hunt (wow, free soiled knickers found under the bed, a half-full bottle of Ribena left on top of the sink, and a cd by some twat named Saskia). Forget video games, I had fun flicking ants off the sheets and kicking a rat down the stairs. What exercise I had, having to use a restaurant loo because the one two flights up the stairs was clogged with shit! 

In an emergency, I used the sink! 



The walls and floors were attractively stained, and the place was so freezing cold I never took off my boots! The owner apologized about how a woman was sexually attacked because the door to her room didn't lock, and mine did. He offered to fix my door so it didn't lock and he could sexually attack me. He said the rapist from last night had been caught by the police, and wasn't available. This was a guy named Darren Lock, who gave himself away by posting all about it on GooTube. He made all kinds of piggish face and rolled his eyes. He said he was entitled to do what he wanted because the door was open anyway. Then he admitted he would've found a way inside if he had to. Darren stuck a finger in his nose, to prove he was an expert Lock-picker. 

There was a drunken woman who howled all night, screaming "Fuck me Fuck me Fuck me." There was a dog who howled all night because she kept fucking him. Two roaches were playing ice hockey on the soap scum in the shower. Oh, I just knew this place would be remarkable, because it was recommended by a psychic I contacted named Sarah Petulengro, a famous petulant negro. Actually she's only part negro; she has black feet. She knows better than to wash them in the shower at the Adam and Eve! 

I had unpacked my stuff and given my valise, a large overnight bag, and a blue suitcase to the owner for storage. When I retrieved it I couldn't believe the stench of cat piss! The owner apologized. But there was also the smell of cat piss on my valise, large overnight bag, and blue suitcase. I asked if he could find a way of covering the smell of piss, and he squatted a load of diarrhea all over everything. He began to chuckle; that he did this rectally showed some talent! He explained he was a member of The Palers, some kind of rock group, and he did all the wind instrument parts. He could make all kinds of noises with his anus, but admitted that the biggest anus was the guy who managed The Palers. 

I think for the average person, the Adam & Eve should be avoided, but if you have a great sense of humor, and are into scat, masochism and the element of risk associated with being surrounded by drunks, thieves and whores, this is the place for you! Then again, you could simply spend a day walking around Grimsby.