PRICE FLATTENS DUNG

On the undercard to the Nathan Cleverly fight, David Price was given another confidence-boosting "easy one." The glass-jawed Goliath who has been knocked out three times, is slowly developing a Tyson Fury-like ego again. His new managers have put him in the ring with feather-fisted losers and he's been dropping them in less than two rounds.

It was no exception Saturday night, with overweight Geoff Dung.

Dung, insisting before the fight, "Weakest man can be strong as Samson," was soon looking to his corner as Price blackened his eye and opened a few cuts on his pudgy face.

Dung's managers, Grease Cook and Colin Fulla Curry, threw in the towel (which had "Grand Hotel" written on it) just as Dung had the shit knocked out of him (here, here and here).

"He never found his rhythm," Curry admitted, "which isn't too surprising. One also shouldn't train on beer. We did think that since the fight was held in Germany, a bunch of Boko Harum fans would show up. Most of the group's fans are fat, red-faced Nazis (and a few old schoolmarms and senility ward escapees). I hoped they'd encourage him with shouts of "Shine On," but no; that weasel Roland scheduled a Palers show at a pay-to-play bread-and-break-wind ratskellar around the block."

Most fans only cared about the main event; Cleverly against the German champ, Stupidly. In a surprise upset, the Brit won.

After the fight, Cleverly, exuding confidence and ripe sweat, roared, "I'm 29, he was 37. Sorry, a door closes for him, a window opens for me!" Reporters opened the windows to let out the stench. Cleverly continued, "I was breaking him up for six rounds! If the fight hadn't been stopped, I would've won on points, easy!"

Nathan cleverly forgot to mention that the champ RETIRED due to an arm injury, and had probably won most of the rounds of the fight.

Similarly, blockheaded Price raved, "I ate up Dung! I'm ready for the next challenge. Bring on Barry Gooker. How old is he, 71? I don't think the fight will go past 5 rounds. Don't worry, you viewers of Sky Sports, you won't have to suffer the awful between-rounds 10 second commercials with the crappy minor-key music stings, telling you to buy idiotic vitamin supplements!"

He left out the annoying ones for Rainman Steel, the only company totally run by autistics.

Back in his dressing room, Geoff Dung moaned, "I wish it had been Whitehorn in there. But this was a heavyweight match, and he fights at Super Heavyweight Sumo-Blimp, same as Amy Wagstaff-Wetone."