"Tiny Teeth" Huelbig Didn't Buy THIS PICTURE

Did you know there was a "porn star" memorabilia show in New Jersey? 

You can bet overstuffed 60-year-old gay-virgin Huelbig wasn't there. Oh my my, here's a photo to have him gulping hard enough to swallow his little teeth: 

Yes, Bill, YOU could have met Niki, had your photo taken with her, and gotten THIS photo for a tenner. 

What's that, you say? You think a woman should leave a little to the imagination? 

Yes, that would explain why your sister hasn't posed like this for you. Not lately. She already feels guilty over "playing doctor" when you were eight years old, and scaring you queer.

As strange as it seems, while there are no porn "stars" anymore, the vast array of brainless whores who sell their downloads at a dollar a minute, or do Skype and chats, or sell their stinky underwear by mail, THINK they are stars. So there's even conventions for totally unknown bints like Niki .

Males being morons, they pay just to stare, or maybe sniff. They lumber along the rows of tables, literally buying into the notion that they should pay for what most men DON'T. Most men don't PAY to sniff a laundry hamper, or own a photo of some stranger's twat that has some ink on it. (Ink on the photo, not the twat, although there probably IS a fetish for inky twats...)

But Huelbig was nowhere to be found. He was home watching re-run 3001 of 2001, while chomping on a bag of authentic "space food." Gosh, what a thrill, eating what the astronauts eat...which is really nothing but freeze dried fruit or meat. But if it's eaten by a HERO, a fucking ASTRONAUT, that's good enough for snorting, gurgling, grinning Huelbig. Never mind that the astronauts in space would prefer to eat whatever greasy crap some monkey at a fast food joint is chowing down on. 

Oh. Here's good news. For those who aren't LUCKY enough to live in NEW JERSEY, or didn't know how to take the bus to the train to the bus to the train to the taxi to the obscure venue where this bint was signing her picture...low-budget EBAY pimps are ready to help. 

No, you don't get the THRILL of actually seeing the bint in the flesh, or shyly saying, "Hello" and have her actually say "Hello" back. But the photo can be rhythmically admired (to borrow an Elvis Costello phrase). $10 and $4 postage! What a deal!

Look! Look! Paraphrasing Poe, "a hole within a hole." Which is sort of a description of Huelbig at home.