Ellen Degeneres, boyish lesbian, slams Liza Minelli "male impersonator"

It takes one to know one, I guess.

One of the big hoo-hahs of the Academy Award Show last night, was (aside from that Jennifer Lawrence twat tripping over herself again) a nasty moment in the opening monologue.

Ellen Degeneres, for those around the world who don't know who the fuck she is, is a "dry" comedienne who basically stole Bob Newhart's stutter-then-be-sarcastic style. As in: "“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.” (PS, not only does it sound like a Newhart line; Bob was an accountant).

She became famous only when people wondered if she was a lesbian or not. This became the focal point of her sitcom, and when people got bored with her waifish, bland antics and the show was canceled, her network was accused of being sexist. Meanwhile, she had an affair with a psycho actress. Then the actress realized she wasn't lesbian after all. And on and on. Ellen was awarded her own daytime talk show, and a vast audience of idiot women, most of them probably secretly excited by the idea of watching a lesbian, tuned in in droves. The rest, as they say, is misery. This skinny little bitch has been unavoidable ever since, with her increasingly mannish wardrobe, shorter hairstyle, and marriage to her "wife."

Ultimately she was rewarded with hosting the Oscars, even though the rest of the world has no idea who the fuck she is. But that's the arrogance of the Academy Awards, which considers itself an Earth-shaking world-wide event to be seen all over the world...while offering only ONE award for "Best Foreign Movie."

It's a tradition for the host to open with a monologue that mentions stars in the audience, especially the nominees. The jokes are supposed to be good-natured, with no more of a "zing" than you'd get from a bottle of ginger ale. Ellen pointed out Barkhad Abdi, noninated for Best Supporting Actor for "Captain Phillips." She said, "He's from Somalia — a sommelier — so he knows a lot about wine. That is impressive. Who's the wine captain now?"

Yeah. But that's the job.

Billy Crystal might've delivered the same lame joke if he was hosting. But he would've passed at taking a dig at Liza Minelli. First off, she's no longer a big star. Second, she was only there by invitation, to represent Judy Garland in a tribute to "The Wizard Of Oz" (as if having Degeneres as host wasn't enough to bring in gay viewers!).

Now, Minelli is a well-known basket case and re-hab alcoholic. Being the daughter of a fucked-up drug-addicted gay icon hasn't been easy. Why not just...leave the woman alone? At 67, it's a miracle she's still alive and able to stand upright.

So Ellen pointed at her and declared: "I have to say...one of the most amazing Liza Minelli impersonators I have seen in my entire life!”

Then, cloaked in her trademark muddle of staring, and stuttering out a few extra words, the dagger:

“Just really, seriously. Good job, sir.”

Look at the bawling yenta next to her, roaring with laughter! Liza was clearly stung.

Nothing like being insulted by a boyish lesbian while a huge audience of your peers literally laugh in your face.

Ellen couldn't stop with "impersonator." She had to kick Liza when she was down and add the topper, "Good job, sir."

Funny...this woman who fought so hard for lesbian equality, and makes such a show of having a "wife" and wearing mannish clothes...she puts down a woman because drag queens often imitate her.

Here's Ellen showing off her "wife" at the Oscars...

I'm glad to say that some critics agree with me on the Ellen-Liza matter, and more. Hollywood Reporter: ‘As a television event, this year's Oscars was more like an endurance test - turgid, badly directed, poorly produced and featuring an endless string of tired or wince-inducing moments from host Ellen DeGeneres. ‘Even the best comedians have off nights. Even paragons of happiness and good cheer come out and tank - as DeGeneres did with her opening jokes that seemed oddly mean spirited for her (poor Liza Minelli) and set a flat tone that the telecast could never overcome....She was spotty and flat in those early comments and then tried to spice things up by appearing in the audience not just once, not just twice but -- did anyone count? - what felt like 47 times." Slate, the Internet website, added: ‘Ellen spent too much time in the audience, often doing a whole lot of nothing: saying hi to famous people, copping their chairs, asking for money. These bits were dull and baggy, as was the show in general."

Yeah, some enjoyed Ellen's bland nonsense, and like her impish personality. However a hostess picked to "dial back" the "edgy" humor of last year's Seth McFarlane, should've dialed back on insulting a woman who wasn't even a nominee.

Ellen wasn't Don Rickles attacking every celebrity in the room with "let's all laugh at everybody" venom. This poster child for sensitivity toward gays, lesbians and transgenders, directed the only nasty joke of the evening at a recovering alcoholic who is doing the best she can with her very aging face and dwindling fan base. Even Joan Rivers has enough taste to never pick on stars in the audience and humiliate them. Minelli didn't come to a comedy club hoping to be ridiculed. She was attending a supposedly classy, respectful awards show.

I'm not a fan of Minelli, but now, I'm even less of a fan of Degeneres.

Matthew McConaughey can shove his Oscar up his ASS

I don't really know who the fuck this Matthew McConaughey is, or why he didn't change his last name to something easier to spell.

All I know is everybody seems to love him. The women adore him, the guys all want to BE him, and if I've seen this pompous prettyboy in anything, I really don't remember. That's how "memorable" he is to ME.

When he was announced as "Best Actor," this asshole in a fucking WHITE tuxedo bounced up to the stage like he deserved it and knew it. He smugly used a finger and a twitch to acknowledge his competition, and then this "good ol' boy" launched into a shit-faced load of Shinola about how his Daddy is lookin' down on him from heaven: "He's got a big pot of gumbo, he's got a lemon meringue pie over there, he's probably in his underwear, and he's got a cold can of Miller Lite, and he's dancing right now."

Yee ha.

Since Mr. Smug was sure he'd win, he prepared an incredibly pretentious and pompous speech of "advice" to everyone watching. He declared his faith in God...as if God really gives a rat's ass about who wins an Academy Award. Then he talked down to everyone about how important it is to have "something to look up to...something to look forward to and...someone to chase." I think he expected everybody to whip out notebooks and write down that catchy bit of words to live by. See, he's not only handsome and rich...he's thoughtful.

So this cracker barrel philosopher went on and on, bright white toothy smiles a'plenty, as he thanked his wife, his kids, and in a bizarre twist, himself. Yeah, he's his own hero! Somehow, his hero is himself. He said that when asked who he admired, respected, and considered a hero, he thought about it for two weeks and said, "me in ten years." Heck fire. The trick, he declared modestly, is that after ten years, he wasn't nearly the hero he thought he'd be by then. So he upped it another ten years. Get it? No, neither did I. But somehow, the point of this crap, was that he was damned well gonna be the BEST Matthew McConaughey he could be. And isn't that enough?

Yeah. Enough already. The leading men of this era are such a bunch of assholes. Leonardo is a round-faced greasy looking over-fed moron. Christian Bale is an ass-faced hot-headed method-acting turdpile. Matt Damon seems to be out to prove that he's the new Robert Redford only with even MORE of a grand conscience, and prettier, too. And...no, I don't even want to discuss the rest of the stubble-wearing cologne-reeking full-of-themselves assholes. And I'm sorry I happened to watch the last 10 minutes of the Oscar show, and caught this ridiculous idiot's speech.

It was followed by the grand prize, "Best Picture" which went to "12 Years a Slave," which I hope means a moratorium, for at least 12 years, on guilt-inducing lawdy-lawdy black movies about the cracker assholes in the South and the wise, agonized, sweaty, noble slaves who maintained their dignity...uh, only so their great-great grand children could lose it wearing their pants around their ankles and calling each other Niggas.

Back to McConaughey...I would've given the award to Bruce Dern. Not that I saw "Nebraska" or any of the other shit the guys were nominated for. But the guy's practically dead. He got a chance to star in a movie after seeming to play nothing but obnoxious nasal-voiced weasels for 50 years (remember him in "They Shoot Horses" or Hitchocck's "Family Plot"). Would it have been so bad to annoint McConaughey Mr. McDreamy or the hillbilly's version of Michael Douglas a year or two later?

Congrats, Mr. Greasy Southern Fried Charm. Grease up that Oscar and shove it up your ass. I'll make sure to avoid your movies at all costs...and even FREEEEEE on the torrents.

Ooh, Let's Watch Millionaires Get Awards and $85,000 to SHOW UP

Everywhere there's lots of piggies living piggy lives.

You can see a lot of them IF you are dumbass enough to watch the Academy Awards.

Why would you really care over who wins BEST PICTURE or BEST ACTOR or BEST ACTRESS?

I sure as hell don't. I'm not 16 anymore. I'm a REALIST now.

I know that all these performers are millionaires and "honoring" them for doing their job is ridiculous. Most of them are overexposed, even "nice" ones like Tom Hanks and George Clooney and Angelina Jolie. And Christ, am I sick of most of them, even fairly inoffensive ones including Will Smith, Leonardo di Caprio and Dame Doody Stench.

Back in the late 60's, when Marlon Brando cared about Indians and Woody Allen was funny, the Oscars were a fucking joke. George C. Scott wouldn't show up. Half the people nominated didn't. If they did, it was to make some speech about what really matters, and NOT their stupid film. These non-attendees and angry speech-makers were influenced by hippies, and hadn't become Yuppies. The idea of greed and egomania was abhorrent.

Now...they almost ALL show up. And why?

For one thing, they've all become a bunch of fucking whores. They like the idea of sucking up to the Academy, they are so pathetic they not only CRAVE all the extra attention, they figure they NEED it so they can get MORE MONEY for their next fucking film. The bitches HAVE TO sashay around while faggots screech, "WHO are you WEARING?"

For another...they are BRIBED to show up.

The biggest bribe is the "Goody Bag" handed to nominated stars to make sure they show up. That's right, attend and get $85,000 in gifts and gift certificates!

These pampered creeps make more money in ONE NIGHT than you or I make in a year.

All they have to do is wear something presentable, stand around and be admired, and take enough drugs so that if their name isn't called, they'll still have a dazed smile on their faces.

Here's the fucking list of GOODIES:

Yep...companies fight over themselves to be in the Top 50. You can imagine how they pay off the Academy itself. "What, you want your pepper spray gun in the goodie bag? How much will you pay US for the privilege???"

You think stars really need some of this shit? Like:

DrainWig plug that prevents hair clogging the drain - $6.49
Fabric wrap from European company Wrag Wrap - $15
Organic pet shampoo from Simon's Happy Pet - $15
Six-pack of Naked Luxury condoms - $20
Three-in-one dry-cleaning bags from Green Garmento - $23
Bluetooth camera shutter remote for Apple products from HISY - $24.99
AVIV 613 Vodka - $30
Herbal tea-based lollipops from Dosha Pops - $35
Hydroxycut weight loss gummies, protein bars, and shakes - $38.96
'Honey' made from organic apples from Bee Free Honee - $39
Tea from Blossom Blends - $49.95
'Loaded: The Story of a Ghost' graphic novel - $49.95
A DVD advertising cash off the services of aspiring film maker Charles Van Loucks - $50
Dinnerware from Slimware - $59
Cannonball Wines - $60
Caramels and sweets from Betty Jane Candies - $69.75
Candles that double as perfume and warm massage oil from Objects with Purpose - $70
Horse shampoo and conditioner made for human hair from Mane 'N Tail - $95.35
Beauty products from M3K Beauty - $100
Organic makeup products by Diane Capt - $105
Activity tracker from Polar Loop - $109.95
Go Pro hair dryer from Coolway - $120
Two Mace pepper guns - $120
Accessories from CherryT Knit & Co. $158
Hookahzz E-Cigarettes and E-Liquids - $162
Shellfish knife set - $185
Leather iPhone 5 case from Vetvik - $230
Leather purse from Jitseu. $279
Portable camera and app from Narrative Clip - $279
Organic maple syrup from Rouge Maple - $280
Swiss-made Slow Watch - $290
Organic skin, body, and hair products from Acure - $300
Jan Lewis bangle bracelet made from wood shapes - $400
House call with acupuncturist and nutritionist Heather Lounsbury - $500
Lifetime membership to a meditation gym from Headspace.com - $500
Tickets to all-kid pro Cirque troupe, Le Petit Cirque - $575
Max Martin luxury shoes - $750
Tiny dancers: Tickets to see the children's circus Le Petit Cirque are $575
10 personal training sessions with Huntley Drive Fitness - $850
Supplies from Epic Pet Health - $1,571.98
Five-night stay at the Koloa Landing Resort in Hawaii - $2,000
Home spa system from Steamist - $2560
'O-Shot' procedure to help a woman's sex drive - $2,700
Resort stay at the Imanta's Ocean Casa suite in Mexico - $3,300
Water filtration system from Krystal Klear Water - $4895
Artworks from Gizara - $5,000
10,000 meal donations from Ellen DeGeneres' Halo Spot's Stew pet food to a shelter of the nominee's choice - $6,100
Two-day Rocky Mountaineer train excursion from Vancouver to Alberta in the Canadian Rockies - $6,850
Trip to Las Vegas including tickets to shows, backstage passes to meet Meatloaf and Boyz II Men and two nights at the Riviera Penthouse Suite - $9,000
Walking tour around Japan from Walk Japan - $15,000
ARTAS Robotic Hair Transplant System treatment - $16,000

The stars can give away some of that shit to their relatives, friends, maids, fans, whatever. And keep some of that swag for themselves.

It's all part of the pampered world of STARS that we care so much about and worry so much about. Gosh, hope Miss Cunt wins an Oscar, ooh, hope Mr. Asshole finally gets to smile with his perfectly capped teeth and I can vicariously smile right along with him...

What a crock. Did any of this year's movies really entertain you, inspire you, or even keep a smile on your face five minutes after it ended?

Me neither. The Academy Fucking Awards. GOODY GOODY.

Disgusted by Joan Rivers

Having spent time with Joan Rivers, written about her, and admired her, I was dismayed to see this picture:

What? Somebody hits a tiny 80 year-old woman with a cake?

But look closely. What's wrong with that photo?

The initial reports were that "somebody" threw a cake at Rivers but...she's in the middle of a crowd (it was a promotional party for her show on the QVC cable channel).

How come nobody instantly apprehended the jerk? How come there's no cake or cream on the floor or on anyone else?

The initial news on all the websites was just that River was hit with a cake, with a snide, "she has so many enemies, she's insulted so many people!"

Poor Joan. How about her Twitter account? The woman's a Twitter maniac, always with one-liners, always with promotional announcements. NOTHING.

Finally, somebody "leaked" to YOUTUBE, some camcorder footage of Rivers backstage with the revolting Muppet known as "Miss Piggy."

QVC, in case you don't know, is one of several insanely successful cable channels that do NOTHING but run COMMERCIALS. In fact, "INFOMERCIALS." For a half hour or more, Joan Rivers or some other celeb or demi-celeb, will demonstrate bad kitchen products, faulty cosmetics, or cheap jewelry, while a crawl at the bottom urges you to CALL NOW for a BARGAIN PRICE.

Apparently the obnoxious "Miss Piggy" has her own line of QVC products, and she was bitching (or pigging) to Rivers about it. Rivers makes a fortune with cheap jewelry that white trash morons think is glamorous. The two of them swapped corny insults until somehow "Miss Piggy" pushed Rivers toward a conveniently located multi-tiered cake.

Rivers conveniently fell into JUST enough to get a bit of cake on her face and slightly on her gown.

Next, Rivers emerges from this secluded backstage area where the staged "fight" happened, calling attention to herself by shouting for a cab to take her back to her hotel. She does a few very theatrical poses for the cameras, as stunned guests look around in surprise. Then she's off in the cab to get cleaned up...

...while the world was supposed to guess: "WHO HIT RIVERS WITH A CAKE?"

For a solid day, legit newspaper websites and gossip sites run the photos and ask "WHO HIT RIVERS WITH A CAKE," while her fans are left to wonder, their blood-pressure rising, who'd do something so hurtful to their favorite star.

And look again at that photo. Rivers does not look happy. She looks humiliated and upset. Which makes her fans upset.

And it turns out to be bullshit.

Need I say at this point, that I'm really tired of "gotcha" publicity stunts?

This includes American talk show host Jimmy Kimmel, a smirking pudge who LOVES to create "viral" YOUTUBE videos and then laugh because people were fooled. His latest was to get an Olympic athlete to upload to her YOUTUBE page, footage she claimed was of a wolf wandering around in the hall of her hotel room.

Actually, haw haw haw, Kimmel spent thousands of dollars to replicate what the hotel room looked like, and more money to get an animal expert and a trained wolf. Now, how the fuck was anyone supposed to know that a trusted Olympic athlete was perpetrating a hoax when it was set up with thousands of dollars' worth of Kimmel's money? And what was so far-fetched about a wolf somehow getting into a hotel hallway when in America, wild bears are often found in suburban homes, and coyotes and other animals routinely "drop in" on people who own property in exclusive gated communities (such as Billy Crystal, no kidding)?

Haw haw haw. People got tricked. Haw haw haw.

Remember everyone, don't believe everything you see on YOUTUBE. What a lesson!

Here, first off, I hate and loathe "Miss Piggy." Is it possible to dislike a Muppet? Yes...I hate the face, the body and the voice and the attitude. And it's incredibly stupid to suggest that Kermit the Frog would have a romance with any kind of pig...especially this overbearing cunt.

Second, it's disgusting that Rivers would stoop to such a stupid publicity trick. The woman has all the money, she has all the fame, she's all over cable TV with various shows, and to alarm her fans who were worried about her, and feeling anger at her humiliation...this was dumb. DUMB.

Finally, a day or two after she got her picture on a ton of Internet news websites, and the leaked "Miss Piggy" footage also turned up (as various Internet newspapers and columnists "solved" the case by offering the hot link to YOUTUBE) Rivers wrote THIS on Twitter:

"I have no comment on what happened at the QVC Red Carpet party other than my Rabbi said that I can eat all the "Revenge Bacon" I want."

Haw haw haw.

NOT.

Professionals like Joan Rivers and Jimmy Kimmel use their vast staff of publicity hacks to cause a photo or a YOUTUBE video to go viral, and have it plastered all over the place where everyone HAS to see it...and then they shrug and smugly tell the world, "It was a joke" and YOU feel like a fool for caring.

"Made ya look! HA HA HA! Made ya look!"

Now, I have not watched any of Joan's reality shows, and never bought her shitty jewelry as a gift for any woman, and never cared about how she slammed idiots on the red carpet for the TV Guide channel or whatever third-rate channel had her turn up before the Academy Awards began. But I did read her latest book, and I've always been a fan. Now, not so much. I've never minded her so-called "bad taste" jokes, and if 10% or 20% of the gags in her stand-up act didn't make me laugh or smile, so what. But THIS stunt not only wasn't funny in the least...it wasn't creative. And to create concern for her and have it turn out to be bullshit to promote crappy jewelry and "Miss Piggy" --now THAT is bad taste, worse than any joke she's made about Liz Taylor, gays, Jews, herself, or anyone else.

You're entitled to one glaring mistake in 50 fucking years, Joan. I'm still disgusted but I'll get over it. I just hope you don't do anything this stupid and obnoxious again. PS, if you shove a firecracker up "Miss Piggy's rubber ass, and explode that fucking puppet to bits...THAT would make me smile.

Mike Lombardo ugly YouTube Asshole Gets FIVE YEARS in PRISON

Entertainment these days is...YOUTUBE.

Yeah, "do it yourself" garbage where some ugly moron can play the drums, or sing doggerel, or masturbate his guitar, and...usually go nowhere. But sometimes a jerk like Mike Lombardo gets lucky, and idiots surf around, find him and his garbage, and consider him a STAR. Because everybody on YOUTUBE is a STAR...as far as stupid people go.

And stupid people include almost everyone under 18.

That's why they're called "minors" and that's why they have to be protected. In fact, they're the only segment of the population that IS protected. You can do just about anything on the Internet EXCEPT kiddie porn. Oh, save the children...all the ones who have seen every perverted sex act imaginable before they even have pubic hair. Who have been taken to PG-rated comedies and seen women with semen in their hair, or guys fucking apple pies, or a thousand farts and a million pairs of bare tits.

Here he is, ASSHOLE MORON FUCKHEAD NO-TALENT LANTERN-JAWED DIMWIT MIKE LOMBARDO, EVERYONE:

Impressionable (stupid) little bints were SO impressed that when they left a tweet on Lombardo's YouTube page, the great talent actually answered them...

Amazingly, the cops actually got involved, actually prosecuted, and shit-for-brains Lombardo was hit with a felony charge of receiving child pornography (11 girls who went him nude pictures of themselves were underage). He got 5 years in prison…could've gotten 20. Should've gotten 40. Hopefully Fuck Face Mike will serve as an example...but I doubt it. You can put every 30 year-old desperate insane white female teacher in prison for 5 years...and the following day there will STILL be a dozen news reports of 30 year old desperate insane MARRIED white female teacher guilty of raping her 14 year-old black student who looked 20.

And so it goes...in this moronic world, imbeciles on YOUTUBE are stars, in the eyes of even more impressionable idiots. (Idiots are the lowest, mentally, with imbeciles second and morons third...you might actually be able to hold a conversation with a moron. Like, "How's your dog Muffin?")

Lombardo's lawyer claimed that what Mikey did was OK because he didn't show the nudie pix to his friends, and, oh, most of the girls were of legal age. That's according to dumb-faced Mike, who figured "he engaged in cybersex with 'about fifty females and that probably 80% of them were adult'" -- and heck, so what if he sent girls explicit photos of himself and encouraged them to do likewise. So what if he conned a 15 year-old girl to come meet him in person for fun and games. By that time the FBI was involved.

Ass-face Lombardo told officers that he realized young girls were impressionable, and maybe this wasn't such a bright thing to do with them (texting filth and sharing raunchy photos) but SOME of the girls seemed to really be into it. Like, so that makes it ok, word!

His lawyer offered the lamest of excuses...that poor 25 year-old Music College graduate Mikey simply couldn't conduct relationships in the real world...he needed to use YOUTUBE, and to manipulate women with texting and e-mails. His lawyer blamed it all on "significant mental and emotional problems." So, let him go. What the fuck, everyone with mental and emotional problems is on YouTube and they all are trying to have sex with 15 year-old girls and swapping nude photos of their genitalia. Right, dude? Viley Virus would wink and say YOU BETCHA! Bieber too! It's just a wonderful world out there so don't try to stop our FUN!

Ultimately the best stupid Mike could do was cop a plea, which meant jail time, and worst of all, he had to surrender his three laptop computers and his smartphone.

As Reed Hadley, star of the old old TV show "Racket Squad" used to say: "I'm closing this case now. But there'll be others. Because that's the way the world is built."

Yes, at this very minute, various no-talent ugly guys are e-mailing porn to minors, Tweeting and Farce-booking and stroking their egos and their dicks, and figuring, "Uh, as long as I don't actually FUCK a 14 year-old, but just have phone sex, or exchange nude pix, it's ok. Done collector-to-collector, no laws broken, "freedom of speech," done for educational purposes only." Good one, Mike. Enjoy the next five years in jail. And sorry, Adie, that your inane drumming on YouTube hasn't gotten you any offers except from ME...asking you to GO FUCK YOURSELF with your drumsticks, and when you take them out, shove 'em into each ear and shishkebab what's left of your brains.

Oh, Whatever Became of that Missing Moron?

With over 300 million morons in America...one less doesn't mean much.

Does it? No, it doesn't. Let's be REAL. Nobody cares much about anyone else. They hardly care about their own family members, much less some ugly cretin from some inferior race (and let's BE real, and ackowledge that whatever race YOU are, you deep down figure it's a lot BETTER than some OTHER races).

OK, some stupid kid with autism goes missing. I'M real nice. If the kid went missing near me, I'd keep an eye out for a bewildered moron. Same as I would a dog or a cat or a parrot that some so-called animal lover allowed to get away. But after a few days, LEAVE ME ALONE, I got OTHER PRIORITIES.

STOP NAGGING.

And that's why I was pissed off, wayyyyyyyyyy back in October when poor brain-fucked AVONTAAYYYYYYYYY went missing and day after fucking day the news kept harping on it, and do-gooders solemnly put up signs on every fucking bus shelter and lamp post about it. And kept at it week after week.

Like TRAYYYYYVON the thuggish brat who mouthed off to a fat moron and got shot for it, the entire world was supposed to care because he was black. Or looked black. Like there aren't teenagers unjustly shot every fucking day…or autistic, retarded, or simply emotionally disturbed teens who "go missing" every day…and don't, in other words DO NOT, get SPECIAL TREATMENT.

So mewling assholes crossd themselves and whispered a prayer to Saint Anthony, and glued illegal signs all over the place. The drugstore chain Duane Reade, which has a store on almost every block, put up signs with that ugly kid's face and you couldn't miss 'em coming in or going out...AND there were signs INSIDE the fucking store, too. Right. I'm looking for an ASPIRIN, and YOU ASSHOLES are giving ME an EVEN GREATER HEADACHE.

Hey Duane Fucking Reade, AVONTAYYYYYYY wasn't hiding in the toilet paper aisle, was he? NO. He was NOT.

If your remember my post MONTHS ago, I said get REAL. This kid is DEAD. Get over it. First few days, fine, give SPECIAL TREATMENT to one minority kid who has loudmouth parents, or has a goofy face that is supposed to draw sympathy, or whatever. Then, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

If you don't put up posters for EVERY kid that goes missing, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Put up a website for people who want to be heroes and spend all day hunting for some little squirt. Don't annoy ME with this shit.

AVONTAAAAAAAAAY was 14 years old on October 4th when, for reasons known only to him and to MOTHER MARY, he was seen on surveillance cameras skipping out a school door and racing away, like he wanted to go get a pizza, or go home and take a piss.

Finally, January 16th, the poor defective's body washed ashore far from his school. Or rather, body parts washed ashore. So what the fuck happened? Nobody knows. Nobody will ever know. It's a shame but every fucking day there are a million shames. This one is not so special.

Naturally the family is blaming the CITY for not taking better care of their defective. Like, there should've been more school guards, more teachers, a special teacher to look after every kid that skips out of the building after saying "I gotta go to the baff-room." It would be NICE if every school could afford to wipe every kid's ass, but it just is not the case. So let's make it worse by forcing the city to settle up and pay a few million to Mama with one last name, and Daddy with another last name...

...and let the rest of the idiots know that it's always a good idea to have three, five, seven, NINE kids, and if half of them turn out defective, good, one of 'em will probably get hit by a bus, fall down a sewer, disappear for four months...and the rest of the family becomes millionaires. Wheeee!

The whole fucking world's autistic. Know wuttum sayin yo?

Metrosexual Freak RONAN FARROW gets FAKE AWARD

The Woody Allen bashing continues, with ONE person profiting. That person is RONAN FARROW.

Janet Maslin of the New York Times figures this was the plan all along. Mama Mia, wanting her precious natural-born cutie to become a STAR, has pulled every string possible to get this guy cushy jobs in Washington, where he can attend high-profile parties.

She was thinking, "What Gloria Vanderbilt did for her homosexual honey Anderson Cooper, I can do for the re-named Ronan!" (When he was Woody's kid, he was named Satchel. Both names are pretty pretentious.)

Since Mia Farrow hasn't done anything of note since she stopped making Woody Allen movies, it was up to Ronan to up his demi-fame as a Washington D.C. debutante with bitchy Twitter remarks about Woody. You know, how Woody is both his father and his brother-in-law, and so "Father's Day" is a time for great bitterness. Right, bringing up an "incest" angle when, in fact, Woody's wife Soon-Yi is adopted.

And yeah, Ronan can add all the bitterness of having his sister be a home-wrecker. Mia enjoyed that, too. Let's just forget that Mia was the home-wrecker who nearly had Dory Previn in a mental home because Mia took away Andre Previn. Let's forget that Mia's age difference with second husband Sinatra was just as "wrong" as Woody's with Soon-Yi, except Woody's stayed married a lot longer than the Mia-Frank combo.

According to Janet Maslin, the whole re-hash of Dylan Farrow's allegations against Woody came because RONAN was getting all the attention. Believe Maslin. She's not Perez Hilton. She knows. She's at the New York Times, and pointed out that Dylan's shit was rejected by the paper...and only turned up on a Times reporter's blog. Because that particular reporter was a big pal of Mia's. (PS, nice to know a BLOG is relevant!)

Here's RONAN getting more and more attention as he-uh and Mee-uh try desperately to get people to watch his obscure cable show:

Yeah, any award, however meaningless or obscure, is enough to get his mug in the news.

Notice that since being a homo is SO important to having success in show biz these days, Ronan's metrosexual personality is part of the story.

Oh, yes, fey Ronan "dates" men and women. This just makes him an equal-opportunity. The lines are blurred. Except when it comes to Woody Allen. He can't possibly be innocent. Of anything. Even Dylan Farrow is upping the ante there. At first (and in Mia's book) he "molested" her. Which means, he touched her. NOW, she's called it "sexual assault." And, like her lovely brother, she is allowed to leave it at that. Does she mean rape? There would've been physical evidence, no question, if Woody took her virginity at seven. Any physical examination would prove it, and Mia could've had Woody put in prison for 20 years.

Lastly, Ronan, the sexual ambiguous super-hero of cable TV, refuses to address Mia's bizarre statement that Sinatra COULD be his father. Funny, he goes on record as supporting his dear sister, and his mama-Mia, and expects everyone around him, especially Woody Allen, to tell the absolute truth and answer all questions. And he never does. He's going to ride the "is he or isn't he" game until what...until he replaces Piers Morgan at CNN, or maybe Charlie Rose at PBS, or Queen Latifah in syndication? The latter could make him Queen Ronan, which is probably what this freakish, publicity-manipulating pretty boy wants all along.