Religious Fanatics and Ebay Assholes

We're in the 21st Century?

One reason the 21st Century can be described with one word (SHITE) is that the more advanced science is...the more BACKWARD people become.

This is the century of the fucking INTERNET and the iPOD and iPAD and iTunes and Netflix and medical machinery that can bring the dead back to life. And mass-produced happy meals.

And yet, we've got cloaked Muslim donkey-brains screaming about finding goats in heaven! Heaven? WHERE the fuck is THAT, Habib? Do you realize White People have walked on the moon? We've looked down on your camel dung and sandbox, and we've GOOGLED through the clouds. Allah ain't on that fluffy puffy pillow overhead. Not there, Habib. Sorry, monkey-breath. WHERE the fuck is your Allah? You point where. Moron.

But just when you think that only Arabs are out of their minds...you see shit like THIS on EBAY:

Huh? $94 for a goofy-ass medallion, and a few xeroxed pamphlets? And that'll get you laid? Make your boss give you a raise? Let you know where Allah is?

This brainless whore-turd of an EBAY seller has dozens of auctions...all of them full of SHITE...all of them involving some dopey photo of a slut pouting or smoking or glowering...all of them telling you that if you wear the MAGIC AMULET and speak the ooky-spooky words...ALL your DREAMS will come TRUE.

Let me clue you, friend. You don't need to spend $94 for some fucked up piece of cheap jewelry that isn't worth the tin it's made of. Take the $94, go to a bar, pay for a few drinks...and ALL your DREAMS will come TRUE.

And if it doesn't happen for you, go sleep it off. At least you didn't give your money to an EBAY FRAUD CON ARTIST PIECE OF SHIT.

It is really so pathetic that in the 21st Century people believe in Allah (to the point of murdering people who DON'T), that people think there's such a thing as a 'psychic' or that some fucking gypsy cunt "tarot" reader can tell the future when she doesn't even know when she's going to need a Kotex. Amulets? Lucky numbers? Every stupid movie having to do with vampires and zombies?

Reality...is a concept few are brave enough to pursue, huh? Better to believe in lighting candles, mumbling prayers to an invisible friend...and throwing money at some cynical con-artist on EBAY.

"There's my argument," Groucho Marx said...

Look at the bold Muslim brats. Biebers with a cause. Their cause is...uh...oh, I guess they're angry they're not fucking Selena Gomez. And despite Penelope "Puta" Cruz being pro-Palestinian, she ain't putting out for every guy with Camel breath.

So they play their Arabian rap music and wear their underpants over their faces and look...some of them crawled out of Mom's basement outside of Chicago or Detroit or who knows where...to be real "Anonymous" about it. Be afraid, everyone, even though it's not Halloween!

"There's my argument," Groucho once told the audience in a Marx Bros. movie, "RESTRICT IMMIGRATION!"

He was referring to the atrocious puns of Chico, playing the part of an Italian immigrant. But I think he would be a lot firmer of he saw bullshit like the above.

One of the funniest images in this unfunny world of Arab terrorist assholes, was during the good ol' Bin Laden days. A bunch of these Muslim dung beetles were throwing rocks at American planes, and screaming their Allah-la-la-la and the rest of it...and then a plane came roaring toward them, and they all scurried into one of their beloved caves. Which was then hit by a bomb that caved in all those cacamamies and sent them to virgin goat land, or whatever their version of BEYOND might be.

And I'm thinking, right, assholes of Tutsi-Frutsi Ices, or whatever you are, you play your fucking bragging game, like Amir Khan trying to get a fight with Kell Brook...and think that your every move isn't tracked.

You're just fucking lucky America is not like YOUR hell hole armpit country of origin...Iraq or Iran or Syria...because it if was, the cops and FBI would be at your door, and the next thing you know...your heads would be so far up your assholes you'd be licking shit from your intestines...with your dying breath.

Why do you think "John the Beatle" or whatever that dirty-faced camel-eyed slob calls himself...went running to Iraq for? Because he couldn't pull his stupid shit in England. Not yet. And any filthy urine-faced swine in America is not going to get too far in causing trouble either. Has there even been another set of hijacked planes since 9/11? No. That might tell you something.

I'm not sure I quite believe in Groucho Marx...because if the economy is good, most any scumbag immigrant is going to be seduced into realizing they have it a lot easier in the UK or USA than anywhere else. Only a true mental case would prefer martyrdom to fucking some white girl. Only a truly insane fanatic is going to gamble away 40 years of fucking and doing drugs on the POSSIBILITY of fucking virgin goats in a heaven that you can't see from a space satellite. It sure as hell ain't on a cloud, Habib, now is it?

The more assimilation there is, the more Arab-Americans, Arab-Brits and the rest start grumbling, "Stop fucking up the Status Quo. I mean, go ahead, fuck up the Status Quo rock band, as long as you warn Andy Bown first to get out of the hotel...but do NOT fuck up the world with your stupid shit. You assholes in Syria and Iraq don't speak for US. So shut the fuck up!"

But...if Cameron and Obama put a fucking cork in the number of swarthy maniac immigrants coming over from Half-Baked Middle Eastern Nutland, I wouldn't be too upset either.

ISIS key member: Peter Gabriel, Roger Waters or Brian Eno?

The question people are asking is which of the three "BEATLES" killed Mr. Foley...and is raging against the free world with wild-eyed threats of further terror?

Well, come out from behind the burkas, boys: PETER GABRIEL, ROGER WATERS and BRIAN ENO.

It's really YOU lot, isn't that true? You're the ones screaming about how awful Israel is, and how Cameron should sign your petition and refuse all trade with that genocidal, apartheid country.

Great Britain, on the other hand, is a model of tolerance, and nothing's gone wrong with that!

The policy is "Anyone from the Middle East...EXCEPT ISRAEL...should come on over here. We've got churches that need to become mosques. We've got buses that you can blow up. We need new dietary laws in school. We love RAP music. The "old ways" of England have gone out with the bowler hat and we're ready to try burkas and rags around our heads."

And boy, that Amir Khan is one helluva fighter. We worship him almost as much as we did "The PRINCE" Naseem.

Around the world, voices of reason such as Roger Waters...who flies the pig balloon with a Star of David on it, are helping shape the new world order. It's radical Islam.

A few old fogeys are clucking their tongues about the mis-use of the term "Beatles" by terrorists. That's as silly as arguing about copyright...and we know that soon enough Beatles music will be freeeee for everyone. Although once radical Islam takes over, such decadent sounds will be forbidden.

Cameron must be so proud of the news on one of his immigrant terrorist friends:

Abdel-Majed Abdel Bary, 23, and his mama named Ragaa lived in a £1 million house in Maida Vale (West London)...which they got with the kindly help of Westminster Council. Admirable Abdel-Majed felt his ability to kill people was being cramped by current foolish laws, so...he moved to Syria. He told mama (still living in magnificent wealth in Maida Vale) that he was doing it 'for the sake of Allah'. This is his imaginary friend. The one whose voice is in his ears (along with rap music). How wonderful that kids believe in SOMETHING these days.

It also helps to get lessons from the adorable Anjem Choudary. Now, that chowderhead sure can reach impressionable kids. There are more and more of them all the time. Abdel-Majed, after all, is one of SIX monsters raised by mama (his daddy was a murderer and terrorist in Egypt granted political asylum in Dear Old Blighty. Accent on BLIGHT.) But why go on?

The important thing is to keep the ball rolling, and the heads rolling...and if Peter Gabriel, Brian Eno and Roger Waters haven't yet signed up with ISIS (none are signed up with a major label anymore, are they?) they should hurry. They are needed. Get your rifles, guys. Writing about how horrible Israel is...is just the start of the story. Wiping it off the map...will be followed by genocide against all Jews, all Christians, all Buddhists, and everyone else who doesn't kneel before ALLAH (and kneel the RIGHT WAY).

Sing it, you swingin' Muslims...

"It's very clear...our HATE is here to stay. Not for a year. But forever and a day. The White Cliffs may rumble, and Big Ben might tumble...they're only made of clay but...our HATE is here to stay."

And thanks Peter Gabriel, Brian Eno and Roger Waters, for identifying the real monsters in all of this...JEWS!

Was that "MONEY MAYWEATHER" or "MONKEY MAYWEATHER"

The Justin Bieber of Boxing (oh, right, he does have punk Justin in his entourage), Floyd Mayweather makes headlines more for being an ignorant bastard and a punk than anything else. He got jailed for bashing his girlfriend (that actually got him in the slammer...for a few months...which made him pussy-frantic with lawyer letters begging for special privileges).

He's made his fortune more from who he does NOT fight than the chumps he does fight. He seems to "school" fighters who are much older, much slower, or ventured into the wrong weight class. As for actually being in school...he has the usual ghetto excuse that he was busy keepin' it real. So he dropped out early.

The other day, a rap radio station (the only ones that seem to be doing well) exposed his illiteracy by playing a recording of Floyd failing to sound out a simple promotional announcement. Since Floyd is ALMOST as well-hated as Bieber, this was greeted with joy all around the world, and even other morons like "Fiddy" got into it, laughing and posting to YouTube that he'd give away a big chunk to charity if Floyd could read one page of a Harry Potter book.

Finally, after mulling this over for a while, and realizing that he would only get into trouble if he wrote any kind of response, or even Tweeted a few illiterate words, Mayweather responded the only way he knows how: flashing his MONEY.

Yep, Mayweather, who lives in Liberace-land, Las Vegas, is telling the world he's crying...all the way to the bank.

He's also telling all the ignorant rappers, ghetto brats, and other disgusting spawn, that even though the odds are astronomical, having freakish luck and some skill could mean you can make a fortune in sports (or music, perhaps) so who the fuck needs an education?

The Internet newspapers, which don't exactly foster reading...you can just look at the pretty pictures and go use an app to have everything read to you...seem to agree. Floyd landed a "KNOCKOUT" punch by once again flashing his wallet.

Fat Mid-40's and DIVORCED: Mariah Carey no toy for NICK CANNON

She was once a diva. Now she's dirt. Her albums aren't selling. She's middle-aged. Tubby. And without a slather of paint all over her face, pretty damn plain.

To put it bluntly, would YOU give her a second glance on the bus? Able to differentiate her FROM the bus?

She once married a music industry guy (Mottola) for his cred, his connections, and his fame. Then she dumped him. Now? She's on the other side. Nick Cannon, who walks the line between cool and obnoxious as host of "America's Got Talent (NOT)" doesn't really need to shove his salami between two whole loaves of week-old rye. Not these days.

He's known as a playyyy-uh. While he's a shitty stand-up, a lousy actor, and often quite tasteless (he actually thought appearing in "white face" was hilarious), he IS famous now. AGT is still, despite the usually boring sob stories, gay acts, cutesy brats and would-Biebs, the #1 summer show in the country.

So like every black moron, he married a semi-white (see: Kanye and Kim) and added a few dubiously-named dollops to the world...and split. Bye-bye...YOU raise 'em. I'm off spawning in some other wind tunnel...

PS, if you've watched AGT (and you probably haven't) there were WAY too many references to Mariah over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if Nick angrily stormed into the producers' offices one day and said, "Tell the contestants to NOT ask me about Mariah...tell the judges to NOT mention Mariah...I'm not Mr. Mariah Carey, you FUCKERS."

Do I really give a damn? Of course not, it's just that it takes THIS kind of news to blow ISIS off the front page. That gives you an idea of the state of world news!

It's also just another lesson that the "stars" that people breathlessly pant over, sigh over, and read about...are just as fucked up as everybody else. The compensation is that they have money. So Mariah can go to a shrink a few days a week if she needs to, and get the best drugs if she needs to, and might be able, as Madonna has so poignantly demonstrated, to find some boy toy fame-fucker to haul around for as long as he can put up with her.

Bitches are basically the same, fame or not: they require tremendous amounts of attention, they are prima donna cunts, they think "having one of THESE gets plenty of THOSE," and the only thing that reigns them in, momentarily, is finding some guy who is even more of a piece of shit. This could be the kind of shit who fawns, lies and leaves, or the kind of shit who acts surly and stirs up the bitch-instinct of "let me tame him..."

So Mariah is just another twat who plays games. She played the "I'm yours...famous Mottola" game, and the "You're mine....not famous Cannon" game. To sides of a dirty counterfeit coin.

Any bets on when Kunt Kardashian and anus-mouth are going to call it quits? Whenever her TV show ratings need the biggest boost...whenever his record label says, "We can't promote your shit on the basis of the actual MUSIC..."

reasons to be cheerful #4: Leonard Cohen "Almost Like the Blues"

You know, I do understand anti-Semitism.

It's a normal reaction to assholes who can't stop talking about Leonard Fucking Cohen.

Now, I like Leonard Cohen. I also like Bob Fucking Dylan.

BUT NEITHER ONE OF THEM RUNS MY FUCKING LIFE.

NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN STOP ME FROM BEING ANGRY, HOPELESS or anything else.

Especially Leonard Fucking Cohen.

It's utterly insane that ANYONE, no matter how much of an Orthodox Leonard Cohen fan...can actually be EXCITED that this guy is putting out a new album.

As if the last one was any good?

As if the teaser-single he just croaked ("Almost Like the Blues") is a work of genius?

Oooh, a millionaire who looks like a dead Vulcan (that's a reference to Leonard Nimoy's Star Trek character) has grumbled, in a huffy-scruffy breathless growl, that some depressing shit is "almost like the blues."

I swear, to see idiots in forums and on Farcebook getting EXCITED about this...linking to the YouTUBE video...wetting their Depends over this...It's PATHETIC.

As if they haven't heard his last few albums? Which were not exactly brilliant!

OK, the man has written at least a dozen great songs, whether this Bieber-eating world knows it or not. Maybe even more than that. But to look forward to this new release makes as much sense as looking forward to a vacation in Iraq.

Cohen fans are salivating at the thought that Mr. Darkness is going to moan something profound about Israel and Palestine. I doubt it. He's 80 and would like to see 81.

It's grimly amusing that idiots who idolized Cohen, Dylan, Kiss, Ronstadt, whoever, when they were 20...are STILL being fucking idiots twenty, forty, even sixty years later! Really? YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO ANYBODY'S NEW ALBUM?

Curb your enthusiasm, idiots. As much as I like Cohen...it's IRRITATING me to read this shit.

And this shit is coming from the same ASSHOLES who are anxiously awaiting the new Dylan album...after hearing the teaser-track "Full Moon and Empty Arms," which really is just about over the line of self-indulgence, even for the most ardent Dylan fan. (And even after that fucking CHRISTMAS album, I'm still one of 'em).

Cohen's new one is going to offer something profound? Some brilliant anthem better than anything you already have on your fucking record shelf? Really?

You still think so based on "Almost Like the Blues?"

Have you actually LISTENED to the last albums from Dylan or Cohen...or whoever the fuck else you want to drag into this? Peter Anti-Semitic Gabriel? Roger Gasping-Fish Non-Singing Waters? Brian Beano Eno? At best, an album from your idol will give you the comforting message, "He's still alive." That is ALL. Elton is still alive. Macca is still alive. Morrissey is still alive. And...that's about it. Compared to Robin Williams, that's a lot.

Jesus, do you suppose if some Cohen fan had e-mailed Robin and said, "There's a NEW COHEN ALBUM NEXT MONTH," our hideously unhappy Mork would've put his belt back around his waist?

Leonard Cohen is still alive. Good for him.

Is what I'm telling you ALMOST LIKE THE BLUES?

No, it's closer to BEING THE TRUTH.

Meat-faced Moron MIKE DITKA - and why Americans are LOATHED

To my friends around the world (?) I say this:

I know that the name MIKE DITKA means NOTHING to you.

I just wish it meant NOTHING to ANYONE in AMERICA, too.

Ditka is the loudest voice for NOT changing the racist name "Washington REDSKINS"

He's being cheered by FARCEBOOK assholes...conservatives, "patriots of the "Tea Party," and other proudly arrogant and insensitive dimwits:

Mike Ditka is an ex-football player, big in Sheee-KAH-Go where English-speaking is difficult and his team the Chicago Bears is pronounced simply as "Da Bare-sssssss" with a very sibilant "S."

He became a coach, and naturally enough, one of the assholes with a microphone that you see yapping it up to the point where you can't concentrate on da game.

He played on the Chicago Bears, and against, among others, the Washington Redskins.

Why name a team REDSKINS??? Because Americans viewed Native Americans as Animals. Like Bears. Indians. Tigers.

You can understand this. As the British (er, the Americans who still spoke and acted like British) moved further and deeper into their new country, they encountered "savages."

These "savages" mostly didn't like intruders. And so America suffered decades of war until technology and the rifle won out against the "Indians" and their bows and arrows. Americans didn't feel all that much guilt or shame, any more than the British did in taking control over India or portions of Africa. Civilization, folks.

Morality aside, greed aside, one can understand why, in the days when John Wayne was hugely popular, a football team might be called the "REDSKINS." Another team was the Dallas Cowboys. It's just a game. And a lot of people admired the "savagery" of being REDSKINS. American kids played cowboys and Indians and there was no shortage for either side.

Got the sociology? Good. We move on.

If your team is named REDSKINS, it means you are likely to be vicious and horrible, and paint your face blood red and destroy your foes and even scalp them if you can. Scalping, by the way, is the act of ripping the flesh at the hairline, with a knife, often while the person is still alive. Aftger literally rrrrrripping the hair off the person's head, you have a pelt you can take away and show proudly, while your victim bleeds to death.

So?

So we fast-forward through the 60's and 70's, to the present day. Along the way, "Negroes" decided they wanted to be called "Black." The American INDIANS (misnomer from when Columbus thought he had landed in India) decided they'd rather be called "Native Americans."

They did get their wish, mostly. But not all of their wish. They weren't happy with baseball teams...the stereotypical big-nosed red-faced Cleveland Indians mascot...the stereotypical music and "tomahawk chop" antics of the Atlanta Braves. And most certainly they were even more offended by the very name of football's "Washington Redskins."

The answer to them from TRUE Americans, not NATIVE Americans? The REAL Americans who took over the land? The reply is: "Oh fuck off." Or, "Back to the reservation, assholes."

The Tea Party and the rest of the conservatives that make America hated, are so intolerant of a bullied minority...they won't even let them see an end to the blatant racism and foolishness of a fucking football team calling themselves "Washington Redskins." A team, I might add, that is predominantly made up of BLACK SKINS. Only they would never, EVER be calling themselves the Washington Blackskins. And we all know why.

On FARCEBOOK and elsewhere, the bullying white morons of America are quick to smugly bully and laugh their way through this insult, and to stand behind the fat-faced burly symbol of American fatness, big Mike Ditka.

His surly, meat-head comments are probably being engraved in stone at this very moment:

Intolerance. That's America and The Tea Party. No shame. No decency. Certainly no "sensitivity," because THAT is the dirtiest word in America. To be "Sensitive" is to be some kind of faggot, and as the Tea Party teaches, "GOD HATES FAGS."

The logic...which middle-America, fat, stupid and white, doesn't get...is that this is NOT a decision for Mike Ditka. Or for the owner of the Washington Redskins. There's NOTHING to decide. You correct a wrong, that's all.

Did Mike Ditka tell black people, "You stupid liberals need to shut up and stay NEGROES." No. Because blacks would've dismembered his big fat hulking body and made Philly cheesesteaks out of him. But Native Americans, disorganized and dispirited, can only ask. Beg. Plead. And get laughed at.

Who are YOU, Mr. Ditka, to tell Native Americans how they should feel? If they're offended and upset by the term "Redskin," why are you so arrogant and angry about it? You, a professional JOCK, should know that there's no fucking tradition behind the "Washington Redskins." None. Nothing that money can't change.

Professional sports teams have no loyalty. They move. The Washington Senators moved to Minnesota and became the Minnesota Twins. The Milwaukee Braves left to go to Atlanta. The Baltimore Colts moved to Indianapolis. A new team came in and called themselves the Baltimore Ravens. Name-changing and city-changing is part of the great American tradition called "FUCK YOU, WE'RE MAKING MONEY." A team owner can move a team out of town...a city can one day be rooting for the COLTS and next year the RAVENS, and YOU are upset? Upset because the reason isn't money but sensitivity to somebody else's feelings?

Yes, friends, this is why Americans are LOATHED. A term that is now blatantly racist...is being mindlessly argued and fought by the owner of the Washington Redskins...just as angrily as the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers fought with his girlfriend over allowing her to associate with black people. The irony is that ultimately the commissioner of basketball ruled that the owner had to sell the Clippers because he was a racist bastard and what he did was not good for sports or for the American way.

Hopefully the commissioner of football will KICK ASS, and that includes fat-faced Mike Ditka and the creep who owns the Washington Redskins...and end the hurt...and give Native Americans back a small, small measure of pride.