reasons to be cheerful #4: Leonard Cohen "Almost Like the Blues"

You know, I do understand anti-Semitism.

It's a normal reaction to assholes who can't stop talking about Leonard Fucking Cohen.

Now, I like Leonard Cohen. I also like Bob Fucking Dylan.

BUT NEITHER ONE OF THEM RUNS MY FUCKING LIFE.

NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN STOP ME FROM BEING ANGRY, HOPELESS or anything else.

Especially Leonard Fucking Cohen.

It's utterly insane that ANYONE, no matter how much of an Orthodox Leonard Cohen fan...can actually be EXCITED that this guy is putting out a new album.

As if the last one was any good?

As if the teaser-single he just croaked ("Almost Like the Blues") is a work of genius?

Oooh, a millionaire who looks like a dead Vulcan (that's a reference to Leonard Nimoy's Star Trek character) has grumbled, in a huffy-scruffy breathless growl, that some depressing shit is "almost like the blues."

I swear, to see idiots in forums and on Farcebook getting EXCITED about this...linking to the YouTUBE video...wetting their Depends over this...It's PATHETIC.

As if they haven't heard his last few albums? Which were not exactly brilliant!

OK, the man has written at least a dozen great songs, whether this Bieber-eating world knows it or not. Maybe even more than that. But to look forward to this new release makes as much sense as looking forward to a vacation in Iraq.

Cohen fans are salivating at the thought that Mr. Darkness is going to moan something profound about Israel and Palestine. I doubt it. He's 80 and would like to see 81.

It's grimly amusing that idiots who idolized Cohen, Dylan, Kiss, Ronstadt, whoever, when they were 20...are STILL being fucking idiots twenty, forty, even sixty years later! Really? YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO ANYBODY'S NEW ALBUM?

Curb your enthusiasm, idiots. As much as I like Cohen...it's IRRITATING me to read this shit.

And this shit is coming from the same ASSHOLES who are anxiously awaiting the new Dylan album...after hearing the teaser-track "Full Moon and Empty Arms," which really is just about over the line of self-indulgence, even for the most ardent Dylan fan. (And even after that fucking CHRISTMAS album, I'm still one of 'em).

Cohen's new one is going to offer something profound? Some brilliant anthem better than anything you already have on your fucking record shelf? Really?

You still think so based on "Almost Like the Blues?"

Have you actually LISTENED to the last albums from Dylan or Cohen...or whoever the fuck else you want to drag into this? Peter Anti-Semitic Gabriel? Roger Gasping-Fish Non-Singing Waters? Brian Beano Eno? At best, an album from your idol will give you the comforting message, "He's still alive." That is ALL. Elton is still alive. Macca is still alive. Morrissey is still alive. And...that's about it. Compared to Robin Williams, that's a lot.

Jesus, do you suppose if some Cohen fan had e-mailed Robin and said, "There's a NEW COHEN ALBUM NEXT MONTH," our hideously unhappy Mork would've put his belt back around his waist?

Leonard Cohen is still alive. Good for him.

Is what I'm telling you ALMOST LIKE THE BLUES?

No, it's closer to BEING THE TRUTH.