Nervous Nellies - The Morbid Mandela Watch Goes On and On

In the past few months we've seen both ends of the idiot spectrum...the relentless coverage of an upcoming birth, and an upcoming death.

Neither matter, really.

The Royal Baby? That kid won't be on any throne in our lifetime. Except a toilet. It's possible that in 40 years his path to Buckingham Palace will be blocked and he'll go to the Tower of London instead, where, under orders of the Shah of Great Britain or the Ayatollah of London, he gets beheaded for not converting to Islam.

The upcoming death? Nelson Mandela. This guy served as President of South Africa for a paltry few years, 1994-1999. A great man...who, let's face it, has NOT, repeat NOT, made much impact in South Africa. Apartheid? There are race killings in South Africa all the time. It's one of the most violent and psycho countries on Earth. One of their most famous professional boxers was shot and killed. Their most famous athlete (well, half an athlete) got sprung from jail back onto his bounce-blades after shooting his girlfriend as she sat on the shitter. Nice, huh? Who knows when he'll ever be tried for that crime.

What gets me about these death watches of famous old men, is the implication that if ONLY they survive, the world is saved. What the fuck has Mandela done in the past five years? Ten? Or when he was president? Ya gotta go sometime. He's 95. Now he's having an operation? His odds of survival? What if he recovers completely? Is he going to lower the crime rate? Increase tourism? No. Aside from rich tourists and Internet CEO's who want to go on a safari and shoot an animal, nobody in their right mind wants to have anything to do with Africa. Unless it's mail order involving diamonds. Otherwise, it's the Crazy Continent of Somali Pirates, and warring tribes of maniacs, and psychos who cut the labia off women, and a lot of AIDs. And South Africa is grotesque, despite The Great Mandela.

Is he having an operation? What type? And at the very moment he's having it, how many women are having some flesh cutting with a knife or a broken bottle?

At the same time the handwringers have momentarily finished their latest breathless reports on the helpless Royal Baby, and the helpless Mandela...the New York Times has offered a report on crime in South Africa. OK, the piece focuses on the the always fashionable topic of gays being abused. Nevermind the huge numbers of others, black and white, who are in fear of their lives in this backward, savage, crazy fucked up country. The case histories chosen by the Times are harrowing enough, if you care to read about 'em.

The reality here, is FUTILITY.

Two of the biggest International stories are utter BULLSHIT. The newborn baby does not matter. A 95 year-old man does not matter.

What matters, is that the United Kingdom is in serious, serious trouble...not just financially, but in the savagery of Pakistani rape gangs and the beheading of some guy who was part of an Army band! Not to mention all the every day psycho events where chavs abuse old people (anyone remember that Michael Caine movie?) and CCTV cameras hardly stop the big parade of mindless violence.

And thousands of miles away...what matters is that South Africa, and all of Africa, continues to be lost in the dark ages. What the fuck was Darwin thinking? We saw it on the news...Mr. Special Olympics told everyone that South Africa is so incredibly dangerous that he had to keep a gun with him, even though he hardly lives in a bad neighborhood. We were told that it was fairly common for marauding blacks to go after a party of white people and so yeah, one of them shot to death Corey Sanders for no reason. And the New York Times tells of absolutely mindless, vicious, superstitious, animal-like sub-human behavior...aimed at gays but it's also the kind of thing that happens all over Africa and happens to heterosexual blacks by other heterosexual blacks in even greater numbers. Africa and the Middle East are sliding backwards ever further into behavior that would be considered appalling in the neanderthal age.

You look to a Royal Baby and a 95 year-old for solutions? A better solution is liquid birth control, injected into as many people as possible, ASAP!