Can't See Much Talent...but FIVE MILLION GOOTUBE VIEWS

How do you make money in the music industry?

Oh, not from downloads. Not from having a catchy song. Not from radio play. Etc. etc. etc.

But how about...a PARODY of a well-known stupid sound-alike dance-pop tune?

One like "I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE," the kind of ninny Wimperlake-type One Erection garbage that 12 year-olds play over and over?

GOOTUBE will gladly rig their system so that YOUR video comes up after, say, you've heard a bitch like Shauna Cuntwell, who looks and acts 12, do her wide-eyed pedo-pushing whiny version of the song (complete with a no-talent lech who squeaks the strings of his guitar every other second).

Lookie lookie, here's the new Weird Al. Huh?

Never heard of half-baked Baker? He's laughing all the way to the bank.

Not really. GOOTUBE deposits the ROYALTIES in his bank FOR HIM, so he can spend more time being KEWL and thinking up NEW videos, and putting on funny wigs and costumes and making up easy parody lyrics for simple-minded dummies to watch FREEEEEE.

See that number in the right hand corner. Yep. FIVE MILLION FUCKING VIEWS.

The royalties on that kind of shit? Let's say it's enough to do a professional looking video. With adequate jokes about how Mr. Weeknd couldn't feel his face because he took too much cocaine. Oh, and don't forget the Weird Al "shove a food reference in" idea. Oh, the guy has a hairstyle like broccoli. Ha ha.

Jesus, fuck Weird Al, this guy is another Sasha Baron Coon. (Not Cohen, you don't want Roger Waters to deny you an opening act slot someday.)

Let's see..."can't feel my face." Got it! How about if somebody sets him on fire! Then he can feel his face! HAR! We can spring for the special effect! KEWL!

This is the Millennial sense of humor, folks. Weird Al..."but not as good."

Congrats, Mr. Funny. See, if you just THINK (or not) you can come up with a way to beat the system. The old paradigm was people buying records. The new one? Working for GOOGLE and GOOTUBE.

Who's a clever boy, then? He did a parody on a million-selling song, with idiot visuals that will attract cheap kids who spend their lives on GOOTUBE.

Add NETWORKING, before during and AFTER.

Yes, after the video is over, put on your Wimperlake oh-so-hep porkpie hat, and give a tedious minute-long commercial for yourself.

Give links for everybody who appeared in your video (FREEEEE...) and give links to iTunes and your FARCEBOOK page and TWATTER account, and be like one of those idiot AM-radio disc jockeys from grandpa's day, and motor-mouth shit about a contest (somebody can WIN the JACKET you WORE in your GOOTUBE VIDEO...how KEEN, if not KEANE.)

Ah, the energy of youth. The appreciation of dumbth. Be relentless and stupid and YOU could be one in ten million who can say "I'm not famous, I'll never play a club, but I make money on GOOTUBE!"

This IS the way you make money in the 21st century. Fame, not so much. But what the fuck. THIS guy is farther up the food chain than Knickerless Pain, Shauna Cuntwell and Darren Lox combined. Now, to see those three actually combined and thrown off a bridge in Grimsby...I'd subscribe to THAT channel.