Johnathon Lee West - Grimsby's Proudest Son

Not everybody gets to be in the daily newspaper.

While Grimsby IS loaded with look-alike Eminem-creepy chavs, a stand-out is the peculiarly named JOHNATHON Lee West.

THIS guy.

A trouble-making punk for most of his short life, he out-did himself by spending 11 hours on a tatty little bridge in a pathetic little town. Like, going back to jail wouldn't be preferable to living in Grimsby?

To be fair and sympathetic, it must've been hard growing up with illiterates that don't know how to spell Jonathan.

Let's blame it on the name. Take a look at the American named Johnathon Lee West!

Yes, it's a tough name to carry. People think it should be Jonathan. Or maybe Jonathon. But when your name defies the laws of spelling, YOU will end up defying the law, too. Right, Johnathin? Er, Johnathan? I mean, JOHNATHON? Like a marathon held in a john?

And what's with the dopey middle name of Lee?

Are you a sailor? Are you being told to tilt yourself to the way the wind is blowing from the west?

Had his parents left out the middle name, why, he would only be as stupid and useless as THIS Farcebook fuckhead:

What a well-meaning fellow. He's organizing his FRIENDS to help buy a fucking car seat for a homeless family. How bad off are they, if they've got a car?

The father of the family needs new work boots. Does that mean he has a job? If he does, why doesn't his boss hand him an advance so the bastard can buy boots? What's wrong with the old boots that they can't last another few weeks? And IS this family on welfare, or what?

But our good JOHNATHON WEST isn't going to reach into his own fucking pocket. Nope. He's telling this homeless family, "Hang on, I'm gonna go on the INTERNET and ask my friends to help you!" Oh, bless you, kind sir. YOU won't help but you'll go find people who aren't as cheap as YOU are. Then you can take all the credit for being SO caring.

What's next, a fucking GOFUNDME campaign? All this fuss over a kiddie chair and a pair of work boots that could be found new or used for the same price this fuckhead JOHNATHON WEST would pay for a dinner!

In a nutshell, the name JOHNATHON WEST is clearly a curse.

Now, let's have some compassion for this bland-faced chav who didn't take the judge's advice back in 2009, and has been a pest for years now. We all make mistakes. The poor kid had such a screw loose, and is such a pussy at heart, that he ended up on a bridge threatening to kill himself, and bore everyone else to death.

Nevermind that he was romping around up there like a drama queen, or like an extra in an Eminem video. The kid's mental.

Hopefully he'll adjust to finishing his sentence, and dealing with what could really be no worse than living in a dorm, or in the office of the Grimsby Tell-a-Laugh.

Then he'll get out and CHANGE HIS FUCKING NAME. At least spell JONATHAN right. Shorten the fucking thing to JON LEE WEST. How's that? Or become Wild Wild West. Or get a sex change and call yourself Adele.

The important thing, and a law needs to be passed, is that NOBODY should EVER be named JOHNATHON.

If you want to get technical, "thon" is based on the idiotic old word "yon." So, "What's that ugly dollop that came out of yer wife's cunt?" "Yonder? Why that's John, yon! In other words, John a'thon. Or, JOHNATHON."

Stupid, huh?

"Athon" is a term related to tedium. Like "marathon." Something that goes on too long. As in:

"What's all this then, some fucking pasty-faced pie-faced sullen pebble-headed little shit on a fucking bridge for eleven hours? What do you call that?" "Why, it's a JOHN-ATHON!" "Aye, and he's beginning to lee west. I wish he'd just fuckin' fall over!"

Good luck in the future. Let's be optimistic. A change of name COULD change your luck.

"LUCKY LEE WEST." Catchy, huh? Especially if you're thinking of opening a Chinese Restaurant on the other side of Ampleforth Avenue.