To Make an Adele Hit Single - by Edward Lear

To Make an Adele Hit Single - by Edward Lear

Tie Adele to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a candle, and six bushels of turnips, within her reach; if she eats these, constantly provide her with more.

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, four quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat Adele violently, with the handle of a large broom. If she squeals, beat her again.

Visit the paste and beat Adele alternately for some days, and play back the sounds she's made.

When the result gives you a migraine, add background music, put the result on iTunes, and Adele may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.

(Adapted and updated from "To Make Gosky Patties" by Edward Lear).