CEELO SLIPS OUT OF 30 MILLION IN DEBT. FUCK YOU, TOO

Why is that lumpy headed blob named Ceelo sticking his tongue out and laughing?

Because as the "Chief Creative Officer" of something called Primary Wave Music, he just ducked 30 MILLION DOLLARS in DEBT.

Yeah. The guy who sang "FUCK YOU" to a woman and had a hit with it, is saying FUCK YOU to a lot of people who trusted him.

I thought his "FUCK YOU" song was actually pretty funny, but THIS is not.

What it is, is just another lesson in how you can rob more people with a pen than a gun, and that chumps who think illegal downloading is getting even have real square heads. Not big fat well-fed round ones like Ceelo.

You think this guy is sitting around waiting for a royalty check on the few hit songs he's had? Nah, this player knows better. First, he copies a successful game from Michael Jackson. The King of Pop grabbed Beatles songs. Ceelo...bought up Kurt Cobain. Second, he established himself as not an artist, but a music pimp, somebody who could get other hip-hop, rap and trendy types into his stable for promotions, tie-ins, endorsements, fashion lines, all kinds of ways to make money on personality and not mp3 files.

Healthy bottom line? Even when you lose, you WIN. The guy was fucking up, but the suits and greedheads only saw "Hey, the guy owns Cobain stuff...and he can still get his sticky hands on so much well-connected talent in the black music market that is so full of bling and bullshit. So, let's get our bankers and hedge fund weasels to "restructure" his company and magically erase over 30 million in debt...

How do you "erase" debt? You tell the debtors to accept some minor amount, like 10%, or "FUCK YOU." Meaning, cut your losses now or watch the years go by in bankruptcy court, and see yourself at the end of a long line of creditors, and know that as you wait, a lot of money will be secretly siphoned out and even more taken by the lawyers (who always get paid first).

Next stop for Ceelo? A replenished bank account and more opportunities to throw money around. After all, you've got to be seen at big parties, you have to be wearing bling, you have to show up with an entourage, otherwise who'll invest in you? All he has to do is hint that he can get trendy friends to participate in "branding" and "promotions" for companies with deep pockets.

Best of all, as with expecting royalties on songs, the talent is so naive and stupid, they'll jump at these offers even if they are actually getting far less than they should. How? Oh, maybe Ceelo will tell Nivea or Chanel to throw a big party. They can do it. A gob of soap or a spritz of smell costs these companies a penny to make, and they mark it up to $500 with a fancy bottle and all the hype. They pay HIM hundreds of thousands of dollars and he invites a few hip-hop people to show up so they can get their picture taken. They do it free, or for a silly "gift bag" of Nivea and Chanel trinkets, and free hotel and transportation for the weekend. Ha. They think they did great. Ceelo and the suits did MUCH better.

Ideally that's how it works, but Ceelo and many others sometimes waste more money than they eventually get. Not to worry. Just do some more razzle and dazzle, show the bling, wave the carrot ("I own Kurt Cobain...I got Rihanna's home phone number") and the restructuring money rolls in. Till maybe somebody realizes Ceelo is yesterday's news, and there's some other pimp who has the latest no-talent all-bling idiot in tow. After all, Don King is no longer the big pimp in boxing. Even P. Diddy is old news. The music biz changes by the month, not the year or the decade. We will NEVER see a Clive Davis-type again...someone always in power and always making deals.

Ray Davies sang about the money-go-round years ago, but back then he didn't know how lucky he was. He had Warners behind him, and when he left that label, RCA jumped in to promote him (and even indulge in his penchant for poor-selling rock operas). Then a THIRD label (run by a certain Mr. Clive Davis) gave him yet ANOTHER shot at the money-go-round, which turned Ray into a disco "Superman" success. That was the old model. You create music and you get paid for it. Ray didn't spend his time wearing bling and endorsing soap and having wardrobe malfunctions and showing up on TV to judge shitty karaoke singers.

The music world has changed. It's not really about the music. Music is an accessory. It drives a TV commercial. It's background for a walk on the red carpet. It'll help sell the latest hand-held toy or a subscription to a "cloud" service. Did you know SONY is losing money on TV sets and stereo equipment? Nobody's buying that stuff. That's OLD media. All anyone needs is a hand-held toy that can play mp3's. SONY is being told to stop manufacturing TV sets and stereos and concentrate on computer-crapola and digital toss-aways and corporate sponsorship of rap concerts and award shows where blingy "stars" can show off their bling.

As Ceelo would say, "it's ALL good." Yo. But not for you, YO. If YOU don't have money, it won't be easy to find someone willing to set you up with a big fat bank account and second chance. You might have to go begging on the street, or to the government, and you might have to desperately try and sell your records and stereo on eBay for 10% of what you paid for 'em! But... maybe you can ring up Ceelo and ask him if he needs someone to shine his shoes. Maybe he'll say yes. Maybe he'll say FUCK YOU.