Before the Season Ends...VISIT BLACK'S POOL

Yo, muthafuckas!

It was a record-breaking 75 degrees in New York today! But that shit ain't gonna last.

So this is yo' last chance to visit BLACK'S POOL.

After this weekend, it will be COLD. You will be CHILLIN'. So get yo' ass over here!

If you iz British, you will enjoy the pool's afternoon pee. In fack, there's pee all the time. Whenever you get in the pool, urine for a warm, relaxing time.

We's a stone's throw from the railroad station. We be sure to hit you in the head wid a stone to get yo attention. Then we shout: "Ovah HEAH, Whitey! Welcome to Black's Pool!"

We will take you down a street, around the block, to the hotel. But that ain't it. Nobody stays there. We sneak you into whatever home is vacant. It could be across the street. On the next block. In a nice private house with a view. Who knows.

You might even get a baffroom, or at least yo' own pee pot. If you want a shower we'll spit on you. IF you get a baffroom, don't expect a doh dat closes. You gotta ho de doh. It may be tough to ho de doh AND do yo' bizness at da same time, but it is what it is, know wuttum sayin'?

You won't be on yo' room much anyway. Not wid two or three udder people also in there. So go outside and enjoy the explosives, the sound of guns goin' off, and the season's last enna tainment shows. We got a Marvin Gaye lookalike. Actually he's just a dude named Marvin who is gay. We got a karaoke bar where you can sing "The Backstabbers" or just experience it. We hired a white drummer named A.D. Savage just to laugh about how whites have no rhythm.

£15 is what we charge per night. And another £15 during the day, which we just sneak into yo' room and get outta yo' wallet. It's a no-frills hotel...because we'll steal any fancy underwear yo' wife might have.

And remember, we guarantee your room will at least have a sink. It'll be the sinking feeling you get when you see it fo' the first time.

IF WE'ZE BEIN' HONEST (and the odds of that are lower than Shauna Cuntwell signing with Slimey Towel), you MIGHT get a room where da baffroom is a jar. Just do yo' business in da jar and toss it in the trash.

The mirror may have a layer of dirt, or it might be clean and you're just black and didn't realize it.

If you iz cringing by now, good, it'll get you ready for the experience of being in Black's Pool.

So get yo' self some "Northern Soul," and come here, where there's a bonfire EVERY night. You got nuthin' to lose but yo' life! And wait till you enjoy yo' first hold-up, where somebody points a gun at you and growls that famous phrase, "Go fund me!"