"No Coaching!" Well, we're not serious about that. We're EBAY

Imagine this (it isn't hard to do).

You've just seen a burglar open a window and climb into your neighbor's house. You dial up the cops.

You get put on hold. Then you get the infamous "menu options" recording.

Dial 1 for Murder. Dial 2 for Rape. Dial 3 for Barking Dog. Dial 4 for A.D. Savage raving like an asshole. Dial 5 for A.D. Savage raving like a cunt...

There's nothing for burglary?? But it's AGAINST THE LAW!

You have one last option: "Wait on the line for a problem not listed."

You wait 10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. The burglar has now raced away with his bag of loot, laughingly shouting out, "Ahar! Ahar! I'm a pirate! I like FREE!"

Finally a cop comes on the line. You explain there's been a burglary. The cop yawns, audibly, and says, "Your call is important to us. We'll take down the address and be over in a week."

THAT is EBAY.

Here's the law:

BIG LETTERS: NOT ALLOWED.

Good rule, right? You don't want an unlicensed "therapist" duping some clod.

BUT...there's absolutely NO way of reporting this to EBAY via their fabulous "report" link on the right side of every ad.

Here's a hummus-faced slimeball, with greasy hair, a creepy face, and he'll be happy to take $100 off you per hour, to oil his way into your life and bank account. Funny, if he's so GOOD why does he have to be on EBAY offering introductory services for five bucks?

This aging rock-star with the chains and medallions and smug expression is a LOSER, that's why. EBAY should not be encouraging LOSERS like this. But if you click that link there's no category to report a violation of "coaching" or of the "prohibited services" rule.

Call up EBAY and 30 minutes later, some potato-brain will confirm, "Er, uh, you're right. But I can take your complaint and report it." "Well if you can, why can't I? Why don't you have a link I can click so I can report it in 1 minute and not wait 30 minutes?" "Er, uh, we're working on that." Sure you are.

A public-spirited citizen who doesn't like cheaters has to spend a half hour PER ad to report 'em. Not less than a minute if there was a working link.

This slimeball is violating another EBAY rule. He's put in a plug for his website. It's in one of those sneaky little pictures.

OOH, love the TOP HAT. Ain't he the cool one? He could easily star in a 70's rock cover band on a cruise ship.

Guess what. There's a rule against this. There IS a link for reporting "Website promoted in ad." But, Catch 22, the link does NOT give you even a blank template of 100 words to report it. It assumes that an eBay rep will know to click the third picture and read that sneaky plug for the website. What are the odds of THAT?

Allah be praised. This clown and dozens of others are conning people on EBAY every day.

You might say "Oh, fool and his money are soon parted. A fool deserves it."

Yeah. But NOT if the money is going into this SLEAZY BASTARD'S pocket.

That's the thing; I agree that the buyer must beware, and stupid people need to smarten up. If the con man is W.C. Fields saying "Never give a sucker an even break," I'm on his side. As long as he's not taking the last cent from some sad neurotic or some foolish old woman. But if it's THIS kind of con man, no. Report the creep.

Would it surprise you to learn he's also pulled the "I'm a Psychic" game?

EBAY happily makes it easy for these cruds. Type in LIFE COACH and other terms, and you'll see all kinds of con artists and swine. Anybody can be a "certified life coach." And it would take all day for weeks to report them all by phone, because EBAY doesn't actually have a "report link" for this.

EBAY seems to like phony cunts. Maybe their staff are actually wearing silicone rubber cunts under their clothes. (Note to self: pay Shauna to write a song about this...)