BABY DADDY...BABY BUMPS...Who the FUCK cares?

I don't know who the hell she is.

She wants to fix this, by showing everyone that she's knocked up?

It's just too tacky to believe...how often idiot starlets strip down to show their big fat swollen bellies just to get attention.

Who do they think they are, Adele?

Killer Monkey Man JOJO JOHN - And Yuppie AMUSEMENT

Meet JOJO JOHN, a BANKER. His idea of a good time is taking his luxury motor boat out on the Hudson River and speeding around while boozed up.

He killed two people.

What a fucking MONKEY.

There was a song popular in the 30's, called "JOJO THE CANNIBAL KING." Well, that JOJO is nothing compared to the KILLER BANKER, who ran a few of his rich Yuppie pals into a barge. The bride-to-be and the best man were killed. The groom and the other passengers suffered head injuries. And poor JOJO the MONKEY...the guy with the drug conviction a few years ago, the fuckhead from JPMORGAN, he's telling his rich friends he's like, oh wow, real sorry. Mostly because he'll be spending some money on a lawyer. One who'll get his charges dismissed, or have him sprung from a posh country-club jail after six months.

AMUSEMENT in the world of JOJO JOHN and other banker and Hedge Fund scumbags, Real Estate shits and Internet CEO creeps...involves partying till 4am in moronic clubs where GAGA music blares and Euro-trash morons snort cocaine. It involves living in $500,000 one-bedroom condos with views of poor slobs across the river in Brooklyn or Hoboken. It's all about scoring those $1000 front row tickets to see BROOOSE or to hear MACCA go "Jude-ay Jude-ay Jude-ay." It involves going to overpriced Wall Street area strip clubs and buying $1000 bottles of champagne just to out-do the ugly jerk at the next table. Going on the Internet and finding an "escort" is also good, because amusement for the banker and hedge fund pricks involves paying for it. These emotionally bankrupt losers can't have real relationships. Oh, unless it's with some whore-minded tart using 'em to get bling and gift certificates to fancy shops.

AMUSEMENT for a simian shitpile like JOJO might also involve a sound system beyond the range of the average club DJ, or a plasma TV the size of a wall, but staying home is not a priority... it's much more fun to go speeding down a highway in the Hamptons or using the Hudson River as your private toilet. If you don't live in a big city, you might not know that the rivers are seldom used anymore for hauling fresh fish so that people can get it at a decent price. No, rivers are mostly used for show-off monkey-faced shits like JOJO JOHN, as they speed along, drink in hand, laughing it up.

There's always room for mindless greedheads on Wall Street and they can be imported from anywhere in the world...so JOJO, and Gunga, and Habib and Jose can join Carrington Harrington III and put on the monkey suit from 9 to 5. Then comes AMUSEMENT TIME...

...speeding on a motorboat, dialing up hookers, using and abusing strangers in bars, scoring DRUGS...and basically being more anti-social and destructive than any N-word in Harlem or Compton and any gang of Latinos cruising Brooklyn.

Some of us are lucky to find a used paperback in a thrift shop to take our minds off our miseries. At least we aren't so fucked up, corrupt and awful that we would rather spend four years in college learning to be immoral and disgusting and go work for Morgan Stanley. Some of us believed, and still believe, that "the suits" are scum. We listened to the lyrics from the 60's musicians who made the great music, and the New Wave artists who came along to also make great music, and we'd rather keep listening to that stuff than to disco and Mariah Carey and Beyonce and Celine Dion and whatever else the suits stick up their iPods or blast from their Boses.

Some of us figured that if we didn't make 500,000 a year and just 50,000, fine, fair exchange for being independent, creative, working for good causes or even a small interesting indie shop. But...sell-outs, greedheads and pieces of shit like JoJo John have not exactly helped matters, have they? They've made sure to raise the rent, slit our throats with mortgages, tie us up with complicated tax forms and do everything possible to take it ALL, and edge out the middle class and smash any lower class people who aren't running shoeshine stands or being maids and nannies. They want it ALL, and as exemplified by Herr Schmidt of Google or Kim Dotcom of Megaupload. The tragedy for Jojo John is that he didn't run over some Puerto Ricans in Queens on his way to the Hamptons, but knocked out a few of his own.

JOJO JOHN were you listening to GAGA at the time of the crash? Or was it RAP?

Have a nice time in prison, Monkey Man, and rattle your cage so you get some organic bananas brought to you. And remember, you won't be in the can for long. You'll be back out and ready to PARTY, PARTY, PARTY! Don't let killing a few people upset you too much. You and your hedge fund and lawyer and real estate swindlers and bankers and stockbrokers...STOCKBROKERS...are killing so many more people. Killing the softly. Killing them slowly. Killing them as they struggle to make minimum wage while you hold them up for more. Killing people who can't pay your rents and your mortgages. Killing people who don't get a good dividend on their savings because you need a bigger TV and a better motorboat and more cocaine for your amusement.

BRA HUMBUG

Told you...a publicity whore is a restless beast.

What do you do when, only 48 hours ago, you got mammoth attention for posing without make-up?

Find another costume. That's GAGA, out in the fashionable Hamptons, convincing the world that "fashion" is wearing a rag that exposes her bra.

One thing this bitch is never going to be able to do is have a hit with a song that doesn't sound like Madonna wrote it.

Another, is to sing a standard, or appear in a musical that would expose her total lack of talent.

GAGA is most certainly not going to star in the Broadway revival of "CHICAGO," which has had a lot of "gimmick" casting over the many years to goose ticket sales. Because...she could never convincingly sing, "Whatever Happened to CLASS."

AMAZON puts you in a box where you look at BOXES all day

AMAZON...the online wonder store. We wondered what was in store when they stole into the mp3 download world.

Oh, yes. They made sure to steer everyone away from CDs (their sellers were discouraged from selling used vinyl of course). They made it so mp3's were the thing to buy, and used their economic clout to lower the prices (at first) to tempt everyone to download. With the artist getting a penny and they getting much more.

AMAZON then developed KINDLE, for downloading books...and made sure to kill book sellers by steering customers to the downloads AND to anyone selling used and reviewer copies cheap (which gives no royalty to the author or publisher)

I could go on with all the devious and hurtful ways giant AMAZON has made friends with the consumer, and seemingly been a savior for people who want the lowest price, but is anyone listening? Not when their publicity machine makes them shine. Remember how Hitler's annex of other countries was seen as logical and ethical? How his "Master Race" views on ethnic cleansing were also seen as something positive? Certainly nobody wanted to fight Hitler about it. Especially as Germany kept getting stronger...and stronger...and more dangerous.

Here's beautiful AMAZON supplying JOBS for our economy!

Aren't they lovely? "LOVELY...LOVELY...LOVELY..." chant it like the guy in the movie "Frenzy."

Re-read that line about where you can find a job....

"...at 17 fulfillment centers for tasks that include picking items from warehouse shelves, packing them for delivery and operating new technology installed to streamline operations."

Yes, that's what the middle class wants. Jobs that any brain dead factory worker can do. That any high school grad can do. And did AMAZON say that they were going to be paying anything more than minimum wage? That they would hire anyone over the age of 20? That they wouldn't work these people like Mexican donkeys until they quit? Do you really want to be stuck in a box moving boxes? Well, that's what you'll be doing, Mr. Author, Mr. Key Grip, Mr. Sound Engineer, Mr. Publicist, Ms. Secretary, Ms. Vice President for Artist Development, Ms. Editor...you lost your job in the movie biz, in the office of the record company, at the bookstore...because of AMAZON, and now you can go move to where the giant box is where you can move little boxes around. These are shipped out to happy people who think AMAZON (and GOOGLE and FACEBOOK etc) are lovely Big Brothers. "Lovely....Lovely...."

OH yes...and the post office continues to suffer because AMAZON never supported them. "Lovely...lovely....LOVELY..."

Nervous Nellies - The Morbid Mandela Watch Goes On and On

In the past few months we've seen both ends of the idiot spectrum...the relentless coverage of an upcoming birth, and an upcoming death.

Neither matter, really.

The Royal Baby? That kid won't be on any throne in our lifetime. Except a toilet. It's possible that in 40 years his path to Buckingham Palace will be blocked and he'll go to the Tower of London instead, where, under orders of the Shah of Great Britain or the Ayatollah of London, he gets beheaded for not converting to Islam.

The upcoming death? Nelson Mandela. This guy served as President of South Africa for a paltry few years, 1994-1999. A great man...who, let's face it, has NOT, repeat NOT, made much impact in South Africa. Apartheid? There are race killings in South Africa all the time. It's one of the most violent and psycho countries on Earth. One of their most famous professional boxers was shot and killed. Their most famous athlete (well, half an athlete) got sprung from jail back onto his bounce-blades after shooting his girlfriend as she sat on the shitter. Nice, huh? Who knows when he'll ever be tried for that crime.

What gets me about these death watches of famous old men, is the implication that if ONLY they survive, the world is saved. What the fuck has Mandela done in the past five years? Ten? Or when he was president? Ya gotta go sometime. He's 95. Now he's having an operation? His odds of survival? What if he recovers completely? Is he going to lower the crime rate? Increase tourism? No. Aside from rich tourists and Internet CEO's who want to go on a safari and shoot an animal, nobody in their right mind wants to have anything to do with Africa. Unless it's mail order involving diamonds. Otherwise, it's the Crazy Continent of Somali Pirates, and warring tribes of maniacs, and psychos who cut the labia off women, and a lot of AIDs. And South Africa is grotesque, despite The Great Mandela.

Is he having an operation? What type? And at the very moment he's having it, how many women are having some flesh cutting with a knife or a broken bottle?

At the same time the handwringers have momentarily finished their latest breathless reports on the helpless Royal Baby, and the helpless Mandela...the New York Times has offered a report on crime in South Africa. OK, the piece focuses on the the always fashionable topic of gays being abused. Nevermind the huge numbers of others, black and white, who are in fear of their lives in this backward, savage, crazy fucked up country. The case histories chosen by the Times are harrowing enough, if you care to read about 'em.

The reality here, is FUTILITY.

Two of the biggest International stories are utter BULLSHIT. The newborn baby does not matter. A 95 year-old man does not matter.

What matters, is that the United Kingdom is in serious, serious trouble...not just financially, but in the savagery of Pakistani rape gangs and the beheading of some guy who was part of an Army band! Not to mention all the every day psycho events where chavs abuse old people (anyone remember that Michael Caine movie?) and CCTV cameras hardly stop the big parade of mindless violence.

And thousands of miles away...what matters is that South Africa, and all of Africa, continues to be lost in the dark ages. What the fuck was Darwin thinking? We saw it on the news...Mr. Special Olympics told everyone that South Africa is so incredibly dangerous that he had to keep a gun with him, even though he hardly lives in a bad neighborhood. We were told that it was fairly common for marauding blacks to go after a party of white people and so yeah, one of them shot to death Corey Sanders for no reason. And the New York Times tells of absolutely mindless, vicious, superstitious, animal-like sub-human behavior...aimed at gays but it's also the kind of thing that happens all over Africa and happens to heterosexual blacks by other heterosexual blacks in even greater numbers. Africa and the Middle East are sliding backwards ever further into behavior that would be considered appalling in the neanderthal age.

You look to a Royal Baby and a 95 year-old for solutions? A better solution is liquid birth control, injected into as many people as possible, ASAP!

Gagging at GAGA

Who is that UGLY girl?

Gaga of course. I won't use the first part of her idiot name.

Yeah, I know she chose it as some kind of parody-cum-statement or other, related to "Radio Gaga" disposable pop culture (of which she is a prime example). She chose to be artificial and obnoxious and a fashionista fuckwit. So why's she posing without make-up??

She decided to take a "selfie" (as these things are now called) and stick it on her Facebook page to...surprise...promote her new album (not even due till November). She says it's a stripped bare and honest look at her oh-so-fascinating self. The real deal. Sure, sure...whore.

What I find amusing here, is that she's homelier than Patti Smith, whom she seems to be emulating in this pose.

She might've actually been like Patti. But if she didn't wear outrageous make-up and costumes and pander to gays, she would just be another starving singer-songwriter with a day job and some indie releases. Better to sell out and SELL!

She also could've been like Lene Lovich, and been artistic and costumed in a much more interesting way. But...all she would've had was a year or two of success and then, like Patti, get no attention with a new release. And it's been a long time since Lene's put out a CD.

(Lene, I parenthetically note, was really a very sweet lady. I interviewed/photographed her and she was nice, sensitive, clearly one of the emotionally fragile, but had found a way of coping by becoming LENE LOVICH...while not losing herself by staying in character. Yes, she had the make-up on and was wearing an eccentric outfit, but it was more like a kid back from trick-or-treat than the conceit of an "artist" ala Gaga. She didn't have Gaga's ego.).

Lennon, who was rarely wrong, was wrong about "we make her paint her face and dance." No, we don't. Bitches like Madonna and Gaga are shrewd enough to do it, and make the world pay for it. They "re-invent" themselves with paint and dance, and they'll steal from anyone and everyone to keep the spotlight on them. Plain? You bet they're plain. Worse than plain. But pop culture today means that as long as your "beats" are familiar, and your dance moves are easy to follow, and you flaunt your genitalia and bellow simple words...all you need is a very big box of crayons so you can change the color of your lipstick, hair and idiot outfits.

And when you're a creature like Gaga...by the time you wipe off the make-up, it's still a fake face. Nothing is real.

And some of what Patti Smith and Lene Lovich survives as art, while the Gaga albums...will, like Flock of Seagulls CDs and Madonna's stuff...just be landfill ga-ga-garbage.

Got Woody? Sticking It To Mr. Allen and Blue Jasmine

Woody Allen's films generally need all the help they can get.

His fairly small cult audience has to buy tickets and support him, and not cringe if he experiments with drama or musicals.

He's had to stop filming in his beloved NYC because it's too expensive...his low-budget movies are now shot overseas.

He is known to pay his actors much less than they're used to getting...which they do because they respect him.

So why can't Tom Cruise show his face in a movie theater and be seen walking into a Woody Allen film?

What's the excuse for less recognizable people on the list of "give us free screening copies," like Ivan Reitman?

Why can't these rich executives buy a block of tickets and go have dinner and a movie...as they expect everyone else to do??

(Elton John, for example, was well known for going into a record store and BUYING a bunch of CDs even though he could've gotten promo copies. He knew the importance of an artist getting sales. Surely that's not lost on "moguls" like Sherry Lansing and Ron Meyer, who expect people to buy tickets to the films they produce??)

And why encourage piracy by putting more prints in circulation?

"Free movies!" How sad, sick and sordid!

All cheapskates should be water-boarded!

Moguls see it for free?

BUY a ticket, like me!

You rich fucking pricks can afford it!

Audrey Hepburn in Blackface

Hang on...

Most any film that includes a "blackface" scene, such as "The Jolson Story," is not going to get on TV anymore.

Doing "blackface" even in jest, gets you into big trouble (see: Danson, Ted, who put on blackface as a goof when he was dating Whoopi Goldberg, and was excoriated in newspapers all over the country).

BUT...if you decide that iconic actresses in scenes from their classic movies should be re-done with BLACKS...that's ok.

Can you imagine the reaction if a white "artist" substituted white models into scenes from "Shaft" or "Porgy and Bess" or "Roots?"

According to the brilliant (?) Senegalese photographer who did these black-outs, "I wanted to imagine what these movies would look like if they were conceived and shot in Africa."

Yeah? Guess what. They weren't. Get over it. Think we should do an all-white version of "The Gods Must be Crazy?" How offended would you be, ol' Diop, if somebody thought it would improve matters to shoot it in Scotland with an all red-head cast? Just because, "Well, Laddie we thought we'd take your Africa and make it Dundee, and those blacks become redheads..."

As it is, blacks are still pissed off that white artists sing R&B, and that Lennon and McCartney "ripped off Chuck Berry" and Jagger ripped off Muddy Waters. Right? How DARE they steal from us!

It would be nice if in this world, Janis Joplin, even so long dead, isn't referred to as the best "WHITE blues singer" because she has to be SEGREGATED from the superior black ones. It would be nice if Al Jolson and Stephen Foster, whose hearts were with the plight of the blacks, weren't dismissed as racists and shunned. It would be nice if they received the same courtesy as Andre Watts or Leontyne Price, who were never reviewed as being "the best black classic pianist and best black opera singer" because they couldn't possibly be in the same league as the white ones.

Lastly, it would be nice if America owned up, in the midst of this Trayvon Martin vs George Zimmerman crap, to admit that Martin's use of the term "cracker" is racist and offensive, and shouldn't be dismissed as "oh, that's the way blacks talk among themselves, so it's all right." By that "logic," then the use of "darky" or "coon" or, oooh, "nigger," should be ok if it's "the way rednecks talk among themselves." And it isn't.

Diop, instead of praise, instead of an exhibition, how'd you like to be shunned, and a boycott was called, and people wouldn't fund you, and you were labeled "offensive" and "insensitive?" Well, that's what would've happened if you were Caucasian, and took iconic black images and substituted white faces. Nevermind artistic intent or some kind of admiration for the originals, or any other excuse. OUT. GOODBYE. YOU'LL NEVER WORK AGAIN.

That's racism.

Who Wants to see a SHAVED BUSH?

This isn't a Photoshop joke. Ex-President George Bush has shaved his head.

Looks insane, doesn't he?

This is a guy who, not too long ago, was in bad shape in a hospital with many figuring he was about to die. He was in a wheelchair. He had pneumonia. But that's not what's concerning him now, it's leukemia.

George decided to shave his head to call attention to...all the patients that lose their hair during treatment of leukemia.

Aside from getting a few laughs from some fat blob in Holland somewhere ("Shaved Bush....") is anyone else paying much attention? Except to wonder if this guy, bald as a baby, is simply regressing into his second childhood?

This gives you an idea of just how ridiculous George Bush was as President. People forget, because his son was so much worse.

What President Bush could've done was call attention to health issues while he was President. As in, stop spending so much on the military, and on giving aid to psycho Arab leaders so they could whore around, and on corrupt corporations in America.

Where was he on affordable health care? Where was he on reigning in the drug companies and the American Medical Association, and the insane abuses in the world of health insurance?

What exactly is this guy saying, by doing his demented childlike pose in front of a clueless dollop who isn't even looking at him? I guess he's saying, "Hey out there, donate to charity, Shave your head and donate your hair to a charity that will make it into a wig for this little kid. Give...give..." Because the government isn't helping much...and he should know because he was the President and didn't do much, and his son did even less. NOW he's concerned about finding cures for diseases???

This bald-headed stooge didn't shave his head in front of the White House saying, "I'm showing support for President Obama's Obama-care and affordable health insurance plans." No. Last time he and Obama were together, it was to join Carter and Clinton in saluting his son Dubya's newly-built over-blown "Presidential Library," a big waste of space, a huge building that would be better off being converted into a hospital. Or a fucking nail salon.

President Bush sits around with his mouth open, cackling about having shaved his head? Why isn't he saying the government should think twice about giving a billion to Egypt's crazy fucked up "in and out" military morons and dumbass moderates? Why isn't he saying that it's time to crack down on the health insurance profiteers? Why isn't he pointing a finger at the inner city hospitals where poor people suffer while Dr. Gunga treats their conditions by giving them mulligatawny enemas and cold compresses made from leftover naan?

The government has all the money in the world for health issues...but as it did when BUSH was president, money for health care keeps going to bail-outs for Hedge Fund weasels and crooked bankers. Money is wasted on letting animals breed dozens of welfare bastards. Money is wasted on highways to nowhere and giving farmers money for not growing crops, and for overpaid assemblymen and congresswomen and under the table deals with private companies that overcharge for school supplies. The government is supposed to be run by people who know how to get things done. But we're reminded that our elected officials, including the PRESIDENT can be worse than clueless. And here's this ex-President with no better plan than to do what...well, what Howie Mandel could've done if he wasn't bald already. Actually, if Lady Gaga did this, or Robert Downey Jr., or Kim or Kanye, it would've gotten more coverage than it did! The "Shaved Bush" event was barely mentioned in any newspaper, and there wasn't much of a blink of it on TV either. Brilliant idea, Prez.

Curly George is very amused and proud of himself. A President of the United States shaving his head to get attention. What next? His son Dubya taking a dump in the street? "Sir, what was that about...protesting against pollution...calling attention to the low wages for sanitation workers..." "Naw, I just like to take a dump in the street..."

"ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT" FOR ALZHEIMERS PATIENTS

"Welcome to the gossip and pop culture show for people who don't know the TV is on.

We'll be featuring a salute to Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine and their 95 year old sibling rivalry...

....and answer today's mailed in question, 'Is Lawrence Welk still alive,'...

we'll look at the changing face of Dave Clark...

and hark back to those vintage June Alllyson commercials for Depends...

and we're still hoping to give away $100 to anyone who can correctly name the three Ritz Brothers. This contest has been going for over a year....

In our Gourmet Corner, we spotlight Vera Lynn's vegetable soup...her caregiver just puts her in a hot bath.

Plus, Zsa Zsa Gabor sings "What Are You Doing The Rest Of Your Life."

And attention all our viewers! You are sitting on the remote!

Now, our profile of the evening, a look back at the great career of...

GLADYS COOPER!

uh. I mean, CATHERINE NESBITT!

No. Wait, that IS GLADYS COOPER isn't it?

I think at least TWO of these pictures are CATHERINE NESBITT...

Malcolm McLaren - still annoying! DEATH IS FOREVER

Maybe it's the oppressively hellish heat wave...but some of my blogger friends are pondering death lately.

There are many questions here...how soon some disease or terrorist might strike, what the odds are for an accident or heat stroke, or, well well, there was a fresh case of BUBONIC PLAGUE in California the other day! And Amanda Bynes could get out of lockdown and set fire to your house.

Death is rarely far from anyone's mind. That black guy coming towards you. Oh, no, don't racially profile him and wonder if he's got a gun. And those two Muslims...don't cross the street because you think they might have giant beheading knives under their girly-shawls. And that idiot walking the yappy dog and letting it yap yap yap and shit all over the place and tangle you in the fucking leash? DEATH! You're thinking how nice if that animal was taken in to be euthanized and the Vet killed the dog owner instead! Yes, Death IS on our minds more and more.

Well...aside from thinking about death, as an afterthought...I think about after death. Not an afterlife. That's not probable. But after death. Death, the time and place, may not be easy to plan, but...a decision has to be made on what happens after you've died! I mean, when someone shuffles off the mortal coil, what do you do with it? It's lying there, ugly and smelly.

The first impulse, as with foul clothes, is "BURN IT!" But then what? Scatter the ashes? Like the deceased didn't matter?

No, no, we can't sweep this (or you) under the rug. It's messy and not precise. Mel Brooks told the story of his co-star Howard Morris scattering his father's ashes. Tearfully, Howard flung the ashes to the wind, calling out loving words to his unforgettable Dad. And Dad, thanks to a change in the wind, ended up all over his son's overcoat. Howard then had to beat his father off him, still calling out kindly words of love and devotion.

So you have to be careful where these precious flakes fall. They fall to the ground, and some bunch of picnic jerks come over and sit on them while eating hot dogs and pie? This may have led to that expression "ashes to asses."

The other thing one does with ashes is put them in some kind of bowl. That's a tribute? You work in life and this is what you urn in death? Only to have somebody spill you? Unless you pay a cemetery to stow you on a shelf like a school rowing trophy? The latter, reminds me (parenthetically) of one of my favorite obit headlines. It was in the New York Times: "Clifford C. Goes, Noted Coxswain."

I guess the only thing more amusing would be "Mel B. Goes...Un-Noted Spice Girl."

But back then, people weren't referred to by initial. Goes was his last name, and Goes went. But the capper for me, was why he got an obit in the Times: "Noted Coxswain." Who the fuck EVER was noted for THAT? Not in the literal use of the word, at least.

What would've been a grand tribute...taking the noted Coxswain out in the middle of the river, tying a weight to his legs, and throwing him overboard. Burial at sea! And another Times headline: "Clifford-Goes-Plop."

But unfortunately, burial at sea is, these days, largely confined to people on Carnival Cruise vacations.

So forget burial at sea or cremation.

That leaves it to the old fashioned tombstone and burial plot. But the key here is to remember that DEATH IS FOREVER. Or, the closest thing to immortality or mortality. Something like that. Except that within 100 years, 200 at best (unless you're Napoleon or perhaps a character who might be fiction, and named Mohammed or Jesus) nobody will recall that you were even alive. BUT...the odds raise by another 1000 or 2000 years if you've got a tombstone or monument built. Granted, it will weather away (read "Ozymandias" by Mr. Shelley) but that does buy more time.

That leaves you to make good use with the time you have left...in picking out the appropriate words and art work. Which brings us, courtesy of a blogger friend, to a fine example, slightly re-done here...MALCOLM McCLAREN.

McClaren went to his death knowing that his grave would be on display for hundreds or thousands to see...barring an earthquake or a sudden frenzied dynamite attack from a berserk "sunshine music fan" blogger. And so he asked that a death mask image of himself, looking blissfully asleep, be put on his stone. Being a death mask, that blissful sleep may have been helped along by morphine. He also wrote an egotistic inscription for his stone, to further annoy the irritated, frustrated and over-heated people left behind. Watta guy!

So consider your tombstone...the art and the inscription.

Ponder how you'd like to annoy and irk the living...to the point where they literally piss on your grave (note the Bieber-stain on the stone, on the far right).

Thanks, Mal, for your fine idea on how to make life a little more like death for us all. As if we didn't feel slightly sick when you did that disco-version of the Three Stooges "Alphabet Song" under the title B-I-Bicki!

GOLD TOILETS for KANYE AND KIM

Yes, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have spent more than you or I made in the past DECADE...on their shit.

Actually, these two just bought four gold-plated toilets: $750.000.

Two toilets each...they ARE full of shit and require double-duty when they go.

Now you know why fat-ass Kardashian and her creepy klan are always in the news. They hire pricey publicists because you have to spend money to make money. The more hype and hysteria they generate, and the more outrageous their behavior...the more money they make to do even more. More. More.

As for Kan't Sing, the middle-class dipshit who affects a scowl and such concern for the poor (excuse me, the po')...he doesn't make headlines for building schools in Africa, or helping out some blacks with black lung in a mine somewhere. He's about MINE MINE MINE, not a diamond mine.

His headlines are about wearing stupid clothes and fucking a slut. A slut who got famous for video-porn and knowing a female-faced freako named Bruce Jenner and having a tasteless trampy mama to pimp her.

He's known for gold toilets and other useless bling, and instead of pushing for an end to world hunger or genocide in Africa he'd rather push around some white girl at an awards show and tell the world she doesn't deserve an honor because some black woman was up for the award, too. That's not racist? That's not stupid? That's not wasting the celebrity power and influence he's been given? What a head full of shit.

Kan't Sing could care less. He's so big now, he can bomb on stage and get away with it. He embarrassed himself recently by his ineptitude (the 12/12/12 concert) where he wore a leather skirt and stumbled around off-key and boring. No, he's now more than just another rapper who made a fortune for no reason, he's a SUPERSTAR, and all he has to do is show off how rich he is. All he's obligated to do is be hypocrite enough to still be glowering everywhere he goes like he's oppressed.

No, rappers like Kanye, fashionista gender-freaks like Lady Gaga, and fatso hags such as Adele have no reason to be sad. Yet they all carry on as if the weight of the world is on 'em. Poor Gaga speaks for every "monster" and confused homo on the planet. Adele speaks to every obese pig who can't put down a knife and fork. And Kan't Sing is Black Jesus Yeezus.

NOne of 'em really give a shit about anyone or anything, and they don't even care about music piracy, because they make a fortune not just from their live shows, but by those sneaky "corporate sponsor" and "Arab rich bastard" gigs.

Yeah, Jennifer Lopez, "Jenny from the Block," miss "I'm just a Bronx Latina" charges MILLIONS to go to some racist Arab country and mince around and sing for the Shah for an hour. All the talentless punks and dumb bitches on the Billboard Top 20 singles chart are whores and pimps...they can be bought. "Gimme $50,000 and I'll phone up your brother and sing Happy Birthday." "Gimme $100,000 and I'll show up at your club, have a few drinks, and leave." "Gimme $500,000 and I'll lip-sync two songs in front of the King of Dungbai while a llama nibbles his falafel-covered dingus."

All the rich slimeballs do it. That freak Nicki Minaj was laughing all the way to the bank about having turned up for a Bar Mitvah. Hey, I'd laugh too. What the fuck is some pipsqueak little Jewish boy getting Minaj for, unless he wants to grow up to be Harvey Feirstein and wear a dress?

But mostly it's not the stereotype rich Jew who books this crap. It's the RICH ARAB. THE RICH (pseudo) MUSLIM. Yeah, the King of some half-baked sun-soaked crazy country where the people are poor, told to hate whites and Jews, while their leaders hold lavish parties and orgies. Then once in a while these leaders get tossed out but replaced by worse ones. While the stupid poor kill each other and blow US up.

So Kanye and Kim Kan afford Kans made outta gold. While really talented musicians have to suffer with soul-sapping day jobs, or go through hoops to be on the dole, and have to simmer while DeathFace and DevilGirl and Hans-Christer-Zinshit give away all their music and screech about happy sunshine and how music should be free and "not to be missed" and giving away somebody else's work is somehow protected as "creative commons" (if you're a Commie or stupid) and legal if you say it's also "for educational purposes" (ho ho ha ha hee hee).

Kanye and Kim aren't suffering. They have gold plated toilets for their shit. Deep in the shit are songwriters from the 50's and 60's who desperately need the royalty checks, or faded 70's and 80's musicians who had one or two hits and are now denied a label deal, or indie artists and free-thinkers who would like to at least get a cult following of paying customers but can't. This latter group can barely afford a pot to piss in, and can't afford a Web Sheriff or Grayzone to help protect them. And where's Big Shot Kanye to demand that his fellow artists be protected by stronger DMCA laws? Well, he's too busy buying gold plated toilets. He could give a damn about the ghetto (where he never lived) or black injustice, or artist injustice, or copyright or anything beyond himself or his fat-assed stupid wife and his ugly dollop of a brat.

GOOD FOR YOU, KANYE AND KIM.

Now you don't have to shit in the street like the subhumans you really are. You can learn to be toilet trained.

WHAT NEXT for the Royal Baby? Puke, Piss and Shit

Congrats to USA TODAY for the most moronic headline of them all....

WHAT NEXT FOR BABY PRINCE GEORGE?

What do you THINK, assholes? He's going to make crank phone calls with Jonathan Ross?

He's going to be circumcised by Gordon Ramsey with a ginsu knife?

He's going to get shoved up Lady Gaga's twat and incubated till the Spring when he'll emerge as an Easter egg?

It's been said that America is even more excited about this quivering load of Royal jelly than the Brits.

Might well be true.

Local newspapers all over the country headlined the Great Birth and breathlessly kept blogging every detail...

It's not like there's no other news in the world. It's just that...the other news is so one-note and distressing. The usual murders, corruption, local disasters, and oh yes, latest depressing weather forecasts and scientific predictions.

Who wants to dwell on such dismal things as a near record heat wave in New York that had a "real feel" temperature of 100 very humid degrees? Atop a report that methane (a very farty gas) is going to leak from the melting polar ice cap and cause havoc that will total 60 trillion dollars to repair (if temporarily!). On this latter note, scientists aren't sure WHEN the bulk of this gas will escape, just that it's likely world temperatures will go up by several more degrees in the next five or ten years.

Meanwhile...we take our minds off all this and carry on because two very dull idiots had a baby and gave it THREE very dull names?

GEORGE ALEXANDER LOUIS….zzzzzz. Just call him "GAL" for short, I guess.

Kate, William, you could've made things a lot more interesting by calling him...

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Or

Who Gives Adam.

Or

Moe Larry Curly.

Or Puke Piss Shit.

Because...puking, pissing and shitting is what to expect from baby Prince George!

Hey USA TODAY, that's about all one can expect ANY baby to do, even a Royal baby. I'm sure there will be blogs keeping track of how many times the Royal nappies are being changed. (Do keep us up to date on changing Prince Philip's nappies, too.)

WHOOPI GOLDBERG WITH A DICK

Hold on...

In this politically correct world, are we going to send the message that there are some jobs only a MAN can do?

The above two pictures were taken the other day on the set of a new movie being filmed in New York.

Why couldn't Whoopi Goldberg find a FEMALE stunt-double??

Late Night Hosts Piss on the Royal Baby

Yes, the great thing about comedians is they are realists. Cynics. Their job is to say the emperor has no clothes...and the "Royals" have no reason to be wasting our time with their spawning.

Just a few moments ago, David Letterman mentioned that the excitement ain't over. The baby's been born but we still don't have the name. And the excitement and furor continue. So: "The couple ask that you respect their privacy. And respect their freeloading."

Dave added, "This royal baby thing has blindsided me. I had no idea it was this big a deal. It's enormous. Every website, every blog, every podcast, every radio show. It's all about the royal baby. These are the oppressive thugs from whom we decided to break away and start our own nation. The baby could grow up to be an evil despot! Then there's an office pool about the name. I have Plaxico."

(Note to Overseas readers...that's the first name of a New York Giants football player who once made a great game-winning catch. But who later shot himself in the leg when his concealed weapon went off in a nightclub he was visiting.)

Dave's impressed, really, because this royal baby is SO important: "The baby will be third in line to the pretend crown.”

In all seriousness: “Congratulations to Kate Middleton and Prince William. They’re the proud parents of a brand new baby boy. This really is big, big news. I mean, if the year was 1250, then it would be big news.”

That's why Dave is the best.

Leno? He didn't want to offend TOO much: “Can you believe the media coverage? You’d think it was Kim Kardashian and Kanye West having the kid. It was unbelievable....I’ve been reading a lot about this royal baby; experts say there is a good chance that this kid could be toilet trained before Justin Bieber.”

The third host on at 11:30, Jimmy Kimmel, is in re-runs this week.

ALSO on at 11:30pm, via cable's "Comedy Central" channel, Stephen Colbert was almost as malicious as Dave: "“Folks, with all the depressing stories out there that I have to report night after night, it is refreshing once in a while to be able to tell you the uplifting story that the idle rich can procreate.”

Conan O'Brien, who starts at 11pm because his silly fans ("Team Coco" as they baby-talk his name) have to get up early for school, said "The royal baby is 8 pounds, but you can’t really put a price on a child.” He redeemed himself slightly with this: "The Royals say they don't care what gender it is, as long as it's healthy enough never to work a day in its life."

Another crappy "pounds" joke was told by stupid and obvious Jimmy Fallon, who is on after Leno at 12:30am. Much younger than Conan, he will be replacing Leno next year at 11:30, because NBC wants to cultivate young and stupid viewers who are easily hypnotized by bad TV commercials. Said Jimmy: "Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby boy today! Yep, the baby weighed about eight pounds, then Americans were like, ‘How much is that in dollars?’”

Currently opposite Fallon (following Letterman) is Scotland-born Craig Ferguson. Ferguson is actually pretty close in the ratings to Fallon, but NOT in the important "young and stupid" demographic. Ferguson's million+ viewers are older. They like Craig's dirty old man approach: "Prince Harry will be an uncle. He's excited! He will no longer be the only one running around the palace naked!"

REVEALED: WHAT DELAYED DELIVERY OF THE BABY

PS. France's President, Francois Gerard Hollande, has suggested that Kate and William name the baby...."Sapristi!"

Kate Middleton & William Narrow the BABY NAME list

TOP DOZEN BABY NAMES CHOSEN by KATE MIDDLETON and PRINCE WILLIAM

12. Holestretch

11. Trayvon

10. Wave-To-Me

9. Skiver

8. Craphouse Grimsby

7. Royston II

6. Prince

5. The Baby Formerly Known as Prince

4. Bunce

3. Amir

2. Sir Elton

1. Lord of the Boot Sale

Locked Up: Crazy Bitch ugly AMANDA BYNES the pot-headed firebug

Well, well, some ARE disgusted with spoiled rich bitch loudmouth Amanda Bynes.

All it took was her nearly incinerating some people.

Now she's in lock-up. They should throw away the key.

Don't know who this brainless slime is? You weren't watching shit television. Congrats. Or some shit movie or other.

Every country has a cunt like this. An out of control cunt troll.

Give Amanda credit for at least, at one time, having the ability to either memorize lines or read them off a teleprompter. That's more than Kim Kardashian can do, and some of the other "famous for being famous" assholes.

BUT...

Of all the useless party tramps in all countries on the planet, Amanda Bynes is the WORST. The absolute worst.

Even Paris Hilton has more sense. Kardashian keeps her legs open but her mouth shut when it comes to saying inanely obnoxious things like "Obama is ugly."

Yeah, Amanda is famous for Tweeting about how "ugly" people are. That's how shallow and stupid she is. And, she's UGLY herself. With her idiot wigs, and her doggy pug nose (which she keeps having surgery to improve).

This is a role model? A stupid bimbo who smokes dope all the time and does nothing but gossip and drool about idiot rappers and call them "ugly" then call them wonderful and beg for dates from them? Who has to "feud" with other bimbo morons? "Don't mess with Amanda," she hears. And she's proud of that.

She's lucky some drunken whore fame-wannabe hasn't smashed a bottle across her fucking face, that's all. And it'll happen at 4am in some stupid BoHo SoHo You-a-Ho bar if they let her out of the slammer.

Lindsay Lohan...her excuse is her crazy parents. And the fact that she DOES have talent. Talented people can be screwed up because of over-sensitivity (bi-polarity, call it what you will). But Bynes never had much talent. So she gets no pass there.

Linda Blair was a child star. Jodie Foster. Brooke Shields. They may have had a few bumps in the road, but they aren't DIRT bags and never were. This Bynes bitch has been creating an ever-sickening stench from all her orifices for way too long.

It would be nice if there was a way to let the tabloids (which have encouraged all this shit) know that NOBODY wants to read about this obnoxious twat unless it's her obit. She's gotten so much coverage for every cry of "UGLY" that she mistakes it to mean she's a STAR. That's the sickening thing about tabloids, and TMZ, and the rest of it. It encourages the worst behavior and glamorizes it.

She gets the idea that because a whole bunch of thrill-seeking simpletons follow her train-wreck Tweets, that she's better than everyone. She's worse than ANYONE you could name in the world of "celebrity." Yes, that even includes idiots who've done porn videos to become famous, and it includes the Spice Girls.

What good news, she's in the slammer ALONE right now. Just as she was alone when she smoked her dope and threw her bong out a window. Just as alone as she was each time she had nothing better to do than "tweet" that somebody was "ugly."

Beauty is skin deep. Brain dead is in the skull.

Lock this fuckhead up and throw away the key. No computer.

No Twitter.

I'd rather see one of those Manson women get out of jail than Amanda Bynes.

One of them has been a model prisoner, and is not a threat to anyone at her age. She's not going to set fire to anything or anyone, that's for sure. You can't say that about crazy, stupid, obnoxious Amanda Bynes, the lowest of the low "celebrities."

Another Reason to Hate Americans

What do you do with food?

THROW IT!

Ho ho! Ha ha! Hee hee!

The summer fun of July 4th hot dog eating contests...and July 5th vomit and diarrhea-fests...was just the beginning.

What's behind all this?

Maybe it's the competitive U.S.A. enraged that Mexico, land of the Human Burrito, has taken over as the most obese country on Earth. The aggressive challenge now is to waste food (Harry Chapin is turning over in his grave), promote the biggest and unhealthiest American corporations (McDonalds and Burger King), and rage at any suggestion that both sugary sodas and diet sodas are health risks.

The protests about Trayvon Martin were NOTHING compared with what went on when Mayor Bloomberg in New York proposed a ban on 32 ounce (GIANT) soda cups at stadiums and recreation parks and the bodegas. All he was saying was to be mindful of your gluttony. Understand what a HUMAN portion is. If you need DOUBLE the amount of sugary drink, then go back for seconds, and at least be aware of what a pig you are.

Not only did this lead to rage, it had politicians pushing for laws specifically designed to PREVENT any ban of any size container, AND bans on restaurants having to post calorie count information or ingredient warnings. One Southern politician proudly pushed through his local city ordinance...from the fast food joint he owned!

A few decades ago, people complained that it was ridiculous for cigarette companies to have to put "warning" labels on their product. Cigarettes aren't dangerous! Prove to me they cause cancer! This is government interference! And the cigarette companies joined with the ignorant to fight it. Then it was proven. And worse. It was proven that second-hand smoke was dangerous, too.

Yet, the fat pigs of the world, and the ostrich-brains of the world, don't want to even know what's good or bad for them.

Even with the warning labels, and the high prices, people smoke...and end up costing the tax payer a fortune as they get hooked up to machines to help their black lungs work and keep their diseased hearts pumping. People waddle around with no shame at all, stuffing their face with snack food, not concerned that they might keel over any moment or worse, end up with diabetes and a few less feet to waddle with.

Sad to say this is not a very amusing world. It is more often disgusting.

I have a perfect, and amusing solution.

Pass a law to make it legal to throw tomatoes at smoking Mexicans.

TESCO and LADY GAGA Team Up

Hey, this is going TOO FAR...

KATE MIDDLETON "LABOR PARTY" IN PROGRESS

Every website, EVERY blog in the WORLD is having updates on Kate Middleton. And so THIS blog must comply...

The latest information I've gotten is...

DERECK CHISORA has landed an overhand right to the top of Kate Middleton's head, and is currently smacking her like a ketchup bottle, trying to make the baby come out. No luck yet.

DAVID FROST, convinced that her vagina resembles Nixon, has been engaging her crotch in a furious debate over why there hasn't yet been full disclosure.

GORDON RAMSEY has been cursing, but nobody knows exactly why.

GRAHAM NORTON has just put Kate Middleton in a chair, and had her flung backwards, hoping the baby will come flying out. No luck.

SIR ELTON JOHN has reported feeling queasy just thinking about the royal couple having had heterosexual sex.

RINGO, waving his famous "Peace" symbol, has volunteered to stick his two fingers in and try and pull the baby out. Kate's response, "You probably want to put those two fingers in and get me to whistle."

SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY has vowed to continue vamping "Hey Jude, jude-ay jude-ay jude-ay jude-ay" all through Kate's labor, even if it lasts 15 hours.

DERECK CHISORA, now gasping for air, has collapsed and been counted out. According to Jim Watt, David Haye has taken over the job of smacking Kate on the top of the head, but we can't be sure, because Jim Watt is so hard to understand.

The road outside the hospital is strewn with broken eggs. Some kind of hen party got out of control.

Meanwhile, in the time Kate's been in the hospital, some 342 babies have been born to British unwed mothers under the age of 17. The number of babies born to unwed immigrants under 17 now living in Great Britain...too high to count!

UPDATE:

Oh JOY.

It's OVER. The world is SAVED. Kate has given birth.

It's a BOY!

And here she is, showing it off to the world.

Odd little bastard, isn't it?

David Cameron Cracks Down on Internet Porn ????

Anyone fooled by David Cameron's feverishly sweaty campaign to tame the naughty Internet? David, you and the impotent BPI and the impotent IFPI have allowed the British music, TV and film industry to crumble because you did next to nothing about piracy. You made England a laughing stock because you let pimply asses calling themselves "LulzSec" and "Anonymous" wear silly Vendetta masks and spit and piss all over the SONY website and everybody and anybody.

You demonstrated ZERO ability to control ANYTHING about the Internet. Just about the only Brits who have done anything are the Rolling Stones, who pay to have some jerky nerd with a "bot" snoop and sniff at blogs and file DMCA's against anything and everything that might bring Jagger a copper coin. That includes filing against a certain Mr. Ill Follks for offering a parody from the Harvard Lampoon about the Rolling Stones that didn't even use Rolling Stones music!

Now David Cameron is supposedly going to do something about online porn. What a joke. First order of business is to be a Nazi and make everyone in Great Britain announce if they are for or against pornography! What an insane invasion of privacy, making people "declare whether they want to maintain access to online pornography." It reminds me of the American witch hunts where citizens had to declare if they were members of the Communist party, ever, and if they would swear a loyalty oath.

If you believe in free speech, or privacy, and refuse to answer the question at all, what happens, David?

Cameron has no understanding of how Hans and Christer and Zinhof and any other porn-loving weasel can use anonymous proxies. Or how porn fans flock to private forums for their dirty work. True, David? DO you know how easy it is to find torrent sites where piss and rape and bondage and animal games and most every other type of video is given away free? Most of these places don't bother with child porn, because it's creepy and not nearly as popular as YOU think it is. It's easy for minors to get to these sites. It's also easy to just use EBAY, and your ISP's aren't going to ban anyone from going there! There's a secret "adults only" section on eBay, ya know.

You're using the buzz word of child porn? That's the ONLY problem, adults watching a 12 year-old? What about the reverse? You think that a 12 year-old should surf the Net and by Googling, or typing in a suggestive URL, see Hans and Christer dressed up in leather and drag and taking turns pissing on each other and buggering each other to Beach Boys and Jethro Tull music?

Do you also think there's nothing more disturbing than the site of a naked child? You can find those in a museum. In a nudist magazine. But what about "rotten" websites that revel in photos of murder victims? How sick is that? How about the sites that teach you to make a bomb, the kind that killed a child in Boston? Where do YOU draw the line, David, on what is offensive?

Kid porn, David? 13 year-olds are having sex in YOUR SCHOOLS RIGHT NOW. Unwed mothers are younger than ever, asshole. What are you doing about 15 year-old baby-making chavs, asshole? Tell me, asshole, I really want to know. Are you blaming the INTERNET every time another unwanted dollop comes flopping out of a 15 year old's cunt in Hull? Or out of a 16 year-old's hull in Cunt? Or Kent? You CAN'T have an answer for that, you cunt!

What, Mr. Cameron, makes you think you're accomplishing anything at all by installing "filters" for porn? People can do that NOW if they want to. There are "nanny" programs for blue-nosed idiots who don't want to see porn. These can be defeated by the idiots' porn-loving retarded children, of course, but yes, "decent" people can use "filters" right now! PS, how about filters so we don't have to see anything about Kate Middleton or Kim Kardashian?

Lastly, Cammy, little David Camisole, what the FUCK are YOU doing about EBAY and their hidden "adult" section where the weirdest porn is easily available, and the "public" section where guys like Mark, the "dirtyboyz-uk" seller from Burnham-on-Sea in Somerset was offering "Euro Boy" adults only porn where anyone and everyone could see it?

What the FUCK are YOU doing about GOOGLE, where their Blogger/Blogspot boys have blogs loaded up with porn and all you do is click "I'm over 21" and you get in, and get to download all the pirated filth you want…so that Google, the blogger, and Freakshare or Rapidgator or whoever can also make a profit.

You're really going to have "all the ISP's…rewired…" Mr. Big Brother? And YOU are going to determine what actually IS pornography? How about the book "Lolita?" That's about an underage slut. You'll ban that? What about the latest songs from the rappers who sulk and spit and squat about the stage like constipated monkeys? What about your Islamic immigrants who don't like poofters and will even jail or stone a woman if she has a sexual relationship without being locked into marriage…you think they will restrain their Jihad rage at your decadent country? And how about the tabloids that routinely run nudie photos? Ya know, the Internet is nasty but so is the real world!

Maybe, David Cameron, you should crack down on that crack under your nose…because what you say has a corroding influence on your country. And maybe you should stop giving obscene raises to MP's and political hacks and small town cruds who make life hell for the poor people and overtaxed and the middle class. What's your definition of obscenity and why doesn't it include rich politicians and bureaucrats getting richer while they make life difficult for honest and decent Brits who want jobs at a fair wage? Porn? For Fucks Sake…nobody wants to listen to drool from you, you dick head.

PEDOPHILE PORN IS OK ON EBAY: SICK SEX SOLD TO MINORS

Disgusting, huh?

Not to EBAY. They let this seller offer DOZENS AND DOZENS of raunchy "ADULTS ONLY" auctions.

Various eBay bidders "reported" these auctions, and EBAY is supposed to remove shit like this within 24 or 48 hours. The auctions were reported as soon as they went up...and EBAY let them STAY.

It takes a lot to shame them into doing the right thing.

EBAY of course, like Google, pretends to have rules, and pretends that all anyone has to do is "report" an item and someone will check it out and "take the appropriate action."

Right. Like, take a cut of the profit on pedophile porn, and ignore their own rules. One of the rules is that "ADULTS ONLY" magazines (and see, it says ADULT ONLY on the magazine in the photo, and it says ADULT in the ad header) can NOT be posted where minors can see them. The "magazine" category on EBAY is NOT for PORN. But the pedophiles who've posted DOZENS of these magazines are laughing all the way to the bank, to the urinals, to the playground...

It seems that part of EBAY ARROGANCE is that the more complaints they receive, the more arrogant, pig-headed and obnoxious they are about doing anything about it. That's the Nazi attitude in Utah, where EBAY has it's offices. Don't tell US what to do! We're EBAY! We have NO COMPETITION!

Some try to report pedophiles and perverts by calling up eBay. What do they get? A retarded Gunga Din asshole in India, who gives sing-song burblings of, "Oh yes, yes, I understand your problem..." But Gunga IS in India, he's just a phone-monkey, he can't do anything except pass the information along...to where somebody in Utah who is probably a pedophile and is going to bid on the magazine, chooses to ignore the complaint.

EBAY's apathy and arrogance is dangerous. Look up the case of Peter Braunstein, the "Halloween Rapist." Thanks to EBAY, he was able to not only buy bondage equipment, a fireman's ID, and various weapons, he was even able to buy CHLOROFORM! He used all of this to knock on the door of a woman he didn't like at an office he was fired from, and attacked her.

EBAY, hiding as it does behind the Digital Millenium Act, insists they can't patrol their site, they are "just a venue" and it's up to somebody else to report vile auctions, violations of their terms of service, sales of material officially "banned," etc. etc. Except do they then do the right thing? Take a look at the photo above. NO, they don't.

You can go to EBAY and see what they restrict and prohibit:

http://pages.ebay.com/help/policies/items-ov.html#prohibited

Sometimes Ebay will add items to the list. Sometimes, heh heh, they amend and change the list to exclude the item or to create "weasel words" and gray areas. For example, "used underwear" is illegal on Ebay. Ebay is supposedly not a "swinger" website where whores can get clients by offering their "well worn" knickers (and then more, with phone sex or private visits). But Ebay doesn't believe stockings or pantyhose qualify as underwear, and there's also a caveat that says that collectible (antique) knickers can be sold if the auctioneer states "these have been washed." Which leads the whores to write "legal" ads like: "Well Worn...will be sent in a plastic sealed bag...but will be washed as per eBay rules."

Every auction on EBAY has a little hot link saying "REPORT THIS AUCTION."

But until a class action lawsuit smashes them in the face and they risk losing millions instead of a few pennies and a slap on the wrist, EBAY will embrace every rapist, every pedophile, every seller of lockpicking devices and meth and body parts and used underwear and government documents and alcohol and prescription drugs that they can.

The auction above...they let pedophile perverts not only sell, but accept private messages, make contacts, and find new buyers who they can play games with OFF site. In other words, EBAY becomes a swinger website. The auction above...means that children could see this auction, and worse ones. When parents try desperately to keep porn away from their kids and risk being called "snoops" if they monitor their brats all day...they have to worry that fucking EBAY is part of the problem? They have to worry that somebody on EBAY is, out in the open, selling adults only material, or chloroform or drugs or "well worn" stockings to their kids, and then arranging a meeting after the sale?

The BLOB that FELL to EARTH

"Are we having fun yet?"

Those may have been the last words (in Spanish, though) from La Bloba...the Mexi-Texas woman who fell off a Six Flags roller coaster.

The over-fed freak's demise will have some kind of happy ending; kin will become millionaires after filing a lawsuit. Money, more than time, cures all wounds.

This fat fuck could've had a heart attack on that ride. Her kin would STILL have filed a lawsuit, and would STILL end up millionaires, because being a blob-slob is a tradition in Mexico, and a right in America. As in, "you'll have to pry that burrito out of my pudgy fist!"

Mexico is the fattest nation on Earth. It has the highest rate of obesity. Second to...America.

No matter what happened on that ride...a fall or a heart attack, PAY UP! You can bet there are shysters calling the family at this very moment...and being told, "Sorry, too late...we've already got someone promising us a fortune...."

Big Bucks. Guaranteed. A convenient witness claims to have heard this fat fuck question whether she was securely locked into her seat.

A bored employee (and this will add a few hundred thousand to the settlement) supposedly muttered that she was fine. But, the lawyers will say, he didn't "test" the bar that locked over her seat again and again and keep people waiting. Of course not. He didn't do it for anybody else. And he probably didn't want to risk a molestation charge by getting his hands too close to this blubber-pot's overhanging flesh.

Look at that blob! She shouldn't have been on that ride at all. 14 stories up in the air, the roller coaster starts picking up speed, and maybe gravity and her bouncing bulge broke that bar. Did she have something to do with her own demise? Won't matter. The big bucks will be coming in.

Isn't part of the FUN of these rides the idea that they really AREN'T SAFE? Then what are you assholes complaining about? It's incidents like THIS that help bring people to theme parks! This is actually GOOD publicity!

So if Six Flags has to pay out a few million...well, they'll get it back within a few weeks from all the people flocking to go on that roller coaster. They'll want the thrill of being in the same position as...The BLOB that FELL to EARTH.

Win Win!

Did it take very long to post something that is the very definition of AMUSEMENT PORK?

Google THIS Decadent Immoral CEO

I said it years ago.

GOOGLE is nobody's cutie little friend. GOOGLE is like a TRIBBLE...it seems harmless until it takes over.

And I have suggested that the people who run it are decadent, immoral and corrupt.

Slowly but surely we are learning that this is so. And is that such a surprise?

We all know power corrupts. We all saw how Hitler kept saying he was misunderstood. How he scapegoated the Jews and turned a nation of seemingly intelligent people into greedy, perverted, immoral monsters willing to turn on their neighbors, send their friends to the gas chambers, and join Adolf's army in an attempt to take over the world. "Don't let the bastards from England and America win," they told Der Fuhrer, thanks for letting us take over the Jews' homes and offices, keep up the good work in stealing land from neighboring countries...and whatever heartless and perverted things you do behind closed doors...well, have fun!"

Now? Google does the same thing scapegoating copyright holders, sneering at school kids and women who get abused by websites and Tweets that upload nasty photos (or Photo-shopped) images and write insults and vicious lies. It laughs at every minor slap on the wrist and weak fine European nations, individuals and companies bring against them. It turns the RIAA and BPI and IFPI and MPAA and the rest into sniveling little Oliver Twists, begging, "Please sirs...help..." Which turns into something more like fraternity sadism: "Thank you for finally pulling that Freakshare file that gave away 5,000 copies of my new album...they put up another. SMACK. Can I have another take down when you get around to it in a week or two? SMACK. Can I have another? Please sir, thank you sir, oh mighty Internet giant..."

Internet weasels who run Google, Facebook, Amazon and other giant take-over monsters, have learned from Hitler.

They've learned that if you give the public FREE shit to play with, you can get away with fucking them over.

People are so happy to use Facebook, to Tweet, to get everything cheap on Amazon...they don't care about the bullying, the abuse, the invasion of privacy, the monopoly games, the price fixing or the blasphemy. It's ALL GOOD. So what, so kids have been driven to suicide thanks to Facebook. So people have been tormented by libelous and vicious remarks on Twitter. It's free, and it's FUN!

And GOOGLE? Most fun of all! "We'll guide you to ALL the places were lawlessness and bad manners are the norm. We'll give you blogs and YouTube and ignore how we let uploaders give away entire Beach Boys discographies and copyrighted TV shows...while we make a fortune off you with our ads and our search engine games. We'll let you Google and download all the porn you want and who cares if you're underage or who owns copyright or if the model consents or it's an invasion of privacy or pirated material or Photoshopped. Hey, we'll let you write anything you want about anyone and never take it down! Hey, we'll let you spy on your neighbors with Google maps, just don't mind that we're spying on everything you do and gathering all your info and creating Big Brother dossiers thanks to our Google payments, G-mail and other spy games."

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it...so, the weasels of Google, Facebook and Amazon not only have studied Hitler, but carefully determined where he went wrong. For one thing, Hitler became way too visible. That's why the weasels have tried to hide from the spotlight. Unlike the CEO of Apple, who was some kind of genius with a sense of morality, and who was an important figure at the company, the others remained mostly in the shadows.

Another thing about Hitler, was that he and the rest of his Reich, were a bunch of decadent sex freaks. They were hypocrites and monsters. Even as they were throwing homosexuals into the ovens along with the Jews, they were engaged in gay behavior and every type of perversion. "Uncle Adolf" of the single testicle, was a flatulent coprophiliac nutjob and what he did to Geli Raubal among others, remains to hideous for even his harshest enemies to write about.

And here, courtesy of the London Daily Mail, is Herr Schmidt exposed. Is this really a surprise? What else is this guy going to do with his millions? Be a philanthropist? Give seminars? Lecture in schools? Try to reform Blogger or YouTube and the search engine to conform with copyright and human rights? Nah. Be decadent. Fuck around. Screw anyone and everyone. Be a prick.

GOOGLE, like Scientology, like Soviet Russia, like Red China, has always had a secret agenda. It's always hidden its nefariousness behind "cute." It's always pretended to be some kind of Disneyland, where you get everything you need, and free, all from the GOOGLY GOODNESS of their big, big hearts. Nobody questioned the men behind the curtains.

The London Daily Mail remarkably ties Herr Schmidt's philandering with the fact that GOOGLE is the easy provider of free Internet porn, and actually has blogs that anyone under 18 can access, that offer not only the filthiest of photos, but free illegal downloads of copyrighted porn films. Yes, there are still plenty of Mega-fuckload sites that PAY people to rip off copyrighted material: "You'll get a free account and a dime every time somebody downloads an AVI or RAR file of pirated porn. You win, we win, Google wins, and the copyright holder loses. Har har ahar, matey!"

Power corrupts into tyranny and decadence.

Human nature, unfortunately, is to look the other way if the decadent tyrant offers a tasty crumb while taking 99.9999% of the pie.

And this guy has got his fingers, and his dick, in a LOT of pie.

Tattooed Fool Snott loses to Drek Disorder

Who says people who have a lot of tattoos are stupid?

ME.

The tattooed freak above, Malik Snott, er, Scott, just lost to a dopey fire plug who dropped four of his last six fights, Drek Disorder. Uh, Dino Saura. No, Terrible Chowder. Oh, just call him "Del Boy."

Lousy boxing matches are the norm in the world of sports "entertainment." Either the fighters are sluggish and boring, or the referee is inept, or there's no motivation for either well-paid pug to put on a decent show. Or, in this case, all three.

In a pre-fight interview, both fighters were complimenting each other! The unusually subdued Chisora actually called his opponent the "Rolls Royce" of fighters, and refused to engage in his usual obnoxious snarls, insane boasts, and didn't even model an AFRICA t-shirt. His opponent, the unbeaten Garlic Pot...Manic Spot...whatever...said he'd move slickly and win a decision over his very talented opponent. He added that afterward, he'd share cigars with Dereck and they'd all go out and party, because this was just a job and they had mutual respect.

How loverly.

And so for five rounds, these two clowns wrestled around, jabbed, clutched, and rarely threw a meaningful punch. Scott isn't a power puncher anyway so his intent was to just jab and keep Del Boy off him. Chisora, with the the better KO record, did swing wildly from time to time, since he had the idea he had a better chance of winning if it didn't go to a decision.

Eventually, as the tattooed rubber man bounced around and flicked mild punches to keep his opponent confused, Drek landed a wild overhand right. Like the punch that KO'd Price in the first fight with Thompson, this was a lucky shot that landed behind the ear, affecting balance more than anything.

Scott slumped into the ropes, clutched, defended himself, but ended up on his knees, the result of his own unsteadiness and the pushing of Del Boy. Nodding to his corner that he was ok, nodding to the ref as well, he steadied himself and prepared to rise.

But the tattooed twit was going to make sure to take as much time to recuperate as possible, and not rise instantly.

The bony-headed ancient referee shouted the count, SEVEN...EIGHT...NINE...

Scott rose up. The referee had NOT said TEN, but waved off the fight anyway! OVER.

Don't you say TEN and THEN call a fight? All boxing columnists said afterwards that this was outrageous. But...

Scott didn't protest. He barely even scowled. Because he was well paid. Because he figured he'd get a rematch. And because he's STUPID. Look at the tattoos.

Mr. Tattoo was too stupid to realize how badly this loss damages him as a viable opponent or potential champ. He's no longer unbeaten. He doesn't have the guts or killer instinct that boxing fans would pay to see. They know he's just a lazy, safety-first prize fighter who wants money and doesn't give 100%.

After the fight, he said he wasn't hurt, he just lost his balance, and looked forward to a rematch. But Chapped-Sore's manager, Frank Warren, said that other fights with more famous opponents would be coming, instead! You bet. Drek is 29, and he's colorful (without tattoos) and even a crap victory over Snott gives him some buzz, especially since it goes down as a KO.

What a fucking boring waste of time this fight was. Most predicted it would be a stinker that would go the distance. I guess one could be thankful it only went half the distance and so the smell wasn't quite so rancid.

And so ends 32 year-old Snott's career. What will become of him? He'll get fat, his ridiculous tattoos will merge, and the sight of him will make people lose their equilibrium and take a standing 8 count on one knee.

NEW YORKER: DITCH SPOTIFY!

Years ago, when ASSHOLES ruled the blog and forum world, I was shouted down by: "Piracy helps artists" and "Music should be free...sell t-shirts" and "SPOTIFY is going to save the artists" and the rest of the utter shit.

Now "we" know better, don't we? All those scumbag know-it-alls with Devil and Skull and Death names and avatars, all those senile moles, all those snotty forum owners jilting the artists, all the Dutch douche bags and Swedish meatballs who were arrogantly hell-bent on giving everything away...they all know in their black hearts, what they did. They were greedy, stupid, vain, and childishly nasty as they hid behind their firewalls, shouted their slogans, proclaimed their worthless opinions as fact, and helped kill off record stores, jobs, hopes and profits.

All the things I, and others with some kind of heart and mind said...have been proven true. And that includes the great experiments of Pandora and Spotify Just today, THE NEW YORKER weighed in.

Need to read it? Not really. Anyone with half-a-heart knew from the start, that Internet radio, like YouTube, would be a corporate conjob, with the artists getting half a penny on every dollar.

But you can't stop a gluttony riot. You can't reason with greed. When "Blogfather" or "Fuckoff" or "Shit-Goes-Nuts" is giving away every Beach Boys album, every Led Zep, every "not to be missed" Jethro Tull as if these artists are unknowns and it's "educational" to give it all away, the piggies shouted "Thank you, keep up the good work."

Damage done. And Spotify? It hasn't broken new artists. It doesn't pay decent royalties. And guess what, if you're curious about an artist or song...it's easy to just listen, then copy off the music off Spotify without paying for it, or go off to a torrent or blog or forum to get it in FLAC from some "nice" person.

Young performers and the old ones...people who did take a gamble on Spotify...are wiser. And poorer.

The irony is that THE NEW YORKER piece is from a guy's blog. He's blogging at the New Yorker website, so is HE making much money? Is HIS future secure? When will The New Yorker go "Internet only?" It's just another con. Website publications aren't paying much, what they do is stolen and re-printed, and vanity rules. "I write a blog for New Yorker..." and have to buy macaroni and cheese dinners on sale at the supermarket." I knew some writers desperate to get their stuff on Huffington Post. Then they discovered...it's for NO pay. Just glory. Of which there isn't much because there's so many websites who cares! This guy's New Yorker blog isn't that far removed from mine on Blogspot. His just has a dotcom URL that is a little more fancy.

But the points he makes are valid and it's nice to have The New Yorker behind him for validation. Although some will remain naive, or will just shrug and say "try another paradigm" if Spotify isn't working.

Can the "music is free" assholes really keep fooling themselves? That Kim Dotcom is nice? Megaupload was cool? Torrents are good for writers, actors, singers and artists? Anyone out there really saying the RIAA and EMI and ASCAP are the devil and NOT Google? Anyone out there really thinking that by being an asshole with a blog or a torrent site or a forum and letting everybody steal every discography, every TV show, every movie...that this has struck a blow for freedom and hasn't ruined things instead? Any ostrich out there really fills his bird brain with so much freebie shit that the reality of Putin and North Korea and race riots and Islam terrorists and pollution and overpopulation doesn't bring a chill?

Christ. SPOTIFY. Nice going, Mole Rat. You thought this was going to mean your favoreite 60's artists would go back into the studio and give you more? That the vaults would empty with unreleased gems? That new artists would arrive to tantalize and please you? Didn't happen.

The last line of the piece points out that the freebie destruction of the music world has extended:

"I think it’s true in book publishing as well, that everything pretty much loses or breaks even, except for the monster hits which pay for it all. That model is broken if nothing can break anymore. But maybe it’s not such a good model to defend?"

Call me Miniver Cheevey, but I think things were better when we paid. What was the worst thing about it? That we didn't have EVERYTHING? We had enough. More than enough. At worst, we played the same record over again. And maybe, discovered something musically or lyrically we'd missed the first time.

At best, there were stores we could visit. Lights were on. Artists had hope of grabbing the brass ring. You had shelves of records, books and video that you took pride in owning. You could even re-sell some of it and some of it rose tremendously in value, too. There were disc jockeys and real radio stations. Movie and TV companies had the revenue to give you good shows and not reality shit and karaoke contests.

Technology has played a part. True enough. We are used to mp3 files. Most of us are getting used to Kindle or reading books on a computer. Many of us don't own a TV set and watch our movies on our computer screens and are grateful that instead of clunky CDs and DVDs, a space-saving external drive has thousands of hours of entertainment (and most of it via illegal free download). How nice that if we want to hear a particular artist we don't have to call a radio station and ask...we can Spotify, we can YouTube, we can go to iTunes and instantly get gratification.

But it's come at a price. The price is...we can't afford the price. We want "music to be free" and everything else because the economy sucks. And the economy sucks because everything's free and nobody can make money. So what can we do? Oh, just not THINK about it. Don't THINK. Do what you did when piracy reared up and Spotify took over, just say "This is the future, the genie is out of the bottle, this is going to work," and it doesn't? Well, no big deal to Dr. Skull and Fuckoff and Seniormole and others who are retired, or work as gas station attendants or dustmen. "Support the artist" if you feel like it. Or not.

Matt Taibbi Blah Blah Blah - Poor Defense of a Shitty Cover

Matt Taibbi. He's a Boston guy. He spent time in Russia and hates Chechen shit-heads like Jahar. So he wants us to know that he was upset about the Boston bombing and doesn't like Chechens. BUT...he also wants us to know he defends his fellow writers at Rolling Stone. UGH.

Well, fuck, Matt, this might be the FIRST time you've written anything without cursing. I guess that means you're real serious.

Every piece of yours I've read in Rolling Stone...and they've all been political, not about rock stars, has contained curse words, and often recklessly wacko ones describing politicians you don't like.

Here, you're awfully sober. But you're still wrong. That is, if you think the controversy is because people think Rolling Stone is a rock magazine and only puts rock stars on the cover, and has made this little piece of shit into a rock star.

You point out the New York Times used the same picture and didn't get any complaints. True.

Because it's about context. Rolling Stone used that simpering photo with the headline "The Bomber," not "The Terrorist." And it followed with mewling lines about how he was such an ordinary fellow, and how did he go wrong, sob sob sob, and it was only at the very end that the word "monster" was tacked on. Too late. Newsweek. Time. No real hard news magazine would've done what Rolling Stone did. They are hard news magazines and print photos and facts. Rolling Stone choose to go wimpy and sympathetic and everyone picked up on that nauseating vibe. And they won't pick up that magazine with a barge pole.

Rolling Stone, coming to the story LATE, and so liberal, decided to send some woman out to find out where Pretty Boy went wrong, and how he turned into such an ingrate with no soul. Fine. Go ahead. At your own peril.

Don't bother to write about the victims fitted with artificial limbs. The little boy who got killed. The other stories. You don't care how their ordinary lives got turned to hell? Only how this little shit went wrong? As if it's such a mystery?

Look at his scummy stupid parents and older brother. Look at any number of Jihad assholes or radical Black Panther jerks or inane Redneck bastards. Go check out a neo-Nazi rally...everybody there was once a harmless little kid in a playground. What the fuck you think you're going to uncover by interviewing all the people who knew this little shit?

As if there haven't been cases all through criminal history of a Crippen or a Bundy or a Gacy being above suspicion until found out. Who the fuck really CARES how and when a serial killer goes off on his mad crimes? It's not going to stop the next one. What are you going to do, Matt, arrest every Chechen-immigrant little shit because he MIGHT blow up a sidewalk in a week? That's racial profiling, tsk tsk!

So Rolling Stone decides to knee jerk an article on poor Jahar. OK, fine. But you guys did NOT have to use a full page pretty-boy shot with no corresponding words to really explain your point of view. If you reversed the cover paragraph and put MONSTER first, all this crap would've been avoided.

Like: "MONSTER...how did someone who seemed normal and had friends, become the gutless religious fanatic who gleefully blew the legs off innocent people and murdered a child?"

How come you don't understand journalism Matt, after all these years? How come you don't really get why everyone is pissed off? Rolling Stone's editors made a huge mistake in using the wrong photo and caption. Your guys FUCKED UP. Your editors, to use a phrase YOU use about corporate hedge fund CEO's acted like SHIT HEADS.

That's why Rolling Stone will be eating thousands and thousands of copies of that August issue, Matt.