WHAT NEXT FOR BABY PRINCE GEORGE?
What do you THINK, assholes? He's going to make crank phone calls with Jonathan Ross?
He's going to be circumcised by Gordon Ramsey with a ginsu knife?
He's going to get shoved up Lady Gaga's twat and incubated till the Spring when he'll emerge as an Easter egg?
It's been said that America is even more excited about this quivering load of Royal jelly than the Brits.
Might well be true.
Local newspapers all over the country headlined the Great Birth and breathlessly kept blogging every detail...
It's not like there's no other news in the world. It's just that...the other news is so one-note and distressing. The usual murders, corruption, local disasters, and oh yes, latest depressing weather forecasts and scientific predictions.
Who wants to dwell on such dismal things as a near record heat wave in New York that had a "real feel" temperature of 100 very humid degrees? Atop a report that methane (a very farty gas) is going to leak from the melting polar ice cap and cause havoc that will total 60 trillion dollars to repair (if temporarily!). On this latter note, scientists aren't sure WHEN the bulk of this gas will escape, just that it's likely world temperatures will go up by several more degrees in the next five or ten years.
Meanwhile...we take our minds off all this and carry on because two very dull idiots had a baby and gave it THREE very dull names?
GEORGE ALEXANDER LOUIS….zzzzzz. Just call him "GAL" for short, I guess.
Kate, William, you could've made things a lot more interesting by calling him...
Jesus Fucking Christ.
Or
Who Gives Adam.
Or
Moe Larry Curly.
Or Puke Piss Shit.
Because...puking, pissing and shitting is what to expect from baby Prince George!
Hey USA TODAY, that's about all one can expect ANY baby to do, even a Royal baby. I'm sure there will be blogs keeping track of how many times the Royal nappies are being changed. (Do keep us up to date on changing Prince Philip's nappies, too.)
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