"SIGNED, WELL WISHER" (NSFW and NSFAFIA)

First off, I do feel I should mention this is NSFW (Not Safe for Work).

It's also NSFAFIA (Not Safe For A Fucking Insane Asylum).

But in its crudity and stupidity it made me laugh.

Amid EBAY's usual hamper of ads for dirty underwear, shoes, bras and socks, was a set of headers starting with:

MENS USED SOCKS...

...and suggesting you'd want to buy some guy's stinking socks not only to smell them, but imagine he was fucking your loved one. Etc. etc. and ETC.

What did I like about these insane ads? Well, one of my favorite Spike Milligan bits is a classified ad (from the old 'Beachcomber' radio show). The Great Madman reads it: "GET YOUR ORANGUTAN OFF MY LAWN, OR I'LL SET FIRE TO YOUR BIDET! (signed) WELL WISHER."

And here? Here's a barking-mad lunatic spouting UTTERLY CRAZED AND DELUSIONAL INSULTS. AND he expects the dear reader to pay between $15 and $100 for his fucking socks AND pay a fortune in overnight shipping.

What's funny? He fills his ads with grotesque photos and obnoxious psycho-blabber...but makes sure to include some very polite bits of salesmanship here and there.

You don't want to look TOO close at this one.

Disgusting, but amusing. I mean, the line "used, but still in good shape, you will love them"

And "Buy with confidence as you see my 100% satisfied customers."

And "As with all used items they will be cleaned per policy."

Yes, he MIGHT put in gruesome hardcore pictures he stole off the Internet, he might offer insulting copy, and expect a small fortune for dirty socks, but he's essentially a "well wisher," who hopes you will LOVE your purchase, and leave him a cheerful positive as a "satisfied" customer.

Oh. Too bad these auctions were fumigated off EBAY.

SAPRISTI!