You know, it can't be THE MONKEES without at least THREE PEOPLE. And here they are!
"I can't believe how lucky I am," raves Bill Hoobastank.
"I just paid $100 ($50 to each) to have my photo taken with them, but you know me. I'm awfully sticky. Micky and Peter ended up sort of glued to me. We waddled around for a while, and then realized, why stop? We're in sync! And we can lip sync!"
Bill will simply lip-sync to Davy's tracks. He laughs, "What does it matter that I'm not really Davy Jones? I do look like I've been in a locker underwater." Says Micky: "Hell, it beats getting Bobby Hart, who actually wrote some of our songs and was with us when me and Davy thought we could work without using the Monkees name. But no, no Bobby. Besides, he's always babbling about Hare Krishna and meditation and shit."
None of the three can really play an instrument, but all can stand around grinning like imbeciles.
Bill hopes to solo on a few familiar classics like "Sweet Fat Thing," "I'm Gonna Buy me a Photo Op Next to a Dog (maybe Benji)" and "I Can't Get Hair Off My Back."
Micky plans to branch out with a Rolling Stones cover ("Paint My Bald Spot Black") while still performing crowd-pleasers like "Gassed Brain in Dorksville" and "I'm a B-Lister." Also, "Daydream B-Lister," although he's more like a D-lister these days. But a superior-skinned D-lister. Is that so surprising nowadays??
And speaking of Dorksville Dorks, Peter Dork will of course sing all the Monkees hits he made famous.
Oh. Right. Well, he WILL be singing a Monkees tune: "This Just Doesn't Seem To Be My Key."
Bill raves, "I'm hoping fans will see us on stage and smile. I plan on paying everyone in the audience $20 to show up! Seeing people happy after I pay them money makes me...smile? Grimace? Look like I swallowed a fly?"
Watch for the new MONKEES at a shopping mall, bakery opening, or open sewer near you.
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