Bill Tells Shauna: GET STUFFED!

Over at Hoobastank Limited, a meeting was held on the future of Shauna Cuntwell.

Everyone agreed she has big childlike owl eyes, baby blonde hair, and she keeps her twat shaved and girlish, BUT...doesn't that limit her appeal?

"She wants to be like Taylor Swift," Bill Hoobastank admitted, "but mostly pop tarts like that only appeal to teen boys who just hit puberty. And maybe skanky old Rolf Harris-type men. The only way for Shauna to really break through is to GET HER BOOBS DONE!"

Drooling and red-faced, he recalled the happiest 10 seconds of his life. Of course, he had a picture.

"I didn't know who the actress was. I just never saw such HUGE KNOCKERS! As I wobbled and waddled closer, red-faced, gasping and gurgling, I saw the photos on the table. She was in "The Producers" and "Sunshine Boys." It was Lee Meredith, the two and only!"

"I handed her a sweaty $20 bill, put my arm around her, and had such a premature ejaculation, they could've taken a close-up of my dick and used it for the volcano scene in "Krakatoa, East of Java." It's a good thing I was wearing a nappy."

Bill had a long talk with Shauna about implants. "Shauna hasn't developed yet, and she's going to be 21 soon. She is obviously never going to be naturally big, like Lee. She needs to get stuffed! I'm willing to donate several pounds of fat from each of my butt cheeks. The transplant operation will give Shauna a whole new dimension!"

So far, Shauna remains unconvinced. "Look at that creepy expression on Bill's face in that photo with Lee Meredith! It's creepier than his usual expression. I don't want guys staring at me like blood-engorged tics. I want to appeal to guyyyssss, yesssss, but I don't want them staring at my 38D breasts instead of my 38D eyeballs."