"I'm a star on the Internet. At least two or three people leave nice comments when I post pix of myself grimacing next to D-listers!
"One or two (you KNOW who you ARE) have ridiculed me lately on blogs, thinking I'm just an overgrown big baby waddling around agog and gobsmacked over nobodies. They think all I do is get stupid DVD covers signed, or pose sitting for two seconds next to celebrities.
"Take a look at THIS! I wasn't going to show it, BUT NOW I WILL!
"I have in my basement freezer, a big collection of soiled Depends!
"Each one is carefully sealed in a plastic bag, with a photo of ME and the STAR!
"The big reason I rush to the memorabilia show as soon as it opens on Friday is so I can distribute Depends to my favorite celebrities. I tell them to wear 'em as long as it takes, and call me on my cell phone so I can meet them outside the restroom area. The rest...is HISTORY!
"This is actual celebrity DNA. I've got piss, I've got shit, and in some cases, both! I'll pay $20 and MORE, DEPENDing on what's been left behind. Some stars are SO nice, and only charge $20. These are usually the stars that barely have anyone who remembers them and are willing to pay $20 to even sign a photo. Some can hardly sign their names, but in nothing flat, they can soil an adult diaper!
"I ran out of money very quickly this year. But next year, I'm saving up. I'm determined to bring the largest size diaper the Depend company makes, and even if it costs $200...I'm going to get MEATLOAF!"
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.