Fatty Arrrrgh: Buckled

Too bad. NOBODY turned up on the last day to magically push Fatty over the top.

Wonder if she grunted "Arrgggh," and her knees buckled. Well, maybe her knees buckle most every day. She IS big.

Wonder what she thought as the final seconds ticked down with no two angels suddenly throwing down $1200 each for a private show and an autographed CD, "Gee, if I wasn't such a greedy pig...I missed by MORE than $2400..." Or, "Hmm, I'll try again in a few months, and maybe lower my price..."

It's quite a dilemma, isn't it? Don't we know people who are farting around on Farcebook, twittering on Twatter, sitting in a state of depression, and who were ONCE fairly well known? Who MIGHT be able to rally fans to support a new CD? They don't go the Kickstarter route because they're afraid of humiliation. Afraid of seeming totally unprofessional AND failing.

Newcomers, or people who've kicked around for a few years, also don't want to try this, and burden fans and relatives already pretty tired of "supporting" the artist by going to show after show. Now help pay for the CD??

Fatty had some fairly interesting ideas to entice the locals who see her play in small clubs. Aside from the usual "you get a copy of the CD," there were offers to play a private show and even COOK FOOD for the show (she does seem like she knows how to cook).

Jill Sobule was among the "once on a major label" indies who did raise enough money for a CD, and who used a gimmick (one song on the album was nothing but singing the names of her supporters who paid a good chunk for the privilege).

I guess she was the exception. Still, I'm sure some fans are tempted to say to some old folkie, or ex-punk rocker, or languishing and aging sexy singer, "Give it a try. You can do it IF you offer good perks. You have one more good album in you. You have enough Farcebook friends..."

Only I see quite a few of these "once on a major label" people unable to get too many people to a gig, unable to get takers for a songwriting or guitar teaching course, or having more than a dozen people saying, "great news" when an old CD is re-issued.

To quote a Randy Newman line: "It's a rough rough world. It's a tough tough world. Well, you know." Yep. Most know, or are pretty sure they know. They might keep their Farcebook or Twatter fairly fresh with the acceptable, "I'm touring...I have a new album" thing, but to outright beg for a kickstart? If you already had a major label pay, now you're admitting you're on the skids. And if you're an amateur, you're saying you haven't been able to make it on your own and, on talent alone, move from free gigs to being paid for shows and signed by a label or good enough to self-press and make a profit.

There comes a point where it's just absurd to busk on the street or to be on the Internet where clueless morons read old novels on GooTube or flirt with a pathetic half-dozen guysssss. If you're no better than jerks floating their amateur eBooks to Amazon's vanity division, don't even bother going to Kickstarter asking for the $500 or $1000 to pay for a proofreader or a professional illustrator to do the cover. Saying you could be the next E.L. James is just BULLSHIT.

The idea of "hey, you can sell that album, book or concert DVD just by pestering your Farcebook friends and reminding them an autographed copy is available..." isn't such a great idea. Arggh. Ech. Ooof.

After all, one word that does NOT come to mind, when you see Fatty fall short is...DIGNITY.