There Goes Slimin' Simon

Aside from monsters like Hitler and the Kardashians, it's hard to all-out HATE people.

On social-disease media, or the comments section of the Daily Fail, it's routine for even the most innocuous topic ("I like Krispy Kreme's donuts better than Dunkin, do you?") to get:

"I can't enjoy food because of Kenyan-born OBAMA!" or "If Hillary is elected nobody will have donuts!" or "Trump is a racist! He don't like chocolate donuts!"

I mention this, to confess that I don't HATE Simon Cowell. Not 24/7.

He just kicked "American Idol" now that it's down. Why take a cheap shot when it's 3 shows away from being over? At first I thought that was very tacky of him. But no, it's very much in character. What he said was also simply the truth: without him and dimwit Paula Abdul, it was just boring Mariah and Shitney imitators trying to impress bland celebrities.

Until he became self-parody there was something pretty refreshing about Simon's honest (and once in a while witty or at least rude) criticism of the inept and the annoyingly clueless. Who wouldn't get a laugh if he told Amy Wagstaff-Hippo she had no business reading from a book in public?

Which isn't to cast a blind eye to his manipulative games (like staging "drama" on any show he judged by calling a halt so he could stare, ponder, and give a second chance to somebody). His cynical creation of hideous supergroups (One Dimension, as opposed to the concocted but cute Monkees) earns him a warm place in anyone's dream-hell.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I either didn't know, or forgot, that Cowell left "American Idol" YEARS ago. He's certainly got a reason to brag, considering that a superstar collection of judges came after him, and stunk the place out, with the ratings sinking lower and lower.

While you can't usually go wrong being too cynical, who would've predicted that America's ugly Jagger, the fabulous Aerofart Tyler, wouldn't have people tuning in every week? Or America's cutesy lesbian elf, Ellen Degeneres, who so ADORABLY admitted she had no idea why she was judging singers. She seemed to earn roars of applause each time she put some idiot forward.

"I haven't seen it at all, so I wouldn't have a clue as to what it looks like now," Simon Cowell snidely told The Daily News on the eve of the Fox talent show's final three episodes this week.

Right. Good quote. But it was followed by sneaky Simon's resume of what he's going to be doing through the end of this miserable year. Kicking "American Idol" is helping him promote his new gig on "America's Got Talent," and the TV special he's doing about Brian Epstein.

It will be more amusing than disgusting if "America's Got Talent" sinks in the ratings with him aboard! It could happen. At this point, the show is very tired.

We've seen aging Heidi Klum's cleavage and we're bored with her wide-eyed love of magicians and her utter confusion whenever a comedian performs. We're bored beyond words over that Spice Cunt's bellowing catch-phrase, "That's OFF THE CHAIN!" and her fucked up Bahama-Nigga accent. As for dick-head Howie, his finger pointing and shouts of "WOW FACTOR" have gotten tired, along with his "I've never grown up" practical jokes (heavily scripted) and his "don't shake hands with me, just fist-bump" germ phobia.

Simon won't have idiotic David Walliams to play off of. He'll be off to the side, with the other judges faking disgust or actually being pissed off. Either way, the chemistry will be gone (Howard Stern and Howie Mandel jousting with each other and flirting with the girls) and the show will rise or fall on the strength of a fluke singer everyone might like.

What exactly can Simon do when his act is so well known and so predictable? We've seen him put down inept off-key singers before, so that isn't going to make anyone smile...unless one of the contestants is Shauna Cuntwell.