"My hair! I've had my hair done! I loveeeee it!"
"Your point?"
"You can't see my pointed head. My new style is soooooo good!"
"I mean, what ARE you trying to do?"
"I am running for PM. I can't believe Boris Johnson was going to try for that job. I mean, PM is something only women know about: Pre-Menstrual. You know, that crampy feeling, and you keep checking your knickers for spots?"
"Idiot! Can you even be elected? What part of Ireland are you from?"
"All of me."
"Do you know the difference between NORTH and SOUTH?"
"Of course, silly. North is where my tits aren't, and South is where my twat hair isn't."
"This is all for publicity isn't it? You're a PM...a Publicity Moron."
"Aw, it was my manager Bill's idea. If I start making speeches and things, I'll say "Guyyyssss, if you really want to support me, hit up my GOOTUBE videos, and BUYYYEEEEEEEE my iTunes songs!"
"Christ. Do you even know what the political parties are?"
"Any party is fine with me. Just inviteeeee meeeee. I'll sing an Ariana Grandeeeeee!"
"You have to write down what party, idiot. Here's a piece of paper. WRITE SOMETHING."
"T-O-R-I."
"What? What kind of spelling is that?"
"Tori Spelling! She's an inspiration to me. Such a smart blond! Too bad she doesn't sing like Taylor Swift..."
"Say goodbye, Shauna."
"Byeeeeeee!! Listen, I don't have to be Tori. One day somebody will knock me up and I'll go into Labour..."
"If I want to hear old jokes I'll phone your manager Bill."
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