No no, not Steve Howe.
It's that "guitar hero" who sang songs that are now numbly out-dated. Christ, who could sit through a sleep-inducing bit of wimp-rock like "Fly Like an Eagle?" A patient getting novacain for dental work?
What else did this guy do? Hey sang some dopey song with the faintly anti-gay line about how they call him "Maurice." (Cue an effeminate wolf whistle done via slide guitar).
Steve, not known for being much of a rebel in his day, bit the hand that fed him the award.
The millionare ranted that he didn't get a ton of free seats! Of COURSE he didn't. This was NOT a major event. It was held in a fucking museum. In Cleveland. The show was NOT broadcast by HBO or Showtime so where would they get money to paper the house for egocentric assholes like Steve Miller? From ticket sales? Consider the expense of putting on a show honoring 5 prima donna rock acts. They all need dressing rooms, lighting, engineers, drugs...
If you're wondering who the other 4 garbage trucks were that pulled up to this smelly event to claim a prize:
Deep Purple, Chicago, N.W.A., and Cheap Trick. Do ANY of them scream "HALL OF FAME" to you? No, not to me either. First off, scratch N.W.A. entirely. Niggas be HIP HOP, they are not ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME material.
What's left? HUSH, if you want to give a nod to Deep Purple. They were boring. They probably still are, if they're touring and any original members are even left. They sure ain't a deep purple anymore. More like Zombie Gray. I'd see their fucking albums in other peoples' dorm rooms, and was glad if they weren't on the turntable. I mean literally ON the turntable, both the discs AND the addled students who liked them and every drug anyone was peddling.
Shitcago? Forget it. At the time, I didn't mind this pussy-esque version of Blood Sweat and Tears. One or two of their songs were catchy. At the time. No, I haven't played anything by Chicago in 20 fucking years, easily. What's that leave us with?
Oh, right, the sassy Cheap Trick. Susan Blond's wet-panty dream. If you've never heard of the bitch, she was a publicist at Epic, and generally snotty. In fact she was so uppity you had to be Jann Wenner's bitch boy for her to talk to you. Otherwise you got her assistants. For some reason she ADORED this band, and you couldn't get a promo album, a ticket to the Bottom Line, a fucking publicity release on anybody, without hearing, "What are you doing with CHEAP TRICK?"
OK, they were punky-bratty and ALMOST funny. "Surrender" was a good one. But it was ONE. How many other songs can anyone name? "Dream Police?" OK, but that was like, imitation Alice Cooper. After the first album or two, they were indeed a predictable cheap trick. How often could anyone laugh at the stupidly named obese drummer Bun E. Carlos? Or Rick, doing his Huntz Hall imitation with the idiot baseball cap turned brim-up? I sure as hell didn't give a shit about the two "heart throb" guys, the "normal" ones.
In essence: FIVE ACTS THAT DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ELECTED.
Cue the Mylene Farmer song: "FUCK THEM ALL!"
72 year-old Steve paused in his ranting about not getting enough tickets, to scold the Rock and Roll Hall for not including more TWATS. This excited Sheryl Twat, who was hanging around either to introduce one of the acts or blow somebody.
Crow had, what, two hit songs? Her main claim to fame is that she was never as annoying as Edie Brickell. Remember that lah-dee-dah cunt mincing around with that "Am what I am what I am" song? She deserved a good kick in the ass. Or a bad kick in the crack.
Quoth Mr. Fly-Like-an-Eagle: "I encourage you to keep expanding your vision, to be more inclusive of women."
WHAT women, Steve? How many of these cunts were around when you were at the height of being a jerk? Janis Joplin? Grace Slick? WHO ELSE? Who the FUCK do you want in the Hall? Bitches from the 80's and 90's like Sheryl and Edie? Really?
I'll tell you who should be in the Hall and isn't: Genya Ravan. That's fuckin' who. Otherwise, if we have to use "commercial success" as a standard, I can't think of many. I mean, I have my favorites but I don't expect Sarah Kernochan to be elected on the basis of two albums, for example.
Putty nose Steve finished up his blabbering by thanking his wife "for always believing in me, encouraging me to keep working on new music and growing and for sharing your life with me." In other words, being his dick holster, his ass wipe, and for not competing with him. Notice that Edie Brickell didn't compete with Paul Simon after they married. Did she tour with him while he made all those God-awful obscure-lyric with Spic-music atrocities?
She disappeared until old Paul was just about out of juice and the kids were grown. NOW she's mounted a non-comeback with a poorly received Broadway show (co-written by banjo-obsessed Steve Martin) featuring God-awful bluegrass music. FUCK bluegrass music AND banjo playing. And go ahead, Paul, FUCK Edie Brickell, because I wouldn't do it with Steve Martin's dick.
Where as I? Oh. One last thing. WHERE was Miller's remarks on piracy? This fuckhead whined a few years ago that he didn't even want to make a new album because it wouldn't go gold or platinum, and he'd be embarrassed to have a flop. Indeed, he admitted that due to PIRACY, most people DON'T BUY albums. His so-called fans, unlike fans of Bieber or Adele, don't really care about owning and showing off a CD case and booklet, and can't screech at a parent or husband to buy it for 'em. So they download FREEEEE from some fat Dutchman, some addled Nazi, or a Swedish meatball.
Did Miller bother to demand that the Hall of Fame work with the RIAA and record labels to put some TEETH into DMCA laws? No. He was too busy bitching about not enough bitches in the hall, and not enough tickets to hand out to his lazy moocher friends who wouldn't "support" him by showing up and paying to get in.
PS, Steve, what the Hall of Fame did is a very familiar dodge. Almost all minor awards shows do it, and many awards show wouldn't give out vanity prizes if they had to give free tickets to everyone. There are plenty of semi-bogus "awards" banquets where somebody gets honored...and the scheme is to get them to show up AND fill a full table. I've gotten many a call: "I'm gonna get an award! If you'd like to come...tickets are $75, but it includes dinner, and it's "tax deductible."
Scamming ain't restricted to the Hall of Fame, and neither is honoring jerks who don't deserve it.
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