So much to do...so little interest

How nice for a band that has no Freddie, but still has old dreamers coming to see them.

How lovely for "package" tours (the kind the late great David Gest would put together) where has-beens can be somewhere for 10 minutes, sing a hit or two, and bow with grand modesty, and go back to the room at the Adam & Eve and bow again to a few rats and roaches.

Small towns full of bored people will always have one or two venues with a weekend show that "is better than staying home."

But in a big city? Even the original Freddie would have problems getting booked. The original Herman is getting a little help from the "papering" outfits, which secretly offer discounts via discrete emailings.

Does it help? Maybe. But in a big city, the idea is to go to legit "big ticket" events at Madison Square Garden, or see well-known if past-prime acts (such as Garfunkel at the City Winery) and still pay the $40 or $50. Paying $20 for Herman, while being coerced into buying over-priced drinks? And having to take an expensive cab, or a degrading bus to the train? Easier to stay home. Or go to a restaurant.

These days, "traditional" places the affluent used to go (like the opera) need discount papering, because that type of entertainment is on the way out, and what older white people like is becoming extinct. "Tribute" acts likewise need to lower the price, because that ain't Adele, Frank or Amy, that's some asshole getting off on an impersonation, which can be wearying after one or two songs.

Among the formerly famous, the ridiculous and the tributes, all needing secret help from discount pricing...

"Off-Broadway" theaters are hit pretty hard when it comes to filling the house. Tourists want to go see "Phantom of the Opera" or "Chicago" (and even THOSE shows are often half-price at the infamous TKTS booth in Times Square).

Even with rising rents, there are still "cabaret" joints but the trick in getting tricks to glom the drag queens or to sit still for yet another evening flogging Judy Garland, is to lower the admission price and make it up on the drink and snack menu.

Meanwhile, the companies that "paper" certain clubs, don't have deals with others.

Pick up a FREE newspaper (like the weekly Village Voice, still limping and limp-wristing along) and you'll get the full line-ups at a lot of low-budget trendy or formerly trendy nightclubs. Their prices are ALREADY in the $10 and $20 range.

There's no shortage of tribute acts, drag acts, "dinner and show" joints, and specialty clubs for punks or prigs.

There's also sporting events. These are recession-proof and the teams rarely advertise in newspapers. Certainly, faggy free papers like the Voice hardly even bother to mention when the home team is in town.

There's always some idiotic team playing some sport or other somewhere: basketball, baseball, football, hockey. There may also be a soccer (ie, european "football") team playing, but who the fuck cares? There are as yet, not quite enough immigrants to insist that watching people kick a ball around monotonously is a good time. "Oooh, I blinked. I missed the ONE scoring moment in that 1-0 victory...")

How nice that at one time, a performer could actually choose to simply record an album and NOT make the rounds of depressing travel, lonely rooms, and "first night nerves every one night stand."

Now many artists absolutely have to get out there...and they discover that like Spotify and GooTube, many venues hold the upper hand and pay a lower price.

You can imagine how the book-cooking goes, too: "Well, "Herman," yes, you did see a fairly full house out there, but half of them got in paying half price, and another 20% were complete comps, so we have to deduct all that...and we had to pay the house band that backed you and union rules say there had to be a violinist and two wind instruments and at least one trumpet, whether used or not...and that groupie was actually a paid-for escort who charged $200...."