Shauna Says: "You Get What you Pay for On FIVERRRRR"

You'd like to have some wispy little nobody promote your idiot KICKSTARTER plan?

Since it's NOT going to fly anyway, why pay a lot for a professional actress or model?? Go over to FIVERRRRR and get SHAUNA CUNTWELL to do the job!

No fancy backdrops. A plain white wall and a bit of a door is good enough. It gives things that homey "I did it in my home" touch!

As Shauna admits, "You get what you pay for on FIVERRRRR. You want a professional, go to an ad agency! You want cheap? That's ME!

"Be aware that pronouncing the English language is something I do in my own UNIQUE and IRISH-BINT way.

"I’ll mash together words! “CROWN JEWEL” will come out “CRONJULE.” Sort of like NODULE. “THANK YOU” will be “THANKEE.” I do it in one take! If you aren't happy I'll charge for the re-take!

"Yes, I am mostly incomprehensible! That's a GOOD thing! People will re-run my video again and again to try and make sense of the babble coming out of that CUTE face, with the blonde hair and mousey brown eyebrows. The more they re-run my garbled announcement the MORE time spent on your website or at your Kickstarter page!

"I can make you think I'm Scottish, Irish, or Down Syndrome. Listen to me pronounce “Campaign” as “COM-PEEN.” YOUR is “YER.” ”PAGE," of course, is “PEEDGE.” I'm figuring that in no time at all, I will become so famous, I'll replace James Watt in doing boxing color commentary. Sure, I don't know anything about boxing, but I sound even more ridiculous than he does, and I'm ADRIBBLE! ER, ATROPHIABLE. UH...AH-DOR-AH-BULL. That's it!

"Pronouncing words can be AN ADVENTURE! Does it get more professional? Not for a FIVER. Actually, the MINIMUM is $25 for 60 words! And just because I mangle two words into sounding like one, I am paid BY THE WORD IN THE SCRIPT! However, you DO get a bargain with some words, which I extend for five or even ten seconds. BY-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"