Johnny Dork - The End of a Perfect Day

No matter how lousy your day has been, be thankful...IT COULD get LOUSIER. You could accidentally see Johnny Dork's latest GOOTUBE video.

Bug-eyed bouffanted bozo Johnny Dork enthusiastically rends the air EVERY DAY with a new caca-smella rendition of a mouldy oldie.

How this spindly skeleton even KNOWS who Matt Monro is, I have no idea. Sure, Johnny would suck Sinatra's cock if he was asked, but Matt was one of the least of the Frank-furters, and aside from his James Bond song, UNKNOWN in America. Let's add, UNWANTED.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, one of the stupidest love songs of all time is "Real Live Girl," which first soiled the air via Sid Caesar in the forgettable musical "Little Me."

That was back in 1963. Various lame-brains tried to score a Top 100 hit with it, but the only one who even got close was lame-ass Steve Alaimo. That was in 1965. I think he reached #90 on the charts. The song was NEVER a hit in America.

Among the other All-American cheese-faces who tried to sing this thing without pissing their pants; Jack Jones and Robert Ghoul Lay.

The ONLY version I actually remember hearing and liking, was by Jonathan Winters! Yes, on one of his specials, circa 1965, he played a mad scientist who tinkers together the perfect woman. That woman was played by a certain six-footer known for having played a robot. This was before she degenerated into being a wide-eyed fag hag astounded by every talentless cocksucker on the planet. While she simply stared (she really was good at that) Winters serenaded her. And I'm sure if Jonny had his way, that scene would've been x-rated.

But I digress.

Matt was always crap. He brought NOTHING to any song he sang. He only tested the toleration level of anyone having to listen to him. As in: "When is this song going to be OVER so I can see the fucking James Bond movie?"

Who the FUCK wanted to hear him sing "From Russia with Love?" How did he get hired?? His voice was so fucking ordinary.

Christ, if you couldn't get Sinatra, there was Tony Bennett. There was even Steve Lawrence or Bobby Darin or others who had some sort of personality or sense of humor or SENSE.

The only song of Matt's that I've heard more than "Russia" is the rather corny theme from "Hoffman." He was, again, the shittiest of choices. Sellers should've sung the fucking thing himself. It would've made more sense.

But, to say something nice about Matt, he wasn't nearly as annoying as bug-eyed Johnny, convinced that he's magic, and that HIS voice, without ANY musical background, is pure GOLD. Yeah. Pure Yellow, you Piss gurgler.