"Stop your CRAP with my PHONE...and leave my life alone."

My life is now a death to me.

Because I'm being pestered to death about my fucking PHONE.

The PHONE I do NOT own and do not WANT to own.

The one I will be FORCED to own to get UBER, to get certain streaming networks, and this shit...

We're becoming a world of squinting, sore-fingered pea brains.

EVERYBODY does EVERYTHING on their fucking phones. Yes ladies, you can put it on VIBRATE and SIT ON IT.

Jesus FUCKING Christ, I couldn't believe it when I got a free offer for an Uber ride...and I couldn't use it. Why? Because after I jumped through all the hoops and gave them ALL my information, they led me to the precious download which was ONLY for a fucking PHONE.

I can (at the moment) book tickets on line. I can watch SOME streaming TV on line. But UBER won't let me contact a fucking UBER driver? WHY the fuck NOT?

If I make an appointment I keep it. I expect the same from whoever has the appointment with me. Something came up? Too fucking bad, I'm on my way and I have NO PHONE.

Carrying a phone around should be an option, not a rule.

Yeah, I can see how sometimes a phone can be very convenient, but I don't feel like learning yet another goddam device, or giving $100 a month to the fucking phone company, or having people say, "I can't hear you, are you in a tunnel?"

And no, I don't want black teenagers following me around and waiting for a chance to conk me on the head and take my fucking PHONE. (I keed, I keed...I don't, I don't).

That includes YOU, NAACP stooge Rachel Dolezal, now admitting to fake hair, a bunch of scams and lies, and having the nerve to tell blacks to boycott "Exodus" because the film used whites in roles that should've gone to blacks!

Years ago, I vowed to be a "speed bump" on the Internet highway. No, I couldn't do it. But I'm holding out on getting a fucking cellphone as long as I can. I hate talking on the phone. I used to like it, now I loathe it. I don't want to watch shit on a tiny screen. I don't want to poke a little key pad like a nervous hamster. I don't want to be another of those CLOWNS who walks around yammering and talking louder and louder because everybody else is.

I do not want to be an ANDROID.

To paraphrase Mr. Ochs, who was referring to the government tapping his phone, I ask all the pests trying to sell me a phone and phone service, and all the Amazon and Google pricks offering me APPS and APPS and APPS and APPS and APPS and APPS...to

STOP YOUR CRAP WITH MY PHONE and LEAVE ME LIFE ALONE.

My Life ALONE.