Ginger Chris Evans gets Tips from Jeremy Clarkson

Two of Great Britain's greatest twits are sharing their information.

They happened to bump into each other on the road.

Clarkson has been replaced on the droning "Top Gear" automobile show by Chris Evans.

"If I'm being honest," said Jeremy Clarkson, "nobody can replace me, especially not a near-sighted Carrot Top with no sense of humor. Chris Evans is to entertainment what Tom Arnold is to Roseanne Barr's cunt: a minor annoyance that leaves behind an unpleasant smell."

Chris Evans, driving everyone crazy (in an effort to learn how to drive), insists "I am not a goonish, grinning, pudgy-faced pushy git like that Tom Arnold fellow, or a pompous, grotesque provocateur pest like Jeremy Clarkson. I'm obnoxious in a totally new way."

Jeremy insisted, "I wish nothing but the BEST for Chris. Coming from me, it's like Kipling; 'the BEST is like the WORST.' I thrive on arrogance. Remember when I fought with Piers Morgan? All I can say is when you have people siding with Piers Morgan, you have to be one wretched bastard."

Why the BBC (Boring British Crap) would still want "Top Gear" is beyond all logic. I accidentally watched an episode, thinking the title was "Pop Gear," some kind of Top of the Pops music show. Instead, it was nothing but Clarkson and a car making flatulent noises.

PS, people fascinated by cars are people who never grew up.

Clarkson was finally dismissed from "Top Gear" after a thousand and one disgraceful and overbearing incidents (breaking Piers Morgan's record). He was replaced by Evans, former host of something called "The One Show," because it was piss. I watched this show ONCE. It was an inane chat show. Or shit chow. Or shit sit. It was Evans thinking he was funny, making celebrities cringe. I wish, like "Mission Impossible," my downloaded had self-destructed within 3 seconds.

A twit replacing a twat? It's unfortunately not a new story. TV personalities are often chosen not because they are funny, witty, talented or friendly, but because they are in-your-face annoying, outrageously self-involved cunts. They have powerful personalities that are a bit like powerful body odor...impossible not to notice. The difference between Clarkson, Evans and body odor, is that intelligent and discerning people won't put up with it.