Flat Melons, Bitchy Mellencamp and No MacNee or Morrissey

Last night the great Morrissey was on Fallon's show. Moz was only there to remind the world that he was playing Madison Square Garden on Saturday. He sang yet another campy sound-alike grandiose love ballad ("Kiss Me All Over My Face"). He didn't move to the couch to talk. He was mildly pleasant as the puppy-ish talk show host went over to the stage area to shake his hand. Moz kept distance, was polite but without enthusiasm, and probably realized "This isn't like doing Letterman."

For a brief moment, I flashed on what it might be like to see Morrissey at that venue. Horrible.

I'd feel more like a spectator than a fan, and I already know human folly without having to be in the stinking midst of it. From the seats available via EBAY tickets (some still online, two for about $150 up a few tiers) he'd be a rumor. I'd be watching the show on giant screens. I'm PAYING to watch TV? To be surrounded by jerks? With incredibly loud speakers?? I also saw that his opening act is Blondie. Gee, not paying too much to pad the show, are you, Moz!

I guess the only other question is whether he dictated that the giant venue NOT sell hot dogs.

That was last night. I checked the morning news to see about tributes to Patrick McNee.

There were NONE.

Bing and other aggregates LOVE to show a picture of a dead celebrity, not name the person, and tease for a click-through: "TV Legend Dies" (that was Dick Van Patten, pudgy sitcom Dad). Or, "Horror Great Passes" (that was Christopher Lee). MacNee? NOTHING.

I checked the front pages of the Internet tabloids. NOTHING. Millennials running things, are they? Nobody knows who "John Steed" is? It didn't "trend" on Farcebook? No. If I hadn't been alerted by a blogger friend, I wouldn't have known until I checked the necrology page on Google that specifically lists the daily deaths.

Mostly you had to know he died, and then find obits in the L.A. Times and other sources, as they began to appear. It should've been front page, or in one of the dozen little photo boxes of click-pieces. At least some of the obits, when you found them, had good information. Even the London Daily Fail did their homework.

They found various interview sources to quote from. There was a good one on life and death:

"...during an interview five years ago, aged 88, Macnee said: ‘I’m not afraid of death. What’s to fear? Once you’re dead, that’s it. Nothing.

'I don’t believe in heaven or hell. That’s baloney. What matters is the here and now. Yes, I’m 88 and there are things I can’t do: I can’t run a race or climb Everest. But isn’t life magnificent?’’

Among the smaller front page items was small potatoes -- some flat-chested bitch wandering around nearly topless at...GLASTONBURY??

This is the NY Post. WHY care about GLASTONBURY? Oh...well, because it's TITTIES.

That's quite an honor, a useless British music fest being mentioned at all.

Just below the Brit tits -- the more usual news item -- some boring crap about basketball (which is now off-season). SPORTS is always IMPORTANT even when it isn't. But McNee? No.

Today's major news is Deja Death...some cowardly terrorists shooting up half-naked unarmed people on a beach in Tunisia, another bunch of Isis cowards taking out people at a mosque that apparently had people in there praying to Mecca but off by a few degrees. There were the usual lunatic white trash assholes setting fire to each other or fucking teenagers.

As for music news, the lone headline, on the gossip page, was "Mellencamp disses Springsteen in 25 Minute Rant." Really? I know the guy is verbose, but it takes him 25 minutes to tell the world how crappy Broooose is?

Mellencamp is NOT a big name. He's on an obscure indie label. He's about 60 and like Elton John tends to play dirges. He's not the obnoxious singer of "little ditties" that made him a junior Brooose years ago. So the only way he can get placement in the papers is to bitch about Springsteen. Well, it's a nice thought.

Too bad his yapping reminds me of Billy Bragg, who groused there should be a "new paradigm" without offering one. What did Melonhead say? That nobody does anything? Including him? The crickets you hear aren't Buddy Holly's old bandmates. It's the click-click-click of fingers typing in KICKASS and ZINFUCK and getting their pirated music, and going over to Spotty Pie for a free stream.