Bill fires back at Shauna: "I Have a FULL Plate!"

Through his Gurgle Translator, Bill Hoobastank puts Shauna Cuntwell in her place:

"Her place is the toilet. Shauna can sit on the toilet and shave her twat. She should leave the thinking to me!"

These are stern words! The gormless and goofy-looking manager usually has a grin on his fat face, his upper teeth wedged into his lower lip.

But in this rare glimpse at his spacious, expensively decorated office somewhere in Weehawken, he declares he's tough and cool. After all, not everybody can stand being in the same room with a FULL PLATE of shit!

"I got a lot on my plate. Just see!"

"Listen, Buddy," Bill growls, thinking he sounds like an extra from "The Godfather," but coming off like Elmer Fudd, "that little Irish bitch should leave me alone."

He points to his plate: "I deal with shit EVERY day. An adult diaper can only hold so much. The people on my floor don't let me use the bathroom because I stink it up so badly. So I regularly squat on that cool souvenir "2001" plate I bought on eBay, and unload.

"With all this shit, on top of taking a shit on a puddle of piss on a long cylinder of crap that looks like a bus or a train, I barely have time to do the important things. Like, standing next to Piper Laurie or Louise Lasser and handing them a twenty. I go to these memorabilia shows with a roll of bills. Not to mention a roll of toilet paper.

"Look at how proud I am of my achievement: I own autographed celebrity photos, I own action figures and commemorative plates, and I can fill a plate with shit! That's an accomplishment!

"I'm working towards the World Record for most times anyone's seen "2001" AND taken a dump on a "2001 commemorative plate at the same time. I eat a Spacefood snack just before the film begins. Then I eat another tube every 20 minutes. I'm sure to unload on my plate by the time the credits roll! Then I have it photographed and weighed. Sometimes my turd is long like a train! Sometimes it's more fat and squat like a bus. Sometimes I lay a train and a bus and they crash together like hash! Who says I'm just a fanboy and can't be creative?"

Between watching movies, paying for photo ops with obscure D-listers, and shitting, Hoobastank has has little time for Shauna's pushy whining.

"She has to realize that as long as she sings badly, writes awful tripe songs, covers pop tunes that a dozen other GooTube dimwits also cover, and shaves her twat like every other Barbie doll, I can't make her a break-out performer. Well, I can if I feed her enough oily peanuts and chocolate. That should make her break out. But that's not gonna please the three or four guyyyys out there who dream about jerking off on her smooth white face."

Have the shit fumes gotten to Bill? Slouching in his chair like a sack of rotten potatoes at the dumpster, putting on an expression that he thinks makes him look cool, he shuts off his Gurgle Translator and issues a series of rumbling farts. Alarms go off on every floor in the building, and it seems like the floor is shaking.

It's time to leave Bill and go out into the fresh air. Except this is New Jersey, so the air outside is almost as bad as the air in his office!"