Another Dicksucker Project: Make Music "FUN" For Brats

Oh, my LORD. Do I remember learning how to play music.

It wasn't FUN. Not every moment. Just MOST OF THE TIME, as I learned "stepping up, stepping down, then a skip..." and how to read NOTES on paper, and played my first little tunes.

I had a sense of accomplishment. My brain was being stimulated. I didn't have to rely on a gadget, or even use electricity. GOSH, there were such things as ACOUSTIC musical instruments, even.

But you know kids TODAY. They don't have MOTIVATION. Everything has to be a video game. Their indulgent retarded parents don't want to see them frustrated when they should be pampered.

In comes an Aussie asshole with a Lolita complex.

Huh?

Oh, come on, Humbert-Humbert, don't you want Lolita to be HAPPY?

She's sprawling on the fake-fur to give a plug for this WONDERFUL NEW APP she's been playing with. Why, it'll almost be as much fun as the vibrator she'll be trained to use for her orgasms.

The APP she was given was invented by a dirty-faced wombat. Show your face, wombat.

Ever heard of him? Of course not. He hasn't written music you care about. He isn't an original thinker. He's just another shit-faced APP creep looking for a payday with a GIZMO. Give him some money and he'll either sell on his own, or market it and make enough to send his brats to private school.

Gee, in less than 10 days, with 20 to go, he's ALMOST made it to his mythological goal. Just HOW he came up with the figure, who knows. HE decided his miracle APP can't be made or marketed for $2,000? $5,000? IT MUST BE $8,000? OK, wombat, whatever. You've got affluent friends, right? What's a couple of hundred to people who spend that on an organic lunch?

The wombat knows how easy it is to....NETWORK, SON, NETWORK. Go on FARCEBOOK.

Yes, put the bite on friends of friends of friends.

Make sure everyone circulates your dumb fucking idea. You know how THAT works:

"Hey, if my FARCEBOOK FRIEND thinks it's good...why not open my wallet...then I'll get a NICE comment for being SOOOOO-PORRRR-TIVE."

Ever since music was written down, people have had no trouble reading music. Not if they have a brain and are motivated. But today's kids? Aww, they don't have brains. At least, they don't have brains that they are being trained to USE. Everything is done for them, from spell-check to downloading FREE music and porn. No wonder today's kids are such obnoxious and stupid brats with no imagination or manners.

But hey, this wombat's APP will help cold, computer-loving brats to...what? Come up with songs as shitty as the ones Taylor Swift and Viley Virus and Shauna Cuntwell write?

Brats. That's about the ONLY category where money can be made, right? Celebrities write children's books.

Kiddie cartoon movies ALWAYS do big box office because parents LOVE to bring their brats to MOVIES. Or Disneyland.

Parents deny themselves but buy any expensive booties and panties the kiddies want. And brats have to be indulged when they wanna go see ONE DIRECTION in concert, or get $80 BIEBER cologne, or a fucking handbag just like one of the Jenner bitches.

Only the kiddie book area of a bookstore makes money, because 8 year-olds can't quite steal books off Kickass. Parents don't trust little kids with a Kindle or a Nook so they buy expensive colorful BOOKS. Besides, "quality time" should involve sitting with the brat and reading a story, and brats don't have any attention span after the age of eight.

The only reason mums and dads aren't total planet-rapists is their spawn: they can't fully approve of fracking, or Monsanto chemicals in all the food, if SNOOKUMS could get sick. "No no, MY child must have organic squash!!"

The ONLY reason anyone gets upset about porn on the Internet is if THE CHILDREN might see it. "NO no, my child MUST be protected." Oh, until she's 10 or 12. She'll lose her virginity by 14, be on drugs and pregnant by 15, and will be out of the house having stolen everything out of the parents' bank account at 16. Go find her living with some grinning monkey.

Our decadent dirty-faced wombats approve of every porn APP, every bit of Internet crime and copyright fraud, and every type of porn EXCEPT if it involves the precious tots. BRATS are the one sacred thing. Sure, let a Google search lead you to the S&M and Bestiality, but touch a 14 year-old, Rolf, and YOU will DIE IN JAIL.

So it's no surprise that THIS Dicksucker Project will make it. Wombat-face will have his $8,000 so he can mince around the outback and chortle like a kookaburra. If it has to do with THE CHILDREN, then it MUST be funded.

But, guess what, no APP can make a brat write a good song. No APP can really stimulate creativity. And NO amount of "ease" is going to help a kid get songs out when a zillion other brats are ALSO infesting GooTube and iTunes and Spotify, and there's competition to PAY to PLAY at the very few venues still around in a world that cocoons itself behind the walls of gated communities.

PS, I have no idea why the asshole decided to include a video of himself mewling one of those dreary "sensitive singer-songwriter" wet-noodle limp-wrist ballads. He did it to name-drop a D-lister he knows. If you bother to listen to it, you will NOT be impressed.

PS, let's fucking remember that some of the greatest musicians of all time never even learned to read music AT ALL.