Shauna Cuntwell meets Red Cunne-O'haire

"Tá gruaig rua álainn ort," Shauna gasped, before glazing over.

She looked almost as stupid as she does in her videos.

That lovely lass Red Cunne-O'haire takes over the story:

"We all know that Shauna is a mere girly, and like all the Millennials, what few pubes she has, she assiduously shaves. She spends an hour twice a day at it. She loves to douche, too, using mild potato soup in the bag.

"I invited her over to listen to some insipid songs by current pop stars. I promised I'd find simple ones she could cover, that didn't require a lot of vocal range. No melodies, really, just chords she could strum monotonously like on her cheap guitar. Maybe she'd move her limp fingers over her bargain keyboard as if she can play two instruments besides vagina and anus.

"Heh heh, that's when I stripped down to "get comfortable." Shauna was behind me. She stared at my full hairy twat! She meekly began to sniff the air. Her eyes welled up like she was peeling onions, or maybe mincing garlic. That's when she minced in Gaelic, ""Tá gruaig rua álainn ort," before passing out.

"I sat on her face and rubbed my crack just under her nose to bring her around. I hauled her half-limp body onto my bed, and I told her that one day she'd have a moist, vivid thick bush like mine! I said hers wouldn't be red except for a few days a month if she wasn't careful with her napkin.

"Shauna's lips began to tremble. She sleep-walked her pale face and limp hair and weepy half-shut eyes into the bathroom. I thought she was going to flush her head in the loo and kill herself.

"Instead, she emerged a few minutes later, eyes wide as an owl, bright red lipstick, jet black eyebrow pencil, and she chirped, "I've written an original song! It goes like this:

I don't want to ever grow up-eeeee
I want to stay a little pup-eeeeee
You'll never see no hair or fauna
On the crack of your friend Shauna

.

CHORUS:

.

Buy iTunes by Shauna!
Even though you don't wanna!
Say I'm like belladonna
Or some bad marijuana
You'll think you're in a sauna
Hearing this prima donna
Lick your lips like an iguana
Say I'm hot as Madonna!
.

Don't ever spoil my illusions
Don't say that I have delusions
Hear me, love me and BUY ME!
So till next time, friends, Bye-eeeeee!